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1. Knowing how to solve problems.
2. Knowing about people.

To apply this to mentoring, knowing how to solve problems is how most mentors mentor – they point mentees in the right direction. They ask about a situation and then offer life-altering advice.

And because most people crave an easy button, they seek Problem-Solving Mentors who can quickly help them find the pathway they’ve missed.

Knowing about people is more nuanced wisdom. People-Knowing Mentors don’t tell people what to do – they create a safe space for mentees to navigate situations and discover their path. This mentor joins a mentee’s growth journey, supporting the exploration, challenging the obvious, and revealing potential.

How do we shift from being Problem-Solving Mentors to People-Knowing Mentors? By doing what Brooks calls: “Loud Listening.”

Typically, we listen by hearing the words someone speaks. And communication experts preach “active listening,” which is being patiently attentive and then acknowledging what we’ve heard.

But Loud Listening is involved listening, enabling us to know a person deeply and contribute to them greatly.

Loud Listening entails listening for understanding, asking questions for context and clarification, scouting for the unspoken, probing for insights, and supporting the mentee as they process, stumble, and unearth options.

Questions Loud Listeners ask:

• What was that experience like?
• Why do you think that happened?
• Why does it bother/excite you?
• What is the backstory, side story, or understory?
• How did you come to that perspective?
• What would the other person say if they were recounting this story?
• What was the result of that conversation?
• What are you going to do to get the results you want? [credit: The Oz Principles]
• In what ways do you want to grow in the next year?
• What kind of leader do you want to be?
• What do you want others to think when they see you coming?

Loud Listening ignites curiosity, awakening a mentee to the possibilities in each problem and situation. 

Wise mentors intentionally meet what Brooks calls “crucial conversational moments” with Loud Listening, choosing to immerse in the moment before introducing a segue, a story, or a solution.

Suddenly, the easy button becomes a meaningful button. 

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

These Roundtables are powerful not because of the stars they bring together but because of the structured conversations they kindle – they are Mentoring Circles that just happen to promote industry talent.

During each Roundtable, a facilitator leads the celebrities in an insightful exchange with thoughtful, relevant questions, prompting them to reflect on their careers, challenges, and experiences in Hollywood.

This year’s Actress Roundtable did not disappoint.

Demi Moore, Zoe Saldana, Mickey Madison, Tilda Swinton, Angelina Jolie, and Zendaya explored topics ranging from imposter syndrome and second-guessing their decisions to feeling self-conscious and ignoring their inner critics.

Like prior Roundtables, their conversation was revealing, entertaining, and uplifting.

At one point, Zendaya reflected on the beauty of connecting in this format,

“I appreciate having moments like this because at least now the connections are made. I can reach out and ask questions because all of you have such experience, and that’s so valuable. I often feel too nervous to reach out and ask, “Hey can I get some advice?”

To which Demi Moore quickly responded,

“In truth, it’s a real gift to feel like there’s any kind of experience, strength, and hope I could impart to someone. That is actually enriching. So, reach out!”

Proving that the desire for mentoring knows no bounds!

Unfortunately, many people feel like Zendaya: too nervous to reach out.

And most mentors feel like Demi: longing to impart their wisdom, hoping someone will benefit from it.

So what stops people (even famous people!) from connecting? That which can derail the best of us: fear, time, and distractions.

And that’s when a formal mentoring structure plays a strategic role, intentionally bringing people together for purposeful conversation.

Mentoring circles, mentoring programs, buddy programs, group mentoring, and job shadowing each normalize the exchange of advice, perspectives, and ideas. 

The Hollywood Reporter Roundtables work because the mentoring circle format reduces the intimidation factor, de-risking the connection.

And when the space feels safe, strangers evolve into acquaintances, and chitchat becomes bold banter.

But we don’t need an Oscar nomination to know that we could use some advice or that someone would benefit from our hard-earned wisdom.

We simply need to stop trying to navigate life alone.

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

It was in 1997, on the set of the movie Copland, that Peter set his intention on directing.

As he explained during an interview on the SmartLess podcast, Peter was in a scene with Sylvester Stallone, Robert De Niro, and Ray Leonard waiting to deliver his one line in the script, wondering, “What am I doing with my career?”

And then he noticed the director, James Mangold arguing with Stallone and questioning creative direction with De Niro and Leonard.

As Peter remembered the moment, “The director was alive! He had energy coming out of him!” 

At lunch, Peter walked up to Mangold, whom he did not really know, and asked earnestly, “How do I get your job?”

Instead of feeling threatened by Peter’s eagerness, Mangold welcomed it! He didn’t patronize or ridicule Peter. Instead, he conspiratorially shared his strategy with Peter.

Mangold said, “You’ve got to write. I use notecards to start writing the scenes and outlining the script.”

So, Peter did just that to craft the script for Very Bad Things, which launched his debut as a feature film director.

Similarly, when nurse manager Mervin Francisco-Passarella set his aspirations on becoming a Chief Nurse Executive (CNE), he gave voice to that vision by sharing it with his leader.

Mervin emphasized, “I admire the way you lead. I want to serve in a similar position someday.” 

Mervin’s vulnerability, coupled with respect, invited the mentoring he needed from his boss. In many conversations over the years, they explored Mervin’s winding path to the CNE role.

He continued to show up as mentor-able, allowing various leaders to show up as mentor-ful. In November, Mervin was promoted to Chief Nurse Executive.

When we let people know where we are headed and that we could use some guidance, it summons – even inspires – their contributions. The welcome mat for mentoring!

Before GPS became our copilot, we often stopped strangers to ask for directions. Doing so was an outright admission that we needed help on our route. 

Today, while we are more efficient with our navigation, technology shortchanges that human connection. Even strangers extend encouragement, nuanced guidance, and personalized, lived experiences.

But only when we point to a destination. 

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Benioff began his response by describing the endless amount of information that CEOs navigate daily: emails, texts, meetings, articles, reports, research, news, and updates.

To quickly navigate the overload, leaders tend to lean heavily on their vast experience and expertise to solve problems, often failing to consider or acknowledge new ideas or approaches.

Unfortunately, this I’m-an-expert approach favors efficiency over possibility.

To combat the hubris of previous experience, Benioff revealed his commitment to shoshin.

A Zen Buddhist concept, “shoshin” means having a beginner’s mind. It entails looking at a problem or a situation through the lens of a newcomer.

With shoshin, we are open, eager to discover, and free of preconceptions, assumptions, and expectations – just like beginners. With this frame of mind, anything is possible!

Imagine being new to a project, a problem, or a puzzle – the mind is filled with wonder and curiosity.

Benioff applies this same concept to mentoring.

When a leader calls Benioff for advice, he practices shoshin to ensure he meets the conversation with possibility, focusing first on the person, not the problem. 

Here’s how he unfolds a mentoring conversation:

• “Let’s start with your level of mindfulness and your mindset. Where are you?
• “What do you really want? That is the number one question to start.
• “What’s important to you?
• “Let’s start there with your vision and your values. That is where I want to spend the time with you right now.”

Benioff’s mentoring approach is like a pause button – encouraging people to see themselves first.

Mentoring is not about having all the answers. It’s about asking questions that prompt a change in thinking.

Benioff’s questions pause the propensity to fix problems with the been-there-done-it experience. He is unearthing a mentee’s core which then serves as a beacon for any advice, ideas, and guidance.

When a mentee asks for our support, we too risk leaning on our experience instead of exploring with our curiosity. Our desire to immediately fix a problem can drive us to offer a solution impulsively.

Where are you?
What do you hope for? 
What’s most important to you?

But starting with these three questions, we can create conversations that demand a beginner’s mind – ours and our mentees’.

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

As I reflect on the Flash Mentoring articles that I wrote for you each week in 2024, I’m resharing the 9 that generated the most conversation:

1. Jelly Roll’s Father Mentored Him on Perfection Intolerance
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-jelly-rolls-father-mentored-him-on-perfection-intolerance/

2. Why Ryan Reynolds Chooses Observation Over Evaluation
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-why-ryan-reynolds-chooses-observation-over-evaluation/

3. Winners Quit a Lot
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-winners-quit-a-lot/

4. When a Broadway Actress Retaliated for Unsolicited Advice (and How You Can Avoid This in Mentoring)
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-when-a-broadway-actress-retaliated-for-unsolicited-advice-and-how-to-avoid-this-in-mentoring/

5. When Lucille Ball Mentored Carol Burnett Who Mentored Julia Louis-Dreyfus
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-when-lucille-ball-mentored-carol-burnett-who-mentored-julia-louis-dreyfus/

6. When Johnny Carson Delegated the Desk and Mentored David Letterman
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-when-johnny-carson-delegated-the-desk-and-mentored-david-letterman/

7. The Quest to Matter (the Undercurrent of Mentoring)
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-the-quest-to-matter-the-undercurrent-of-mentoring/

8. Why Michelle Obama Mentors
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-why-michelle-obama-mentors/

9. Path-Pivoting Mentorship (Are You a Ready-Now Mentee?)
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-path-pivoting-mentorship-are-you-a-ready-now-mentee/

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March 2025 marks 10 years of my weekly Flash articles. Thank you for reading and rooting!

It is a delight to be on this bigger-better-bolder adventure with you! I look forward to circling the sun with you again! Happy New Year!

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

I think of him especially at this time of year because he looked like Santa Claus: thick white beard, sparkling eyes, round protruding belly, bulbous red nose, and a hearty laugh.

I don’t pretend to know what he was like before he was sober, but I am inspired by the person he became after:

• he dressed up as Santa Claus every year for the town parade
• he served as a crossing guard at the grade school, loved by hundreds of children
• he became a sponsor for AA, supporting others with their second chance
• he graduated from college at age 65 with a degree in counseling
• he pedaled his first century bicycle ride (100 miles!) at age 70, inspiring my own love of cycling

But not everyone forgave him. Some people refused to accept the person he had become or see his potential. Their vision was clouded by their experience.

In his book Stumbling on Happiness, Daniel Gilbert reflected, “Human beings are works in progress who mistakenly think they’re finished.”

We underestimate our capacity to change and grow over time.

Unfortunately, we often project this same notion onto others – we interact with people as if they are presenting us with their finished product. We define them by their actions instead of their promise.

We gravely dismiss people’s ability or desire to evolve, failing to acknowledge that they, too, are on a learning journey.

Every year during this holiday season, people furiously purchase gifts for friends, colleagues, and family – sometimes out of companionship, sometimes out of obligation.

What if we also gave people the gift of:

• a second chance
• acceptance
• belief and conviction
• support, advocacy, encouragement
• our mentoring and championship

No one needs a gift receipt for hope, validation, and possibility. 

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

This is according to research conducted by Professor Sigal Barsade, who spent her career exploring the importance of having friends at work.

Unfortunately, we’re often so busy collecting followers and likes on social media that we neglect the art of making “friends.” From 1990-2020, the percentage of Americans who said they had no friends quadrupled! [David Brooks, How to Know a Person]

Surgeon General Vivek Murthy describes this as an “epidemic of loneliness.”

As a solution, he suggests, “When we serve other people, we not only feel connected to them in the moment, but we actually remind ourselves that we have value to bring to the world.”

Serving other people is the rock on which mentoring stands. Mentors volunteer to support someone’s success by offering advice, guidance, and ideas.

When I first started MentorLead in 2005, I thought my job was to help strangers become friends so that advice-giving could flourish.

But turning strangers into friends takes time – a scarce commodity in mentoring. So, I used to focus my mentor training heavily on building a trusting relationship.

After running a few programs, I decided to try something new in my turning-strangers-into-friends mission. I brought the mentees together soon after matching them to ascertain their level of engagement with their mentor.

Being only one month into the program, I was merely hopeful the mentoring pairs had made contact.

To my surprise, a mentee eagerly shared, “I met with my mentor and enjoyed having a safe space to talk about my concerns.” Other mentees shared similar experiences, also referencing and appreciating the “safe space.”

Wait! Safe space?

A “safe space” requires trust and confidentiality, respect and inclusivity, empathy and understanding, and freedom from judgment and fear. Infusing all of that into a new relationship takes time! 

How could these strangers experience a “safe space” in their first meeting?

Here’s what I have discovered…

It’s the word “mentoring.” We instinctively project trust into a “mentoring” relationship.

Why? Because we assume that if someone volunteers to serve in a mentor capacity – to be our work friend, to see us when we feel unseen, to offer us their time, advice, and resources, to guide us through some challenge or change – then they must be trustworthy.

The act of agreeing to be our mentor cements the foundation of a safe space.

Once in a while, a leader voices a concern that “formal” mentoring might feel contrived and synthetic.

But if we can use a programmatic structure to help some people volunteer to serve and others to find that work friend they fiercely need, then does it matter that a meet-cute didn’t happen? 

What truly matters is that people connect with someone who brings compassion, confidentiality, an absence of criticism, and an abundance of championship.

In that safe space, loneliness doesn’t stand a chance.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Ruth started her career as a chef before becoming a food writer and restaurant critic for the LA Times and then The NY Times.

Ruth’s job entailed eating around New York City and reporting on her dining experiences. Because she felt an obligation to provide accurate reviews for everyday diners, Ruth often dined in disguise to ensure she was not recognized.

And that’s how she showed up at Le Cirque – with a wig. To her surprise, the staff was rude and disrespectful to Ruth-in-disguise.

Suspecting they would give her preferential treatment if they thought she was important, she returned to the restaurant as Ruth-the-restaurant-critic. As if on cue, the staff became slobbering sycophants upon recognizing her.

Ruth decided to tell the truth. She wrote her review, revealing the disparity in her experiences, thereby exposing Le Cirque’s discourteous behavior.

Her audacity garnered Ruth exposure and opportunities.   

In 1999 Ruth was offered the role of editor in chief for Gourmet Magazine, the beacon for food lovers. But she hesitated – she didn’t feel ready for her dream job.

It was Ruth’s older friend, Paula, who stepped in with move-the-yardstick mentoring:

Ruth, it’s never the right time. You have to take the opportunities when they come along. If you don’t take it, it won’t come again. Just do it. 

So, she did. Ruth served as Gourmet’s editor for 10 years and loved it.

Today, Ruth is the host of Gourmet’s Adventures with Ruth on PBS, the author of 13 books, and the winner of six James Beard Foundation Awards.

During a recent interview, Ruth reflected on a career steeped in risk-taking. She offered her own move-the-yardstick advice:

“Always push the envelope. It’s really important to have new experiences. The only thing that keeps us young is constantly doing things we don’t know how to do. If you spend your whole life doing things you already know how to do, you get old fast.”

As Mentors, we see our Mentees bigger, better, and bolder than they see themselves.

And when we nudge a Mentee to push past their fears and stretch for the seemingly unattainable, we help them find new courage and louder confidence. Suddenly, they see and experience their bigger-better-bolder version.

Only then can a Mentee pick up that yardstick and move it down the field. 

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

ps. Encore! We are offering a live encore presentation of our 2024-Q4 complimentary webinar:
“Unlocking the Power of Mentoring Programs to Retain Nurses, Improve Leadership, and Strengthen your Hospital”
Date: Thurs Dec 12 @ 9am PT | 10am MT | 11am CT | 12pm ET
Register: www.mentorlead.com/webinars