Category Archives for Blog

Last week, after I returned my rental car to Sixt at Newark Airport in New Jersey, I walked across the street, passed through security, purchased a hot cocoa, and headed to my gate.

And then my cell phone rang—an unknown number from NJ. Suspecting it was important, I answered.

It was Heric, the manager at Sixt Rental, asking me if I still had my car key. 

Yikes! I did! (And it was about to cost me $450!)

Heric then gently asked me if I was able to return to the counter to drop off the key. I shared that if I leave the gate, I might miss my flight.

We concocted a plan — let’s meet at security!

By this point, the crowd had thickened, and I couldn’t even see Heric. I needed more help.

I recruited TSA Agent Lisa, who patiently listened while I regaled her with my plight.

Without hesitation or irritation, Lisa instructed Heric (who was on speaker phone) to raise his hand high and wave. We spotted him! Lisa took the car key to the other side of the scanners and handed it to Heric.

When Lisa returned through security, I tried to give her some money, but she wouldn’t take it. So, I gushed my appreciation!

I surmise that Heric and Lisa share my sentiment: I resist strangers, but I really like people.

They were not required to help me, let alone coordinate efforts in the process — it was not part of their job. I was just a stranger. Another body moving through the airport.

Until I became a person. 

Listening as I shared my predicament transformed me from a stranger into a human. And it activated their prosocial behavior.

Lisa and Heric wanted to help me. In fact, they created a way to help me!

Research shows that we tend to take action to help others when:
(1) We feel a sense of connection to the person.
(2) The situation is unambiguous.
(3) We know how to help.
(4) Costs of helping are low, and the perceived benefit is high.
(5) We feel confident our effort will make a difference.

Even mentoring is steeped in prosocial behavior! It only works when we turn strangers into friends, share dilemmas, and welcome assistance.

Strangers sidestep strangers, while people promote people. 

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

As Sullivan explains, since childhood, we have been trained to focus on how something will get accomplished. From school assignments to project plans to yearly goal-setting to work deadlines, we become obsessed with How we will execute and deliver a result.

What we are not trained to do is partner with Whos – people who can help us with the Hows.

Reflecting on my career as a corporate attorney, this resonated with me. My days were consumed with drafting and delivering contracts by set deadlines.

As projects poured in and billable-hour expectations grew, I was gripped by how much I could accomplish, limited only by the number of hours I could stay awake!

I then dragged this same approach into my entrepreneurial career, determined to single-handedly and simultaneously launch two businesses. But my desperate need for Whos revealed itself early – my lack of skills in many areas (like event planning and programming) was going to be the death knell of my business adventures! So, I found Whos.

But curating people is not the same as engaging them. My Whos did not know my Why, Where, or When. I needed to articular my vision, so they knew how to help.

The same applies to one of our most important Whos: our Mentors.

Communicating a vision to a Mentor allows this Who to effectively contribute to our How.

In his book Who Not How, Sullivan states, “The ‘right’ Who is always ready and waiting. All you need to do is express your vision clearly.”

At the beginning of any mentoring relationship, use the following questions to crystallize your vision and clarify your Why, Where, and When:

• Purpose: What do we want to accomplish together in this program?
• Importance: What’s the most significant impact we can make together?
• Ideal Outcome: What does your journey look like? What is your aspiration? What are your goals?
• Best Result: What is the best that could happen?
• Worst Result: What is the worst that could happen?
• Success Criteria: What does success look like for you when we get to the end of this program? Here’s what it looks like for me…

One of the biggest challenges that Mentees face when working with a Mentor is articulating a clear, compelling direction.

Inspire your Mentor with a picture of tomorrow, so they know how to make a difference today!

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

The special guest? Bob Costas, sports broadcasting legend.

During the show, host Peter Segal asked Costas about his origin story – how he got into broadcasting.

Here’s how Costas remembered it… As a boy, he loved all sports, in particular baseball and basketball. But during high school tryouts, he wasn’t recruited to join either team.

The school’s baseball coach was also the math teacher, giving him a unique vantage point to know Costas as a student and an athlete. He shared this observation with Costas: “You can run a bit, catch a bit, hit a bit, but you’re not shining in any sport.”

The coach then offered a suggestion that defined the path for Costas: 

“You’re always talking about baseball, and you know more about baseball than any of my players. Have you ever thought about broadcasting?”

Costas responded eagerly, “That’s pretty much all I think about!” 

The coach affirmed decisively, “Good. Try that.”

So Costas did. After high school, he attended the S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications at Syracuse University, the Harvard of broadcasting schools.

He left college early for an opportunity to broadcast basketball games in St. Louis. He then moved to Chicago to cover the Bulls. And in 1980, NBC hired Costas to broadcast everything from baseball to boxing, from golf to NASCAR, from football to the Kentucky Derby, and the Olympics.

Today, Costas is a Hall of Fame broadcaster. Over his 52-year career, he has earned 29 Emmys across sports, news, and entertainment.

Mentors see people – not just as they are, but as they could be. By giving voice to their vision, Mentors often validate a Mentee’s innermost hopes and aspirations.

This oxygen can breathe life into a Mentee’s career path, permitting them to see it too.

As a Mentor, one of our superpowers is helping a Mentee see what we see – their bigger, better, bolder future.

“If we take man as he is, we make him worse; but if we take man as he could be, we make him capable of becoming what he can be.”

~ Viktor E. Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning
who credits the original idea to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

When I compliment, applaud, or congratulate you, I am pointing out what you’re doing well, coupled with a recommendation to repeat it:

That thing you’re doing – it’s working! Nice job! [You should] Keep up the great work! 

Why is this effective? People are starved for recognition.

• 66% of workers report they don’t receive enough praise. [Gallup]
• 75% report not receiving praise for good work in the past week. [Gallup]
• Adding recognition to feedback increases engagement to 61% (from 38% when feedback sits alone). [Gallup]

According to Professor Paul J. Zak at Claremont Graduate University, the failure to recognize excellence causes people to lose trust in their leaders.

Why are we stingy with recognition? We tend to get distracted easily.

We inadvertently overlook praise and recognition as we focus on solving the next problem. Instead of celebrating excellence, we default to offering “constructive feedback” to prevent future issues, which often results in feelings of criticism and defensiveness.

Even invitational advice (“Have you considered? What if? You might want to try…”) is focused on identifying areas to improve.

But praise? Praise is like a drug – it triggers the brain’s dopamine release, causing a surge of enjoyment while encoding the behavior worth repeating. In the process, it releases oxytocin, the “bonding hormone” which creates feelings of trust, belonging, and safety.

It feels impossibly good to be seen and recognized.

And while it is an evidence-based tool to rewire motivation, learning, and emotion, it’s also one of the best ways to deliver unsolicited mentoring.

By praising a specific action, I’m giving you advice. I’m marking something you’ve done well, communicating that it mattered, reached the level of excellence, made a difference, and I noticed the effort.

Praise whispers, “You should do that again.”

Cloaked in praise, my unsolicited mentoring does not activate your defenses. Your brain is so tickled that you don’t even notice that I’m giving you advice.

And the best part of praise-cloaked mentoring? I never steal the spotlight. It’s not about me. Praise is steeped in generosity, not criticism, judgment, or shame.

A subtle, yet wildly neglected tactic to contribute wisdom while boosting confidence in the process!

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Simple and straightforward! The challenge? Everyone knows Point A (where they’re starting), but most people struggle to identify a Point B – where they’re headed.

Every year, we conduct a survey to ascertain why people feel they don’t yet have a Mentor. And consistently, the number one answer is: “I don’t know what to focus on with a Mentor.”

Their Point B is murky.  

Having a Mentor sounds appealing, but without the beacon of a Point B, people lack a compelling reason to reach out for support. They don’t have a why.

Scott Galloway, Professor of Marketing at NYU Stern School of Business, offered the following counsel to his students:

“I’m blessed with a ton of Mentors because I would ask them out for coffee and then ask them a lot of questions. I asked for their advice and their feedback.”

And the managing partner of SkyBridge Capital shared a similar strategy. When he was looking for his first job after college, he would wait in line to talk with a conference speaker and then boldly ask:

“Could I come see you? Could I drive you to the airport instead of you taking a cab? Could I buy you a cup of coffee?” 

While I love a strategic coffee-for-advice date, it presupposes a potent need for advice – a goal, an aspiration, a Point B, a why.

So start there. Figure out where you want to go. Then find people who are already there and ask them about their journey.

To identify a Point B:

• Get inspired
• Look for role models
• Revisit professional aspirations
• Inventory your skills, talents, and interests
• Consider career path options
• Dust off a goal
• Explore various opportunities

When you can see a Point B, your confidence will soar!

You will courageously (even brazenly!) ask people for their advice, a connection, a resource, or a suggestion as you aim in a particular direction. And you’ll bring purposeful questions to generate relevant advice, guidance, and perspectives.

But you also reserve the right to change your Point B. You’re exploring routes in these conversations – your future will not ride or die on a coffee date. You’re simply (yet profoundly!) collecting wisdom.

Get focused. Create a Point B. Then start ordering coffee!

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Here’s how the Academy Award-winning actress Reese described her confidence-bolstering conversation with television producer and filmmaker Shonda…

Reese attended a forum with women exploring ways to help individuals in business come forward with their stories of harassment and abuse in the workplace.

Seated next to Shonda, she leaned over and asserted, “If we could just get people to show up at this one event, then that would be great. So, somebody is going to have to get them there.”

Shonda stated matter-of-factly: “You’re going to do it.”

Reese: “What?”

Shonda repeated: “You’re going to do it. They’re going to listen to you. When you tell them to show up at your office, they’re going to come because you’re the leader. You just don’t know it.”

Reese reflected, “That was a big moment for me, because it was scary. [Being a leader] is a responsibility. But [Shonda’s comment] made me think, if I don’t do this, who will?”

Reese continued: “I needed her to tell me that [I’m a leader] because I would not have seen it. I do lack some self-awareness. When Shonda said it to me, it made it true in my mind.”

What is most striking about Reese’s reveal is the timing. Typically, when celebrities describe turning points, they reference a conversation in their origin story with someone whose words were instrumental in shaping their career.

But Reese’s exchange with Shonda occurred in 2017, and by then, Reese was already famous – their mentoring conversation took place when successful people tend to eschew advice.

Case in point, new managers often struggle in the Mentee seat. They are typically so busy proving themselves that they either miss the guidance when it’s offered or fear that accepting any advice would be an admission of a flaw and a genuflection to their imposter syndrome.

Notably, when Shonda labeled Reese a “leader,” Reese didn’t defend, deflect, or demur.

Instead, she leaned into her self-confessed insecurity, committed to exploring and growing her leadership.

Whenever someone offers any advice, a suggestion, an idea, or a nudge, grab it and gauge it – there is likely a contribution (not a condemnation!) lingering even in a nonchalant observation.

In a 2023 interview, Reese obscurely mentored her followers when she declared, “I’d rather be a learn-it-all than a know-it-all.”

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Their question stunned me because:

1. The Mentees in the program had just shared with me in a separate meeting that they were getting so much value from their Mentors already, and
2. The Mentors are the hospital’s executives… their insecurity was refreshing if not slightly surprising.

In its purest form, mentoring occurs when one person advises, guides, and supports another to help them professionally grow and develop.

However, Mentors – especially high-functioning, problem-solving, get-stuff-done leaders – often feel inclined to do more to support the success of their Mentees.

Beyond doling out advice, what could you do to improve your experience as a Mentor while nudging, not judging your Mentee? 

Here are 10 advanced mentoring techniques that you can use to up-level your mentoring and amplify your influence:

1. Strategic Inquiry: ask probing, open-ended questions to sharpen critical thinking skills and help your Mentee generate their own insights (ex: “What would happen if you…?”)
2. Pattern Recognition: instead of focusing on single incidents, identify repeating patterns (“I’ve noticed in our last three conversations that you…”)
3. Cognitive Reframing: help your Mentee reframe mistakes and setbacks as growth opportunities (“What can you learn from this?”)
4. Role Playing: work through forthcoming situations with a role-play exercise to provide real-time feedback and perspective
5. Stretch Challenges: assign your Mentee a “stretch” project or experience slightly beyond their comfort zone, and provide scaffolding (support, feedback, a safety net) while your Mentee takes the lead, building confidence and capabilities
6. Reflective Storytelling: share with your Mentee personal experiences of failure, recovery, and resilience to normalize struggle and highlight learning (“Here’s what happened to me when I was in a similar situation…”)
7. Network Brokering: expand your Mentee’s visibility by strategically connecting them with other leaders or peers to grow their network and accelerate their leadership readiness
8. Reverse Mentoring: ask your Mentee for advice to boost their confidence and create mutual learning, or encourage your Mentee to mentor a less-tenured colleague
9. Shadowing: invite your Mentee to observe you or other leaders on the job, and observe your Mentee in action to provide valuable feedback
10. Sponsoring: nominate your Mentee for opportunities on projects, committees, or new roles in the organization

When you want to make a difference beyond cheerleading and advice-dealing, experiment with an advanced mentoring technique to influence your Mentee’s behaviors, up-level their thinking, and catapult their confidence.

As Mentors, we can offer much more than “You should…”

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

He studied comedians on television, became a busboy at a comedy club to observe them perform live, and felt an urge to spend time with them – he wanted to learn their secrets.

But, he thought, what famous comedian is going to talk to a teenager?

Judd soon got his answer while working at his high school’s radio station.

One of his friends produced the music show for the radio and regularly took the train to the city to interview bands.

In Judd’s book Sick in the Head, he remembered thinking, “Wait, we could actually interview people we admired? They’ll talk to you if you ask nicely? It suddenly occurred to me that maybe I could do this with comedians.”

Judd’s first mentor, Jack DeMasi, was the radio station’s supervisor and the school’s film teacher. He treated the students like professionals, permitting them to produce their own shows.

Judd recalled, “Mr. DeMasi encouraged my voice and originality.”

When Judd approached him with the idea of starting his own show interviewing comedians, he agreed, and Judd recalls, “This moment changed my life.”

To get comedians to agree to an interview, Judd brazenly called their agents and said, “I’m from WKWZ radio on Long Island and I want to interview your client,” neglecting to share his age.

When Judd arrived with his AV squad tape recorder, the comedians were surprised but never turned him away. “They were gracious and generous with their time, knowledge, insights, and advice.”

His first interview? Jerry Seinfeld. Judd walked in and asked him pointedly, “How do you write a joke?” 

By the time he graduated two years later, Judd had interviewed over 40 comedic heroes, including: Lorne Michaels, Howard Stern, Al Franken, Sandra Bernahard, Jay Leno, Weird Al Yankovic, John Candy, Paul Reiser, Rodney Dangerfield, Rosanne Barr, Garry Shandling, and Jim Carrey.

He asked each of them for their perspective and advice: what they studied in college, how they got stage time, where they work out new material, how to keep momentum, what’s next in their career.

Reflecting on this experience, Judd wrote: “These interviews informed the rest of my life – they contained the advice that helped me attain my dreams.”

Judd discovered the power of the informational interview, one of the easiest ways to get mentoring.

• Have an intention
• Identify a role model
• Ask for a conversation
• Prepare questions in advance
• Bring a recording device
• Capture insights
• Express gratitude
• Review and reflect
• Take action
• Repeat

The world is bursting with advice just waiting for our fascination, courage, and initiative to collide.

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.