All Posts by Ann Tardy

The 1500-meter race is a grueling 15-minute test of endurance in which swimmers sprint 30 laps in an Olympic-size pool.

During a post-win interview, a reporter asked Katie about the race and what goes through her mind as she swims.

Katie responded, “My mind started wandering as I was racing. I was thinking of everyone who has supported me all these years. I was thinking of all the people who have trained with me, just saying their names in my head. So many great [people] have helped me get to this moment.”

That makes sense – no one gets to these milestone moments alone.

As the stands erupted in cheers, Katie meditated on her mentors!

So, who mentored Katie Ledecky?

Reading her new memoir, Just Add Water, it’s easy to wonder, who didn’t mentor Katie? Every chapter highlights numerous individuals Katie credits for having influenced, guided, coached, encouraged, advised, championed, validated, challenged, and rooted for her since she learned to swim at age six.

Even the Acknowledgements section at the end of the book reads like an Oscar acceptance speech!

One of her coaches, Bruce, was so instrumental in accelerating her success that she dedicated an entire chapter to her experience working with him.

After winning her first gold medal at the Olympics at age 15, Katie joined a new swim team led by coach Bruce Gemmel.

Bruce was an engineer turned swim coach, and he trained her from that perspective. Bruce offered Katie a fresh start and a mindset shift. His meticulous planning and technical approach improved her swimming by recalibrating her tempo.

But more than anything, he became a mentor. “The biggest thing Bruce did for me was to help me think bigger.”

Bruce gave Katie permission to aim big, anything-is-possible big.

She wrote in her memoir, “Bruce knew me better than I knew myself.”

While Katie no longer swims on that team, she often reconnects with Bruce “to seek guidance about swimming, about life. He’s always willing to listen. He never oversteps.”

Before every race, Bruce would tell her, “Have fun.”  He taught her that life is short and everything can change instantly. Watching Katie compete, listening to her interviews, and reading her memoir, it’s evident that “having fun” permeates her approach in practice, during races, and in life.

In her young but illustrious career, Katie has discovered the secret sauce to professional success: audacious goals, unwavering discipline, abundant mentoring, and unhindered joy.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Society reveres the achievers, the ones who set and accomplish goals. And scoffs at those who quit.

Quitting is for losers, right? Wrong.

While goal grit is exalted, it can come with a cost if we aren’t evaluating and evolving. 

I registered for the New York City Marathon many years ago but quit when I hurt my knee in training the week before.

Distraught and disappointed from quitting, I sought another form of exercise, one kinder to my knees. I turned to cycling and discovered a new world!

Eager for a different challenge, I registered for the SF-to-LA charity bike ride, which gave me the confidence to cycle across the country, up the East Coast, and down the West Coast.

But I had never considered any of those goals – I was too busy running. Until I quit.

Upon reflection, every past quit has led me to a new path.

• I quit Chicago after law school to create an adventure in San Francisco.
• I quit my legal career to experience entrepreneurship and start three businesses (two of which I quit to build this one).
• I quit a book project I had no passion for, leading me to write a better book.

But I also have plenty of examples of projects and paths I should have quit. I persevered too long, not paying attention to or acknowledging the learnings. Crossing the finish line just to say I did it.

And that is the challenge with goal setting. It emphasizes the grit, not the grind. Obsessed with finishing, we devalue the journey.

Duke recommends adding an “unless” statement to goals to provide us with what she calls “kill criteria” – an indicator to choose quit over grit.

• I’m going to finish this marathon “unless” I get hurt.
• I will stick with this book proposal “unless” I discover a disdain for the topic.
• I will pursue this career path “unless” I no longer make the difference I want.

Without an “unless” statement, we risk maniacally pursuing a goal without evolving or evaluating. And blind pursuit of goals suffocates growth.

In every mentoring relationship, goals are essential – they give meaning and direction to mentoring conversations.

But the magic of mentoring occurs while chasing that goal. And that chase sometimes reveals an “unless.”

As mentors, our job is not just to offer advice; it’s to hold our mentees accountable and encourage their growth by evaluating progress and evolving goals.

Mentors do not fail when a goal falls. We rise to the level of our mentees’ growth.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Years prior, Andrea had trained Carmy at her prestigious restaurant, Ever, and inspired him with her passion for food, people, and exceptional service. Carmy’s new restaurant, The Bear, reflects her influence.

At a celebration at Ever, Andrea and Carmy engage in the following mentoring conversation. His profound respect and reverence for her are palpable.

Carmy: Chef, I don’t think I ever got to tell you just how much I learned in this place

(Here, Carmy redirected their initial chitchat by acknowledging Andrea’s mentoring.)

Andrea: How much did you learn?

(Andrea didn’t deflect or run past it. Instead, she gave his appreciation space to expand.)

Carmy: It’s a lot. Thank you. 

Andrea: Well, I learned plenty myself. I learned that I want to sleep in more, go to London more, and go to a party and meet people live.    

(Here, Andrea candidly shared insights from her own learning journey.)

Carmy: That’s why you’re closing Ever? 

Andrea: Yes, but I got to do all the things I wanted to do the way I wanted to do them with the people I wanted to do them with, so I can’t ask more than that, really.

(Andrea’s fresh perspective gave Carmy pause; his reality suddenly altered.)

Carmy: huh.

Andrea: And now you’re starting.

(Here, Andrea shifts the spotlight back to Carmy.)

Carmy: It feels like I’ve been starting forever.

(Andrea’s sharing gave Carmy permission to meet her vulnerability with his own.)

Andrea: But I’ve heard your restaurant is wonderful. Congratulations, Carmy. Truly

(Andrea’s sincere compliment recognized Carmy’s commitment and dedication.)

Carmy: Thank you, Chef. Can I ask you something? What would you tell yourself when you were where I am?

(Here, Carmy noticed his need for guidance rather than compliments. He leaned into this moment to request advice from his mentor without any need to impress her or fear judgment.)

Andrea: I don’t think there’s any right thing to say that will make any difference… I think I would have told myself that you have no idea what you’re doing and, therefore, you’re invincible.

(At first, Andrea downplayed her wisdom and then rose to the request. She seized the opportunity to validate Carmy’s struggle while offering advice to ease his tortured quest for perfection.)

Andrea: Can I ask you something? Next time we see each other, will you please call me Andrea?

(She ended with a request to be a human being first and a mentor second.)

Carmy: Yes, Chef, thank you.

(He agreed but with admiration.)

Mentoring is notoriously defined as one person advising another – a simplistic, unrequited transaction.

Yet, the skill of mentoring is immensely more dynamic. A meaningful mentoring conversation unfolds like a dance where the partners listen on purpose, shifting their contributions as their exchange blossoms and the needs evolve.
Carmy and Andrea beautifully demonstrated this dance as they pivoted their conversation from recognizing to reflecting, perspective-sharing to advising, validating to encouraging.

Mentoring may start as a transaction, but a heartfelt exploration and learning journey inevitably leads to a transformation.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

In Chapter 6, Voss recommends that when pitching a manager for a new role or project, don’t be a body for a job. Be an ambassador of their success.

Doing so will validate their intelligence while recruiting an unofficial mentor at the same time.

How? Ask: “What does it take to be successful here?” 

This purposeful inquiry signals an invitation for their advice and guidance.

When someone gives us advice, the Advice Giver covertly hopes we follow it – our actions confirm their wisdom. 

So, the Advice Giver will observe our next move and stake a personal claim on our success.

With that one question, we offer the Advice Giver an opportunity to invest in us, like a mentor.

Advice Hesitation? 

If one question could rouse a champion…

• Why don’t we initiate more advice-inviting conversations?
• Why aren’t we sending out signals for guidance?
• Why don’t we stealthily recruit mentors from everyday connections?

Because conceding that we need advice or help can often feel vulnerable, an admission that we don’t have all the answers. This carries the burden of embarrassment, buttressed on a foundation of fear.

Get past that discomfort, and our world will be bursting with wisdom!

Advice-inviting is an empowering skill set, simultaneously requiring and fueling our confidence, courage, and curiosity.

7 Steps to Advice-Inviting:

1. Pick a person to learn from.
2. Acknowledge their value (“I noticed your recent success on X project.”)
3. Share a goal/transition/challenge/aspiration
4. Ask purposeful, advice-inviting questions:
   • What does it take to be successful here?
   • What did you learn when you did X? 
   • How did you make that decision?
   • What do you wish you had done differently? 
5. Listen for their contributions 
6. Take some action – experiment!
7. Follow up with results, insights, and gratitude.

Pick a problem. Pick a person. Pick their brain.

When we actively and regularly engage in advice-inviting conversations, we can drastically deepen our connections and outcomes.

Don’t worry about calling someone a “mentor” – purposefully invite their advice and their mentoring will follow.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

ps. Have you registered yet for our 2024-Q3 complimentary webinar?
“Boost Mentoring Participation: Harness Motivational Assessments to Drive Employee Engagement and Retention”
Date: Fri Aug 9 @ 10am PT | 11am MT | 12pm CT | 1pm ET
Register: www.mentorlead.com/webinars

My niece Lulu is playing the same game. As a varsity swimmer ranked 13th in the state and a freshman in high school, she swims 36 miles a week!

Last weekend, Lulu competed in a 4-day regional swim meet. Before she left, she shared with me the goals she set for each race in the competition – she had typed the following into the Notes app on her iPhone:

• 400 Freestyle: drop 6 seconds
• 100 Freestyle: under a minute, sprint all out, maintain breathing every 3 and 6 dolphin kicks off the wall
• 200 Breaststroke: under 3 minutes, aim for 2:58:59
• 200 IM: drop 2 seconds to get champ cut
• 100 Fly: 6 dolphin kicks off each wall and kick more fluently
• 200 Freestyle: hold 32 and get NCSA cut
• 50 Freestyle: go a 28 to get my speedo sectional cut
• 100 Breaststroke: hold a good pace
• 50 Breaststroke: swim and enjoy it
• 200 Backstroke: try not to die on the last 50 and just swim (She detests the backstroke.)

Lulu doesn’t just swim to win a race. She swims to improve her performance, her skills, her team, and her experience.

When she returned from the competition, she sent me a screenshot of the Notes app where she captured her results (set forth below).

Notice how she frames every result in a reflective, self-affirming, swimming-toward-a-better-version-of-myself way.

Results:

• 400 Freestyle: added time but got second and I’m happy with my swim. I also stuck to my breathing pattern and kicks off the wall
• 100 Freestyle: I was super close to under a minute which will be good for next time. I got 1:00.09
• 200 Breaststroke: went under 3 minutes by a lot and dropped 13 seconds. Very happy with that swim
• 200 IM: very happy with my swim, dropped 5 seconds
• 100 Fly: Very happy with my swim, dropped 3 seconds and swam it very smart
• 200 Freestyle: I didn’t do as good as I wanted to but I’m still happy with it because I dropped in it and I hadn’t dropped in over a year
• 50 Freestyle: did well but didn’t drop; I’m happy with my swim
• 100 Breaststroke: Added but still had a good race; smart swimming and got points for the team 
• 50 Breaststroke: fun race, did good, and got points for the team
• 200 Backstroke: happy with my swim but was very tired when swimming

In our goal-obsessed culture, it’s easy to only value races won, mountains climbed, breakthroughs discovered, solutions invented, money made, and degrees earned.

No wonder some mentees struggle to get started with their mentor – they think they need a career-pivoting, earth-shattering goal.

What if instead we simply showed up in search of a better version of ourselves? Seeking to be a bit more patient, empathetic, productive, strategic, or kinder today than we were yesterday.

We might be happy with our swim, too.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

But he never intended to be an actor. In fact, he wasn’t in theater in high school, never went to Broadway shows growing up, and didn’t even know any actors.

Instead, David chose the path to become a college professor, earning an English degree from Princeton and entering the PhD program at Yale.

So, what happened?

David became restless. He was 22, sitting in a Yale library reading all day.

As he recalls, the last time he felt alive was when he was playing sports. He wanted to recapture that joy—he missed the collaboration, tension, and excitement.  

He wanted more life in his life.

So, David went exploring.

Hoping to hang out with people again, he dabbled with writing plays. And Yale’s drama school allowed him to sit in on—shadow!—writing classes. There, he drifted in and out, meeting interesting people.

Soon, some students asked David to join their production. He justified, “Heck, if I’m going to write plays or screenplays, I should probably experience what it’s like to say the words.”

And with that, a paradigm shift occurred. Acting introduced David to a sea of reactivity, emotions, and expressions, a stark contrast to academic pondering and brooding.

While he continued to teach at Yale for the next three years, David explored this newfound passion by taking acting classes twice a week in New York City. Following a gut instinct, he dropped out of his PhD program (a dissertation shy) and moved to California to pursue a career in acting.

From there, David’s career became an iterative journey for six years until he landed the lead in The X-Files, transforming his passion into a profession.

That’s the power of job shadowing!

David’s dabbling, observing, and experiencing informed his career path.

Job shadowing is a mentoring conversation in action. It’s not about changing careers; it’s about leveraging exposure and experience to better guide our choices.

• With informational interviews, we discover someone’s job through inquiry.
• With job shadowing, we experience their job through observation and participation.

Through the unique exposure to someone’s role, we expand our perspective by witnessing theirs. 

If you’re feeling restless or stuck, step into a new mentoring conversation at the intersection of connection, curiosity, and contemplation.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Not surprising, for Shetty has long argued that compatibility is more important than chemistry in the world of romance.

This equally applies in the world of mentoring: compatibility eclipses chemistry.

What is compatibility? It’s about aligning interests, goals, and motivations to work together in harmony and navigate challenges with flexibility, forgiveness, and friendship.

Whether you’re on a love or learning journey, look for partners whose approach to life and work synch with yours.

Here are Shetty’s words in the new Match.com commercial.

“There are more ways than ever to meet someone, yet here we are, disillusioned and struggling to meet someone. Maybe it’s time we date differently. 

Take the pressure off that first date and focus on the conversation. Know your values and be curious about theirs. It’s okay to be vulnerable and ask deeper questions like, ‘What’s an experience you’d love to relive for the first time?’ To be more present, show up as your most authentic self and pay attention to the little things. 

So, throw out the checklist and commit to a plan. Give someone new a chance. I’m partnering with Match. Starting today, we challenge you to date differently.”

If he hadn’t said “date,” I would have bet Shetty was talking about mentoring!

Mentoring is a concept as old as time. And many people still believe that mentoring, like dating, will happen naturally, evolving from a professional or personal relationship.

As Shetty described, there are more ways than ever to connect, yet people struggle to find mentors. 

Instead of hoping a mentor will magically appear, let’s actively create the mentoring we want:

• Register for a structured mentoring program and be purposefully matched.
• Take the initiative on a networking or mentoring platform to search and connect – be a mentor and a mentee!
• Start with informational interviews and exploratory conversations.
• Kindle job shadowing, internships, apprenticeships, and on-the-job training.
• Infuse mentoring questions into everyday conversations, like “What did you learn when you…?”
• Post on LinkedIn that you are seeking a mentor or mentee (and why!).
• Share your goals and ask: “Who do you know who could help?”
• Join or create a mentoring circle to deep dive into a topic.
• Create a task force or advisory board to use as your sounding board.
• Invite a friend to engage in peer mentoring or as accountability buddies.
• Volunteer on committees, projects, or in the community to practice learning from new people.

Obi-Wan Kenobi is not coming. It’s time to mentor differently!

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

That is until the day an audience member walked up to me and sneered, “Go ahead, motivate me. This should be fun.” She may have been derisive, but she was right.

We can’t motivate people. Motivation is intrinsic – people must motivate themselves. What can we do? Inspire, influence, and encourage.

A similar challenge plagues mentoring programs:

• Find the mentor, then find the motivation, or
• Find the motivation, then find the mentor.

Program leaders often mistakenly recruit people who want a mentor instead of looking for motivated people ready to work with a mentor—a slight but essential nuance.

I conducted an informal poll earlier this year, and the results underscored this lack of motivation.

Poll: “Why have you not yet worked with a mentor?”
The number one answer: I don’t know what to talk about with a mentor.

In other words, when people aren’t motivated to create or change something, they have no burning need to seek a mentor’s advice, guidance, support, ideas, connections, resources, validation, or encouragement.

And that’s when we hear the banal, “I’m-so-busy.”

Regardless of how busy people are, when they are motivated, they make time. When they uncover their motivation, mentoring becomes the gateway.

But how do we identify our motivation? Intentionally.

My friend and colleague April Stensgard recently introduced me to MCode, an assessment designed to unearth motivations—the hidden forces that drive us.

Admittedly, when I took the assessment, I was not surprised by my motivational code; I was surprised that I had lost sight of what motivates me. The exercise ignited a fire I had forgotten.

From this fire springs goals!

The tipping point in any mentoring program occurs when we anchor mentoring to that which is important to participants – their motivations, their goals!

Anchors

• Onboarding to a new role, new skill, new organization
• Feeling stuck in a job
• Considering career directions
• Launching a project
• Weighing a path-pivoting opportunity
• Pursuing a degree or a certification
• Seeking a promotion (ex: clinical ladder)
• Struggling to meet manager expectations
• Engaging in a leadership program
• Executing a succession process

Mentors can’t spark the fire, but they definitely fan the flames.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.