Ann Tardy, Author at MentorLead

[Flash] Enough with Ghosting Mentees… It’s Time for Mentor 2.0!

I have a confession to make. I’ve lowered the expectations for Mentors.

When a client called to set up an onboarding program, I heard myself flippantly say, “It will be easy to get Mentors. Just find people who have a pulse.”

Shortly after the program launched, they discovered that their Mentors were “ghosting” their New Hires – completely ignoring them. And when the New Hires took the initiative by calling their Mentors, those Mentors retreated with, “I’m going to pass.”

What!? Pass!? That’s not an option! You’re a Mentor. You made a commitment!

Or did they? I only suggested that they have a pulse…

And then it struck me – I’ve been shortchanging the Mentor role.

Desperate to attract Mentors and inundated with people crying “so busy!”, I have downplayed the commitment. I’ve been recklessly seeking an easy “yes!” from a warm body.

My overly enthusiastic, pleading pitch sounds like: “All you have to do is share your stories and any wisdom you have! Just show up whenever it works. I promise you can do this even though you’re super busy!”

I’ve been selling Mentor 1.0.

And in doing so, I have neglected the critical role Mentors play. I’ve disregarded the power of Mentors to influence individual success while driving organizational strategy. And I’ve abandoned the promise that Mentors develop themselves by mentoring others!

So now I’m pitching Mentor 2.0

Mentor 2.0:

connects Mentee to strategic, career-impacting people
urges Mentee to explore opportunities valuable to their growth
promotes Mentee by sharing with colleagues Mentee’s strengths, talents, and projects

Mentor 2.0 is an ally, a champion, an advocate for Mentee’s success.

In turn, Mentor 2.0 astutely leverages the experience to strengthen their own leadership skills.

And equally important, Mentor 2.0 embraces the opportunity to up-level the organization.

When people understand that they are being called upon, not for their pulse, but to make a difference, they don’t just step forward, they jump in!

[Flash] Are You Focusing on Fonts (or Sweating for Strategy)?

Lately, I’ve noticed an obsession with fonts.

Many of our clients who utilize our mentoring platform have been requesting recently darker fonts, newer fonts, larger fonts, and different colored fonts.

And after the fonts, they become transfixed by logos, line spacing, even the opacity of icons.

To be clear, I’m more than delighted to make any changes our clients desire. I want them to beam with pride when they invite participants to join their mentoring program using our platform.

But I have witnessed a disproportionate number of font change requests by clients who need to be engrossed in their program’s strategy, success measures, and participant expectations instead.

In fact, one of my font-enthralled clients is currently struggling to attract mentors and launch their program.

But it’s not just my clients. We all get thwarted at times by trifling matters. It’s the pull of procrastination…

So why do we get distracted by fonts?

Because as human beings, we are desperate to feel a sense of control (especially in a year that has demonstrated, even reveled in, how little control we have over our lives!).

From an evolutionary perspective, with control comes an increased chance of survival: more control, less risk.

Over the past two decades, I’ve observed that many people charged with the execution of a mentoring program typically cannot (or perhaps will not) make decisions on strategy, success measures, or participant expectations without stakeholder approval.

But I’ve never heard a client say they need stakeholder approval on a font.

Understandably, they seize the font choice as an easy, low-risk way to control something, anything!

Yet when my leaders remember that they can leverage their mentoring programs to onboard powerfully, decrease attrition, support career pivots and leadership transitions, and drive succession, they quickly abandon their fascination with fonts.

When you feel the stress of chaos and the lure of the font, try keeping the spotlight on the strategy instead.

[Flash] We Are Meaning-Making Machines

In the movie Braveheart, Scottish folk hero, and leader in the War of Scottish Independence, William Wallace shouted, “They may take away our lives, but they’ll never take our freedom!”

His impassioned speech continued, “Your heart is free… have the courage to follow it. Every man dies. Not every man really lives!”

Wallace employed this battle cry (at least in the movie) to rally his countrymen to join in the fight against England. He gave his neighbors meaning and purpose – something to fight for.

Now imagine the frenzied soldiers running into battle, committed to the cause, eager to encounter their enemy.

Suddenly, one of the soldiers pulls Wallace aside in the middle of the action to complain about another soldier. “He’s definitely sabotaging me! I was excluded from the meeting last night. Plus, he never considers my ideas. I keep asking for a deadline and he refuses to commit. And his equipment is nicer than mine!”

Inconceivable. Because when a battle cry triggers passion and action in others, people run in the same direction, thereby demoting inconsequential circumstances and situations.

But when there is no battle cry – no purpose, no ambition on a mission, no passion – people elevate the inconsequential and make the unimportant important.

We are meaning-making machines. If we don’t make meaning in our work, we will make meaning in how we work.

So when teams struggle – personalities clash and altercations persist – it’s often a symptom, an indication that people are missing the why, the purpose, the meaning in their work together.

If people don’t have a reason to run in the same direction, they are more likely to run into each other.

[Flash] Why Won’t You Lead Already? (The CEO Who Sentenced Her Mentoring Program)

Years ago, I worked on a mentoring program that was doomed before it launched.

For the kickoff, we organized a massive, in-person, standing-room-only event with balloons and streamers. The room was bursting with excitement!

I joined the CEO on stage to introduce their new program, share strategies around mentoring, and invite her employees to access the mentoring platform that my company had created for them.

A man in the front row raised his hand to ask the CEO, “Will you have a profile on the mentoring platform?”

Caught off guard, she stammered, looked at me sheepishly, and in front of hundreds of her eager, hopeful employees, she asked me, “Ann, can I participate with an alias?”

I was dumbfounded. The CEO had just asked me if she could join her own mentoring community with a fake profile so she could hide out and not truly participate.

Taking a cue from their “leader,” the audience immediately erupted in pleas for an alias too.

And just like that, the CEO fated the program.

Why wouldn’t she lead? What was she afraid of? Why cower when she had the opportunity to influence? Why not be enthusiastic, encouraging, and visionary instead of fearful, doubtful, and dismissive?

Because she didn’t know why to lead.

And when people don’t know why they should lead, they default to what they do best: manage. They manage their time, responsibilities, budgets, projects, and conflicts.

She didn’t know why to lead, so she managed… from the stage. I watched her face as she processed the possibility that people might actually contact her for mentoring. What would she do? She’s already so busy!

But if she knew that leading could… save her time, decrease attrition, increase effectiveness, bolster resilience and initiative, and solidify her status as a great boss…

…she would have boldly said, “Yes!”

[Flash] If Leadership Was Easy, Everyone Would Do It

As I was preparing to deliver my “Manage AND Lead” workshop this week, my Mentee challenged, “Why do you think so many people talk about leadership?” I responded, “If leadership was easy, everyone would do it. The world is congested with leadership training because very few people are actually leading.”

Here’s the issue. People intellectually grasp leadership concepts, but they execute their jobs with a manager mindset.

People are greatly-intended creatures. They sincerely want to develop, guide, mentor, and recognize others. Most participants register for leadership programs out of their deep desire and spirited passion to make a difference for the people on their teams.

But then their boss calls screaming, “I need that report ASAP!” …and all worthwhile intentions vaporize! They scramble to send out an urgent message to their people, demanding to know the status of the report!

The stark reality is that we don’t get paid to develop, guide, mentor, or recognize people. We don’t get paid to motivate, encourage, or celebrate people. We don’t get paid to bring joy, passion, or enthusiasm to our role. We don’t get paid to inspire others and draw out their full potential. We don’t get paid to lead.

We. Do. Not. Get. Paid. To. Lead.

We get paid to Manage. We get paid to manage stuff: deadlines, budgets, projects, reports, meetings, calendars, and conflict.

And because of these opposing forces, the Leadership Journey is not easy.

And we don’t make it any easier. By ignoring the managing vs. leading struggle that undermines all great intentions to contribute to others, we guarantee leadership frustrations and even failure. We have designed the system to ensure the survival of the Bad Boss.

If it was easy, everyone would do it, and we wouldn’t need to talk about it so much.

We get paid to Manage. We get the privilege to Lead.

[Flash] I Hate Surprises (and If You’re a Leader, You Should Too)

Last week was my birthday, and I planned my own dinner party with my family. I chose the people, the food, and the activity. I even picked out my own gift (much to my husband’s relief!).

And because there were no surprises, I wasn’t stressed, frustrated, or disappointed. Instead, I enjoyed the anticipation beforehand, and I was fully present, engaged, and delighted throughout!

I hate surprises.

And if you’re a leader of anything, you should hate surprises too.

Surprises happen when we:

stop paying attention
fail to communicate expectations

Typically, we get derailed by something urgent. We dive into the weeds, ignoring important indicators about our people, projects, or problems. And then we fail to clarify or confirm expectations.

The result? Surprise! … which causes confusion, distraction, upset, and even chaos. And missed opportunities to lead and unlock potential.

And it’s all unnecessary.

When you’re the leader of a program, a project, or a team, you should never be surprised. After you communicate your expectations, you should be looking for signals, asking for status, checking on progress, inviting questions, and measuring success.

Strong sales leaders never wait until the end of the quarter to discover their team’s results. Rather, they leverage weekly reports and team updates.

Even pilots are in ongoing contact with air traffic control to ensure their plane is on track to their destination.

So when I met up with Marcel last year, I was bewildered by his whim for surprise! He was headed to the closing celebration for the mentoring program he launched. He said, “I’m so excited! I cannot wait to hear how it went for my Mentors and Mentees!”

Leaders should never get to the end of a program, a project, or a quarter and wonder how it went.

Because we can’t course-correct if there is no longer a course.

Hate surprises. Love expectations.

[Flash] When Your Mentee Says Thanks for Pushing Me to Be Brave

When I matched Tom and Lucy in the Rising Star Mentoring Program, Tom called me with apprehension, “Ann, I’m not sure about this. Lucy is a technical writer. I’m a sales guy. What could I possibly teach her?”

I responded, “Tom, you’re a leader. Your job is to be Lucy’s champion as she develops her own leadership. You will make a difference simply by sharing your unique perspectives, advice, and ideas.”

Hesitant but committed, he persevered on the journey.

Shortly after the program ended, the company restructured, and Lucy lost her job. Following an intense job search and through her tenacity, she landed a new opportunity.

Last week Lucy sent Tom a message on LinkedIn. (How do I know? Because Tom proudly sent me a screenshot!)

“Tom, I wanted to share the latest good news with you – I accepted a job offer! Your mentoring paid off. I was asked to give a presentation to the interviewers, and they liked my stories which made the interview less intimidating. Thanks for pushing me to be brave!“

Recently published research at the Kellogg School of Management explains Tom’s experience – mentoring is most valuable when we share tacit knowledge.

It’s not conveying codified knowledge that changes the game – Lucy didn’t need a mentor to improve her technical writing.

It’s the imparting of unwritten wisdom that makes the biggest difference – that which is intuitive and gained through work experience.

Further in their research, Kellogg Professor of Leadership Brian Uzzi and his team identified the secret to significant mentoring: teach mentees to think independently and communicate their unique viewpoints effectively.

Tom’s mentoring was impactful, not because he taught Lucy codified skills, but because, by sharing his own experiences, insights, and perceptions, Tom helped Lucy to think independently, communicate effectively, and connect with confidence and courage.

Thanks for pushing your mentee to be brave, Tom!

[Flash] Missed Expectations are the Greatest Threat to Your People’s Success

In 1993, Chinese Northern Airlines Flight 6901 was en route from Beijing to Xinjiang. The Chinese pilots were flying a U.S.-built McDonnell Douglas MD-82 airliner and attempting to land in dense fog.

Suddenly an alarm went off in the cockpit warning the pilots of their dangerous proximity to the ground. But the pilots were baffled by the alarm and the accompanying warning. One crew member asked another in Chinese, “What does ‘pull up’ mean?” Moments later, the plane crashed. The McDonnell Douglas engineers and the pilots had each made grave assumptions.

Assumptions Breed Missed Expectations

Whether you lead a mentoring program, a project team, or a business, missed expectations are the greatest threat to your people’s success.

Following any communication, we all establish expectations. Typically, these are implied and result in assumptions.

For example, you and I decide that our project necessitates regular updates. I assume the word “regular” means you want a weekly update; you assume you are going to receive a daily update from me. When I update you on Friday, you’re upset that you haven’t heard from me in five days, while I’m proud of myself for getting you a project update on time.

That’s a missed expectation.

It is the cause of every frustration, conflict, and altercation, personally and professionally. It breeds distrust and negativity in your program, on your team, and in your culture. If unaddressed or ignored, feelings fester, resulting in anger, disengagement, even attrition.

And it can be entirely prevented.

How? By assuming from the outset that there are assumptions. By being curious about those assumptions. By taking actions to confirm or negate those assumptions.

And here’s why setting expectations is so crucial in any program, on any team, in any relationship…

By working on the commitments and clarifying the outcomes, you are setting up the other person for success. You are making their experience your priority.

Some words to try:

Let’s clarify our expectations…
Let’s review and summarize our commitments…
To make sure I understand…
For context…
What time zone exactly?
To check myself, let me know what you heard…

Kill the phrase, “Does that make sense?” because it assumes an outcome – the outcome in which I agree that you made complete sense. But it doesn’t leave any space to examine where our expectations might be discordant.

If we are determined to avoid the malignancy of missed expectations, then we must stay fiercely vigilant and relentlessly committed. Assumptions abound!