For the next few years, Charlie collaborated on many songs and produced two albums, including the smash single “One Call Away” with Selena Gomez.

But in early 2020, Charlie was struggling with his music. Eventually, he decided to scrap his work on a much-anticipated third album, announcing to his fans, “none of the music feels real.”

Around this time, Charlie was dining at a restaurant in West Hollywood when the restaurant’s maître d’ approached him. He said, “Elton John would like to meet you.” (Through a friend, Elton had heard an early version of Charlie’s third album.)

Elton told Charlie, “That music you just put out is not very good.”

Charlie was a bit taken aback – as he recalls, “it stung for two minutes.”

But not because he disagreed with Elton but because Elton said precisely what Charlie was thinking right before that meal – he confirmed Charlie’s decision.

And that’s how Elton spot-mentored Charlie.

Spot Mentoring is sharing in a moment a hard-won perspective with the hope of making a difference.

Three requirements for Spot Mentoring to work:
1. Credibility
2. Benevolence
3. Contribution

Unlike mentoring relationships, Spot Mentoring doesn’t demand a bedrock of trust, goals, and structure. Instead, it starts with an observation, often by a stranger, someone who is an authority, an expert, or a leader in a particular area. Fueled by generosity, they want to contribute their insights to make an impact. 

And while typically unsolicited, Spot Mentoring is not about judging, criticizing, or offering advice. Instead, it’s about intentionally validating someone’s experience or revealing an opportunity.  

Charlie didn’t seek guidance from Elton – they hadn’t even met yet! And Elton didn’t attack, reprimand, or berate – he didn’t even offer Charlie any advice.

Rather, the iconic crooner took the initiative to leverage his wisdom gained from decades in the music industry and nudge a floundering musician.

When you see an opportunity to do some good with your experiences or expertise, dare to engage.

Mentoring makes us better human beings through relationships. Spot Mentoring works on our humanity in moments.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

On a scenic drive through Point Reyes National Park in California, I passed a farm and spotted a cow lying on its side, starting to give birth.

Overjoyed at the serendipity, I pulled over and stood at the fence to watch. But nothing happened – the mother was in distress.

Being the only witness, I drove to the farmhouse to alert the farmer. Concerned but prepared, he followed me with the necessary equipment. We returned to a crowd that had gathered, cars parked up and down the street.

With his tools, the farmer helped the cow deliver her baby.

But the calf wasn’t moving – and neither was the crowd. We were aghast.

The farmer looked over at all of us standing behind the fence. Anxiety swept over his face – as he couldn’t let this calf die in front of all these people!

So, he started pushing on the calf’s chest, hoping to bring air and life into the newborn. But nothing happened.

The crowd was chillingly quiet as we held our collective breath, willing the calf to breathe. No one moved.

Feeling a certain kinship with the farmer, I started cheering, “Keep going!” I clapped to encourage him, and the crowd quickly joined me.

We were uproariously whooping, hollering, and cheering for the farmer and the calf. With each effort the farmer made, we clapped and clamored, “Keep going!” and “Come on!”

After what felt like an eternity, the calf lifted its head, coughed, and jumped up. He was alive!

The crowd went crazy, screaming with joy and applauding in celebration! 

The farmer walked over to the fence as we watched the mother start feeding her baby.

He said to me, “Thank you. There were many moments when I felt like giving up and declaring the calf dead, but then I heard all of you cheering. It kept me going – I didn’t want to stop.”

We couldn’t rescue the farmer. We couldn’t help him or fix the situation. Heck, we couldn’t even give him any advice.

All we could do was cheer. But the cheering was the catalyst.

As mentors and leaders, sometimes people just need us to stand at the fence and cheer.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

In self-directed mentoring programs, people show up with a purpose: a goal. They then use the search & connect tools to find a mentor who can contribute to that goal.

The goal ignites the search for a mentor.

Conversely, in managed programs, the emphasis is on recruiting and matching participants. And the notion of a “goal” is relegated to an agenda item at the program kickoff.

The match prompts the need to find a goal.

Unfortunately, this “find some goal!” approach leaves many mentees cringing at the thought of “another thing to do.” They often disregard or dismiss their mentors if they can’t think of one, claiming, “I’m too busy!”

Without a goal, mentees often flounder, confused about how or why to engage.

But when a mentee is fueled by a compelling purpose, they become determined to find a mentor to obtain the advice they need, thus prioritizing the relationship with unfettered resolution.

Whether in a self-directed or managed program, prioritize your goal before a match. Identify your “why” before your “who.”

Wait! What if the word “goal” feels daunting or brazen? What if it’s confronting to create a plan for the future when you can’t even see around the corner?

Pick a “mentoring focus” instead.

What is a mentoring focus? An area of your life where you urgently need a thought partner, a champion, an advocate, a trusted advisor, a guide, or a confidante. For example,

•  improving a current situation
•  handling an in-the-moment crisis
•  taking on a new project
•  grappling with an obstacle or a decision
•  navigating a transition

Sure, big, hairy, audacious goals are borne out of aspirations for a better horizon. But we only get there with a multitude of small steps. And those steps require a focus – your why for embracing a mentor.

When you have a captivating cause, a mentor becomes the gateway to your future!

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Whether we want to merely be polite and entertaining or intentionally curious and committed to connecting, it’s all about the questions we ask.

To prepare conversation-starter questions, pay attention to talk show hosts and podcast interviewers. Take, for example, Ryan Seacrest, co-host of the television show Live with Kelly and Ryan, and Willie Geist, host of the weekly podcast Sunday Sitdown.

Ryan engages light-heartedly in entertaining, surface-level banter. Whereas Willie immerses himself in his guest’s world, determined to discover and appreciate that person’s journey and the insights they have gleaned from life.

Some example questions pulled directly from their recent interviews:

Ryan Questions

• Did you go anywhere after the Oscars?
• Will there be any reunion of the Avengers?
• What’s your workout regime?
• Do your kids join you on location?
• How do you find the time for all of this?
• What do you do for Thanksgiving? Any traditions?
• What are you watching on TV?
• You have a big announcement – what are you up to?
• Were you nervous?
• Tell us about that new project.

Willie Questions

• What have you learned this year?
• What made you choose that direction?
• What was that experience like?
• Why is that your favorite thing to do?
• Where did that passion come from?
• What’s it like to…
• Which move felt like your big break?
• Do you think that decision helped or hurt your career?
• How much fun do you have with that?
• What’s on the horizon that you’re looking forward to?

Regardless of the conversations that you create this holiday, guests will be grateful for your effort to engage and your interest in their lives. And who knows… you might feel more connected, learn something new, turn strangers into friends, and savor the celebration.

Happy Thanksgiving!

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

According to the author Don Miguel Ruiz, everything we do is based on agreements we’ve made with ourselves and with others. When those agreements are fear-based, they fuel self-limitations, diminish self-worth, and inflame needless suffering.

He argues that to free ourselves from fear, we must re-negotiate these agreements and adopt new ones.

His 4 agreements for less stress and more joy:

1. Be impeccable with your word
2. Don’t take anything personally
3. Don’t make assumptions
4. Always do your best

And what better construct to practice these life edicts than the safe environment of a mentoring relationship?

Here’s how to strengthen our mentoring experiences with the four agreements:

1. Be impeccable with your word.

• Speak with integrity; choose your words intentionally – they have influence and power.
• Don’t gossip about others – it doesn’t serve the mentoring conversation.
• Follow through on commitments – taking responsibility for actions strengthens trust and engagement with your mentoring partner.

2. Don’t take anything personally.

• Each of you brings your unique viewpoint to the relationship.
• Advice from a mentor is not meant as an indictment, a judgment, or an affront – mentors might be inexperienced in their delivery, but they’re never evil.
• Likewise, inaction by a mentee is not a reflection of the mentor’s value.
• Mentoring is personal, but don’t take it personally.

3. Don’t make assumptions.

• Assumptions are the greatest threat to your mentoring relationship.
• Close gaps in expectations early and often to avoid unnecessary conflict.
• Engage with curiosity and compassion. Ask questions. Clarify. Confirm.
• When connecting with a mentoring partner, don’t rely only on email. Dial the phone, send a text, and direct a message on Teams or LinkedIn.

4. Always do your best.

• In each interaction with your mentoring partner, do your best to integrate the first three agreements.
• Respond. Be present. Be engaged. Turn on your camera or show up in person. Take notes. Follow up. Follow through. Contribute. Be contributed to.

With four simple yet profound agreements, we can free ourselves from the sabotage that undermines our mentoring and threatens our joy in life.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

While she has never taken a business class, Jennifer does not allow her lack of education and experience to hold her back. Instead, she shared in an interview recently that she enjoys “just being completely ignorant and having this incredible group of brilliant people to talk to.”

Jennifer then revealed how she keeps learning from this group. “As we’re in meetings, I circle what I don’t understand so I can ask later.”

With a resolve to grow from the people around her, Jennifer has learned to lead while leading. “It’s been a full-on education for me, but I’m happiest in a community.”

“In the beginning, I was always asking [Once Upon a Time CEO John] Foraker. We’d finish a call, and I would call him back to ask these basic business questions.”

But as Jennifer’s understanding and proficiency strengthened, so did her questions. She continued, “I started going deeper and asking questions that were more CPG-specific [Consumer Packaged Goods], then I would ask more grocery-related things and even go on sales calls all over the country.”

How Jennifer’s belief in mentoring bolstered her leadership:

• Confident she could learn from her partners, she accepted a role based on her passion, not based on her experience or expertise
• She regularly highlights her knowledge gaps so she can focus her questions
• She makes a point of asking in the moment
• She measures her growth by the improvement of her questions
• She seeks new experiences for additional learning

Jennifer didn’t allow her fear or imposter syndrome to derail her desire to join the company and become a leader. Rather, she looked to her community and leaned on the power of her peers to bridge the gaps in her wisdom.

Her sage advice: “There is strength in believing in your partners.”

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

He turned to Kristine McDivitt, another manager at Patagonia, and put her at the helm.

As she retells it in an interview, which Yvon highlighted in his book Let My People Go Surfing, “In 1977, there were 16 of us when [the general manager] quit. Yvon gave me the companies, saying in effect, ‘Here’s Patagonia. Here’s Chouinard Equipment. Do with them what you will. I’m going climbing.”

But Kristine had no business experience – she didn’t know how to run a company.

So, she started asking people for free advice – she cold-called for mentoring.

“I just called presidents of banks and said, ‘I’ve been given these companies to run, and I’ve no idea what I’m doing. I think someone should help me.’ And they did. If you just ask people for help – if you just admit that you don’t know something – they will fall all over themselves trying to help. So from there, I began building the company.”

Kristine successfully ran and grew Patagonia as CEO for 13 years.

Ad Hoc Mentoring
While we always assume people are busy, we can also assume that people have advice to share.

Asking someone for help triggers their “prosocial behavior” – their desire to help for the greater good.  Essentially, when we ask someone for guidance, we are inviting them to help us and make a difference.

Gratifyingly, offering advice, perspectives, or ideas is an easy lift. People can contribute without assuming the project or the problem. They get to help without the homework.

While Kristine’s audacious task of leading Patagonia fueled her need to create these conversations, we each have the power to elevate any interaction into ad hoc mentoring.

How? Five simple words: “Can I ask your advice?”

And because ad hoc mentoring is indifferent to title, tenure, rank, and age, we can connect and converse with anyone.

When you couple that compelling question with determination and courage, you’ll effortlessly unlock a world of wisdom.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

The firm’s managing partner, Glen Rossman, had personally called to offer me the job and encourage me to join his practice. I confess, Glen had me at “hello!”

I was excited about my adventure. Finally, after seven years of schooling, I was ready to wear a suit, enter the workforce, and earn a paycheck!

But when I arrived at the sea of cubicles on Floor 5, I quickly discovered a malaise lingering like San Francisco fog. My colleagues were unhappy – they didn’t love their adult jobs like I thought they would.

And I was certain that Glen was unaware of this discontent. Unfortunately, Glen’s title intimidated people into promoting the façade of a happy workforce instead of revealing the reality.

Perhaps it was my naivete, but I felt a responsibility to inform Glen – how could he address it if he was nescient regarding the situation?

Concurrently, I was reading The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz and discovering the importance of including solutions to any problem presented to the boss. So, I prepared several ideas.

I then typed an interoffice memo to Glen (yes, there was a time before email…) with my observations and ideas and sent it via interoffice mail.

Admittedly, it was a bit brazen, but it was well-intentioned.

A week later, Glen’s assistant phoned – Glen was ready to discuss my memo.

I was incredibly nervous – I was meeting with the managing partner, and I wasn’t sure if I was in trouble.

Quite the opposite. Glen was curious and eager to learn from me! Over the next six months, we met regularly to explore my observations and my proposed solutions. He then implemented a few of my ideas and noticeably improved the culture of the office!

I’ve always been grateful to Glen for his mentoring – he encouraged my enthusiasm, my initiative, and my leadership. And I credit Glen for kindling my passion around our collective quest for #joblove.

But Glen also modeled a valuable leadership quality: the commitment to discover, learn, and grow regardless of tenure and title.

Glen wasn’t placating me during our six months of meetings – he was inviting me to mentor him!

Bottom line: mentoring can strengthen leadership muscles, but only if leaders intentionally engage in a variety of mentoring conversations.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.