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[Flash] When John Stewart Mentored John Oliver

In the soccer dramedy Ted Lasso, Director of Operations Leslie Higgins mused, “A good mentor hopes you will move on. A great mentor knows you will.”

Higgins could have easily been describing John Stewart mentoring John Oliver.

In 2006, Oliver joined Stewart’s The Daily Show on Comedy Central.

For eight years, Oliver created and delivered comedic content alongside Stewart. Oliver won three Emmy Awards for his writing for The Daily Show, and when he guest-hosted for two months, audiences loved him.

“The Daily Show was my dream job. It was an incredible experience.”

And then in 2013, as Stewart was heading out on summer break, he said to Oliver, “When I come back, we need to talk about what you’re going to do next.”

That was a gut punch.

Oliver reflected, “It was horrible to hear. I never wanted to leave. I wanted to stay forever and for nothing to ever change.”

When Stewart returned, he encouraged Oliver to consider an offer from HBO to launch his own show.

“I hesitated. It was massively terrifying and incredibly intimidating to strike out on my own without Stewart protecting me. Comedy Central was my safe place.”

But safe places don’t foster growth, and Stewart knew that. He saw what Oliver couldn’t – a comedy powerhouse.

Since 2014, Oliver has hosted the HBO series Last Week Tonight, winning 16 Emmy Awards and two Peabody Awards.

And that’s what great mentors do – they unearth potential. They nudge their mentees out of the proverbial nest, challenging them to see and experience more.

Mentors twist the mentee’s kaleidoscope, urging, “Look what’s possible!”

Great mentors don’t abandon or discard their mentees. Instead, their relationships get redefined as their mentees pursue fresh paths and gutsy goals.

Mentoring is about growing and evolving. And sometimes, mentees need a push to stretch and progress, even if that frightens the mentee and unsettles the mentor.

No one can grow and stagnate at the same time.

When I boarded the plane after law school to move to California for my first job, my mom – my first mentor – tucked a handwritten note into my bag.

It read, “I did my job. You belong to the world now.”

[Flash] Mentoring in the Limelight with Jodie Foster and LaChanze

Jodie Foster
Last week, CNN’s Christiane Amanpour interviewed Jodie Foster and Kali Reis, stars of True Detective: Night Country, HBO’s anthology crime series.

A Hollywood legend, Jodie Foster has been acting in movies since she was a child, winning numerous awards during a career that has spanned over 50 years.

Conversely, her partner on this show, newcomer Kali Reis, is a professional boxing champion and only started acting in 2023. True Detective is her first major film.

During the interview, Jodie revealed that the writers originally intended the show to focus on Jodie’s character.

But, as Jodie shared, “I wanted to put Kali’s character’s story front and center to allow the central voice of the film to be an indigenous voice. So I reverse-engineered my character to support Kali’s character’s journey.”

Surprised, Christiane said, “That doesn’t happen very often.”

Jodie reflected confidently, “A funny thing happened when I turned 60: I realized that it’s so much more fun and more satisfying to recognize that it’s not my time; it’s someone else’s time.”

When Christiane asked Kali about Jodie’s mentoring, Kali laughed, “Working with Jodie Foster is like training with Mike Tyson in his prime.”

LaChanze Sapp-Gooding
Last weekend, actress LaChanze appeared on CBS Sunday Morning to explore her 40-year, award-winning career on Broadway.

During the interview, LaChanze highlighted the lack of diversity not on the stage but behind the stage – at the Broadway decision-making table.

Wanting to impact change, she stepped off the stage last year to become a Broadway producer. Her first project was Kimberly Akimbo.

LaChanze explained, “It’s important for people like me who have the access, who have the exposure, who have the relationships to leverage our positions to support young people who want to come into our business.”

Smiling playfully, she continued, “Some people will protest, ‘Well, I don’t know any black female lighting designers.’ And as a black producer, I can say, ‘Let me show you where they are.’”

Moving the Limelight
As Jodie and LaChanze discovered, mentoring is more than sharing advice, perspectives, and ideas. It’s even more than serving as a trusted guide.

Mentoring is about rooting for people.

And, as you progress in your career, mentoring involves adjusting the (proverbial and literal) spotlight onto the talent you see so that others can see it too.

ps. Have you registered yet for our 2024-Q1 complimentary webinar?
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[Flash] Not For Me… Rethinking Boundaries

I discovered a simple yet powerful boundary dining with new colleagues at a trendy restaurant in Chicago.

I ordered a glass of wine, and the waiter asked, “Can I recommend something I think you’ll enjoy even more?” I said, “Sure…” (because my default is set to “yes”)

He brought us a taste of his favorite wine. It was good (not great), but I’m a people-pleaser, so I said, “I’ll take it.”

As the tasting traveled around the table, everyone else said, “Me too.”

Until we got to Gena.

She took a sip, smiled, and without hesitation, said confidently and unapologetically, “Not for me.” She then ordered exactly what she wanted. She wasn’t concerned about offending his feelings or ours.

My boundary envy soared! I immediately respected this new friend and inhaled her inadvertent mentoring.

Typically, we consider boundaries as limitations, such as, “I cannot commit.” “I don’t appreciate that tone.” “I only work until 5.”

But boundaries are not just about restricting or refuting. Boundaries can be a communication of priorities and preferences.

Therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab says, “We place boundaries for ourselves, not for other people. It’s about what we can do in the future; it’s not always about what the other person needs to do.”

So, what’s the challenge? Why do we hesitate to communicate what we want?

People-pleasing and social conditioning are largely to blame. We tend to orchestrate our words and actions to nurture and protect people’s emotions. We work hard to avoid letting people down – this is known as “emotional labor.”

The Boundary Boss author Terri Cole says, “Asking for what you prefer does not mean you are criticizing someone else.”

When we can distinguish that a “No” is about the situation, not the person, we can unchain ourselves from this emotional labor.

Which makes “not for me” so brilliant! Undoubtedly, I’m referring to the situation and not the person, without any need to justify or elaborate.

So, when should we start using this power-packed phrase?

Nedra says, “Notice how you feel. Feelings tell you when and where you need more boundaries to feel less anxious, sad, or frustrated.”

Ultimately, communicating a boundary – even as simple as “not for me” – fuels self-respect.

And without self-respect, we cannot learn or grow, regardless of the caliber of the mentoring.

[Flash] The Power of Pathfinding

When Adam Cheyer, co-founder of Siri, spoke to students about his success, he shared the power of pathfinding.

“Verbally stating goals has been the single greatest tool that has furthered success in my life.”

He then explained his process. As he enters a new chapter in his life, Adam examines his needs and desires, creates a theme, and declares a destination – a goal. For example, inspired by his grandfather who spoke seven languages, he articulated his post-college goal in two words: “foreign perspective.”

Adam didn’t know how he would get a foreign perspective, but he planted that flag and then told everyone he met.

Why? Because, as he admits, he had no idea how he was going to get there! So, he looked to his community for clues.

By verbalizing a goal, Adam:

Commits to it
Invites people to contribute

“People start to help me find the path.”

In other words, he seeks out pathfinders – peers, friends, and even strangers – to help him create his journey.

During his talk, Adam listed five of his previous goals – the flags he planted – and the paths he ultimately took to reach those goals:

Foreign perspective (he took a job in France)
Yearn to learn (he completed a master’s program at UCLA)
Work without boredom (he worked at SRI International for 10 years)
Understand if love is real (he got married)
Explore how breakthroughs happen (he joined the largest AI project in US history)

Pathfinding works when we have communicated a destination. Imagine planning a vacation and asking people for ideas and advice but not telling them where you’re going.

The goal gives purpose and direction to pathfinding.

Not surprisingly, pathfinding is an essential role for mentors. But when mentees show up without a goal, mentors implore, “Help me help you, mentee!” Knowing the goal, mentors can propose various paths.

Yet, sometimes, “finding a goal” feels overwhelming or obligatory. Whereas a “destination” can be enticing, even seductive!

Recently, when I verbalized a destination to “radiate serenity,” one pathfinder recommended knitting and another recommended improv. Two paths I had not considered!

By purposely pathfinding, I can actively curate the advice, perspectives, and ideas I need in pursuit of a destination while inviting others to engage and make a difference.

Destinations inspire action. Pathfinding ignites champions.

[Flash] My Favorite Part of the Football Game is the End

My favorite part of watching football is when the clock runs out and the opposing teams pour onto the field to shake hands, exchange bear hugs, and banter like old friends.

Setting aside any residual contention from the game, they effortlessly reconnect as colleagues to:

Show respect and understanding
Congratulate on a game well-played
Acknowledge and appreciate their recent shared experience

So why don’t we experience more of this humanity off the football field?

Let’s start with the onslaught of technology.

Studies show that the less we need each other, the less we notice, interact with, and care about others. The independence we get from technology actually disconnects us from others. We continue to “bowl alone.”

Before GPS, we relied on maps and the kindness of strangers to point us in the right direction. Today, we simply type in an address and drive. More efficient, less connected.

And the less connected we are, the less kind and compassionate we are.

It turns out that compassion is vital not only to our relationships but also to our health and wellbeing. It…

Protects us from the health consequences of loneliness
Releases our pleasure-feeling, bonding hormone oxytocin
Lowers depression
Decreases our angst – our burdens feel less arduous
Promotes community – we feel a part of something bigger

Best of all? Compassion is contagious! Witnessing others engage in acts of humanity and generosity inspires us to do the same.

So, how do we reignite our connections and infuse more compassion into our lives?

Play sports, games
Join groups and programs
Mentor others
Seek out mentoring
Make plans with friends
Banter with colleagues and neighbors
Pick up the phone and call someone
Show up for people as they navigate changes
Welcome their stories and experiences – “What was that like?”
Volunteer (fun fact: volunteers live longer than non-volunteers)

Football is all about connection – players engage with and rely on each other. Even the Super Bowl will end with a touch of humanity, regardless of who wins.

The rest of us in the stands? We must be intentional about connecting, or we risk isolation and loneliness.

We are wired to connect. We just need to plug in!

[Flash] The World Needs Your Mentoring – Here’s Why and How

The world needs more mentoring.

Gallup’s most recent employee engagement survey found that in the last four years, our colleagues feel:

more detached from the organization
less connected to the mission and purpose
more uncertain about expectations
less likely to feel that we care about them as humans… yikes!

Sure, we all mentor unexpectedly or casually. We make suggestions, drop stories into conversations, give well-intended but unsolicited advice, and flippantly preach, “You should…”

But deliberate mentoring has purpose – a commitment to contribute, an earnest effort to support another on a learning journey.

I get it! We’re already too busy. We don’t have time to take on another obligation.

But mentoring isn’t an obligation. It’s an opportunity – to reflect, grow, lead, bond, make a difference, and bring joy back to the job.

Purposeful mentoring improves our:

Patience.
Compassion.
Communication.
Engagement.
Leadership.
Humanity.

And it doesn’t require grand gestures. Its power lies in slender but thoughtful interactions.

12 Kernels to Deliberately Mentor

1. Become Self-Aware

What do you need to work on?
Where do you want to improve?
How could mentoring others grow you?

2. Be Vulnerable First

To build trust with your Mentee, share something personal, like a struggle or an aspiration.

3. Plug In

Pause to grasp their reality: “What are you feeling good about? What is challenging you right now?”

4. Check Expectations Habitually

Ask at the beginning, “What do you hope to get out of this conversation?”
Confirm at the end, “What are we each doing next?”

5. Be the Safe Space

Mentees want to vent in-the-moment issues and explore solutions… without repercussions.

6. Question Marks Before Periods

Dig deeper to ensure any story or advice will be valuable.

7. Listen Without Judgment

There’s nothing broken with the person seeking your guidance. They’re merely finding their way and need a champion.

8. Dig into the Archives

Pull from your trove of experiences, stories, learnings, resources, and people, and share what is relevant.

9. Actively Pivot

Notice when you must intentionally shift from listening to encouraging to teaching to exploring to offering advice.

10. Protect Mentee’s Power to Choose

To offer an idea or recommendation, ask, “What about…?
To share feedback, try “Would you consider…?”
Urge your Mentee to evaluate various options.

11. Mind your Mentee

Follow up, check-in, stay connected
Look for pertinent articles, podcasts, resources, and people.

12. Root for your Mentee

Believe in the unearthed potential of your Mentee.

Mentoring is about magnifying possibility and confidence – yours and theirs.

But first, we need you.

[Flash] Would You Consider…? (a Power Phrase for Mentors)

Feedback stinks. I don’t care how you sandwich it, reframe it, or rename it; it’s rarely a pleasant experience.

Inevitably, the giver fears damaging a trusting relationship while the receiver fears being judged and criticized.

So then, why do it? Why give people advice they didn’t request? Why not let people self-discover their areas for improvement?

I am a champion of mentoring, where feedback is fundamental to the process, and yet, personally, I flinch in the face of feedback – giving it and receiving it. Between being right and being in relationship, I almost always choose relationship.

But feedback can be vital:
1. when we need people to course-correct
2. when we want to acknowledge progress
3. when people communicate a commitment to grow, develop and improve

Studies show that 87% of employees want development, but only 33% get the feedback they need to engage and improve.

At the same time, trusting workplaces enjoy 50% higher productivity, 106% more energy, and 13% fewer sick days while outperforming low-trusting workplaces by 186%.

So, how can we choose a relationship and contribute to it?

By normalizing the exchange of ideas and mitigating the defensive reflexes.

The power phrase: “Would you consider…?”

I experimented with this recently at the gym when an idolized trainer started delivering instructions over his thunderous music – it was impossible to decipher!

After class, I asked him, “Would you consider turning the music down only during your instructions so we can better understand you?”

I noticed his initial defenses ebb and flow when he realized I offered an invitation, not an attack. He agreed to consider it.

And the very next class? He didn’t compete with his music. He deliberately lowered the volume during his instructions and increased it as class started.

Why is the power phrase effective? Because it collectively empowers and engages the giver and the receiver.

Are you struggling to solicit feedback because people around you are squeamish about scolding? Experiment with, “What should I consider to improve this project/task/meeting/result?” This question signals to others that you’re open to their ideas and contributions.

Whether you’re the mentor, the manager, or a peer, don’t choose between being right and being in relationship. Choose to make a difference.

[Flash] Filmmaker Ava DuVernay Mentoring a New Conversation

Next week, award-winning filmmaker Ava DuVernay is releasing her new movie Origin, based on the impossibly profound, non-fiction book Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents written by Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Isabel Wilkerson.

Against everyone’s advice, Ava took a seemingly unadaptable book and wrote the screenplay based on Isabel’s quest to understand the caste systems in India, Germany, and the US and dissect their impact on our connections and relationships.

As Ava describes in multiple interviews, caste is the practice of human hierarchy: one person is categorized as better than another based solely on a set of random traits.

Why this project? Ava reflected earnestly, “Reading Isabel’s book allowed me to excavate who I am in the world and explore who I could be. What if we all addressed caste in our own lives? A world without caste would set everyone free and make us collectively better.”

As part of the movie release, Ava is launching The Seat 16 Program, which has a goal of gifting 10,000 teenagers with a ticket to see the movie plus a one-year pass to access MasterClass, a platform offering lessons from experts in various fields. “Let’s help them change the world!” her website urges.

To secure that partnership with MasterClass, Ava agreed to lead a class entitled “Reframe your Thinking,” to share how filmmaking skills can be applied to life goals.

Why all of this trouble? Why not just make a movie and sell it to Hollywood?

Because Ava didn’t just want to produce a film. She wanted to start a conversation, one steeped in the possibility of a more just world. And that requires engaging many people in that conversation.

Similarly, you could launch a mentoring program or a mentoring relationship that starts a new conversation, one that:

rallies nurse residents!
fuels a community of belonging!
energizes peer champions!
summons future leaders!
ignites innovative solutions!
emboldens managers to lead courageously!

It just depends on how passionate you are about sparking that conversation and changing your world.

Ava’s easy-to-follow formula:
1. Preach the possibility
2. Design a clear structure
3. Make it frictionless to participate

Don’t just hope that things will change. Inspire others to create that change with you!

Ava received a 9-minute standing ovation at the Venice Film Festival for Origin. Imagine how long your standing ovation will be!

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