All Posts by Ann Tardy

“Verbally stating goals has been the single greatest tool that has furthered success in my life.”

He then explained his process. As he enters a new chapter in his life, Adam examines his needs and desires, creates a theme, and declares a destination – a goal. For example, inspired by his grandfather who spoke seven languages, he articulated his post-college goal in two words: “foreign perspective.”

Adam didn’t know how he would get a foreign perspective, but he planted that flag and then told everyone he met. 

Why? Because, as he admits, he had no idea how he was going to get there! So, he looked to his community for clues.

By verbalizing a goal, Adam:

• Commits to it
• Invites people to contribute

“People start to help me find the path.” 

In other words, he seeks out pathfinders – peers, friends, and even strangers – to help him create his journey.

During his talk, Adam listed five of his previous goals – the flags he planted – and the paths he ultimately took to reach those goals:

1. Foreign perspective (he took a job in France)
2. Yearn to learn (he completed a master’s program at UCLA)
3. Work without boredom (he worked at SRI International for 10 years)
4. Understand if love is real (he got married)
5. Explore how breakthroughs happen (he joined the largest AI project in US history)

Pathfinding works when we have communicated a destination. Imagine planning a vacation and asking people for ideas and advice but not telling them where you’re going.

The goal gives purpose and direction to pathfinding.

Not surprisingly, pathfinding is an essential role for mentors. But when mentees show up without a goal, mentors implore, “Help me help you, mentee!” Knowing the goal, mentors can propose various paths.

Yet, sometimes, “finding a goal” feels overwhelming or obligatory. Whereas a “destination” can be enticing, even seductive!

Recently, when I verbalized a destination to “radiate serenity,” one pathfinder recommended knitting and another recommended improv. Two paths I had not considered!

By purposely pathfinding, I can actively curate the advice, perspectives, and ideas I need in pursuit of a destination while inviting others to engage and make a difference.

Destinations inspire action. Pathfinding ignites champions. 

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Setting aside any residual contention from the game, they effortlessly reconnect as colleagues to:

• Show respect and understanding
• Congratulate on a game well-played
• Acknowledge and appreciate their recent shared experience

So why don’t we experience more of this humanity off the football field?

Let’s start with the onslaught of technology.

Studies show that the less we need each other, the less we notice, interact with, and care about others. The independence we get from technology actually disconnects us from others. We continue to “bowl alone.”

Before GPS, we relied on maps and the kindness of strangers to point us in the right direction. Today, we simply type in an address and drive. More efficient, less connected.

And the less connected we are, the less kind and compassionate we are.

It turns out that compassion is vital not only to our relationships but also to our health and wellbeing. It…

• Protects us from the health consequences of loneliness
• Releases our pleasure-feeling, bonding hormone oxytocin
• Lowers depression
• Decreases our angst – our burdens feel less arduous
• Promotes community – we feel a part of something bigger

Best of all? Compassion is contagious! Witnessing others engage in acts of humanity and generosity inspires us to do the same.

So, how do we reignite our connections and infuse more compassion into our lives?

• Play sports, games
• Join groups and programs
• Mentor others
• Seek out mentoring
• Make plans with friends
• Banter with colleagues and neighbors
• Pick up the phone and call someone
• Show up for people as they navigate changes
• Welcome their stories and experiences – “What was that like?”
• Volunteer (fun fact: volunteers live longer than non-volunteers)

Football is all about connection – players engage with and rely on each other. Even the Super Bowl will end with a touch of humanity, regardless of who wins.

The rest of us in the stands? We must be intentional about connecting, or we risk isolation and loneliness.

We are wired to connect. We just need to plug in!

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Gallup’s most recent employee engagement survey found that in the last four years, our colleagues feel:

• more detached from the organization
• less connected to the mission and purpose
• more uncertain about expectations
• less likely to feel that we care about them as humans… yikes!

Sure, we all mentor unexpectedly or casually. We make suggestions, drop stories into conversations, give well-intended but unsolicited advice, and flippantly preach, “You should…”

But deliberate mentoring has purpose – a commitment to contribute, an earnest effort to support another on a learning journey.

I get it! We’re already too busy. We don’t have time to take on another obligation.

But mentoring isn’t an obligation. It’s an opportunity – to reflect, grow, lead, bond, make a difference, and bring joy back to the job.

Purposeful mentoring improves our:

• Patience.
• Compassion.
• Communication.
• Engagement.
• Leadership.
• Humanity.

And it doesn’t require grand gestures. Its power lies in slender but thoughtful interactions.

12 Kernels to Deliberately Mentor

1. Become Self-Aware 

• What do you need to work on?
• Where do you want to improve?
• How could mentoring others grow you?

2. Be Vulnerable First

• To build trust with your Mentee, share something personal, like a struggle or an aspiration.

3. Plug In

• Pause to grasp their reality: “What are you feeling good about? What is challenging you right now?”

4. Check Expectations Habitually 

• Ask at the beginning, “What do you hope to get out of this conversation?”
• Confirm at the end, “What are we each doing next?”

5. Be the Safe Space 

• Mentees want to vent in-the-moment issues and explore solutions… without repercussions.

6. Question Marks Before Periods

• Dig deeper to ensure any story or advice will be valuable.

7. Listen Without Judgment

• There’s nothing broken with the person seeking your guidance. They’re merely finding their way and need a champion.

8. Dig into the Archives

• Pull from your trove of experiences, stories, learnings, resources, and people, and share what is relevant.

9. Actively Pivot

• Notice when you must intentionally shift from listening to encouraging to teaching to exploring to offering advice.

10. Protect Mentee’s Power to Choose 

• To offer an idea or recommendation, ask, “What about…?
• To share feedback, try “Would you consider…?”
• Urge your Mentee to evaluate various options.

11. Mind your Mentee 

• Follow up, check-in, stay connected
• Look for pertinent articles, podcasts, resources, and people.

12. Root for your Mentee

• Believe in the unearthed potential of your Mentee.

Mentoring is about magnifying possibility and confidence – yours and theirs.

But first, we need you. 

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Inevitably, the giver fears damaging a trusting relationship while the receiver fears being judged and criticized.

So then, why do it? Why give people advice they didn’t request? Why not let people self-discover their areas for improvement?

I am a champion of mentoring, where feedback is fundamental to the process, and yet, personally, I flinch in the face of feedback – giving it and receiving it. Between being right and being in relationship, I almost always choose relationship. 

But feedback can be vital:
1. when we need people to course-correct
2. when we want to acknowledge progress
3. when people communicate a commitment to grow, develop and improve

Studies show that 87% of employees want development, but only 33% get the feedback they need to engage and improve.

At the same time, trusting workplaces enjoy 50% higher productivity, 106% more energy, and 13% fewer sick days while outperforming low-trusting workplaces by 186%.

So, how can we choose a relationship and contribute to it?

By normalizing the exchange of ideas and mitigating the defensive reflexes.

The power phrase: “Would you consider…?”

I experimented with this recently at the gym when an idolized trainer started delivering instructions over his thunderous music – it was impossible to decipher!

After class, I asked him, “Would you consider turning the music down only during your instructions so we can better understand you?”

I noticed his initial defenses ebb and flow when he realized I offered an invitation, not an attack. He agreed to consider it.

And the very next class? He didn’t compete with his music. He deliberately lowered the volume during his instructions and increased it as class started.

Why is the power phrase effective? Because it collectively empowers and engages the giver and the receiver.

Are you struggling to solicit feedback because people around you are squeamish about scolding? Experiment with, “What should I consider to improve this project/task/meeting/result?” This question signals to others that you’re open to their ideas and contributions. 

Whether you’re the mentor, the manager, or a peer, don’t choose between being right and being in relationship. Choose to make a difference.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Against everyone’s advice, Ava took a seemingly unadaptable book and wrote the screenplay based on Isabel’s quest to understand the caste systems in India, Germany, and the US and dissect their impact on our connections and relationships.

As Ava describes in multiple interviews, caste is the practice of human hierarchy: one person is categorized as better than another based solely on a set of random traits.

Why this project? Ava reflected earnestly, “Reading Isabel’s book allowed me to excavate who I am in the world and explore who I could be. What if we all addressed caste in our own lives? A world without caste would set everyone free and make us collectively better.”

As part of the movie release, Ava is launching The Seat 16 Program, which has a goal of gifting 10,000 teenagers with a ticket to see the movie plus a one-year pass to access MasterClass, a platform offering lessons from experts in various fields. “Let’s help them change the world!” her website urges.

To secure that partnership with MasterClass, Ava agreed to lead a class entitled “Reframe your Thinking,” to share how filmmaking skills can be applied to life goals.

Why all of this trouble? Why not just make a movie and sell it to Hollywood?

Because Ava didn’t just want to produce a film. She wanted to start a conversation, one steeped in the possibility of a more just world. And that requires engaging many people in that conversation.

Similarly, you could launch a mentoring program or a mentoring relationship that starts a new conversation, one that:

• rallies nurse residents!
• fuels a community of belonging!
• energizes peer champions!
• summons future leaders!
• ignites innovative solutions!
• emboldens managers to lead courageously!

It just depends on how passionate you are about sparking that conversation and changing your world.

Ava’s easy-to-follow formula:
1. Preach the possibility
2. Design a clear structure
3. Make it frictionless to participate

Don’t just hope that things will change. Inspire others to create that change with you!

Ava received a 9-minute standing ovation at the Venice Film Festival for Origin. Imagine how long your standing ovation will be!

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

ps. Have you registered yet for our 2024-Q1 complimentary webinar?
“Unlock the Power of Mentoring Programs to Retain Nurses, Improve Leadership, and Strengthen Your Hospital”
Date: Thurs Feb 29 @ 11am PT | 2pm ET
Register: https://us06web.zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_Q692btvAQ72Ybi9JRvjlKA

While at Harvard, Conan served as President of the Harvard Lampoon, the school’s humor magazine. There, he met the comedic genius and Saturday Night Live (SNL) icon, John Candy.

When Candy visited the campus at the magazine’s invitation, Conan assisted as his guide for the day.

Sharing the experience in a recent interview, Conan reflected, “I don’t see myself as a brave or reckless person. I had worked so hard to get to that college, and I knew my parents would kill me for trying this thing (comedy) that famously flames out for most people.”

So Conan mustered his courage, measured his words, and nervously confessed: “Mr. Candy, I’m thinking I might try comedy.”

Candy’s head snapped to attention, and in a role not dissimilar to Yoda in the Star Wars saga, he looked straight at Conan and said sternly, “You don’t try comedy. You do it, or you don’t do it.”

“That hit me powerfully,” Conan mused 40 years later.

This unexpected mentoring galvanized Conan – he ditched his backup plan, skipped the law school entrance exam, and declared, “I’m going to make comedy work!”

Conan graduated the following year, moved to LA to write for HBO, SNL, and The Simpsons, hosted three late-night television shows, and became a stand-up comedian.

Candy’s mentoring was based on a concept in psychology called “self-signaling,” in which we use our words and actions to “signal” our intentions and commitment to ourselves.

“I’m going to try” is a vague signal, a hope, a dream.
“I’m doing” is a concrete signal, a commitment, an intention.

Vague: I’m thinking about more education.
Committed: I am getting my master’s degree.

Vague: I’m working on my self-confidence. 
Committed: I am confident and capable.

Vague: I am hoping to become a leader.
Committed: I contribute, influence, and lead in every situation.

It’s scary declaring intentions – there is no safety net. Our commitments are impenetrable by excuses.

But intentions are always more potent than hopes and dreams. 

As we plow into 2024, don’t underestimate the power of your words (and your mentee’s words) to self-signal commitment and fuel actions.

Why bother “trying” when we can “tackle, toil, and triumph!”

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

ps. Have you registered yet for our 2024-Q1 complimentary webinar?
“Unlock the Power of Mentoring Programs to Retain Nurses, Improve Leadership, and Strengthen Your Hospital”
Date: Thurs Feb 29 @ 11am PT | 2pm ET
Register: https://us06web.zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_Q692btvAQ72Ybi9JRvjlKA

As I reflect on the articles that I wrote for you each week in 2023, I’m resharing the 7 that generated the most conversation:

The Secret to Finding a Mentor
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-the-secret-to-finding-a-mentor-hint-are-you-mentor-able/

When David Letterman’s Mentoring Moment Spared Jason Bateman’s Career
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-david-lettermans-mentoring-moment-spared-jason-batemans-career/

How Starbucks CEO Leveraged Reverse Mentoring to Plunge into His New Job
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-how-starbucks-ceo-leveraged-reverse-mentoring-to-plunge-into-his-new-job/

Just Because You Stop Doesn’t Mean You Quit (Ke Huy Quan’s Mentoring)
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-just-because-you-stop-doesnt-mean-you-quit/

Root for People (Jimmy Fallon’s Mentoring)
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-root-for-people/

Success-Stacking: Harness the Power of Post-Achievement Moments
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-success-stacking-harness-the-power-of-post-achievement-moments/

Unexpected Mentoring: When Kelly Clarkson Sent Taylor Swift an Idea
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-unexpected-mentoring-when-kelly-clarkson-sent-taylor-swift-an-idea/

Thank you for meeting me each week at the intersection of mentoring, leading, and joy! It is a delight to be on this bigger-better-bolder adventure with you!

Wishing you a watershed year ahead!
Happy New Year!

© 2023. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

When someone wishes you…

• Merry Christmas… and you are Christian or not Christian
• Happy Hanukkah… and you are Jewish or not Jewish
• Happy Kwanza… and you are African-American or not African-American
• Season’s Greetings… and you are agoraphobic or not agoraphobic
• Happy Holidays… and you are religious or not religious
• Happy New Year… and you are good with dates or bad with dates

You say: “Thank you! Same to you!”

The simplicity of this recommendation is actually profound: Meet people where they are, not where you are.

Understandably, we expect others to offer an appropriate holiday wish. But that’s not always practical or possible. And sometimes, even those who know us well are distracted, forgetful, or inadvertent – that’s just where they are at that moment.

Instead of assuming that others are being rude or dogmatic with their beliefs, seek to understand their intentions – politeness, friendliness, amiability, holiday spirit.

If we express outrage or insult, we become rude and self-oriented – making it all about us. Being offended when the offense was not intended is a waste of time and energy.

Rather than interpreting someone’s use of specific greetings, let’s just assume good intent behind the holiday well-wishing and move on.

Kindness is extending to people the benefit of the doubt. And that includes letting go of our expectations around holiday greetings.

Wishing you Happy Everything!

© 2023. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.