All Posts by Ann Tardy

Historically, we’ve seen the opposite problem: too many mentees and insufficient mentors.

A recent study revealed that 94% of employees would stay with an organization longer if it offered mentoring.

So, then, why is there a dearth of mentees?

Introducing Gen Z

According to the Pew Research Center, people considered part of Generation Z (“Gen Zs”) were born between 1996 and 2012. Today, they are between 12 and 27 years old — our youngest employees in the workforce — ideal mentees.

As Jonathan Haidt highlights in his new, riveting book The Anxious Generation, two pivotal events occurred during Gen Z’s adolescence:

1. Launch of the iPhone
2. Proliferation of social media platforms

As Haidt explains, Gen Zs became the first generation whose social lives moved onto smartphones and social media. This resulted in a drastic shift from a play-based childhood to a phone-based childhood. 

According to Haidt, this shift robbed Gen Zs of essential growth and learning experiences. Isolated, they encountered a loss of shared stories, shared meanings, and human relationships.

In addition, Gen Zs experienced a “historical deprivation of freedom and unsupervised play” compared to previous generations. Why? Because their well-intentioned parents overprotected them from the real world and underprotected them from the new, virtual universe.

Ultimately, this digital intrusion has had an impact.

Surveys show that “Gen Zs are shyer, more risk averse, and less ambitious (due to risk aversion).”

Strategies to Mitigate the Digital Domination

Haidt advocates for:

• reinvigorating play and independence
• reimagining educational environments
• fostering real-world engagement
• bolstering resilience

Hello?! …Mentoring! 

But First, We Need to Reach this New Generation

While Haidt’s work helps explain the underlying factors shaping Gen Z’s psyche, we can’t engage them if we can’t reach them. 

Routinely mentoring program leaders invite participants using (1) mass emails promising career acceleration, and (2) general (often impersonal) announcements from leadership.

But these methods don’t kindle a generally shyer, risk-averse, and less outwardly ambitious population.

Solutions to Engage Gen Z in Mentoring

We need to create more personal communications and invitations that feel safer and are less assumptive about career trajectories while promising acceptance and belonging.

We also need to leverage their already trusting relationships to encourage the development of new trusting relationships.

• Look to managers, preceptors, and peers to personally encourage people to consider mentoring.
• Ask current participants to share stories about the difference their mentors have made.
• Decrease risks around participating (ex, nickname it a buddy program, set a time limit, give them an out).
• Deploy a structure with clear, uncomplicated expectations.
• Change the narrative from “drive your career success!” to “find a trusted champion.”
• Leverage group mentoring for smaller, safer environments.
• Incorporate in-person opportunities if possible.

Perspective and Empathy

While generational work always involves generalizations and hazards oversimplifying and categorizing people, it offers us greater perspective and empathy.

If we want to foster real-world engagement and resilience at work, mentoring is our superpower, but it only works if we effort to meet people where they are.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

We would park ourselves in high-traffic areas and comment unabashedly on the parade of fascinating outfits, actions, and conversations as they rushed past us.

Essentially, we were critiquing people based on nothing more than what we momentarily witnessed. To this day, being judgy is an entrenched vice that I admittedly work hard to counteract.

Consider a similar judgment-prone concept: “punishing without looking.” Researchers coined this term to describe the internet pile-on that occurs when people publicly condemn someone’s behavior without asking more questions or seeking additional information.

Why the rush to judgment?

• negligence or laziness (considering alternative perspectives takes work)
• virtue-signaling (“adding my criticism makes me look like a good person.”)
• demonstrating loyalty to a person or an issue
• reputational rewards (on social media, people scrutinize other peoples’ reactions)

Examining this impulse to “punish without looking,” Northwestern Professor Nour Kteily wondered, “Are people evaluating the evidence? Are they actually looking at the full picture?”

After conducting various experiments, Kteily recommended incorporating practices that force us to deliberate and consider opposing perspectives.

“Imagine a world where you had to give your reasons before signing a petition or forwarding a news article,” Kteily suggested.

To break my own punish-without-looking, judging-without-observing habit, I am committed to 2 practices:

1. Mentoring Others.
To effectively mentor, I must be curious, ask questions, introduce alternative perspectives, observe, seek the whole picture, and discard my judgment.

2. Chasing Context.  
Law school taught me to always assume there are multiple sides to every situation.

• “I wonder what their story is…”
• “What am I missing? What am I not seeing?”
• “I’m curious to know why that happened…”
• “What would the other side say?”
• “I’m eager to see how they respond…”

Everyone is a work in progress, with stories and backstories. And one interaction is egregiously insufficient to assess another’s character. We need to keep observing and engaging!

You won’t always catch me in my best moment, but I do hope you’ll catch me in my next moment.

I have a magnet on my fridge that says “Bark Less. Wag More.” My dogs blatantly ignore this advice as they encounter strange people and dogs in the real world. They don’t observe; they judge.

The rest of us can do better.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

ps. Have you registered yet for our 2024-Q2 complimentary webinar?
“Unlock the Power of Mentoring Programs to Retain Nurses, Improve Leadership, and Strengthen Your Hospital”
Date: Tues May 14 @ 10am PT | 1pm ET
Register: https://us06web.zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_dFKVwhWVSMGrbMftJJmSLg#/registration

She ended her first season of mentoring conversations with comedic genius Carol Burnett, 90 and thriving.

During their lively discussion, Carol shared stories about two of her mentors, Gary Moore and Lucille Ball.

In the 50s, Gary Moore hired Carol to work on The Gary Moore Show. Every Monday, the cast gathered to read the script in preparation for Friday’s taping. Regularly at a script read, Gary would review a joke or punch line assigned to him and declare, “Give this to Carol” or “Give this to Bob.” “They can say it funnier than I can.” 

Carol reflected, “Gary wanted everyone to shine. I brought that concept to [The Carol Burnett Show]. It improves the show when everyone supports each other to look good.”

Carol learned a different lesson from her mentor, Lucille Ball. 

As Carol recalls, “Lucy often gave me advice. One time, she confessed that her husband, Desi [Arnez], was in charge of everything until they divorced. When Lucy found herself at the helm of the show, she decided to be strong and confrontational, like Desi. To her, this meant constantly telling people what was wrong and demanding that it be fixed. Lucy said to me, ‘Kid, that’s when they put the S on the end of my last name.'”

But while Carol wanted to be in charge, she admittedly hated confrontation. So, she took a different approach. When something wasn’t working with the script, she’d call the writers down and say, “Can you help me out here? I’m not really feeling this.” 

Two mentors, each with well-earned but disparate advice. 

Fortunately, advice is not meant to be implemented; it’s meant to be interpreted. Carol interpreted their advice for her situation. 

We are not required to execute a mentor’s advice like an order. Mentors – regardless of their title and status – want us to thoughtfully explore their contributions, not parrot them.

And so, mentoring requires self-awareness and self-confidence. When wisdom is offered, we must consider the context in which it was gained and apply what we need to our current situation. Doing so strengthens our critical thinking skills and confidence. 

Imitation might be the sincerest form of flattery, but it’s not the sincerest form of mentoring. Growth is.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

ps. Have you registered yet for our 2024-Q2 complimentary webinar?
“Unlock the Power of Mentoring Programs to Retain Nurses, Improve Leadership, and Strengthen Your Hospital”
Date: Tues May 16 @ 11am PT | 2pm ET
Register: https://us06web.zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_dFKVwhWVSMGrbMftJJmSLg#/registration

She distributed postcards that read: “Race. Your thoughts. 6 words. Please send.”

Michelle named it The Race Card Project.

Examples of submissions:

• White female, eager learner, poor listener.
• I am a light-skinned black woman.
• White but grew up as minority.
• My children are black. I’m not.
• Beautiful, brown, and Hawaiian every day.
• Indian, born here but built there.
• He’s my dad, not the gardener.
• Everybody else is potentially a friend.

To broaden her reach and improve the collection of submissions, she created a website: theracecardproject.com.

But Michelle became hungry for more than six words. Like a great journalist, she needed context, the story behind the six words.

So, Michelle added a textbox to the submission page on the site that reads, “Anything else to say?” This simple question prompts people to share their stories, thoughts, and feelings vulnerably.

Michelle reflected in a recent interview, “People are desperate to discuss issues like race from the prism of their personal experiences. In their submission, they write about personal things through their vantage point.”

To date, Michelle has collected more than 500,000 personal narratives from all 50 states and 96 countries.

In 2013, the Race Card Project was awarded the prestigious Peabody Award for excellence in electronic communications for creating a productive dialogue on a complex topic.

What is so magical about “Anything else?”

According to a recent study, asking follow-up questions dramatically increases connection, even among strangers. Follow-up questions cause and convey better listening, understanding, and care.

Another study found that 40% of what we say involves telling people about our subjective experiences—what we think or feel. We really do enjoy talking about ourselves!

By adding the follow-up question, “Anything else to say?” Michelle bonds with strangers, inviting them to do what they are compelled to do already – talk about their experiences.

Similarly, when we mentor, it’s imperative that we connect with our mentees and see what they see. With connection, they will welcome our advice, and by understanding their perspective, our advice avoids irrelevancy.

A simple question can grant us the pause we need—like a speed bump—to create the interaction we want.

Before regaling mentees with a treasure trove of wisdom, let’s deliberately improve our listening, comprehension, and compassion by genuinely inquiring…

“Anything else to say?”

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Higgins could have easily been describing John Stewart mentoring John Oliver.

In 2006, Oliver joined Stewart’s The Daily Show on Comedy Central.

For eight years, Oliver created and delivered comedic content alongside Stewart. Oliver won three Emmy Awards for his writing for The Daily Show, and when he guest-hosted for two months, audiences loved him.

“The Daily Show was my dream job. It was an incredible experience.”

And then in 2013, as Stewart was heading out on summer break, he said to Oliver, “When I come back, we need to talk about what you’re going to do next.”

That was a gut punch.

Oliver reflected, “It was horrible to hear. I never wanted to leave. I wanted to stay forever and for nothing to ever change.”

When Stewart returned, he encouraged Oliver to consider an offer from HBO to launch his own show.

“I hesitated. It was massively terrifying and incredibly intimidating to strike out on my own without Stewart protecting me. Comedy Central was my safe place.”

But safe places don’t foster growth, and Stewart knew that. He saw what Oliver couldn’t – a comedy powerhouse.

Since 2014, Oliver has hosted the HBO series Last Week Tonight, winning 16 Emmy Awards and two Peabody Awards.

And that’s what great mentors do – they unearth potential. They nudge their mentees out of the proverbial nest, challenging them to see and experience more.

Mentors twist the mentee’s kaleidoscope, urging, “Look what’s possible!”

Great mentors don’t abandon or discard their mentees. Instead, their relationships get redefined as their mentees pursue fresh paths and gutsy goals.

Mentoring is about growing and evolving. And sometimes, mentees need a push to stretch and progress, even if that frightens the mentee and unsettles the mentor. 

No one can grow and stagnate at the same time.

When I boarded the plane after law school to move to California for my first job, my mom – my first mentor – tucked a handwritten note into my bag.

It read, “I did my job. You belong to the world now.” 

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

A Hollywood legend, Jodie Foster has been acting in movies since she was a child, winning numerous awards during a career that has spanned over 50 years.

Conversely, her partner on this show, newcomer Kali Reis, is a professional boxing champion and only started acting in 2023. True Detective is her first major film.

During the interview, Jodie revealed that the writers originally intended the show to focus on Jodie’s character.

But, as Jodie shared, “I wanted to put Kali’s character’s story front and center to allow the central voice of the film to be an indigenous voice. So I reverse-engineered my character to support Kali’s character’s journey.”

Surprised, Christiane said, “That doesn’t happen very often.”

Jodie reflected confidently, “A funny thing happened when I turned 60: I realized that it’s so much more fun and more satisfying to recognize that it’s not my time; it’s someone else’s time.”

When Christiane asked Kali about Jodie’s mentoring, Kali laughed, “Working with Jodie Foster is like training with Mike Tyson in his prime.”

LaChanze Sapp-Gooding
Last weekend, actress LaChanze appeared on CBS Sunday Morning to explore her 40-year, award-winning career on Broadway.

During the interview, LaChanze highlighted the lack of diversity not on the stage but behind the stage – at the Broadway decision-making table.

Wanting to impact change, she stepped off the stage last year to become a Broadway producer. Her first project was Kimberly Akimbo.

LaChanze explained, “It’s important for people like me who have the access, who have the exposure, who have the relationships to leverage our positions to support young people who want to come into our business.”

Smiling playfully, she continued, “Some people will protest, ‘Well, I don’t know any black female lighting designers.’ And as a black producer, I can say, ‘Let me show you where they are.’”

Moving the Limelight
As Jodie and LaChanze discovered, mentoring is more than sharing advice, perspectives, and ideas. It’s even more than serving as a trusted guide.

Mentoring is about rooting for people.

And, as you progress in your career, mentoring involves adjusting the (proverbial and literal) spotlight onto the talent you see so that others can see it too.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

ps. Have you registered yet for our 2024-Q1 complimentary webinar?
“Unlock the Power of Mentoring Programs to Retain Nurses, Improve Leadership, and Strengthen Your Hospital”
Date: Thurs Feb 29 @ 11am PT | 2pm ET
Register: https://us06web.zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_Q692btvAQ72Ybi9JRvjlKA

I ordered a glass of wine, and the waiter asked, “Can I recommend something I think you’ll enjoy even more?” I said, “Sure…” (because my default is set to “yes”)

He brought us a taste of his favorite wine. It was good (not great), but I’m a people-pleaser, so I said, “I’ll take it.”

As the tasting traveled around the table, everyone else said, “Me too.”

Until we got to Gena.

She took a sip, smiled, and without hesitation, said confidently and unapologetically, “Not for me.” She then ordered exactly what she wanted. She wasn’t concerned about offending his feelings or ours.

My boundary envy soared! I immediately respected this new friend and inhaled her inadvertent mentoring.

Typically, we consider boundaries as limitations, such as, “I cannot commit.” “I don’t appreciate that tone.” “I only work until 5.”

But boundaries are not just about restricting or refuting. Boundaries can be a communication of priorities and preferences. 

Therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab says, “We place boundaries for ourselves, not for other people. It’s about what we can do in the future; it’s not always about what the other person needs to do.”

So, what’s the challenge? Why do we hesitate to communicate what we want?

People-pleasing and social conditioning are largely to blame. We tend to orchestrate our words and actions to nurture and protect people’s emotions. We work hard to avoid letting people down – this is known as “emotional labor.”

The Boundary Boss author Terri Cole says, “Asking for what you prefer does not mean you are criticizing someone else.”

When we can distinguish that a “No” is about the situation, not the person, we can unchain ourselves from this emotional labor.

Which makes “not for me” so brilliant! Undoubtedly, I’m referring to the situation and not the person, without any need to justify or elaborate.

So, when should we start using this power-packed phrase?

Nedra says, “Notice how you feel. Feelings tell you when and where you need more boundaries to feel less anxious, sad, or frustrated.”

Ultimately, communicating a boundary – even as simple as “not for me” – fuels self-respect.

And without self-respect, we cannot learn or grow, regardless of the caliber of the mentoring.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.