All Posts by Ann Tardy

During this year’s March Madness, he sat down for an interview.

“What’s one thing about college basketball that you would not want to change?” Without hesitating, Coach K responded playfully, “Winning.”

The interviewer then asked, “As a coach, where do you find the words if [your players] lose?”

Coach K: “The toughest locker room is the losing locker room, especially in the final championship game. I want my locker room to be emotional. I either want them to be jumping like crazy or crying like crazy. Because I knew they gave their all. And that’s what I would tell them: ‘I’m proud of you for giving your all.’ Then you hug them and try to help them move forward.”

In his book, The Gold Standard, Coach K outlined his “Next Play” philosophy for moving people forward.

He taught his players to:

• focus on the next play instead of the last play
• refocus after a mistake
• let go of disappointments
• not waste too much time celebrating a play

Coach K: “To waste time lamenting a mistake or celebrating success is distracting and can leave you and your team unprepared for what you are about to face.”

The Next Play approach shifts the focus from ruminating on the past to acting on what’s in the moment.

When cows ruminate, they bring their food back up to chew it again slowly.

When we ruminate, we mentally chew on prior experiences, especially negative ones. “I should’ve said…” or “I wish I had…” Useful for digestion, not direction. 

Next Play can powerfully stop the spiraling:

• “OK. That happened. We can learn from it, but we don’t have to stay there. What’s your Next Play?”
• Shift feedback to action with, “What’s your Next Play based on this information?”
• Anticipate conversations or situations deteriorating, and prepare by asking, “What will your Next Play be if it goes sideways?”

Success isn’t about life being perfect; it’s about shortening the recovery time when it’s imperfect. Next Play becomes our recovery script.

“What’s the next play?” can strengthen emotional readiness, curtail the fear of failure, and actively write the present storyline rather than dwell on the past.

Missteps are expected. Stagnation is optional. 

© 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Not rigid and beleaguered, a loose garment is flexible, flowing, and carefree.

Intriguing. If I “wear the world like a loose garment,” I might better adapt and improvise, staying open to the unexpected, unfazed by the constantly changing world, unbothered by others.

I tested the board’s advice during a recent travel fiasco when…

• My flight home from a conference was delayed by 10 hours due to storms, then canceled.
• The airline gave me a $20 meal voucher, which turned out to be worth only $0.20.
• The airport luggage handler wouldn’t store my luggage, boxes, and conference booth display, so I dragged them with me all night.
• The airline booked me into a hotel, but upon arrival, the hotel clerk informed me there were no vacancies due to a trucking convention.
• Stranded in Louisville at midnight, I dragged my luggage and conference booth materials back to an empty airport to wait 7 hours for the next flight.

With each roadblock, I whispered, “Loose garment. Be like a loose garment.” 

An altercation, a tantrum, or even venting would not have changed my situation, a confluence of events outside of my control.

So I stayed responsive and receptive, amenable to my shifting circumstances.

When I returned to the airport at 1:00 am, I investigated my sleeping options: a wooden platform under the stairs where a man was settling in, a deserted yet dingy carpeted area, and three brand-new, empty couches with electrical outlets!

Delighted by my discovery, I invited the man to upgrade his accommodations. We each grabbed a couch, and from 1:00 – 5:00 am, we dozed and chatted, without judgment or agenda. 

His name was Tom, a transient trucker taking refuge at the airport while his truck was locked at the convention center. Tom bears a storied past and an inconvenient present.

He was so grateful for sharing my couch discovery that he insisted on gifting me tchotchkes from the convention: two pens, a flashlight, and a fidget spinner shaped like a semi steering wheel.

At 5:00 am, I wished Tom well, checked my bags again, and trudged through security.

Here’s what I discovered:

• Instead of clinging to expectations, I danced resiliently through the chaos.
• Instead of judging other people’s situations, I focused on my own.
• Instead of should’ing, I practiced could’ing.

When we wear the world like a loose garment, we relax our grip, knowing that:

• Nothing is personal or permanent.
• External circumstances don’t reign over us.
• Success and failure, opinions and ideas, titles and jobs all change.

We can care about life, work, and relationships without allowing those to define or control us.

We can be engaged but not entangled. 
“One of the most reliable ways to guarantee we suffer
is to cling tightly to what is always changing
in a fundamentally unpredictable, nonnegotiable world.
You get rope burn.” ~ Pema Chodron, a Tibetan Buddhist and author.

© 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

According to Fogg, we assume that giving people information will change their behavior. But information does not equate to action, as evidenced by our unfettered access to the world’s information via the internet since 1995.

Why? Fogg believes we are missing an emotional link.

For change to happen, Fogg says three things must come together:

1. Motivation to do the behavior
2. Ability to do the behavior
3. Prompt to take action

According to Fogg, his breakthrough was understanding that there has to be a prompt, something that says, “Do this behavior now!”

A calendar reminder is a prompt. An alarm is a prompt. A Post-it note is a prompt. A Mentor asking about progress is a prompt.

We can forge behavior change simply by focusing on prompt design.

• Identify the new behavior
  (ex: exercise more or stop procrastinating)
• Find the prompts that can trigger the new behavior
  (ex: engage a Mentor in our goal to exercise more and procrastinate less)
• Use feelings of success to wire the behavior and create a new habit
  (ex: Mentor praises our progress)

Mentors can serve as prompts, but only if we involve them with regular cadence.

I’ve observed the power of the “Mentor prompt” when I ask this question on the final program evaluation: “How often did you meet with your mentoring partner?”

After analyzing the results of this question alongside the impact-of-mentoring questions (ex: What did you accomplish together?), I invariably discover, time and again, that those who meet consistently achieve more, feel more confident, and create more value than those who meet “as needed.”

For example, a recent program evaluation survey revealed that:

• Of those who met monthly, 92% increased their confidence and 98% achieved their goals
• Of those who met as needed, only 61% increased their confidence and only 54% achieved their goals

Not surprising. When we know that someone we respect and trust (our Mentor) will inquire about our attempts on a certain date, we take action. But without that regular prompt, we might want to change, and we might be able to change, but we don’t typically take action to change.

To design a powerful Mentor Prompt, enlist a Mentor to meet every 2-4 weeks to:

• explore your vision for change,
• ask about your efforts,
• support you through struggles,
• praise your progress

Why change alone? Exchange willpower for mentor power! 

© 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

In an early scene, Grandma, played by Candice Bergen, encouraged her grandson’s entrepreneurial passion, in direct contrast to the boy’s doting mom, Liz, who downplayed his fluky hobby.

When the boy left the room, charged and excited by Grandma’s validation, Liz seethed, “I have one rule. Do not tell me how to parent.”

As Liz stormed out of the room, Harrison Ford’s character, Paul, entered, finding Grandma deflated.

• Grandma: I gave her some parenting advice.
• Paul responded sarcastically: Looks like she took it well.
• Grandma pouted: I’ve lived a long, full life. You’d think she’d want to learn from it.
• Paul: Unfortunately, the younger people in our lives just don’t seem to want what we have to offer.

Wait! Do they not want what we have to offer, or are they simply distracted, navigating their insecurities, proving their independence, and oblivious to the power of thought partners?

When I was in my twenties and the recipient of blindsiding advice from elders, I took it as a personal affront. Why didn’t they just shower me with praise for my brave but imperfect effort? I was young and unconfident.

Decades later, I was surprised when the tables turned. A young person in my life wrote a book but never reached out for support or advice, even though I have authored five books.

Was I hurt that my experience wasn’t called upon, or was I just feeling left out?

Later in the Shrinking episode, Grandma and Liz reconciled.

• Grandma apologized: No one likes being told what to do by their mother-in-law.
• Liz conceded: I’m sorry, too. You gave Matthew good advice. I haven’t seen him light up like that in a while.
• Then Grandma confessed: I’ve been there before. My son struggled as a child. I probably should have been more involved.
• Liz vulnerably: So, you’re saying my way is right?

And that’s how unacknowledged bravery bumps into thankless advice.

So, how can we prevent our stubborn pride from blocking the thought partnership that could strengthen our relationships?

• If we want young people to invite us to participate, seek our counsel, and value our wisdom, we need to start by recognizing and appreciating their courageous endeavors.
• If we want older people to appreciate our independence and tenacity, we must intentionally include them in our journey, seek their counsel, and listen to their war stories.

Regardless of generation, people are desperate to feel valued, respected, and relevant.

© 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Marcello: “When we saw this couple, my friends said, ‘I bet that guy’s rich.’ And I responded, ‘No, dawg. That guy probably listens like crazy. He probably says stuff like, ‘Wait, wait, wait, wait. Start again.’”

Then Marcello adds, “That guy probably has…”

At this, he inserts a dramatic pause and a smirk before dropping his punchline: “…follow-up questions!”

Marcello gets it. According to Warren Berger, author of The Book of Beautiful Questions, we demonstrate our sincere interest in others by asking questions. 

Each question is an invitation to share themselves with us – their stories, experiences, thoughts, and feelings. And when they share, we begin to understand them better, strengthening our connection.

My recent podcast guest, Selina Nazzaro, confirmed this strategy. I asked her how she manages those moments when self-doubt whispers in her ear as she is mentoring. She shared her secret: ask more questions.

Brilliant! Through inquiry, we demonstrate our genuine interest in the other person’s success.

To be a great leader or mentor, we don’t need to provide the right answer or life-altering advice. We need to become a thought partner. We need to engage and explore with more questions.

If follow-up questions are our superpower, why isn’t every conversation bursting with them?

Berger points to 5 “enemies of questioning”:
1. Fear (risk of revealing what we don’t know)
2. Knowledge (the more you know, the less you need to ask)
3. Bias (grounded on our limited experiences)
4. Hubris (a lack of humility)
5. Time (overwhelm)

Let’s add to his list: distraction and obliviousness. When we battle a constant assault on our senses, it takes effort to focus, let alone focus on someone else.

But when we value the relationship, it’s worth the effort.

Throughout the book, Berger offers lists of questions to help us decide, create, connect, and lead. His list of follow-up questions includes:

1. Just to be clear, are you saying…
2. Can you explain what you mean by that?
3. I imagine that made you feel X, right?
4. And what else?
5. How are you feeling about the experience?

I use these follow-up questions to deepen conversations:

• Tell me about…
• Help me understand…
• Interesting. What was that like?
• How did the other person respond?
• And what happened next? 

And when the other person offers follow-up answers, it’s vital to listen, engage, validate, and clarify using… more follow-up questions!

An interested person is hard to resist.

© 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

From the very first question, Jose was vulnerable, engaging, and inspiring as he described his unconventional career path. He started as a retail manager before pivoting his career to healthcare and becoming the manager of a diagnostic imaging department at Kaiser.

He worked hard, volunteered for opportunities, and consistently delivered results. Predictably, Jose was regularly recognized, praised, and promoted.

During our exchange, Jose admitted that he had become overconfident, even a bit cocky, about his ability to execute and succeed in each role.

He then revealed the arc when a promised promotion fell through. Jose became outwardly angry. His entitlement morphed into resentment, spilling into daily conversations.

Jose finally scheduled a meeting with an HR Leader and challenged her, “Can they stop me from growing?”

Unruffled, the HR Leader paused and asked Jose, “How did you get here?” He proudly shared his brazen and triumphant career journey.

The HR Leader then gave Jose some career-altering advice. She said, “Jose, you need to remember that every day is an interview.”

Jose shared his interpretation with our audience, “Every day, we earn our jobs. We aren’t entitled to them. We are privileged to hold them.”

In the weeks that followed, I chewed on Jose’s insights, internalizing his wisdom.

And, as I was about to meet with one of my team members to review her work on a project, I had an epiphany… every day is an interview for me too!

Every day, my team interviews me to serve as their leader. I must earn their trust and commitment through my actions and behaviors.

Every day, they choose where they invest their time and effort. I am not entitled to their service or their contributions. It’s a privilege to work with them.

This revelation had me consider… how would I show up to this meeting with my team member if she were deciding whether to join my team? I would be:

• Curious, a generous listener
• Mindful and present
• Supportive of her progress and career goals
• Collaborative, eager to explore her ideas
• Intentional about contributing to her success

I don’t always get it right. But every day is a fresh opportunity for me to practice earning my people’s trust and partnership, to demonstrate my gratitude, and to mentor.

Every day is an interview, regardless of our role.

© 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Unsolicited advice is well-intentioned support. We feel compelled to contribute wisdom that could help someone rather than selfishly hoard it.

MJ followed her confession with a reflection, “I feel like a historian. I want to tell people what I know.”

Brilliant! That fueled my suggestion to her, “Then share your stories and hard-earned wisdom like a historian, not like a parent.”

Parents often lead with an agenda.

• Some hover to prevent their children from failing (“helicopter parent”),
• Some remove obstacles (“snowplow parents”)
• Others shine the light on a path to guide their children (“lighthouse parents”)

But historians don’t have an agenda – they analyze, interpret, and communicate past events to understand human evolution over time.

When you show up like a historian, you share stories about events in your past and how they’ve shaped your evolution. Your audience can then translate and apply your experience and insights, tuck them away for future use, or ignore them altogether.

I practiced being a historian recently when a friend admitted that her oven has been unusable for two years – she’s been cooking for her family using only the stovetop!

This friend is younger, so the urge to respond like a parent was hard to resist. I caught “You-know-what-you-should-do” in my throat before it tainted her trust.

Instead, I responded with a story: “When we lived in a 100-year-old house, things broke often, like the screens on the porch. Eventually, we couldn’t use the porch. And then a realtor friend offered, ‘You’re going to have to fix those screens before you sell the house, so you might as well do it now and enjoy your porch.’ So, we did, and I loved sitting on that porch for three years before we sold the house.”

I have no underlying motive to get my friend to fix her oven. Whether she gets it fixed does not impact me. But I wanted to help without inadvertently expressing disapproval.

Showing up as a historian allowed me to offer my curated wisdom free from lecturing, judging, or pressuring her to take action.

By sharing a story with transformative-to-me advice, I made a difference, my friend preserved her power to choose, and our relationship strengthened.

As a historian, I can transform my unsolicited advice from condemnation to contribution.

© 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

“She was so cool, and I wanted to be like her. Chloe is my idol,” gushed Gaon.

Chloe is considered the world’s greatest female snowboarder, having won gold in the halfpipe at the 2018 and 2022 Olympics and being favored to win another gold this year!

They met ten years ago when Chloe discovered Gaon’s promising talent. (“I saw something in you” is a powerful validation!)

Chloe took Gaon under her wing, helping her master snowboarding tricks and introducing Gaon to Chloe’s coach in California.

Last week at the 2026 Olympics, Mentor and Mentee became rivals in the women’s halfpipe finals: Chloe aiming for a three-peat; Gaon seeking her first gold.

When Gaon crashed on one of her runs in the competition, Chloe reminded her, “You got this. You’re a badass snowboarder.”

And Gaon proved her Mentor right. Her final run earned her a score that beat Chloe’s, awarding Gaon the gold medal and her Mentor the silver!

Chloe embraced Gaon in a celebratory hug and beamed at her Mentee throughout the medal ceremony. 

At the press conference, Chloe reflected on the full-circle moment, watching Gaon progress felt like seeing a mirror reflection of herself.

Mentees often surpass their Mentors.

• Poet Maya Angelou mentored Oprah Winfrey
• Hip-hop producer Dr. Dre mentored rapper Eminem
• Angel investor Mark Markkula mentored Steve Jobs

A Mentee’s triumph is not an indication of a Mentor’s weakness or failure; it’s an indication of their influence.

But why bother expanding wings to mentor a potential rival?

• Compassion: We remember what it’s like to be new in an endeavor.
• Commitment: We feel a deep commitment to our organization, a craft, or a community.
• Connection: Being great at anything comes with the potential for loneliness and a desire to connect and share the experience with someone who also excels.
• Confidence: There’s no oxygen for imposter syndrome when you’re contributing to the success of others.
• Change: We are stretched by the people we guide.

Mentoring Gaon didn’t diminish Chloe; it enriched her. It made her a stronger snowboarder and a healthier human being.

Competing against her Mentee over the past decade pushed Chloe to dominate her sport, while mentoring Gaon expanded her empathy, emotional security, and leadership.

Following the competition, Chloe gushed with pride on social media, “I feel like a proud mom. The future of snowboarding’s in good hands.”

Healthy mentors operate from abundance with Chloe-level confidence and generosity.

© 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.