Thanksgiving can be fabulous and fierce, soulful and stressful.

I’ve observed my dogs masterfully navigate the fickleness of this holiday for years. And here’s the advice I’m confident they would offer all of us to ensure festivity and folly:

1. Greet everyone eagerly.
My dogs welcome each person as they arrive, barking excitedly, jumping enthusiastically, and wagging their tails with great anticipation. (Of course, they assume the feelings are mutual.)

2. Be incessantly curious.
Everyone is interesting and intriguing to my dogs, so everyone gets thoroughly (and regularly) sniffed.

3. Harbor no ill will.
My dogs don’t stew over unresolved arguments or upsets. Instead, they forgive and forget quickly.

4. Provoke play.
Everyone is a potential ball thrower or rope tugger to my dogs. So they constantly bring old toys to new people, encouraging them to engage immediately. And soon enough, play ensues. Success!

5. Ignore what others think.
My dogs ignore judgment and criticism. They never feel incompetent or insignificant in the presence of others. They couldn’t care less what my holiday guests think of them.

6. Never compare your life to others.
My dogs don’t waste a moment judging themselves or others. It’s unimportant and foolish because it would distract them from what’s most important: eating, playing, peeing, and sleeping.

7. Don’t try to solve every problem.
My dogs don’t fret, fear, or fix. Rather, they stay maniacally focused on their priorities (eating, playing, peeing, and sleeping).

8. Create the environment.
My dogs wouldn’t dare ruin the holiday with negativity or a contentious debate about politics or religion. Instead, their playfulness lifts spirits, and they know it.

9. Take breaks regularly.
My dogs go outside for fresh air (and to do their business). This momentary pause rejuvenates them physically and emotionally.

10. Nap without apology.
As soon as they’re feeling tired, my dogs curl up in one of their favorite beds without excuses or justifications.

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To all my readers, I’m grateful for our weekly connections. You inspire me with your commitment to making a difference in your roles as mentor, mentee, boss, peer, and human being.

Wishing you a happy-as-a-dog holiday!

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

I was reminded of this transformative experience while watching the 2024 short documentary A Swim Lesson which profiles Bill Marsh, a swim instructor from Los Angeles who has helped over 5,000 children learn to swim.

The 20-minute movie opens to crying, snot-leaking children clinging fiercely to the side of Bill’s pool, their parents watching in stunned helplessness.

As Bill narrates and reinforces with the parents, it’s OK to cry – crying is an emotion, not a measure of progress. Tears are not a symptom of failure; they’re indicative of a process.

Unruffled, Bill wipes snot but never tears, noticeably cautious not to rescue anyone from the process or steal their experience.

“To me, swimming is the best analogy [for life] because no one can fix it for you. It’s you and the water. You can only do it alone. If someone is holding you, you’re not doing it.”

Bill’s subtle mentoring relies on:

1. Influence: “You can’t really teach kids to swim. You have to help them discover it.”
2. Consistency: Lessons are held at the same time every day for 8 consecutive days. Bill wears the same hat and shirt, uses the same water bottle, and makes the same requests every day.
3. Validation and Expectations: He repeats, “You can have all the feelings you want. I’m not here to change those. But you have to stay in the pool.”  (And if they exit the pool, he brings them back without apology.)
4. Trust and Confidence: Teaching them not just to trust Bill but to trust themselves to grab the side of the pool, they become independently safe in lesson one.
5. Acceptance, Courage, Progress: The kids learn to accept what cannot be controlled (water!) as they make incremental progress through this crucible.
6. Conviction and Flexibility: “I know they’re going to swim at the end, but I don’t know what their journey is going to be.”

What unfolds is inspirational. The young swimmers navigate their fears, discover their own strength in the face of an overwhelming situation, and emerge resilient.

They push off the side of the pool, realizing they are more powerful than they knew, conquering what had felt insurmountable the day before.

As Mentors everywhere confess and Bill reflects, “It’s a thrill to watch humans go through a struggle and then triumph at the end of it with joy!”

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Last week, after I returned my rental car to Sixt at Newark Airport in New Jersey, I walked across the street, passed through security, purchased a hot cocoa, and headed to my gate.

And then my cell phone rang—an unknown number from NJ. Suspecting it was important, I answered.

It was Heric, the manager at Sixt Rental, asking me if I still had my car key. 

Yikes! I did! (And it was about to cost me $450!)

Heric then gently asked me if I was able to return to the counter to drop off the key. I shared that if I leave the gate, I might miss my flight.

We concocted a plan — let’s meet at security!

By this point, the crowd had thickened, and I couldn’t even see Heric. I needed more help.

I recruited TSA Agent Lisa, who patiently listened while I regaled her with my plight.

Without hesitation or irritation, Lisa instructed Heric (who was on speaker phone) to raise his hand high and wave. We spotted him! Lisa took the car key to the other side of the scanners and handed it to Heric.

When Lisa returned through security, I tried to give her some money, but she wouldn’t take it. So, I gushed my appreciation!

I surmise that Heric and Lisa share my sentiment: I resist strangers, but I really like people.

They were not required to help me, let alone coordinate efforts in the process — it was not part of their job. I was just a stranger. Another body moving through the airport.

Until I became a person. 

Listening as I shared my predicament transformed me from a stranger into a human. And it activated their prosocial behavior.

Lisa and Heric wanted to help me. In fact, they created a way to help me!

Research shows that we tend to take action to help others when:
(1) We feel a sense of connection to the person.
(2) The situation is unambiguous.
(3) We know how to help.
(4) Costs of helping are low, and the perceived benefit is high.
(5) We feel confident our effort will make a difference.

Even mentoring is steeped in prosocial behavior! It only works when we turn strangers into friends, share dilemmas, and welcome assistance.

Strangers sidestep strangers, while people promote people. 

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

As Sullivan explains, since childhood, we have been trained to focus on how something will get accomplished. From school assignments to project plans to yearly goal-setting to work deadlines, we become obsessed with How we will execute and deliver a result.

What we are not trained to do is partner with Whos – people who can help us with the Hows.

Reflecting on my career as a corporate attorney, this resonated with me. My days were consumed with drafting and delivering contracts by set deadlines.

As projects poured in and billable-hour expectations grew, I was gripped by how much I could accomplish, limited only by the number of hours I could stay awake!

I then dragged this same approach into my entrepreneurial career, determined to single-handedly and simultaneously launch two businesses. But my desperate need for Whos revealed itself early – my lack of skills in many areas (like event planning and programming) was going to be the death knell of my business adventures! So, I found Whos.

But curating people is not the same as engaging them. My Whos did not know my Why, Where, or When. I needed to articular my vision, so they knew how to help.

The same applies to one of our most important Whos: our Mentors.

Communicating a vision to a Mentor allows this Who to effectively contribute to our How.

In his book Who Not How, Sullivan states, “The ‘right’ Who is always ready and waiting. All you need to do is express your vision clearly.”

At the beginning of any mentoring relationship, use the following questions to crystallize your vision and clarify your Why, Where, and When:

• Purpose: What do we want to accomplish together in this program?
• Importance: What’s the most significant impact we can make together?
• Ideal Outcome: What does your journey look like? What is your aspiration? What are your goals?
• Best Result: What is the best that could happen?
• Worst Result: What is the worst that could happen?
• Success Criteria: What does success look like for you when we get to the end of this program? Here’s what it looks like for me…

One of the biggest challenges that Mentees face when working with a Mentor is articulating a clear, compelling direction.

Inspire your Mentor with a picture of tomorrow, so they know how to make a difference today!

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

The special guest? Bob Costas, sports broadcasting legend.

During the show, host Peter Segal asked Costas about his origin story – how he got into broadcasting.

Here’s how Costas remembered it… As a boy, he loved all sports, in particular baseball and basketball. But during high school tryouts, he wasn’t recruited to join either team.

The school’s baseball coach was also the math teacher, giving him a unique vantage point to know Costas as a student and an athlete. He shared this observation with Costas: “You can run a bit, catch a bit, hit a bit, but you’re not shining in any sport.”

The coach then offered a suggestion that defined the path for Costas: 

“You’re always talking about baseball, and you know more about baseball than any of my players. Have you ever thought about broadcasting?”

Costas responded eagerly, “That’s pretty much all I think about!” 

The coach affirmed decisively, “Good. Try that.”

So Costas did. After high school, he attended the S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications at Syracuse University, the Harvard of broadcasting schools.

He left college early for an opportunity to broadcast basketball games in St. Louis. He then moved to Chicago to cover the Bulls. And in 1980, NBC hired Costas to broadcast everything from baseball to boxing, from golf to NASCAR, from football to the Kentucky Derby, and the Olympics.

Today, Costas is a Hall of Fame broadcaster. Over his 52-year career, he has earned 29 Emmys across sports, news, and entertainment.

Mentors see people – not just as they are, but as they could be. By giving voice to their vision, Mentors often validate a Mentee’s innermost hopes and aspirations.

This oxygen can breathe life into a Mentee’s career path, permitting them to see it too.

As a Mentor, one of our superpowers is helping a Mentee see what we see – their bigger, better, bolder future.

“If we take man as he is, we make him worse; but if we take man as he could be, we make him capable of becoming what he can be.”

~ Viktor E. Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning
who credits the original idea to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

When I compliment, applaud, or congratulate you, I am pointing out what you’re doing well, coupled with a recommendation to repeat it:

That thing you’re doing – it’s working! Nice job! [You should] Keep up the great work! 

Why is this effective? People are starved for recognition.

• 66% of workers report they don’t receive enough praise. [Gallup]
• 75% report not receiving praise for good work in the past week. [Gallup]
• Adding recognition to feedback increases engagement to 61% (from 38% when feedback sits alone). [Gallup]

According to Professor Paul J. Zak at Claremont Graduate University, the failure to recognize excellence causes people to lose trust in their leaders.

Why are we stingy with recognition? We tend to get distracted easily.

We inadvertently overlook praise and recognition as we focus on solving the next problem. Instead of celebrating excellence, we default to offering “constructive feedback” to prevent future issues, which often results in feelings of criticism and defensiveness.

Even invitational advice (“Have you considered? What if? You might want to try…”) is focused on identifying areas to improve.

But praise? Praise is like a drug – it triggers the brain’s dopamine release, causing a surge of enjoyment while encoding the behavior worth repeating. In the process, it releases oxytocin, the “bonding hormone” which creates feelings of trust, belonging, and safety.

It feels impossibly good to be seen and recognized.

And while it is an evidence-based tool to rewire motivation, learning, and emotion, it’s also one of the best ways to deliver unsolicited mentoring.

By praising a specific action, I’m giving you advice. I’m marking something you’ve done well, communicating that it mattered, reached the level of excellence, made a difference, and I noticed the effort.

Praise whispers, “You should do that again.”

Cloaked in praise, my unsolicited mentoring does not activate your defenses. Your brain is so tickled that you don’t even notice that I’m giving you advice.

And the best part of praise-cloaked mentoring? I never steal the spotlight. It’s not about me. Praise is steeped in generosity, not criticism, judgment, or shame.

A subtle, yet wildly neglected tactic to contribute wisdom while boosting confidence in the process!

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Simple and straightforward! The challenge? Everyone knows Point A (where they’re starting), but most people struggle to identify a Point B – where they’re headed.

Every year, we conduct a survey to ascertain why people feel they don’t yet have a Mentor. And consistently, the number one answer is: “I don’t know what to focus on with a Mentor.”

Their Point B is murky.  

Having a Mentor sounds appealing, but without the beacon of a Point B, people lack a compelling reason to reach out for support. They don’t have a why.

Scott Galloway, Professor of Marketing at NYU Stern School of Business, offered the following counsel to his students:

“I’m blessed with a ton of Mentors because I would ask them out for coffee and then ask them a lot of questions. I asked for their advice and their feedback.”

And the managing partner of SkyBridge Capital shared a similar strategy. When he was looking for his first job after college, he would wait in line to talk with a conference speaker and then boldly ask:

“Could I come see you? Could I drive you to the airport instead of you taking a cab? Could I buy you a cup of coffee?” 

While I love a strategic coffee-for-advice date, it presupposes a potent need for advice – a goal, an aspiration, a Point B, a why.

So start there. Figure out where you want to go. Then find people who are already there and ask them about their journey.

To identify a Point B:

• Get inspired
• Look for role models
• Revisit professional aspirations
• Inventory your skills, talents, and interests
• Consider career path options
• Dust off a goal
• Explore various opportunities

When you can see a Point B, your confidence will soar!

You will courageously (even brazenly!) ask people for their advice, a connection, a resource, or a suggestion as you aim in a particular direction. And you’ll bring purposeful questions to generate relevant advice, guidance, and perspectives.

But you also reserve the right to change your Point B. You’re exploring routes in these conversations – your future will not ride or die on a coffee date. You’re simply (yet profoundly!) collecting wisdom.

Get focused. Create a Point B. Then start ordering coffee!

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Here’s how the Academy Award-winning actress Reese described her confidence-bolstering conversation with television producer and filmmaker Shonda…

Reese attended a forum with women exploring ways to help individuals in business come forward with their stories of harassment and abuse in the workplace.

Seated next to Shonda, she leaned over and asserted, “If we could just get people to show up at this one event, then that would be great. So, somebody is going to have to get them there.”

Shonda stated matter-of-factly: “You’re going to do it.”

Reese: “What?”

Shonda repeated: “You’re going to do it. They’re going to listen to you. When you tell them to show up at your office, they’re going to come because you’re the leader. You just don’t know it.”

Reese reflected, “That was a big moment for me, because it was scary. [Being a leader] is a responsibility. But [Shonda’s comment] made me think, if I don’t do this, who will?”

Reese continued: “I needed her to tell me that [I’m a leader] because I would not have seen it. I do lack some self-awareness. When Shonda said it to me, it made it true in my mind.”

What is most striking about Reese’s reveal is the timing. Typically, when celebrities describe turning points, they reference a conversation in their origin story with someone whose words were instrumental in shaping their career.

But Reese’s exchange with Shonda occurred in 2017, and by then, Reese was already famous – their mentoring conversation took place when successful people tend to eschew advice.

Case in point, new managers often struggle in the Mentee seat. They are typically so busy proving themselves that they either miss the guidance when it’s offered or fear that accepting any advice would be an admission of a flaw and a genuflection to their imposter syndrome.

Notably, when Shonda labeled Reese a “leader,” Reese didn’t defend, deflect, or demur.

Instead, she leaned into her self-confessed insecurity, committed to exploring and growing her leadership.

Whenever someone offers any advice, a suggestion, an idea, or a nudge, grab it and gauge it – there is likely a contribution (not a condemnation!) lingering even in a nonchalant observation.

In a 2023 interview, Reese obscurely mentored her followers when she declared, “I’d rather be a learn-it-all than a know-it-all.”

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.