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When someone wishes you…

• Merry Christmas… and you are Christian or not Christian
• Happy Hanukkah… and you are Jewish or not Jewish
• Happy Kwanza… and you are African-American or not African-American
• Season’s Greetings… and you are agoraphobic or not agoraphobic
• Happy Holidays… and you are religious or not religious
• Happy New Year… and you are good with dates or bad with dates

You say: “Thank you! Same to you!”

The simplicity of this recommendation is actually profound: Meet people where they are, not where you are.

Understandably, we expect others to offer an appropriate holiday wish. But that’s not always practical or possible. And sometimes, even those who know us well are distracted, forgetful, or inadvertent – that’s just where they are at that moment.

Instead of assuming that others are being rude or dogmatic with their beliefs, seek to understand their intentions – politeness, friendliness, amiability, holiday spirit.

If we express outrage or insult, we become rude and self-oriented – making it all about us. Being offended when the offense was not intended is a waste of time and energy.

Rather than interpreting someone’s use of specific greetings, let’s just assume good intent behind the holiday well-wishing and move on.

Kindness is extending to people the benefit of the doubt. And that includes letting go of our expectations around holiday greetings.

Wishing you Happy Everything!

© 2023. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Norman Lear passed away last week at 101, leaving a legacy of exploring, creating, and laughing.

“The soundtrack of my life has been laughter. I believe it has everything to do with a long life.” 

Best known for producing popular sitcoms in the 1970s: All in the Family, Sanford and Sons, The Jeffersons, Maude, and Good Times, Norman brought joy to millions through the television screen while audaciously introducing heated political and social themes such as abortion, bigotry, and sexism.

Throughout his career, Norman created, wrote, and produced over 100 shows, with six more in the works when he died! 

When asked about his constant stream of projects, Norman reflected, “I don’t want to wake up in the morning without hope.”

With this mindset, Norman refused to retire. He wrote his memoir at age 92 and launched his podcast All of the Above with Norman Lear, at age 95, sharing stories and seeking wisdom from 64 guests over two years.

Also known for supporting liberal and progressive causes and politicians, Norman founded People for the American Way, a progressive advocacy organization, in 1981. And yet, at the same time, Norman nurtured a pen pal relationship with President Ronald Regan, a staunch Republican supporting opposing views.

Commenting on the ostensible conflict, Norman responded like an earnest mentee of life, “We are in this lifetime together. And maybe it’s possible to appreciate the other guy for the way his mind works, even when he’s not working your way.”

How did Norman come to this philosophy? He loved Ralph Waldo Emerson’s quote: “Every man I meet is my superior in some way, and in that, I learn from him.”

As Norman approached his centenarian milestone, he was interviewed often, inviting him to reflect and mentor us from his lifetime of exploring and experimenting. Norman offered this advice:

“There are two little words we don’t pay enough attention to: Over and Next.”

“Over!” is recognizing when an experience is done, letting it go, and refusing to ruminate. And “Next!” is eagerly anticipating and creating the possibility of the future.

Norman urged, “When something is over, it is over, and we are on to the next. Between those words, we live in moments – make the most of them.”

© 2023. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

During lunch, Nurse Executive Susan Grant recognized the teams for contributing to the mentoring culture at Wellstar. She stressed its importance, pointing to evidence that connects mentoring to nurse satisfaction and patient safety.

Susan also reflected on the significant role mentoring has played in her career path, quoting:

“Helen Keller said, ‘My friends have made the story of my life.’ Well, my mentors have made the story of my career.” 

Susan then shared the stories of the pivotal mentors who guided, encouraged, and championed her career transitions from new nurse to nurse leader. Admittedly, some were intentional mentors, while others were unexpected and only appreciated in hindsight.

Susan’s mentor-enriched experience made me reflect on the mentors who have made the story of my career…

• Mr. Rogina, my high school business law teacher, who sparked my enthusiasm for law.
• My mom who announced that, yes, in fact, women can be lawyers.
• Glen Rossman who encouraged me to relocate to California to join his practice.
• Allison Leopold Tilley who showed me how to be a confident Silicon Valley lawyer.
• My clients Robert Siegel and Piyush Patel who helped me think like an entrepreneur.
• Jan King who guided me in publishing my first book.
• Pam Deahl who invited me to pitch my first mentoring program 20 years ago.
• Kathleen Ronald who practically pushed me onto my first keynote stage.
• Pat McFarland who partnered with me to bring mentoring to the Association of California Nurse Leaders.
• Janette Moreno who nudged me to attend my first Magnet conference.

And those are merely a few highlights! The list would be indescribably long if I mentioned every colleague or client who contributed to me through their mentoring.

Not only have my mentors made my career, but they’ve also made the journey less lonely and more fulfilling while bolstering my confidence and positivity.

(As this month’s energetic webinar guest Jenny Apostol described, “Mentors become our fan base!”)

This exercise is also inspiring me to acknowledge that my mentees have also made my career.

By mentoring others, I have noticeably improved my active listening, guided problem-solving, and altruistic championing…

…essential skills for being a great peer, leader, and human being! 

© 2023. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

When Stephen appeared as a guest on the SmartLess podcast recently, the hosts reflected on the team’s enduring success, posing this thoughtful question: 

How does a team that has appeared in six finals and won four championships in the last nine years sustain its drive season after season? 

And like a mentor, Stephen offered a fresh perspective and a valuable strategy:

“If we don’t win a championship, it’s a failed season for us because of the standard. But you can’t just show up and say that. There must be a level of detail for how we approach the year.

“We have to win the week – that’s what we call it. This gives us a singular focus – we must have a weekly winning record.

“That’s how we get the bite-sized motivation for the 9-month journey. We seek little bits of celebratory moments. When we go 2 (wins) to 1 (loss) in a 3-game week, we say, ‘Yeah! We did that!’

“It might sound strange for a team that has won four championships, but it keeps us in the fight.”

Win the Week!

1. Tackle weekly mini-goals in pursuit of an audacious, aspirational goal
2. Create a singular focus
3. Combat overwhelm by climbing molehills, not mountains
4. Seek celebratory moments
5. Work on excellence, not perfection.

For the Warriors, “Win the Week” does not equate to being undefeated. Instead, the aim each week is to win more than lose.

How could we leverage Win the Week? 

• When Stephen King writes a book, he aims for 1,000 words a day.
• When I biked across the country, I aimed for 50 miles a day.
• For specific sales quotas, aim for 500 calls and 500 emails per week.
• For managers committed to 100% retention, aim for five recognition emails and three 1:1 meetings each week.
• For certain health goals, aim for five intense workouts per week and seven hours of sleep per night.

Setting audacious goals is not the challenge. It’s sticking with them that topples the best of aspirations. 

On the literal and proverbial court, championships don’t happen unless we first Win the Week.

© 2023. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Here are 12 phrases to help us connect, not just cope:

1. You look terrific!
People are constantly critiquing themselves, especially during the holidays. We can instantly reassure them with a (genuine) compliment. 

2. You’re amazing!
Ask people about their recent adventures or experiences – everyone deserves a spotlight!

3. How can I help? 
Swap “Do you need help?” with “How can I help?” to indicate your commitment to making a difference. Better yet, start helping!

4. What’s your perspective? 
Everyone has a perspective, and their view of the world is inevitably different than yours. Get ready to discover what they see!

5. Tell me the story…
Demonstrate an interest in their experience. “Tell me the story of that perspective. How did you get there?” Or “tell me the story of your job change, college decision, vacation…”

6. That’s wonderful, frustrating, or interesting.
People have an innate desire to be understood. No matter the story, validate their experience and make them feel heard by mirroring their feelings with your words.

7. Have you considered…? What about this idea…?
If they ask for your advice or get stuck venting, offer an idea for consideration. Doing so with a question allows you to contribute without judgment, expectation, or pressure. 

8. Not yet.
 “No” halts conversation, whereas “Not yet” fuels possibility.

9. Say more…
As in, “I’m curious about that idea. Say more about what you’re thinking.”

10. To change the subject…
Not every conversation needs to be exhausted over a basted turkey. Conversations can change, and this phrase signals your intent to change it. 

11. Grateful!
Using an alternative to “thanks” causes people to hear it and ourselves to mean it. Options: “Grateful!” “Appreciate you!” or “Much obliged.” For more significant impact, add context: “I’m grateful that you…” “I appreciate you for…”

12. “Pleasure.”
I worked with a woman from South Africa who always responded to my “Thanks” with “Pleasure!” as in, “It was a pleasure to help.” This cheerful response made me delighted that we partnered. 

Regardless of the conversations you create this holiday, guests will appreciate your effort to engage. And who knows… you might feel more connected and compassionate as you savor the celebration.

Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving!

© 2023. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

The challenge: Taylor’s attempts to buy back her recordings from her old record label came with unsavory stipulations. 

The unexpected mentoring: When Taylor publicly shared her frustration and anger over the situation, she received a tweet from Kelly Clarkson with an idea:

@taylorswift13 just a thought, U should go in & re-record all the songs that U don’t own the masters on exactly how U did them, but put brand new art & some kind of incentive so fans will no longer buy the old versions. 

The pivot: Seemingly energized by Kelly’s unexpected mentoring, Taylor re-recorded her music with brand-new album artwork.

As for the “incentive,” Taylor added a series of never-before-heard songs that did not make the original album cut to encourage fans to stream the rereleased version of the album.

By doing so, Taylor reclaimed her art and sabotaged others from fully profiting from her master recordings. She has released four of her first six albums, each of which has outperformed the originals.

The recognition: Apparently, Taylor sends flowers to Kelly each time she releases one of her re-recorded albums.

The unexpecting mentor: Kelly didn’t see herself as a mentor. “Taylor’s a very smart businesswoman. So, she would have thought of it herself.” She didn’t reach out, intending to mentor Taylor formally.

Instead, Kelly graciously extended an idea and encouragement out of admiration and respect for Taylor. 

Unexpected mentoring occurs when someone – without advance planning or even a relationship – provides advice, perspectives, ideas, insights, experiences, or encouragement. No judgment. No expectations.

Sometimes, the mentor doesn’t even realize their comment is game-changing, while the mentee only recognizes it in hindsight.

When I was interning at a law firm near graduation, a partner made an off-handed remark, bestowing seminal yet accidental advice: “Best thing I ever did was move away from home.” 

After that unexpected mentoring, I moved to California following law school. If I remembered his name, I, too, would send him flowers – without knowing it, he gave me permission to pivot!

Advice matters.

© 2023. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

While his career journey had been prosperous – 20 years at Bain & Company from consultant to CEO, CEO of eBay, CEO of ServiceNow – he recognized the need for an intentional pause. So, John took a year off.

During this sabbatical, he created what he called a “Wisdom Tour” – a quest for inspiration, advice, and guidance through a series of mentoring conversations.

Reflecting on the enriching experience in an interview with Fortune’s podcast Leadership Next, John said:

“I was 55 thinking, what will I care about when I’m 65? Some people are 65 who have vitality – they’re young at heart, they’re happy. But there are an awful lot of people at 65 where that’s not the case.

“I learned from brain science that our brains get more negative over time. So I started reaching out to people 65 and over who have the vitality that I looked up to.”

In total, John connected with 50 people and asked:

“Tell me how you understand your life at this stage and how you have handled transitions since your 50s. How can I keep vitality into my 60s and 70s?”

5 lessons John learned during his Wisdom Tour:

1. Attitude is everything
2. Hang out with people you strive to be like
3. Be time-conscious and choose meaningful, consequential activities
4. Use your gifts in service of others
5. Allow serendipity to unfold instead of controlling everything

This learning journey informed John’s next stage of his life. He recognized his gift as service-based leadership and sought a role that would allow him to leverage it. With this clarity, he joined Nike as its new CEO.

You don’t need to quit your job to create your own Wisdom Tour. But you need to:

• recognize when you’re in a transition
• acknowledge the benefit of curating wisdom from others
• intentionally create an abundance of mentoring conversations
• be vulnerable and humble
• listen without judgment or dismissal
• take good notes, reflect, and synthesize

Wisdom is swirling all around us… but accessible only to those brave enough to seize it!

© 2023. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Wanting to experiment, I decided to order vegetarian options. Immediately, I discovered the joy of plant-based plates palatably and logistically. To me, being vegetarian is easy – I always find something to eat no matter where I go, without issue or declaration.

But it was the community friction I was unprepared for.

When people in my life noticed that I – the girl who grew up on a farm eating the animals we raised and the Big Macs we didn’t – was choosing forks over knives, they commented, questioned, and challenged me:

• Why are you doing that?
• I thought you grew up on a farm?
• What’s wrong with meat?
• Do we need to go somewhere else?
• Didn’t you used to eat steak?
• Aren’t you feeling sluggish?
• I don’t know how to feed you!
• What will you do for food on Thanksgiving? 
• That must be so hard – I can’t imagine!

Today, no one cares that I pass on the meat dish. And in fact, most people in my life have long forgotten that I used to love fish and filet mignon.

So why the initial friction?

We don’t hate change; in fact, we each actively work on creating change daily. How do I know? We constantly set and drive goals. Goals are the gateway to change.

Here’s the problem. While we want change, we don’t want to be changed.

And when we change, it forces other people to change how they know and relate to us. They experience “being changed” and resist.

But instead of surrendering, seek allies.

An ally is like mentor lite – a champion, a sympathizer, a collaborator – someone who supports or shares the journey. Allies don’t require a rationale to cheer. They offer a confidence boost without judgment.

While a mentor is always an ally, an ally doesn’t need to be a mentor. Allies stand with us, validating and encouraging.

Our meandering path is ours to create and discover at our pace. We don’t owe anyone a justification or an explanation for any change we choose. But sometimes, people who do not understand our choices demand one.

Whether you’re changing your health, your career path, your hobbies, or even your outlook, align with allies. They have the power to drown out the change-resistors and bolster our perseverance.

But to find allies, we must first be an ally…

© 2023. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.