Category Archives for Blog

When Clark joined the team in 2021, the team started winning. By 2025, Vanderbilt won 10 games, beating six nationally ranked opponents. Clark led one of the best turnaround stories in college football, earning him SEC Coach of the Year in 2024 and 2025.

On The Learning Leader podcast, Clark shared his secret: “Relatedness is our edge.”

He continued, “In today’s environment, people don’t actually see each other. We don’t take time to know each other, love each other, or care about one another.”

“Relatedness is this idea, this shared experience we have. It’s a sense of belonging and community. It’s a deep, foundational respect. That’s what we’re cultivating here at Vanderbilt.”

“Once we learn how to see each other at that depth and understand one another, and care for one another, and fight for one another, we carry that as an edge in our performance.”

Interestingly, Clark’s obsession with relatedness is not about retention. Every year, he loses team members as they graduate from Vanderbilt. But as long as they show up, he is committed to helping them strive, not merely subsist.

According to the Self-Determination Theory, we each have an innate tendency to grow and a universal need for nurturing from a social environment. In other words, we crave connection, compassion, and community. We want to trust the people around us, feel like we belong, and experience caring for others.

But the onslaught of AI distances and disconnects us, depriving us of relatedness and undermining our motivation to grow and develop.

For relatedness to be our edge, we cannot allow it to occur accidentally or be thwarted. We must design for it. We must normalize humanity.

• Assign a champion to everyone new to the organization, team, and leadership
• Launch structured, formal mentoring programs
• Engage in mentoring as a Mentor and a Mentee
• Create structured peer connection opportunities (ex, speed mentoring events and cross-unit shadow days)
• Incorporate personal check-ins, remembering people’s important milestones
• Use conversations not to demonstrate competence but curiosity
• Admit uncertainty: “What am I missing?”
• Ask for dissent: “What are we not seeing?”
• Acknowledge people for contributions on and off the proverbial field
• Identify moments that mattered with people each week
• Make time for end-of-meeting reflections and gratitude

By designing for relatedness, we can ensure connection is prioritized and repeated, which fuels trust and belonging.

Most teams don’t lack caring; they lack expressed caring. 

© 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Based on his experiences, Will recently published the book Unreasonable Hospitality and launched The Summit, a training workshop focused on the book’s concepts.

Upon creating the Summit, Will expected people to attend with their colleagues. But when he reviewed the guest list, he discovered that many registered to attend alone.

So, in the spirit of “unreasonable hospitality,” he offered to connect each solo attendee with another for dinner the night before. Most accepted his invitation, allowing Will to play matchmaker. He connected 40 people and booked dinner reservations for pairs at restaurants around town.

How Will defines “unreasonable hospitality”: doing something thoughtful, generous, or personalized for someone that goes beyond what’s expected, even beyond what is “reasonable” in a traditional sense.

It’s beyond excellence, accuracy, efficiency, and even politeness. It’s about making people feel deeply seen, valued, and cared for through unexpected, personal gestures.

Ways my team infuses unreasonable hospitality into our interactions:

• Lue personally and swiftly responds to every help desk question.
• Meg personalizes participant monthly emails for every program leader.
• Julie researches evidence and ensures program leaders meet standards.
• Patty uses LinkedIn to get to know our clients and prospects personally.
• Olivia eagerly accepts challenges to contribute to every project.
• I give participants the spotlight (and then prepare them to shine!) to share their experiences on our monthly podcast.

Ways Mentors can leverage unreasonable hospitality:

• Reach out to Mentees immediately upon being matched.
• Text between scheduled meetings with encouragement or a resource.
• Look for new opportunities and new connections for Mentees.
• Invite Mentees to shadow a meeting or an event.
• Connect Mentees to their next Mentor.

Ways Mentees can engage with unreasonable hospitality:

• Have a completed goal worksheet ready by the first meeting.
• Block Mentor’s calendar with invites for every meeting.
• Send a list of questions in advance of each meeting.
• Share insights, ideas, and resources to contribute to Mentors.
• Connect Mentors with potential Mentors.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I met the guests at my wedding with unreasonable hospitality. 

Like Will Guidara, I wanted people who traveled far to feel confident about connecting with strangers. So, I created a personalized name tag for each guest with their hometown, their connection to us, and an interesting fact. Our guests felt special, engaged, and playful!

Forget the easy button. Effort for exceptional.

© 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Sydney joined a cast steered by Elisabeth Moss, the show’s lead actress, producer, and director. 

Being part of the production, she watched Elisabeth work on the script in the writer’s room, direct scenes behind the camera, and, in front of the camera, perform. Sydney witnessed firsthand Elisabeth shape the show’s creative direction.

Sydney was always fascinated with the business side of the industry. But observing Elisabeth made that future possible.

In 2022, Sydney ventured behind the camera with the rom-com Anyone But You.

As the executive producer, Sydney pitched the concept, hired the actors, and sold it to Sony. She explained proudly, “I put the whole project together.” Not unlike her inadvertent Mentor, Elisabeth Moss.

Inadvertent mentoring is a consequence of the Leader Amplification Effect, as explained by Adam Galinsky in his book Inspire: “When you’re a leader, you’re constantly being observed. Those around you are attending to your every move, studiously interpreting your expressions, and analyzing your every word.” 

In other words, leaders (and Mentors!) attract attention, which then magnifies their actions and intensifies their influence. 

As Shakespeare said, “All the world’s a stage.”

And the attention that stage demands is amplified when the actors on it are cloaked in leadership titles.

When Diego Rodriguez, Senior Nursing Director at City of Hope, joined our podcast recently to talk about feedback, he echoed Shakespeare’s sentiment.

Diego shared an experience in which he participated in a meeting with a new executive who, he noticed, was texting and laughing with someone else. Diego reached out immediately following the meeting to offer his observation and advice:

“I’m concerned that other people might have taken this the wrong way. I want you to be aware that people are looking at us. When you’re a leader, it’s like being on stage – all eyes are on you always. Everything you do and say can influence people in a positive or negative way.”

Unaware of the spotlight on her behavior, this leader was grateful for Diego’s mentoring conversation and welcomed his future support in her success.

Self-awareness and perspective-taking help us temper the Leadership Amplification Effect.

The stage bears enormous responsibility but also a tremendous opportunity. An opportunity to use this stage to inadvertently mentor… advertently.

As people watch our every move, we can influence them with our courage, our compassion, and our contributions.

© 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

During this year’s March Madness, he sat down for an interview.

“What’s one thing about college basketball that you would not want to change?” Without hesitating, Coach K responded playfully, “Winning.”

The interviewer then asked, “As a coach, where do you find the words if [your players] lose?”

Coach K: “The toughest locker room is the losing locker room, especially in the final championship game. I want my locker room to be emotional. I either want them to be jumping like crazy or crying like crazy. Because I knew they gave their all. And that’s what I would tell them: ‘I’m proud of you for giving your all.’ Then you hug them and try to help them move forward.”

In his book, The Gold Standard, Coach K outlined his “Next Play” philosophy for moving people forward.

He taught his players to:

• focus on the next play instead of the last play
• refocus after a mistake
• let go of disappointments
• not waste too much time celebrating a play

Coach K: “To waste time lamenting a mistake or celebrating success is distracting and can leave you and your team unprepared for what you are about to face.”

The Next Play approach shifts the focus from ruminating on the past to acting on what’s in the moment.

When cows ruminate, they bring their food back up to chew it again slowly.

When we ruminate, we mentally chew on prior experiences, especially negative ones. “I should’ve said…” or “I wish I had…” Useful for digestion, not direction. 

Next Play can powerfully stop the spiraling:

• “OK. That happened. We can learn from it, but we don’t have to stay there. What’s your Next Play?”
• Shift feedback to action with, “What’s your Next Play based on this information?”
• Anticipate conversations or situations deteriorating, and prepare by asking, “What will your Next Play be if it goes sideways?”

Success isn’t about life being perfect; it’s about shortening the recovery time when it’s imperfect. Next Play becomes our recovery script.

“What’s the next play?” can strengthen emotional readiness, curtail the fear of failure, and actively write the present storyline rather than dwell on the past.

Missteps are expected. Stagnation is optional. 

© 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Not rigid and beleaguered, a loose garment is flexible, flowing, and carefree.

Intriguing. If I “wear the world like a loose garment,” I might better adapt and improvise, staying open to the unexpected, unfazed by the constantly changing world, unbothered by others.

I tested the board’s advice during a recent travel fiasco when…

• My flight home from a conference was delayed by 10 hours due to storms, then canceled.
• The airline gave me a $20 meal voucher, which turned out to be worth only $0.20.
• The airport luggage handler wouldn’t store my luggage, boxes, and conference booth display, so I dragged them with me all night.
• The airline booked me into a hotel, but upon arrival, the hotel clerk informed me there were no vacancies due to a trucking convention.
• Stranded in Louisville at midnight, I dragged my luggage and conference booth materials back to an empty airport to wait 7 hours for the next flight.

With each roadblock, I whispered, “Loose garment. Be like a loose garment.” 

An altercation, a tantrum, or even venting would not have changed my situation, a confluence of events outside of my control.

So I stayed responsive and receptive, amenable to my shifting circumstances.

When I returned to the airport at 1:00 am, I investigated my sleeping options: a wooden platform under the stairs where a man was settling in, a deserted yet dingy carpeted area, and three brand-new, empty couches with electrical outlets!

Delighted by my discovery, I invited the man to upgrade his accommodations. We each grabbed a couch, and from 1:00 – 5:00 am, we dozed and chatted, without judgment or agenda. 

His name was Tom, a transient trucker taking refuge at the airport while his truck was locked at the convention center. Tom bears a storied past and an inconvenient present.

He was so grateful for sharing my couch discovery that he insisted on gifting me tchotchkes from the convention: two pens, a flashlight, and a fidget spinner shaped like a semi steering wheel.

At 5:00 am, I wished Tom well, checked my bags again, and trudged through security.

Here’s what I discovered:

• Instead of clinging to expectations, I danced resiliently through the chaos.
• Instead of judging other people’s situations, I focused on my own.
• Instead of should’ing, I practiced could’ing.

When we wear the world like a loose garment, we relax our grip, knowing that:

• Nothing is personal or permanent.
• External circumstances don’t reign over us.
• Success and failure, opinions and ideas, titles and jobs all change.

We can care about life, work, and relationships without allowing those to define or control us.

We can be engaged but not entangled. 
“One of the most reliable ways to guarantee we suffer
is to cling tightly to what is always changing
in a fundamentally unpredictable, nonnegotiable world.
You get rope burn.” ~ Pema Chodron, a Tibetan Buddhist and author.

© 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

According to Fogg, we assume that giving people information will change their behavior. But information does not equate to action, as evidenced by our unfettered access to the world’s information via the internet since 1995.

Why? Fogg believes we are missing an emotional link.

For change to happen, Fogg says three things must come together:

1. Motivation to do the behavior
2. Ability to do the behavior
3. Prompt to take action

According to Fogg, his breakthrough was understanding that there has to be a prompt, something that says, “Do this behavior now!”

A calendar reminder is a prompt. An alarm is a prompt. A Post-it note is a prompt. A Mentor asking about progress is a prompt.

We can forge behavior change simply by focusing on prompt design.

• Identify the new behavior
  (ex: exercise more or stop procrastinating)
• Find the prompts that can trigger the new behavior
  (ex: engage a Mentor in our goal to exercise more and procrastinate less)
• Use feelings of success to wire the behavior and create a new habit
  (ex: Mentor praises our progress)

Mentors can serve as prompts, but only if we involve them with regular cadence.

I’ve observed the power of the “Mentor prompt” when I ask this question on the final program evaluation: “How often did you meet with your mentoring partner?”

After analyzing the results of this question alongside the impact-of-mentoring questions (ex: What did you accomplish together?), I invariably discover, time and again, that those who meet consistently achieve more, feel more confident, and create more value than those who meet “as needed.”

For example, a recent program evaluation survey revealed that:

• Of those who met monthly, 92% increased their confidence and 98% achieved their goals
• Of those who met as needed, only 61% increased their confidence and only 54% achieved their goals

Not surprising. When we know that someone we respect and trust (our Mentor) will inquire about our attempts on a certain date, we take action. But without that regular prompt, we might want to change, and we might be able to change, but we don’t typically take action to change.

To design a powerful Mentor Prompt, enlist a Mentor to meet every 2-4 weeks to:

• explore your vision for change,
• ask about your efforts,
• support you through struggles,
• praise your progress

Why change alone? Exchange willpower for mentor power! 

© 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

In an early scene, Grandma, played by Candice Bergen, encouraged her grandson’s entrepreneurial passion, in direct contrast to the boy’s doting mom, Liz, who downplayed his fluky hobby.

When the boy left the room, charged and excited by Grandma’s validation, Liz seethed, “I have one rule. Do not tell me how to parent.”

As Liz stormed out of the room, Harrison Ford’s character, Paul, entered, finding Grandma deflated.

• Grandma: I gave her some parenting advice.
• Paul responded sarcastically: Looks like she took it well.
• Grandma pouted: I’ve lived a long, full life. You’d think she’d want to learn from it.
• Paul: Unfortunately, the younger people in our lives just don’t seem to want what we have to offer.

Wait! Do they not want what we have to offer, or are they simply distracted, navigating their insecurities, proving their independence, and oblivious to the power of thought partners?

When I was in my twenties and the recipient of blindsiding advice from elders, I took it as a personal affront. Why didn’t they just shower me with praise for my brave but imperfect effort? I was young and unconfident.

Decades later, I was surprised when the tables turned. A young person in my life wrote a book but never reached out for support or advice, even though I have authored five books.

Was I hurt that my experience wasn’t called upon, or was I just feeling left out?

Later in the Shrinking episode, Grandma and Liz reconciled.

• Grandma apologized: No one likes being told what to do by their mother-in-law.
• Liz conceded: I’m sorry, too. You gave Matthew good advice. I haven’t seen him light up like that in a while.
• Then Grandma confessed: I’ve been there before. My son struggled as a child. I probably should have been more involved.
• Liz vulnerably: So, you’re saying my way is right?

And that’s how unacknowledged bravery bumps into thankless advice.

So, how can we prevent our stubborn pride from blocking the thought partnership that could strengthen our relationships?

• If we want young people to invite us to participate, seek our counsel, and value our wisdom, we need to start by recognizing and appreciating their courageous endeavors.
• If we want older people to appreciate our independence and tenacity, we must intentionally include them in our journey, seek their counsel, and listen to their war stories.

Regardless of generation, people are desperate to feel valued, respected, and relevant.

© 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Marcello: “When we saw this couple, my friends said, ‘I bet that guy’s rich.’ And I responded, ‘No, dawg. That guy probably listens like crazy. He probably says stuff like, ‘Wait, wait, wait, wait. Start again.’”

Then Marcello adds, “That guy probably has…”

At this, he inserts a dramatic pause and a smirk before dropping his punchline: “…follow-up questions!”

Marcello gets it. According to Warren Berger, author of The Book of Beautiful Questions, we demonstrate our sincere interest in others by asking questions. 

Each question is an invitation to share themselves with us – their stories, experiences, thoughts, and feelings. And when they share, we begin to understand them better, strengthening our connection.

My recent podcast guest, Selina Nazzaro, confirmed this strategy. I asked her how she manages those moments when self-doubt whispers in her ear as she is mentoring. She shared her secret: ask more questions.

Brilliant! Through inquiry, we demonstrate our genuine interest in the other person’s success.

To be a great leader or mentor, we don’t need to provide the right answer or life-altering advice. We need to become a thought partner. We need to engage and explore with more questions.

If follow-up questions are our superpower, why isn’t every conversation bursting with them?

Berger points to 5 “enemies of questioning”:
1. Fear (risk of revealing what we don’t know)
2. Knowledge (the more you know, the less you need to ask)
3. Bias (grounded on our limited experiences)
4. Hubris (a lack of humility)
5. Time (overwhelm)

Let’s add to his list: distraction and obliviousness. When we battle a constant assault on our senses, it takes effort to focus, let alone focus on someone else.

But when we value the relationship, it’s worth the effort.

Throughout the book, Berger offers lists of questions to help us decide, create, connect, and lead. His list of follow-up questions includes:

1. Just to be clear, are you saying…
2. Can you explain what you mean by that?
3. I imagine that made you feel X, right?
4. And what else?
5. How are you feeling about the experience?

I use these follow-up questions to deepen conversations:

• Tell me about…
• Help me understand…
• Interesting. What was that like?
• How did the other person respond?
• And what happened next? 

And when the other person offers follow-up answers, it’s vital to listen, engage, validate, and clarify using… more follow-up questions!

An interested person is hard to resist.

© 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.