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When I compliment, applaud, or congratulate you, I am pointing out what you’re doing well, coupled with a recommendation to repeat it:

That thing you’re doing – it’s working! Nice job! [You should] Keep up the great work! 

Why is this effective? People are starved for recognition.

• 66% of workers report they don’t receive enough praise. [Gallup]
• 75% report not receiving praise for good work in the past week. [Gallup]
• Adding recognition to feedback increases engagement to 61% (from 38% when feedback sits alone). [Gallup]

According to Professor Paul J. Zak at Claremont Graduate University, the failure to recognize excellence causes people to lose trust in their leaders.

Why are we stingy with recognition? We tend to get distracted easily.

We inadvertently overlook praise and recognition as we focus on solving the next problem. Instead of celebrating excellence, we default to offering “constructive feedback” to prevent future issues, which often results in feelings of criticism and defensiveness.

Even invitational advice (“Have you considered? What if? You might want to try…”) is focused on identifying areas to improve.

But praise? Praise is like a drug – it triggers the brain’s dopamine release, causing a surge of enjoyment while encoding the behavior worth repeating. In the process, it releases oxytocin, the “bonding hormone” which creates feelings of trust, belonging, and safety.

It feels impossibly good to be seen and recognized.

And while it is an evidence-based tool to rewire motivation, learning, and emotion, it’s also one of the best ways to deliver unsolicited mentoring.

By praising a specific action, I’m giving you advice. I’m marking something you’ve done well, communicating that it mattered, reached the level of excellence, made a difference, and I noticed the effort.

Praise whispers, “You should do that again.”

Cloaked in praise, my unsolicited mentoring does not activate your defenses. Your brain is so tickled that you don’t even notice that I’m giving you advice.

And the best part of praise-cloaked mentoring? I never steal the spotlight. It’s not about me. Praise is steeped in generosity, not criticism, judgment, or shame.

A subtle, yet wildly neglected tactic to contribute wisdom while boosting confidence in the process!

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Simple and straightforward! The challenge? Everyone knows Point A (where they’re starting), but most people struggle to identify a Point B – where they’re headed.

Every year, we conduct a survey to ascertain why people feel they don’t yet have a Mentor. And consistently, the number one answer is: “I don’t know what to focus on with a Mentor.”

Their Point B is murky.  

Having a Mentor sounds appealing, but without the beacon of a Point B, people lack a compelling reason to reach out for support. They don’t have a why.

Scott Galloway, Professor of Marketing at NYU Stern School of Business, offered the following counsel to his students:

“I’m blessed with a ton of Mentors because I would ask them out for coffee and then ask them a lot of questions. I asked for their advice and their feedback.”

And the managing partner of SkyBridge Capital shared a similar strategy. When he was looking for his first job after college, he would wait in line to talk with a conference speaker and then boldly ask:

“Could I come see you? Could I drive you to the airport instead of you taking a cab? Could I buy you a cup of coffee?” 

While I love a strategic coffee-for-advice date, it presupposes a potent need for advice – a goal, an aspiration, a Point B, a why.

So start there. Figure out where you want to go. Then find people who are already there and ask them about their journey.

To identify a Point B:

• Get inspired
• Look for role models
• Revisit professional aspirations
• Inventory your skills, talents, and interests
• Consider career path options
• Dust off a goal
• Explore various opportunities

When you can see a Point B, your confidence will soar!

You will courageously (even brazenly!) ask people for their advice, a connection, a resource, or a suggestion as you aim in a particular direction. And you’ll bring purposeful questions to generate relevant advice, guidance, and perspectives.

But you also reserve the right to change your Point B. You’re exploring routes in these conversations – your future will not ride or die on a coffee date. You’re simply (yet profoundly!) collecting wisdom.

Get focused. Create a Point B. Then start ordering coffee!

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Here’s how the Academy Award-winning actress Reese described her confidence-bolstering conversation with television producer and filmmaker Shonda…

Reese attended a forum with women exploring ways to help individuals in business come forward with their stories of harassment and abuse in the workplace.

Seated next to Shonda, she leaned over and asserted, “If we could just get people to show up at this one event, then that would be great. So, somebody is going to have to get them there.”

Shonda stated matter-of-factly: “You’re going to do it.”

Reese: “What?”

Shonda repeated: “You’re going to do it. They’re going to listen to you. When you tell them to show up at your office, they’re going to come because you’re the leader. You just don’t know it.”

Reese reflected, “That was a big moment for me, because it was scary. [Being a leader] is a responsibility. But [Shonda’s comment] made me think, if I don’t do this, who will?”

Reese continued: “I needed her to tell me that [I’m a leader] because I would not have seen it. I do lack some self-awareness. When Shonda said it to me, it made it true in my mind.”

What is most striking about Reese’s reveal is the timing. Typically, when celebrities describe turning points, they reference a conversation in their origin story with someone whose words were instrumental in shaping their career.

But Reese’s exchange with Shonda occurred in 2017, and by then, Reese was already famous – their mentoring conversation took place when successful people tend to eschew advice.

Case in point, new managers often struggle in the Mentee seat. They are typically so busy proving themselves that they either miss the guidance when it’s offered or fear that accepting any advice would be an admission of a flaw and a genuflection to their imposter syndrome.

Notably, when Shonda labeled Reese a “leader,” Reese didn’t defend, deflect, or demur.

Instead, she leaned into her self-confessed insecurity, committed to exploring and growing her leadership.

Whenever someone offers any advice, a suggestion, an idea, or a nudge, grab it and gauge it – there is likely a contribution (not a condemnation!) lingering even in a nonchalant observation.

In a 2023 interview, Reese obscurely mentored her followers when she declared, “I’d rather be a learn-it-all than a know-it-all.”

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Their question stunned me because:

1. The Mentees in the program had just shared with me in a separate meeting that they were getting so much value from their Mentors already, and
2. The Mentors are the hospital’s executives… their insecurity was refreshing if not slightly surprising.

In its purest form, mentoring occurs when one person advises, guides, and supports another to help them professionally grow and develop.

However, Mentors – especially high-functioning, problem-solving, get-stuff-done leaders – often feel inclined to do more to support the success of their Mentees.

Beyond doling out advice, what could you do to improve your experience as a Mentor while nudging, not judging your Mentee? 

Here are 10 advanced mentoring techniques that you can use to up-level your mentoring and amplify your influence:

1. Strategic Inquiry: ask probing, open-ended questions to sharpen critical thinking skills and help your Mentee generate their own insights (ex: “What would happen if you…?”)
2. Pattern Recognition: instead of focusing on single incidents, identify repeating patterns (“I’ve noticed in our last three conversations that you…”)
3. Cognitive Reframing: help your Mentee reframe mistakes and setbacks as growth opportunities (“What can you learn from this?”)
4. Role Playing: work through forthcoming situations with a role-play exercise to provide real-time feedback and perspective
5. Stretch Challenges: assign your Mentee a “stretch” project or experience slightly beyond their comfort zone, and provide scaffolding (support, feedback, a safety net) while your Mentee takes the lead, building confidence and capabilities
6. Reflective Storytelling: share with your Mentee personal experiences of failure, recovery, and resilience to normalize struggle and highlight learning (“Here’s what happened to me when I was in a similar situation…”)
7. Network Brokering: expand your Mentee’s visibility by strategically connecting them with other leaders or peers to grow their network and accelerate their leadership readiness
8. Reverse Mentoring: ask your Mentee for advice to boost their confidence and create mutual learning, or encourage your Mentee to mentor a less-tenured colleague
9. Shadowing: invite your Mentee to observe you or other leaders on the job, and observe your Mentee in action to provide valuable feedback
10. Sponsoring: nominate your Mentee for opportunities on projects, committees, or new roles in the organization

When you want to make a difference beyond cheerleading and advice-dealing, experiment with an advanced mentoring technique to influence your Mentee’s behaviors, up-level their thinking, and catapult their confidence.

As Mentors, we can offer much more than “You should…”

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

He studied comedians on television, became a busboy at a comedy club to observe them perform live, and felt an urge to spend time with them – he wanted to learn their secrets.

But, he thought, what famous comedian is going to talk to a teenager?

Judd soon got his answer while working at his high school’s radio station.

One of his friends produced the music show for the radio and regularly took the train to the city to interview bands.

In Judd’s book Sick in the Head, he remembered thinking, “Wait, we could actually interview people we admired? They’ll talk to you if you ask nicely? It suddenly occurred to me that maybe I could do this with comedians.”

Judd’s first mentor, Jack DeMasi, was the radio station’s supervisor and the school’s film teacher. He treated the students like professionals, permitting them to produce their own shows.

Judd recalled, “Mr. DeMasi encouraged my voice and originality.”

When Judd approached him with the idea of starting his own show interviewing comedians, he agreed, and Judd recalls, “This moment changed my life.”

To get comedians to agree to an interview, Judd brazenly called their agents and said, “I’m from WKWZ radio on Long Island and I want to interview your client,” neglecting to share his age.

When Judd arrived with his AV squad tape recorder, the comedians were surprised but never turned him away. “They were gracious and generous with their time, knowledge, insights, and advice.”

His first interview? Jerry Seinfeld. Judd walked in and asked him pointedly, “How do you write a joke?” 

By the time he graduated two years later, Judd had interviewed over 40 comedic heroes, including: Lorne Michaels, Howard Stern, Al Franken, Sandra Bernahard, Jay Leno, Weird Al Yankovic, John Candy, Paul Reiser, Rodney Dangerfield, Rosanne Barr, Garry Shandling, and Jim Carrey.

He asked each of them for their perspective and advice: what they studied in college, how they got stage time, where they work out new material, how to keep momentum, what’s next in their career.

Reflecting on this experience, Judd wrote: “These interviews informed the rest of my life – they contained the advice that helped me attain my dreams.”

Judd discovered the power of the informational interview, one of the easiest ways to get mentoring.

• Have an intention
• Identify a role model
• Ask for a conversation
• Prepare questions in advance
• Bring a recording device
• Capture insights
• Express gratitude
• Review and reflect
• Take action
• Repeat

The world is bursting with advice just waiting for our fascination, courage, and initiative to collide.

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Focused on his goal and determined to take action, Jeff joined his company’s mentoring community and invited 24 people to mentor him. Six of them responded immediately, agreeing to support him on his leadership path.

But why did Jeff need six Mentors? He didn’t. What he needed was advice, guidance, and perspectives. He found it in various mentoring conversations.

Jeff set up 20-minute meetings with each Mentor every other month for a year. The result? An assortment of practical ideas, connections, resources, thought partners, and champions… and ultimately a promotion!

Jeff didn’t just work with six Mentors on his learning journey; he engaged in six different mentoring conversations.

You can’t step twice into the same river.

The Greek philosopher Heraclitus (535-475 BC) originated this metaphor as an expression of his core philosophical belief that everything is in flux at all times.

The river is continually changing. Stepping into it offers one experience. Step into it again, and the river is no longer the same – the water has flowed past along with any fish and debris. The water is never the same from one moment to the next.

Life, like the river, is in constant motion; its impermanence renders repetition impossible, making each encounter unique.

Even our mentoring conversations flow like the river, in flux, always evolving, never to be repeated.

• As a Mentee, we can ask the same question of various Mentors, and it will generate different advice based on the Mentor’s experiences, gained wisdom, and particular viewpoint.
• As a Mentor, we can offer the same advice to various Mentees, and it will be received and acted upon differently depending on the Mentee’s situation and specific goal.

This brevity affords us freedom. Instead of searching for the perfect Mentor, the right answer, or the precise solution, we can engage in possibility. The possibility of our connections.

The possibility that wisdom can be gleaned from anyone in any conversation, provided we stay present, curious, and engaged.

To leverage the metaphorical flowing river:

• Look for mentoring instead of a Mentor.
• Tackle goals by seeking advice from a range of people.
• Offer your advice, perspectives, and ideas to anyone seeking guidance.
• Say yes regularly to formal mentoring programs, either as a Mentor or a Mentee – your experience in the program will never be repeated.’

You can’t step twice into the same river or the same mentoring conversation.

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

According to a report in The Information, Nadella’s morning routine consists of exercise, gratitude, and two phone calls. Who is he calling? Leaders in companies outside of Microsoft, like Pete Carroll, an NFL coach, and Aravind Srinivas, the CEO of Perplexity AI.

Why? He wants their perspective and advice. And to ensure the conversations are purposeful, he starts with these two questions:

1. What new startups are you excited about?
2. What new people have you met who would be good to know?

This routine ensures Nadella stays apprised of threats and opportunities in the market while also expanding his network.

Seeking wisdom in this way is a form of peer mentoring – Nadella is leaning into his network to learn from them. He’s cognizant that his colleagues are connected differently, possess unique insights, and are privy to knowledge he doesn’t yet have.

Even if The Information’s report is exaggerated and Nadella only reaches out to leaders once a month or once a quarter, it’s still a remarkable commitment to connect, listen, and learn from his peers.

To make these peer mentoring conversations work, Nadella must suspend any steadfast opinions, predetermined answers, and established solutions.

Instead, he must approach the conversation with an open mind, willing to explore and discover new possibilities.

One of his peers might be excited about a company that Nadella had already unearthed and dismissed. By engaging with curiosity, he can hear his peer share a perspective or an insight that he had initially overlooked.

Peer mentoring is an exercise in intentionality, humility, wonder.

If the CEO of Microsoft invests time, effort, and energy into being mentored by his peers to grow and develop, we can too!

How?

• Connect with new people on LinkedIn.
• Make phone calls for wisdom instead of simply texting for information.
• Share goals and aspirations.
• Ask peers to contribute: “How would you approach this?” “What am I missing?” “Who should I know?”
• Frame conversations with a clear objective.
• Lead with thoughtful questions that drive that objective.
• Request introductions to new people.
• Seek connections beyond your department, job level, organization, and industry.
• Join formal mentoring programs to practice turning strangers into friends.

Network science research suggests that connecting to peers in diverse industries and social groups is a predictor of career success.

Makes sense! The more conversations we have, the greater the chance of colliding with promising ideas, opportunities, and people.

Intentional peer mentoring is the gateway!

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.