But recently, he missed an opportunity to mentor a Mentor.

A reader submitted this question: “An older Uncle told a young Nephew that he talks too much. The Nephew told me how hurt he was by the comment. But I don’t disagree with the Uncle – the Nephew does talk incessantly. Should I get in the middle?”

Philip’s response: “I hope you expressed compassion for your Nephew’s hurt feelings. Learning to stand up for ourselves is important, especially for young adults. Encourage him to communicate his feelings to his Uncle. You can help this young person set boundaries and process unwanted criticism.”

But by focusing on the Uncle’s sharp tongue, we risk encouraging the Nephew to avenge an insult instead of identifying an opportunity to develop.

Shortly after reading this column, a Mentee in one of our programs reported feeling jarred by the blunt advice her Mentor delivered. The program leader wanted my guidance – should she address the Mentee or the Blunt Mentor?

My response: Both!

Of course, Mentors can always finesse their approach, be more empathetic, and improve their communications. But we must assume that Mentors are well-intended in their offered contributions. 

And even if we suppose the Rude Uncle had not intended to mentor, and the Blunt Mentor was acting venomously, it’s remiss to focus only on their flaws.

Doing so hampers the growth of the Nephew and the Mentee – the whole point of mentoring!

According to Adam Grant, author of the book Hidden Potential, one of the most essential character skills we can develop is “Absorptive Capacity – the ability to recognize, value, assimilate, and apply new information.”

Absorptive Capacity entails two essential components:

1. how you acquire new information
2. how you filter new information

When we are reactive and driven by our ego, we tend to reject any information that threatens our image, like “you talk too much.” Instead of seeking wisdom, we prioritize protecting ourselves from judgment or offense. 

Conversely, when we are reactive and growth-oriented, we are like “clay” (Adam’s word), responding to any input as potential development. We’re not afraid to get our feelings hurt. We’re not afraid of criticism. We’re afraid to miss the opportunity to improve.

Want to be a great Mentee? Remember that mean people don’t mentor and insulted people don’t grow.

Want to be a great Mentor? Help people sidestep the criticisms and look for the contributions. 

© 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

The irony of asking for advice about an important decision is that we don’t necessarily want someone telling us what to do. Research shows that advice-seeking decision makers are actually seeking validation, perspective, and sense-making support.

When people ask for our advice, we tend to lead with our opinion, which is typically informed by our experiences, not theirs. It often sounds like “You know what you should do…” 

In sharing our opinion-cloaked advice, we risk robbing people of the ownership of their decision.

What to do? Contribute differently. Become a Thought Partner. Help people think and make sense of their choices by posing probing questions:

• What would it be like for you if you…?
• How do you feel about…?
• Are you willing to…?
• Are you ready to…?
• What if you do nothing? 
• What might you regret?
• What alternative options have you considered?
• How will you measure success?
• What’s the worst that can happen?
• What’s the best that can happen?

For example, if your Mentee asks for your advice on her lingering decision to change jobs to end her strenuous relationship with her boss, fight the urge to impose your opinion.

Instead, be her Thought Partner – help her think through the decision.

Thought Partners don’t have an agenda. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what decision your Mentee makes – it only matters that she feels supported as she gallops and grows.

You might ask:

• What would it take to improve the experience with your boss?
• How will you feel about your position if the situation with your boss doesn’t change?
• How could you leverage this challenging situation?
• Which role will help you best develop and grow your career?
• Are there other options besides these two?
• Is there any urgency to this decision?
• Are you prepared if your next boss is similarly difficult? 

After twisting the kaleidoscope a few times, you could share your own insights and wisdom: “When I was in a similar situation, I found it helpful to…” “The best advice I ever received was…”

When Mentors help people think and grow, they become valuable Thought Partners.

© 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Jamie Lee Curtis shared this advice on the Sunday Sitdown podcast last month.

Acting for 48 years, Jamie’s career continues to thrive. When the host asked about her secret, she responded emphatically, “I put myself in the path.”

Definitive wisdom for our new year, but what does “put yourself in the path” practically mean?

Readiness + proximity with a sprinkle of hustle.  

Instead of waiting to be discovered or chasing every shiny object, “put yourself in the path” is deliberately stepping into rooms, conversations, collaborations, and creative ecosystems where interesting work is happening.

Jamie’s favorite “get in the path” strategy: she never leaves the movie set during production. Instead of hiding between her big moments in a script, Jamie engages with the director, always ready to contribute.

The result? She lands more on-screen time in a film because she doesn’t retreat to her trailer.

Jamie stands where opportunity is occurring. 

Reflecting on this advice, I “put myself in the path” every time I exhibit at a conference. By immersing myself in the community, I participate in conversations, discover priorities, and communicate solutions to the problems I hear from attendees at our booth.

Readiness. Proximity. Hustle.   

Why does it work? Trust.

People trust people they see, know, and experience. They trust people who consistently show up. They trust people who support their projects and ideas.

People want to engage with people who want to engage with them.

Embarrassingly, I once took myself off the path when I became disenchanted with a former boss. Instead of working to improve our relationship, I petulantly moved my office to the other side of the building.

At that point, I was no longer visible, engaged, or relevant. But I was successfully righteous. Not surprisingly, my boss stopped including me in decisions. And one day, he hired someone to replace me.

Some suggestions to “put yourself in the path” of your future:

• Prepare – hone your communication and your craft
• Be intentional and confident, but not entitled
• Eagerly volunteer to participate in meetings, projects, and teams
• Stay curious – observe, ask questions first
• Commit to contribute – offer to improve situations 
• Maintain strategic presence – don’t hide behind cameras or keyboards
• Employ a thoughtful “yes!” to ideas and conversations

Place yourself where passion, people, and possibility intersect, again and again. Opportunities favor the involved.

© 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

1. When a TSA Agent and the Sixt Manager Helped me
   https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-when-a-tsa-agent-and-the-sixt-manager-helped-me/
2. You Can’t Step Twice Into the Same River (or Mentoring Conversation
   https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-you-cant-step-twice-into-the-same-river-or-mentoring-conversation/
3. Am I Doing Enough? Asked the Mentors
   https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-am-i-doing-enough-asked-the-mentors/
4. Wisdom from the Cornfield – Great Corn Comes from Great Mentors
   https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-wisdom-from-the-cornfield-great-corn-comes-from-great-mentors/
5. Are Human Mentors Obsolete in the Age of ChatGPT (Spoiler: No!)
   https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-are-human-mentors-obsolete-in-the-age-of-chatgpt-spoiler-no/ 
6. No One Dies in Mentoring (the Stoic Challenge in Action)
   https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-no-one-dies-in-mentoring-the-stoic-challenge-in-action/
7. When Lily Tomlin Astutely Mentored SNL Lorne Michaels 
   https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-when-lily-tomlin-astutely-mentored-snl-lorne-michaels/
8. When Mentors Become Wise (Are You a Loud Listener?)
   https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-when-mentors-become-wise-are-you-a-loud-listener/
9. How Do I Get Your Job? (When Mentoring is the GPS for our Lives) 
   https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-how-do-i-get-your-job-when-mentoring-is-the-gps-for-our-lives/  

March 2025 marked 10 years of my weekly Flash! articles. And in September, I published my 5th book, a compilation of Flash! articles organized around the art, science, and magic of mentoring. You can find this and all of my books at: www.mentorlead.com/books

It is a delight to be on this bigger-better-bolder adventure with you! Thank you for reading and rooting! 

I look forward to circling the sun with you again! Happy New Year!

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Holiday gatherings offer a valuable opportunity to practice connecting with curiosity and compassion – a coveted skill that makes us better mentors, leaders, and human beings.

Here are 12 phrases to help us connect, not just cope:

1. “You look terrific!”
People are constantly critiquing themselves, especially during the holidays. We can instantly reassure them with a (genuine) compliment.

2. “That’s amazing!”
Ask people about their recent adventures or experiences – everyone deserves a spotlight!

3. “How can I help?”
Swap “Do you need help?” with “How can I help?” to indicate your commitment to making a difference. Better yet, start helping!

4. “What’s your perspective?” 
Everyone has a perspective, and their view of the world is inevitably different than yours. Get ready to discover what they see!

5. “Tell me about…”
Demonstrate an interest in their experience. “Tell me about your perspective – how did you arrive at that?” Or “tell me about your job change, college decision, vacation…”

6. “That’s wonderful, frustrating, or interesting.”
People have an innate desire to be understood. No matter the story they share, validate their experience and make them feel heard by mirroring their feelings with your words.

7. “Have you considered…? What about this idea…?”
If they ask for your advice or get stuck venting, offer an idea for consideration. Doing so with a question allows you to contribute without judgment, expectation, or pressure.

8. “Not yet.”
“No” halts conversation, whereas “Not yet” fuels possibility.

9. “Say more…”
As in, “I’m curious about that idea. Say more about what you’re thinking.”

10. “To change the subject…”
Not every conversation needs to be exhausted over a fruitcake. Conversations can change, and this phrase signals your intent to change it.

11. “Grateful!”
Using an alternative to “thanks” causes people to hear it and ourselves to mean it. Options: “Grateful!” “Appreciate you!” or “Much obliged.” For more significant impact, add context: “I’m grateful that you…” “I appreciate you for…”

12. “Pleasure.”
I worked with a woman from South Africa who always responded to my “Thanks” with “Pleasure!” as in, “It was a pleasure to help.” This cheerful response made me delighted that we partnered.

Regardless of the conversations you create this holiday, guests will appreciate your effort to engage. And who knows… you might feel more connected and compassionate as you savor the celebration.

Wishing you Happy Holidays!

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Recently, a woman at the gym who witnessed my post-class helmeting routine, offhandedly commented, “I don’t understand why you ride your bike here when you don’t have to.”

While the irony of her comment was not lost on me at a 6:00am fitness class that neither of us was required to attend, it did make me wonder…

Why do I do anything that I don’t have to? 

• Why do I wake up early to catch a sunrise?
• Why do I tip my Starbucks baristas each visit? 
• Why do I send holiday gifts to friends every year?
• Why do I donate monthly to the local animal shelter? 
• Why do I mentor people when they ask for my advice?

I discovered some answers when I stumbled upon an article by The Atlantic columnist Arthur C Brooks entitled, “To Get Happier, Make Yourself Smaller.”

In the article, Brooks references research that concludes “fixating on our importance makes us miserable” – we are constantly worried about people judging us.

As an alternative way to experience the world, Brooks recommends three ways to get happier:

1. Stand in awe: find what leaves you speechless and transfixed
2. Seek the divine: contemplate thoughts more profound than the latest social media post
3. Quietly serve others: give more of yourself without expectation

Quiet Service is the heartbeat of mentoring! We intentionally contribute to someone’s aspirations without any hope, agenda, or expectation of reward or recognition. 

As I surrender to the inevitability of this holiday season, I’ve generated a list of ways I can quietly serve others:

• Donate money, food, clothes, and time
• Pause to see another’s perspective
• Practice patience
• Forgive slights and minor transgressions
• Clear up miscommunications immediately
• Offer mentoring conversations
• Generously connect people
• Advocate for others
• Compliment courageously
• Over tip

Last week, CBS Sunday Morning featured the Thundergong festival, an annual benefit that provides prosthetic care to amputees. Since 2017, the fundraiser has paid for over 2,000 prosthetics!

During the interview, festival founder and host Jason Sudeikis (of Ted Lasso fame) reflected, “To do something you love with people you love to make a difference for someone you may never meet. I wish that [experience] on all of you!”

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

From 1972 to 1994, he was known as Coach Rav, mentoring hundreds of young men, and upon retirement, George joined Nike’s basketball marketing department.

One of his Mentees, basketball legend Michael Jordan, wrote the Foreword to George’s book, opening with, “George Raveling is an unsung hero in my life. He’s been a Mentor and a friend to me since our paths first crossed.” In fact, Michael credits George for his partnership with Nike and the Air Jordan.

When he turned 83, George was invited to a mastermind dinner. Believing that wisdom demands a pursuit, George accepted the invitation, curious to explore and reflect in a new community.

Made famous by Napoleon Hill in his book Think and Grow Rich, the mastermind concept is an orchestrated gathering of peers committed to exchanging ideas, resources, and connections. It’s a unique format for sparking multiple mentoring conversations.

As George describes the experience, the sheer volume of information offered by the “melting pot of minds” was exhilarating! The broad cross-section of participants introduced George to new ways of thinking and being.

For someone who spent decades revered as a Mentor, this was a formidable experience. At 83, George was thrust back into a Mentee role, discovering timeless life lessons from young tech wizards to veteran CEOs, from a best-selling author to a neuroscientist, from twentysomethings to octogenarians.

It reinforced for George the importance of seeking out people whose journeys pressure-test our thinking and check our blind spots. It affirmed the treasure trove that awaits us when we intentionally enter environments teeming with diversity of thought.

“If everyone thinks just like you, it can get really boring really fast.” 

“This is what growth looks like. It’s not about surrounding yourself with people who think exactly like you do. It’s about seeking out those who can challenge your assumptions, expand your horizons, and push you to think in new ways. It’s about putting yourself in situations where you can discover wisdom you never knew existed.”

Periodically, in one of our mentoring programs, a mentee will question their match, “How can I learn from her? She’s never had my job!” 

In the future, I’m going to reference George’s conclusion following his mastermind adventure, “If you and I agree on everything, one of us is unnecessary.”

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Libby Rodney, Chief Strategy Officer at The Harris Poll, emphasized, the absence of mentoring is one of the top barriers to career confidence. “This isn’t about work ethic – it’s about a generation that needs guidance.”

Strong role models can help this generation to develop key interpersonal skills: communication, adaptability, emotional resilience, and self-assurance.

The Report reveals the impact of mentoring on those who did engage:

• 84% said mentorship opened doors to possibilities unrealized on their own
• 83% said a mentor bridged the gap between classroom learning and real-world success
• 81% felt more confident making decisions about school, work, and life

Artis Stevens, CEO of Big Brothers Big Sisters of America, concludes, “Mentorship isn’t optional – it’s essential.”

And yet, many young professionals hesitate to ask for help or advice.

• They don’t know where to look for professional support.
• They fear they should already have the answers.
• They have access to technology that overflows with information.
• They worry about being a burden.
• Their ego and pride resist help.

It’s easy to blame this generation’s lack of ambition. But what if instead they

• …lack role models and access to traditional mentoring?
• …don’t recognize mentoring when it’s offered?
• …are unsure about how to use a mentor?
• …don’t think mentoring matters?

As a result of this hesitation, compounded by confusion, we’ve witnessed many early-career mentoring programs struggle to attract participation and engagement.

Ideas to close the gap between indecision and impact:

1. Normalize mentoring as part of the hire-to-retire career lifecycle.
2. Define “Mentor” as a “trusted champion” and a “thought partner.”
3. Ensure that anyone new to their role, skill, or team is provided with a Mentor.
4. Have Mentors personally choose their Mentee.
5. Label all support and guidance as “acts of mentoring” (ex, buddies, precepting, apprenticing, goal setting).
6. Decrease risks when engaging with a Mentor by setting clear expectations.
7. Leverage group mentoring, mentoring circles, mastermind groups, and speed mentoring events for smaller, safer connections with Mentors.
8. Enlist managers to ensure every team member is supported by Mentors.
9. Launch formal mentoring programs.

When even a single conversation with a Mentor can shift how young professionals perceive their potential, shouldn’t we do whatever we can to ensure those conversations take place early and often?

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.