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As we embark on a break this holiday weekend, I’m sharing a few of my favorite books – fiction, non-fiction, and memoirs! 

When you want to be a better Mentor, leader, and human being:

• How to Know a Person by David Brooks
• Validation by Caroline Fleck
• Supercommunicators by Charles Duhigg
• Drive by Daniel H. Pink
• The One Thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan

When you need a kick in the pants and a kiss on the cheek:

• The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz
• Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins
• The Courage to be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi
• Quit by Annie Duke
• Not Nice by Aziz Gazipura

When you want mentoring via a memoir:

• Finding Me by Viola Davis
• Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey
• Viewfinder by Jon M Chu
• Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Laurie Gottlieb

When you want heartfelt entertainment:

• The Heaven and Earth Grocery Store by James McBride
• When We Believed in Mermaids by Barbara O’Neal
• All the Lonely People by Mike Gayle
• The Wedding People by Allison Espach
• The Scent Keeper by Erica Bauermeister

When you want to challenge your perspective:

• Think Again by Adam Grant
• The Lincoln Highway by Amor Towles
• This is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel
• The Names by Florence Knapp
• Caste by Isabel Wilkerson
• Humankind by Rutger Bregman

When you want to be inspired by irrepressible women:

• The Invisible Life of Addie La Rue by V.E. Schwab
• Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman
• Where’d You Go, Bernadette? by Maria Semple
• The Alice Network by Kate Quinn
• The Henna Artist by Alka Joshi

“So many books. So little time.” ~ Frank Zappa

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Stevie finds a “Back in 15 minutes” sign for the front desk.
Johnny: “Stevie, our meeting will take more than 15 minutes.”
Stevie: “You have to give people hope, Mr. Rose.” 

The show’s writers were on to something!

A recent groundbreaking study from the University of Missouri illuminates the deeper impact of hope.

Psychology has long held that hope is tied to goal setting and achieving.

But the Missouri researchers discovered that hope is more profound than merely the desire to accomplish a goal. It’s a “a vital emotional experience.”

The study declared: “Hope is more essential to our well-being than happiness or gratitude.”

Why? Because hope makes life feel meaningful. And experiencing life as meaningful is crucial for our emotional, mental, and physical health.

Hope begins with the belief that our situation will improve at work, at home, and in life. That belief then compels us to invest time, energy, and patience in the possibility of a better outcome.

That meaningful pursuit of a better outcome drives us to connect and engage, placing hope at the heart of mentoring:

• Mentees seek advice, guidance, and support, hoping to improve their future.
• Mentors volunteer, hoping to make a difference – their own meaningful pursuit.

Between 2005 and 2008, The Gallup Organization conducted a survey examining the four expectations employees hold for their leaders: trust, compassion, stability, and hope.

About hope, Gallup discovered that we look to our leaders for inspiration for a better future.

Essentially, we contribute value with our work, hoping our efforts will improve the future – ours, the team’s, and the organization’s.

We want our work to matter.

Based on the Missouri research, this hope that our work matters gives our work meaning and promotes our well-being.

The Missouri researchers concluded that to enhance our quality of life, we must strive daily to boost our hope.

Hope Boosters:

• Create a vision board
• Set and drive goals
• Grab growth opportunities
• Spend time with hopeful people
• Inventory past “resilience”
• Perform random acts of kindness
• Notice when things go well
• Recognize progress
• Plant gardens
• Raise pets or children
• Teach and develop team members
• Take on projects
• Find a Mentor
• Be a Mentor
• Remember the impermanence of situations – they will change

As Lue on our team often invites: “What’s the best that can happen?”

82% believe robots (aka AI) are better than managers at:

• providing unbiased information
• maintaining schedules
• managing a budget
• problem-solving

Uh-oh! What is left for managers to do if their people are turning to robots to solve problems?

drumroll…

Mentor people into future managers.

The AI at Work Study asked, “What can managers do better than robots?” People reported:

• Understand their feelings
• Create a work culture
• Develop them

Bingo! People want their managers to develop them – teach, train, prepare, guide, support, advise, listen, empower, grow, and help them thrive in their roles!

When I started my business two decades ago, I didn’t know how to lead people, so I focused on finding and fixing issues! But I struggled to grow the business.

My success shifted as soon as I evolved from a Problem Solver to a Developer of Problem Solvers. I was managing messes. I needed to mentor people.

Today, I measure my mentoring when:

• Clients contact my team directly for strategies, solutions, and support.
• People on my team provide our clients with solid advice, devise sustainable solutions, and offer world-class support without me.
• My team identifies problems I hadn’t noticed, accompanied by a viable solution.

My team doesn’t ask permission to solve something – they ask to collaborate. They ask for my mentoring.

How did I make this shift? By learning to:

• ignore my imposter syndrome
• hire smartly, not desperately
• trust people before they trust me
• let go of “my way” of doing things
• deploy challenge stress
• mentor

Research conducted by Professor Paul Zak of Claremont Graduate University identified “challenge stress” as one of the eight leadership behaviors we can deploy to foster trust in our teams.

It’s also a stealthy strategy for mentoring future managers.

Challenge stress is the energizing pressure people feel when empowered with a growth opportunity. The brain eagerly looks for a solution to help them meet the challenge.

Examples:

• leading a meeting or a team for the first time
• owning a project with high visibility
• presenting the results to leadership or a client
• submitting an abstract to a conference

Challenge stress develops confidence, improves problem-solving skills, and deepens mutual trust.

Knowing people flourish in the trusting, empowering environments we create, it feels silly to resist technology or attempt to out-problem-solve a robot.

We can use this interesting time in history to reinvent the value we bring to people and organizations.

Mentor the future.

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

In her words, she had “no clue, no experience, and no role models.” She had initiative.

When Bobbi told her friend about her project, she said, “Can I write about it?” She was the beauty editor of Glamour magazine. Bobbi credits that article for the launch of her business.

In 1995, Bobbi sold Bobbi Brown Cosmetics to Estée Lauer.

Josh Silverman
In 1998, Josh Silverman quit his job to launch “ToGather,” a website to help people organize and host events. As he recalls, “my saving grace is I told absolutely everyone what my idea was.”

Upon learning about ToGather from Josh, one of his friends mentioned a company that was starting something called “Evite” which sounded similar. So, Josh reached out to their founders, and they decided to join forces. Josh became CEO of Evite, and they sold the company in 2001.

Julie Cole
I met Julie when she was on the mentoring team at Wentworth Douglas Hospital, a MentorLead client. I was disappointed when Julie had left WDH after 17 years to care for her parents – she was a joy to partner with.

Nine months later, Julie sent me an email highlighting her career, expressing a passion for mentoring, and expressing an interest in exploring any opportunities at MentorLead. I replied enthusiastically within five minutes, and Julie joined MentorLead in January.

Julie recalls the courage it took to send me that email.

But had she not communicated her aspiration, we would have missed the opportunity to work together!

Idea Advocates
When we share an idea (a plan, project, passion, or pipe dream), we recruit ambassadors, champions, Idea Advocates.

Idea Advocates shepherd our ideas into the world.

• They are aware of our intentions.
• They recognize our enthusiasm.
• They will help if the opportunity arises.

Then, when Idea Advocates know, hear, meet, or discover someone or something that will make a difference, they proudly bring us that connection, solution, or opportunity.

So, what stops us from announcing plans, passions, and pipe dreams to recruit Idea Advocates?

• Fear of criticism, failure, rejection, or indifference
• Still-murky ideas
• Our own apathy

But to enroll Idea Advocates, we must:

• Believe in an idea
• Courageously share
• Communicate with conviction

Idea Advocates mentor sporadically, in spurts and with light touches. But only if we stop hoarding ideas and give people a chance to contribute.

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

But without a meaningful connection, Mentees can be reticent to start that drive.

Mentors, though, can forge the connection through the practice of sharing stories and trading truths.

In the 1970s, psychologist Sidney Jourard introduced the “Self-Disclosure Theory” claiming that disclosure in relationships fosters trust, openness, and an enthusiasm to grow.

He theorized that self-disclosure tends to be reciprocal (“Reciprocal Disclosure”) and a key component of building rapport and closeness.

According to Jourard, even strangers tend to match each other’s level of disclosure.

• If a mentor is initially guarded, the mentee will respond cautiously.
• If a mentor opens up quickly, the mentee will likely respond in kind.

Researchers Nancy Collins and Lawrence Miller concluded that people who disclose more are liked more and tend to like those they disclose to. That makes sense – it would be cognitively dissonant to disclose something personal to someone we didn’t like.

Understandably, in our cancel culture, we’ve become hesitant to share, building walls instead of windows, and guarding ourselves from judgment, criticism, and other personal attacks.

Feeling vulnerable can be unnerving.

Dr. Douglas T. Kenrick implores, “Before we are willing to connect and accept someone into our world, we need to disclose important things about ourselves.”

The courage to reveal and risk rejection signals trust in the other person – “I trust you to trust me.”

To ensure a meaningful connection, Mentors must lead the way, initiating with self-disclosure. What to share?

• Personal Stories
• Professional Experiences
• Career Pivots
• Mistakes
• Uncertainties
• Challenges
• Regrets
• Personal Philosophies

Going first compels Mentees to meet openness with openness.

Reciprocal Disclosure creates the safe space that is the bedrock of mentoring, promising confidentiality and psychological safety.

When Mentees reciprocate with a personal disclosure, Mentors can:

1. Listen with curiosity
2. Respond with validation
3. Empathize, not evaluate
4. Sit with the story; move slowly to a solution
5. Affirm their strength, not just their struggle
6. Remember and revisit in a future conversation

When the walls come down, the sun shines on everyone. Being open to a genuine connection reinforces the foundation of trust.

People are starved for connection. They seek mentorship not to hide and protect themselves but to connect, learn, and grow together.

Mentors, we just need to go first. Mentees will follow our lead.
“Perhaps the most important reason
for self-disclosure is that without it
we cannot truly love.” ~ Sidney Jourard

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Last week, I delivered my manager-to-leader program to an in-person audience of eager and engaged emerging leaders. When it ended, one of the participants, Sally, approached me for some advice about public speaking.

Sally asked if I ever felt nervous on stage. I shared, “Of course! I always get nervous initially – that’s how I know I care. But I’ve learned to tell stories to shift my focus from my angst to my audience.”

Feeling validated, Sally revealed, “When I get nervous, I ask ChatGPT to help me overcome my imposter syndrome. And it reminds me that I am better than I think.”

I felt punched. She turns to ChatGPT for mentoring?! Are human mentors obsolete now?

(ChatGPT is simply a version of AI that generates human-like conversational responses to questions.

Instead of spending hours weeding through websites and navigating a slew of derailing clickbait when we need information, ChatGPT filters the internet for us and produces answers in seconds!)

I decided to ask the culprit.

I typed the following into the prompt box in ChatGPT, “What advantages does a human mentor have over ChatGPT?” Here’s a summary of the results it generated for me:

• Personal connection
• Emotional support
• Empathy
• Accountability
• Personal guidance
• Motivation
• First-hand knowledge
• Practical experiences
• Real-world insights
• Moral and ethical guidance
• Tailored feedback
• Networking
• Advocacy
• Gut instincts
• Emotional nuance
• Tough love

Now, I felt validated!

Sally didn’t ask ChatGPT about my experience, advice, and insights – she asked me personally.

And Sally could have asked ChatGPT for information about managing vs. leading, but she opted instead to attend an in-person program to connect with and learn from others. 

While ChatGPT is indescribably efficient, providing us valuable information and even advice, it is a poor substitute for mentoring with a human.

• it robs us of the learning experience
• it doesn’t care if we grow, learn, or feel connected
• it doesn’t care about our autonomy, agency, relatedness, or belonging

Its sole job is to produce intelligence, not help us gain wisdom – that’s what Mentors do.

“We learn when we deeply process information. If we’re removed from that and we’re delegating everything to ChatGPT, we’re not connecting to that information.”

~ Gloria Mark, Professor of Information Sciences
at the University of California, Irvine,
and the author of Attention Span.

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

And then I discovered a way to join them: The Stoic Challenge – A Philosopher’s Guide to Becoming Tougher, Calmer, and More Resilient by William B Irvine.

Stoicism is a school of philosophy from the Roman Empire, emphasizing the “endurance of pain or hardship without the display of feelings.”

Irvine, however, argues that the Stoics were not anti-emotion. Rather, they were “eternal optimists who possessed a profound ability to put a positive spin on life’s events.”

Irvine recommends Anchoring and Framing to save us from the natural anger we feel when our expectations in life are not met. 

Anchoring
Anchoring is putting situations in perspective – zooming out to give the situation a better context.

• Does that broken link on the website really matter when my dog is sick? 
• Does that typo matter when my mom is battling dementia? 
• Do I really care that we lost a client after my dad was diagnosed with cancer? 

When someone on my team appeared distressed about a mistake, I reminded her (and me!) that no one dies in mentoring. And this has since become an anchor for my team.

Undeniably, we each care deeply about our work, but we remind ourselves that our work is a privilege and a passion (for us and our clients), but not a necessity.

Mistakes are inevitable, and they can be fixed. That perspective – that anchor – provides the space and grace necessary to grow and go together.

Framing
Framing involves seeing a situation in a way that prevents it from triggering anger.

At the crux of Irvine’s approach to stoicism is framing the stumbles, snags, and setbacks we experience as tests of our resilience and resourcefulness. He calls this the “stoic test strategy.”

Instead of being frustrated or angry, he approaches obstacles and aggravating situations with awe and occasional laughter.

When I shared this framing concept with my team, we started seeing “Stoic Challenges” everywhere – an angsty client, an impatient mentee, an irritating wait time.

We often text each other “Stoic Challenge!” to remind ourselves that we don’t need our frame to match their frame – we get to create a tougher, calmer, more resilient frame.

By implementing the Anchor and the Frame, I’ve witnessed and experienced the dissipation of stress and frustration, replaced by fascination, entertainment, and joy.

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.