All Posts by Ann Tardy

Recently, a woman at the gym who witnessed my post-class helmeting routine, offhandedly commented, “I don’t understand why you ride your bike here when you don’t have to.”

While the irony of her comment was not lost on me at a 6:00am fitness class that neither of us was required to attend, it did make me wonder…

Why do I do anything that I don’t have to? 

• Why do I wake up early to catch a sunrise?
• Why do I tip my Starbucks baristas each visit? 
• Why do I send holiday gifts to friends every year?
• Why do I donate monthly to the local animal shelter? 
• Why do I mentor people when they ask for my advice?

I discovered some answers when I stumbled upon an article by The Atlantic columnist Arthur C Brooks entitled, “To Get Happier, Make Yourself Smaller.”

In the article, Brooks references research that concludes “fixating on our importance makes us miserable” – we are constantly worried about people judging us.

As an alternative way to experience the world, Brooks recommends three ways to get happier:

1. Stand in awe: find what leaves you speechless and transfixed
2. Seek the divine: contemplate thoughts more profound than the latest social media post
3. Quietly serve others: give more of yourself without expectation

Quiet Service is the heartbeat of mentoring! We intentionally contribute to someone’s aspirations without any hope, agenda, or expectation of reward or recognition. 

As I surrender to the inevitability of this holiday season, I’ve generated a list of ways I can quietly serve others:

• Donate money, food, clothes, and time
• Pause to see another’s perspective
• Practice patience
• Forgive slights and minor transgressions
• Clear up miscommunications immediately
• Offer mentoring conversations
• Generously connect people
• Advocate for others
• Compliment courageously
• Over tip

Last week, CBS Sunday Morning featured the Thundergong festival, an annual benefit that provides prosthetic care to amputees. Since 2017, the fundraiser has paid for over 2,000 prosthetics!

During the interview, festival founder and host Jason Sudeikis (of Ted Lasso fame) reflected, “To do something you love with people you love to make a difference for someone you may never meet. I wish that [experience] on all of you!”

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

From 1972 to 1994, he was known as Coach Rav, mentoring hundreds of young men, and upon retirement, George joined Nike’s basketball marketing department.

One of his Mentees, basketball legend Michael Jordan, wrote the Foreword to George’s book, opening with, “George Raveling is an unsung hero in my life. He’s been a Mentor and a friend to me since our paths first crossed.” In fact, Michael credits George for his partnership with Nike and the Air Jordan.

When he turned 83, George was invited to a mastermind dinner. Believing that wisdom demands a pursuit, George accepted the invitation, curious to explore and reflect in a new community.

Made famous by Napoleon Hill in his book Think and Grow Rich, the mastermind concept is an orchestrated gathering of peers committed to exchanging ideas, resources, and connections. It’s a unique format for sparking multiple mentoring conversations.

As George describes the experience, the sheer volume of information offered by the “melting pot of minds” was exhilarating! The broad cross-section of participants introduced George to new ways of thinking and being.

For someone who spent decades revered as a Mentor, this was a formidable experience. At 83, George was thrust back into a Mentee role, discovering timeless life lessons from young tech wizards to veteran CEOs, from a best-selling author to a neuroscientist, from twentysomethings to octogenarians.

It reinforced for George the importance of seeking out people whose journeys pressure-test our thinking and check our blind spots. It affirmed the treasure trove that awaits us when we intentionally enter environments teeming with diversity of thought.

“If everyone thinks just like you, it can get really boring really fast.” 

“This is what growth looks like. It’s not about surrounding yourself with people who think exactly like you do. It’s about seeking out those who can challenge your assumptions, expand your horizons, and push you to think in new ways. It’s about putting yourself in situations where you can discover wisdom you never knew existed.”

Periodically, in one of our mentoring programs, a mentee will question their match, “How can I learn from her? She’s never had my job!” 

In the future, I’m going to reference George’s conclusion following his mastermind adventure, “If you and I agree on everything, one of us is unnecessary.”

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Libby Rodney, Chief Strategy Officer at The Harris Poll, emphasized, the absence of mentoring is one of the top barriers to career confidence. “This isn’t about work ethic – it’s about a generation that needs guidance.”

Strong role models can help this generation to develop key interpersonal skills: communication, adaptability, emotional resilience, and self-assurance.

The Report reveals the impact of mentoring on those who did engage:

• 84% said mentorship opened doors to possibilities unrealized on their own
• 83% said a mentor bridged the gap between classroom learning and real-world success
• 81% felt more confident making decisions about school, work, and life

Artis Stevens, CEO of Big Brothers Big Sisters of America, concludes, “Mentorship isn’t optional – it’s essential.”

And yet, many young professionals hesitate to ask for help or advice.

• They don’t know where to look for professional support.
• They fear they should already have the answers.
• They have access to technology that overflows with information.
• They worry about being a burden.
• Their ego and pride resist help.

It’s easy to blame this generation’s lack of ambition. But what if instead they

• …lack role models and access to traditional mentoring?
• …don’t recognize mentoring when it’s offered?
• …are unsure about how to use a mentor?
• …don’t think mentoring matters?

As a result of this hesitation, compounded by confusion, we’ve witnessed many early-career mentoring programs struggle to attract participation and engagement.

Ideas to close the gap between indecision and impact:

1. Normalize mentoring as part of the hire-to-retire career lifecycle.
2. Define “Mentor” as a “trusted champion” and a “thought partner.”
3. Ensure that anyone new to their role, skill, or team is provided with a Mentor.
4. Have Mentors personally choose their Mentee.
5. Label all support and guidance as “acts of mentoring” (ex, buddies, precepting, apprenticing, goal setting).
6. Decrease risks when engaging with a Mentor by setting clear expectations.
7. Leverage group mentoring, mentoring circles, mastermind groups, and speed mentoring events for smaller, safer connections with Mentors.
8. Enlist managers to ensure every team member is supported by Mentors.
9. Launch formal mentoring programs.

When even a single conversation with a Mentor can shift how young professionals perceive their potential, shouldn’t we do whatever we can to ensure those conversations take place early and often?

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Thanksgiving can be fabulous and fierce, soulful and stressful.

I’ve observed my dogs masterfully navigate the fickleness of this holiday for years. And here’s the advice I’m confident they would offer all of us to ensure festivity and folly:

1. Greet everyone eagerly.
My dogs welcome each person as they arrive, barking excitedly, jumping enthusiastically, and wagging their tails with great anticipation. (Of course, they assume the feelings are mutual.)

2. Be incessantly curious.
Everyone is interesting and intriguing to my dogs, so everyone gets thoroughly (and regularly) sniffed.

3. Harbor no ill will.
My dogs don’t stew over unresolved arguments or upsets. Instead, they forgive and forget quickly.

4. Provoke play.
Everyone is a potential ball thrower or rope tugger to my dogs. So they constantly bring old toys to new people, encouraging them to engage immediately. And soon enough, play ensues. Success!

5. Ignore what others think.
My dogs ignore judgment and criticism. They never feel incompetent or insignificant in the presence of others. They couldn’t care less what my holiday guests think of them.

6. Never compare your life to others.
My dogs don’t waste a moment judging themselves or others. It’s unimportant and foolish because it would distract them from what’s most important: eating, playing, peeing, and sleeping.

7. Don’t try to solve every problem.
My dogs don’t fret, fear, or fix. Rather, they stay maniacally focused on their priorities (eating, playing, peeing, and sleeping).

8. Create the environment.
My dogs wouldn’t dare ruin the holiday with negativity or a contentious debate about politics or religion. Instead, their playfulness lifts spirits, and they know it.

9. Take breaks regularly.
My dogs go outside for fresh air (and to do their business). This momentary pause rejuvenates them physically and emotionally.

10. Nap without apology.
As soon as they’re feeling tired, my dogs curl up in one of their favorite beds without excuses or justifications.

_________________________________
To all my readers, I’m grateful for our weekly connections. You inspire me with your commitment to making a difference in your roles as mentor, mentee, boss, peer, and human being.

Wishing you a happy-as-a-dog holiday!

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

I was reminded of this transformative experience while watching the 2024 short documentary A Swim Lesson which profiles Bill Marsh, a swim instructor from Los Angeles who has helped over 5,000 children learn to swim.

The 20-minute movie opens to crying, snot-leaking children clinging fiercely to the side of Bill’s pool, their parents watching in stunned helplessness.

As Bill narrates and reinforces with the parents, it’s OK to cry – crying is an emotion, not a measure of progress. Tears are not a symptom of failure; they’re indicative of a process.

Unruffled, Bill wipes snot but never tears, noticeably cautious not to rescue anyone from the process or steal their experience.

“To me, swimming is the best analogy [for life] because no one can fix it for you. It’s you and the water. You can only do it alone. If someone is holding you, you’re not doing it.”

Bill’s subtle mentoring relies on:

1. Influence: “You can’t really teach kids to swim. You have to help them discover it.”
2. Consistency: Lessons are held at the same time every day for 8 consecutive days. Bill wears the same hat and shirt, uses the same water bottle, and makes the same requests every day.
3. Validation and Expectations: He repeats, “You can have all the feelings you want. I’m not here to change those. But you have to stay in the pool.”  (And if they exit the pool, he brings them back without apology.)
4. Trust and Confidence: Teaching them not just to trust Bill but to trust themselves to grab the side of the pool, they become independently safe in lesson one.
5. Acceptance, Courage, Progress: The kids learn to accept what cannot be controlled (water!) as they make incremental progress through this crucible.
6. Conviction and Flexibility: “I know they’re going to swim at the end, but I don’t know what their journey is going to be.”

What unfolds is inspirational. The young swimmers navigate their fears, discover their own strength in the face of an overwhelming situation, and emerge resilient.

They push off the side of the pool, realizing they are more powerful than they knew, conquering what had felt insurmountable the day before.

As Mentors everywhere confess and Bill reflects, “It’s a thrill to watch humans go through a struggle and then triumph at the end of it with joy!”

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Last week, after I returned my rental car to Sixt at Newark Airport in New Jersey, I walked across the street, passed through security, purchased a hot cocoa, and headed to my gate.

And then my cell phone rang—an unknown number from NJ. Suspecting it was important, I answered.

It was Heric, the manager at Sixt Rental, asking me if I still had my car key. 

Yikes! I did! (And it was about to cost me $450!)

Heric then gently asked me if I was able to return to the counter to drop off the key. I shared that if I leave the gate, I might miss my flight.

We concocted a plan — let’s meet at security!

By this point, the crowd had thickened, and I couldn’t even see Heric. I needed more help.

I recruited TSA Agent Lisa, who patiently listened while I regaled her with my plight.

Without hesitation or irritation, Lisa instructed Heric (who was on speaker phone) to raise his hand high and wave. We spotted him! Lisa took the car key to the other side of the scanners and handed it to Heric.

When Lisa returned through security, I tried to give her some money, but she wouldn’t take it. So, I gushed my appreciation!

I surmise that Heric and Lisa share my sentiment: I resist strangers, but I really like people.

They were not required to help me, let alone coordinate efforts in the process — it was not part of their job. I was just a stranger. Another body moving through the airport.

Until I became a person. 

Listening as I shared my predicament transformed me from a stranger into a human. And it activated their prosocial behavior.

Lisa and Heric wanted to help me. In fact, they created a way to help me!

Research shows that we tend to take action to help others when:
(1) We feel a sense of connection to the person.
(2) The situation is unambiguous.
(3) We know how to help.
(4) Costs of helping are low, and the perceived benefit is high.
(5) We feel confident our effort will make a difference.

Even mentoring is steeped in prosocial behavior! It only works when we turn strangers into friends, share dilemmas, and welcome assistance.

Strangers sidestep strangers, while people promote people. 

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

As Sullivan explains, since childhood, we have been trained to focus on how something will get accomplished. From school assignments to project plans to yearly goal-setting to work deadlines, we become obsessed with How we will execute and deliver a result.

What we are not trained to do is partner with Whos – people who can help us with the Hows.

Reflecting on my career as a corporate attorney, this resonated with me. My days were consumed with drafting and delivering contracts by set deadlines.

As projects poured in and billable-hour expectations grew, I was gripped by how much I could accomplish, limited only by the number of hours I could stay awake!

I then dragged this same approach into my entrepreneurial career, determined to single-handedly and simultaneously launch two businesses. But my desperate need for Whos revealed itself early – my lack of skills in many areas (like event planning and programming) was going to be the death knell of my business adventures! So, I found Whos.

But curating people is not the same as engaging them. My Whos did not know my Why, Where, or When. I needed to articular my vision, so they knew how to help.

The same applies to one of our most important Whos: our Mentors.

Communicating a vision to a Mentor allows this Who to effectively contribute to our How.

In his book Who Not How, Sullivan states, “The ‘right’ Who is always ready and waiting. All you need to do is express your vision clearly.”

At the beginning of any mentoring relationship, use the following questions to crystallize your vision and clarify your Why, Where, and When:

• Purpose: What do we want to accomplish together in this program?
• Importance: What’s the most significant impact we can make together?
• Ideal Outcome: What does your journey look like? What is your aspiration? What are your goals?
• Best Result: What is the best that could happen?
• Worst Result: What is the worst that could happen?
• Success Criteria: What does success look like for you when we get to the end of this program? Here’s what it looks like for me…

One of the biggest challenges that Mentees face when working with a Mentor is articulating a clear, compelling direction.

Inspire your Mentor with a picture of tomorrow, so they know how to make a difference today!

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

The special guest? Bob Costas, sports broadcasting legend.

During the show, host Peter Segal asked Costas about his origin story – how he got into broadcasting.

Here’s how Costas remembered it… As a boy, he loved all sports, in particular baseball and basketball. But during high school tryouts, he wasn’t recruited to join either team.

The school’s baseball coach was also the math teacher, giving him a unique vantage point to know Costas as a student and an athlete. He shared this observation with Costas: “You can run a bit, catch a bit, hit a bit, but you’re not shining in any sport.”

The coach then offered a suggestion that defined the path for Costas: 

“You’re always talking about baseball, and you know more about baseball than any of my players. Have you ever thought about broadcasting?”

Costas responded eagerly, “That’s pretty much all I think about!” 

The coach affirmed decisively, “Good. Try that.”

So Costas did. After high school, he attended the S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications at Syracuse University, the Harvard of broadcasting schools.

He left college early for an opportunity to broadcast basketball games in St. Louis. He then moved to Chicago to cover the Bulls. And in 1980, NBC hired Costas to broadcast everything from baseball to boxing, from golf to NASCAR, from football to the Kentucky Derby, and the Olympics.

Today, Costas is a Hall of Fame broadcaster. Over his 52-year career, he has earned 29 Emmys across sports, news, and entertainment.

Mentors see people – not just as they are, but as they could be. By giving voice to their vision, Mentors often validate a Mentee’s innermost hopes and aspirations.

This oxygen can breathe life into a Mentee’s career path, permitting them to see it too.

As a Mentor, one of our superpowers is helping a Mentee see what we see – their bigger, better, bolder future.

“If we take man as he is, we make him worse; but if we take man as he could be, we make him capable of becoming what he can be.”

~ Viktor E. Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning
who credits the original idea to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.