Category Archives for Blog
[Flash] Do This to Do This (Advice from Actor Willem Dafoe)
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When acting legend Willem Dafoe appeared on The Louis Theroux Podcast, he offered this advice to young actors and all of us:
“Don’t do this to get that. Do this to do this.” Unpacking it, he said life is unpredictable, and if you take out the unpredictability, you miss the beautiful moments. In other words,
I’m guilty of ‘doing this to get that.’ The fear of wasting time torments me! I feel a constant need to invest only in activities that promise to improve my productivity, my professional growth, or my health. For example, to enhance my dog walks, I often wear a weighted vest, listen to a leadership book on Audible, while drinking 32 oz of supplemented water. And I once rejoiced in learning the evidence-based, leadership-strengthening benefits of reading fiction. I subsequently devoted a Flash article to announce the finding, as if to officially grant myself permission to pick up a novel. Why would I resist reading for the love of reading? According to Ian Bogost, author of The Small Stuff: How to Lead a More Gratifying Life, we have become decoupled from the world we live in, fueled largely by technology’s ability to help us maximize every moment rather than enjoy it. Our optimization and efficiency culture causes us to believe that anything not focused on a future goal feels not worth doing. Bogost reflects, “We got so busy planning for the future, trying to make our lives more purposeful or happier, we forgot how to be gratified.” Bogost argues that, while our grand accomplishments generate our happiness and satisfaction, gratification comes to us in tiny connections to the world. He holds, “And the lack of gratification has this effect of making us more distrustful, more suspicious of other people. Because we have less of those humanizing interactions.” When we prioritize AI and technology over our connection to moments and to each other, we miss being holistically engaged with the world. While I prefer the purposeful moments that Bogost laments, my dogs demonstrate gratification daily. (They scoff at future goals!) So focused on optimizing my early morning walk last week, I almost missed the gorgeous fox poised like a lawn ornament in my neighbor’s yard. Fortunately, my dogs, delighted by their discovery, barked me back to the moment. Do this to do this. © 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved. |
[Flash] Eva Longoria’s Leadership Advice: Best Idea Wins
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Many people were introduced to Eva Longoria in 2004 on the ABC television series, Desperate Housewives. Today she is an actress, producer, director, and entrepreneur.
In addition to her work in front of and behind the camera, Eva has launched her own fashion and perfume brands, opened a restaurant, and published a cookbook. When Eva appeared on the podcast Project Swagger recently, she shared her leadership philosophy: best idea wins. “Being a leader is leaning on mentors and asking questions. I love gathering people and teams and going, I want to do this. I just don’t know the approach. When someone goes, what about… or why don’t you do it this way? I go, great!” She went on to emphasize that leadership is about leading other people’s creativity. It’s not about having to have all the answers and being smarter than anyone else. “It’s about orchestrating an amazing team.” Essentially, Eva approaches leadership like a learning conversation, a mastermind of thought partners. She looks to people on her team to mentor her and each other with their perspectives, creativity, and ideas. Instead of proving herself, she’s producing great solutions which, requires Eva to be vulnerable, receptive, and even patient. Ideas don’t flow without a foundation of trust.
This approach is challenging. I’ve been working on it ever since I asked my team to evaluate my leadership (read: When I Looked for Blind Spots). I discovered that they want me to create the capacity for their contributions. And then invite them to contribute. I have a propensity for saying yes and improving on the move. But being an improve-on-the-move driver locks me into finding the answer, rather than orchestrating my team’s creativity. It’s the difference between being right and being in relationship. Granted, sometimes being right is imperative. “Best idea wins!” does not work for brain surgery or air traffic control. But it works magic when we are committed to growing people, bolstering confidence, boosting resilience, and preparing people for change. The secret is to announce the request intentionally.
Inevitably, it sparks ownership. People support that which they help create. © 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved. |
[Flash] Friendship Advice to Boost Your Mentoring Success
In The New York Times article entitled “The Friendship Advice Experts Swear By,” journalist Catherine Pearson offers five go-to friendship boosters:
Thoughtful advice to boost our mentoring as well! 1. Practice Aggressive Mentoring. Catherine Pearson cites Dr. Richard Reeves, who advises, “Call, text, and arrange plans. Don’t worry about being a bit of a nag.” Vigorously reaching out to connect demonstrates a fierce commitment to the relationship. When you persevere, you communicate your respect for your mentoring partner. Don’t hesitate. Initiate! You can’t be on a mentoring journey without taking steps together. 2. Tailor Your Mentoring Plans. Catherine Pearson recommends that we find out what our friends prefer to do when interacting and to intentionally incorporate those activities to help them invest and engage. Similarly, in mentoring, when you discover your partner’s goals, intentions, and objectives, you can purposely structure and scaffold the mentoring journey accordingly. 3. Be a Little Bit Needy. Catherine Pearson wrote, “Think about how joyous we’d feel if our friend asked us for help, and we were able to do it.” Mentoring attracts those of us who tend to be contribution-motivated. We commit because we want to feel connected and valuable to others. Whether you’re the Mentor or Mentee, ask for a little help. It will boost your mentoring partner’s confidence while fueling their need to contribute. 4. Fit Mentoring into your Existing Routines. Catherine Pearson cites psychologist Eileen Kennedy-Moore, who declared, “Consistent contact is a crucial ingredient for friendship.” Mentoring happens in moments, not in a single, fully produced event. There’s no need to carve out time for mentoring. Simply, weave mentoring into the time you have – shorter conversations, shadowing, sharing meals, walking, commuting. 5. Be an Engaged Mentoring Partner. Catherine Pearson recommends engaging with friends by intentionally following up on our last conversation. Be the throughline for your mentoring partner. The generous listening required to ensure you can pick up where you left off after each conversation will elevate your engagement and thereby theirs. Unsurprisingly, the formula for thriving friendships becomes the formula for striving mentorship. Friendships typically deepen with a bit of mentoring, while mentoring partners often become friends. But only if you allow yourself to be a little vulnerable and a lot committed. © 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved. |
[Flash] Peer Mentoring – Advice Delivered Stealthily by a Stepmom
When my stepdaughter Carly learned that her landlord was raising her rent, she decided to move to a new apartment complex.
She chose an older unit, on a heavily trafficked street, with a tenant above her, and an odd layout. This is Building 7.
While Carly was at work, my husband toured the complex and found a better unit (from his perspective): newer, on the top floor, not in the main thoroughfare, and with an open kitchen. This is Building 29.
When he presented the new option to her, Carly balked. Building 29 was too quiet, harder to find, and another flight of stairs to climb with groceries. Ultimately, she was defiant because it was not the one she chose.
We debated the decision all weekend, and while I was indifferent, I wanted to help Carly choose confidently.
So, I probed, carefully balancing curiosity and objectivity. I even climbed the stairs with her in Building 29. She continued to vacillate.
When we had dinner with Carly and her friend Evie, I jumped at the chance to infuse this conversation with a non-parental viewpoint.
After getting to know Evie, I casually brought up Carly’s decision.
“Evie, you know how Carly is moving soon? She is in debate about which unit, and I thought you could help.”
I impartially shared the Building 7 vs Building 29 dilemma and asked, “Evie, what is your perspective?”
Without judgment, agenda, or hesitation, Evie looked right at Carly and reflected, “I once lived on the 3rd floor, and the stairs didn’t bother me one bit. And if it were me, I wouldn’t want anyone living above me.”
Grateful for Evie’s contribution, I explored further, “You know how you can sit on the barstools at the island in her current kitchen while she prepares food?”
“Yes. I love that!”
“Well, you can’t do that in Building 7. There’s a half wall between the kitchen and living room, so no space for barstools.”
Evie brooded, “That won’t be as much fun…”
The next morning, Carly confidently declared that she had chosen Building 29. Mission accomplished.
Peer mentoring is underrated. According to the Social Learning Theory, we tend to look to the actions and behaviors of those we admire and respect (our peers!) to shape our own actions and behaviors.
Sometimes the best advice is delivered stealthily, not through a formal mentoring program but through the power of our peers – their movements regularly mold ours.
© 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.
[Flash] Observe Yourself like a Bug (Feedback Advice from Good to Great Author)
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In his new book, Jim Collins, author of the international bestseller Good to Great, shared his secret to navigating feedback.
He learned from his Stanford Business School creativity professor: “Study yourself like a scientist. Walk around and observe yourself.” With that advice, Jim bought a chemistry lab notebook and used it to examine himself dispassionately, like he would study a bug. He nicknamed it his “Bug Book.” While working at a company where he felt he was not flourishing, Jim started making notes about the “bug called Jim.” He became a scientist of the self. He reflected, “If you’re a scientist observing a bug, you don’t judge the bug. You just make detached clinical observations about the bug.” This practice taught Jim to process critical feedback like he would process clinical information – without emotion. Doing so prevents his emotional reactions, such as defensiveness, from obstructing his commitment to improving himself. According to feedback research, people struggle to learn from criticism because the emotional threat distracts their attention away from learning and toward self-protection. In other words, when we focus on feeling disappointed, frustrated, or embarrassed, we completely miss the informational value of feedback. Recent research suggests that negative feedback activates one of two reactions:
Not surprisingly, our learning and creativity decline with the first reaction and advance with the second. On a recent episode of MentorLead’s Success@Mentoring podcast, my guest, Raeln Anderson, shared her unemotional, what-can-I-improve approach to feedback. During our conversation, I asked Raeln how she handles receiving feedback. She announced, “I go to the literature.”
In other words, Raeln is following Jim Collins’ approach and putting distance between her feelings and the feedback. By focusing on the informational value of the feedback, she brilliantly avoids being derailed by its emotional side. Like Jim, Raeln doesn’t focus on how the feedback makes her feel. She focuses on what it could teach her, which allows her to strive and thrive personally and professionally. To wedge space between your feelings and your feedback, fixate on the facts. Your future self will thank you. © 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved. |
[Flash] When I Looked for Blind Spots (Advice from Minted Founder and my Team)
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When Mariam Naficy, founder of stationery company Minted, appeared on the How Leaders Lead podcast, she offered this advice:
“Try to find what’s in your blind spot. Find people who will tell you and who will be honest with you.” Suddenly, I wanted to find out! I used the 360-assessment tool on the MentorLead platform and sent an anonymous survey to everyone on my team. I asked questions to unearth:
I communicated my genuine desire to improve my leadership and my hope that they would offer me actionable advice. And then I steeled myself for what they might communicate.
(Those aren’t blind spots. Those are noted weak spots.) When it was time to review their responses, I was nervous. I love this team I built, and if I truly want to be the kind of leader they want, then my intentions and actions must align! I reminded myself to stay open and curious, not defensive or petulant. And to remember the courage and commitment it took them to contribute. They are mentoring me. Here’s what I discovered… my team wants to be more involved! From understanding a program’s history to responding to client needs to generating ideas and solutions. They requested more pausing for perspectives and processing. Wow. I found a blind spot! I exercise intense decisiveness, as if I’m on an improv stage, primarily to avoid bothering or burdening them. But they feel like sharing that stage is not a bother or a burden… it’s a benefit. Through their candid contributions, I realized… By allowing others on the proverbial stage with me, I have a better chance of hearing divergent viewpoints, discovering fresh ideas, creating ownership, and strengthening competence and confidence. And by promoting more visibility and involvement, I can demonstrate my trust in them and reveal my respect for them. But my intensity cannot consume the oxygen in every room. More important than rushing to a resolution is ensuring my team feels deeply valued every day. © 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved. |
[Flash] When Ted Lasso Writer Got Fired by his Mentor
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A fortuitous thing happened to television writer Bill Lawrence. He got fired by his Mentor.
Bill forged his way into Hollywood through a loose connection and an audacious pitch to an agent who then booked Bill for writing jobs on Boy Meets World, The Nanny, and Friends. However, Bill admittedly had trouble getting along with people and was eventually fired from each show. On Friends, Bill developed a mentoring relationship with producer David Crane. When David fired Bill, he did an interesting thing – he recommended Bill to his next boss and Mentor, Gary Goldberg, saying: “This kid is finding his way personality-wise.” Despite Bill’s rocky resume, Gary took a chance on him because of this endorsement. The producer behind the hit show Family Ties, Gary was starting DreamWorks and needed a writer for a new comedy series. Together, Bill and Gary co-created Spin City in 1996, starring Michal J. Fox. Gary and Michael have been mentoring Bill ever since. Today, Bill is a veteran television producer, screenwriter, and director responsible for Apple TV hits, Ted Lasso, Shrinking, and Rooster. He’s been nominated for 7 Emmys and 6 Golden Globes. We engage in mentoring conversations, experiences, and programs because of our deeply ingrained commitment to grow ourselves and to contribute to others. “Contributing” requires us to challenge and stretch people, sometimes by shifting the relationship and connecting them to their next thought partner. When our circumstances change (as they did for Bill Lawrence and David Crane), the mentoring relationship may no longer be relevant or useful.
It’s simply time to invest mentoring energy elsewhere. Unfortunately, some people opt instead to abandon or ghost their mentoring partner by refusing to communicate or respond. A reflection of their insecurities, but an act of disrespect, nonetheless. We can do better to demonstrate our growth. How to finish or fire a mentoring obligation and still make a difference:
Helping your mentoring partner find their next mentoring partner? The highest compliment in a deep-seated commitment to contribute. © 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved. |
[Flash] Be Better Not Bitter (Advice from Ulta Beauty CEO)
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During her career path from hourly employee to store manager to CEO of Ulta Beauty, Kecia Steelman was passed over for various promotions. Each time, she reminded herself, “Be better, not bitter.”
Admittedly, she said it stung when she thought she was the one for a role but then didn’t get it. But after the sting, Kecia reflected on what she could do to prepare for that job and be even better next time. On last week’s How Leaders Lead podcast, Kecia shared the advice she regularly offers her Mentees. In the aftermath of any setback, she pledges, “I’m going to take this opportunity to be really ready when my time comes.” “Better not bitter” requires discipline and self-awareness to learn from defeat. It’s easy to blame others or circumstances; it takes effort to be responsible for our future success. It’s all information. Any experience can offer valuable information, but only if we look for it. By turning our attention inward, we can consider:
However, reflection is only possible after the emotional sting of a setback subsides. When it stings, sometimes we sting back – blaming, shaming, or complaining. Embarrassingly, I once lost a big opportunity and, out of spite, immediately blocked the person on LinkedIn! I wasn’t reflecting. I was deflecting! I was emotionally hijacked. Only when my tantrum abated was I able to mine the situation for valuable information. With distance and time, we can look at events through a different lens. Ryan Serhart offered a hack on LinkedIn recently called “The Calendar Trick.” Whenever he experiences a setback, he opens his calendar and finds a date 30 days from that moment. He creates a calendar invite called “Read Me.” And in the body of the invite, he writes exactly how he feels about the situation. When 30 days pass, he sees “Read Me” on his calendar and discovers:
This 30-day window allows Ryan to divorce his emotions from the situation. The Calendar Trick forces him to take action rather than letting his anger contaminate his commitment to grow. To bounce forward into a bigger, bolder version, be better, not bitter. © 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved. |