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Her first manager was, as Kat describes him, “an incredible mentor.” During a particularly challenging project, he gave her some advice that Kat continues to carry to every promotion.

Kat was navigating a slew of bad decisions when he switched from managing to mentoring and said to her, “A lot’s going wrong, and you’re getting a lot of criticism.

“Look, whenever you’re criticized, assume first it’s correct. Just allow yourself the opportunity to assume that something in the judgment or negative feedback is accurate.

“And one of two things will occur as a result. Either:

1. You will realize some portion of that feedback is valid, and you will act with the humility necessary to preserve the relationship and improve on the thing.
2. or, you reflect and cannot see anything that is valid.

“But how you approach that criticism should be focused on the why instead of debating the what.”

Ask. Answer. Act.

This approach has become Kat’s superpower:

• Courageously ask for feedback with curiosity and contrition.
• Confidently allow others to answer honestly.
• Boldly demonstrate commitment by acting on it.

As Kat reflected in an interview recently, “Answers don’t scale. Questions do.”

“Finding the right questions allows me to make better decisions and have more fruitful actions, regardless of the dynamics or the situation – boom times or bust times.”

What questions can we use to activate an ask-answer-act superpower?

• What can I be doing better?
• How can I improve this [project/meeting/conversation]?
• What am I missing?
• If you were in my shoes, what would you change immediately?
• What is working from your perspective?
• What could we do differently going forward?

By asking questions, we signal our intent to improve, grow, and thrive.

By asking questions, we invite others to support that commitment and mentor us. We grant people permission to provide us with feedback, perspectives, and ideas.

By focusing on the why – improvement – we decrease the sting of the what – their responses, which could otherwise feel like judgment or criticism.

It’s not about the “what.” It’s about the “why” – a strong purpose gives us the strength and confidence to welcome all replies. Contributions become the gateway to reflecting, learning, and improving.

It’s not about the answers. It’s about the questions.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Underscoring the profound impact mentoring has had on her success, she shares, “I didn’t get here on my own. There were people in my life who saw potential in me, who didn’t have to make the investment, who held out their hand and showed me the way.”

In 2009, when Michelle became the First Lady, she gathered all the living First Ladies together to connect, thank them for their service, and learn from them. She wanted to know about the challenges they faced and seek their advice, guidance, and support.

In a recent interview, Michelle reflected, “I am a product of the generosity of other people’s mentorship. So, the expectation of myself is that I give that back.”

During her time in the White House, Michelle started a mentorship program and created mentoring events, demonstrating that everyone has the time and capability to mentor, even the First Lady.

Michelle confessed, “It’s also selfish of me to mentor because I get a lot out of it. It’s the most fulfilling thing to watch another person benefit from something that I helped them do.”

Mentor Karen called me last week to express a similar sentiment, declaring, “I have some exciting news!”

She proudly described the transformation she witnessed in her mentee’s confidence throughout our mentoring program. Karen then announced that her mentee had asked for and received a significant role and salary bump at her organization.

Karen revealed, “My mentee never would have done that when we started working together!” Delighted by her mentee’s growth, Karen knew she helped make that possible.

Another mentor, Julie, summarized it enchantingly when she divulged, “Mentoring fills my cup.”

So, how do we find those people who want our mentoring? How can we demonstrate to others that we are available to contribute to their learning journey?

• Enroll as a Mentor in a formal mentoring program.
• Notice others taking on roles and experiences you’ve had and offer to mentor them in their transition.
• Launch a mentoring conversation: “What have you discovered so far? What help do you need next?”
• Create a mentoring circle or a mentoring event.
• Inform your manager and peers that you’re willing to mentor.

“Service is the rent we pay for living.” ~ Marian Wright Edelman (one of Michelle’s heroines)

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

During an interview with Adam Grant, Meyer explained his commitment to building a culture of excellence and care with three key reframes.

1. Peers First

Instead of “customers first,” Meyer promotes “peers first.” He instructs his employees that their first job when they come to work is to take great care of each other. 

The founder of Southwest Airlines, Herb Kelleher, took a similar “people first” approach. But he preached that when the organization takes care of its employees, they will care for the customers. Albeit a successful model, it places the onus on the organization to create that culture of excellence and care.

Meyer shifts that responsibility to the people. He expects people to create their own culture of excellence and care.

Meyer says, “You will be held accountable, even before how you treat our paying customers, for how you treat each other.”

2. Help People Grow by Not Helping

To help employees who want to grow, Meyer invites, “Help me understand what your aspirations are and what we can do to get out of your way so you can achieve them.”

Again, he intentionally places ownership for success in the hands of the employee.

This help-by-not-jumping-in-to-help approach reinforces that people are 100% responsible for their success.

As soon as a manager asks, “How can I support you?” or “How can I help you achieve that,” the responsibility becomes shared.

3. Focus on What Could Go Right

When faced with employees who are afraid to take risks, Meyer mentors, “What could possibly go right? What if this thing works? Will we be prepared for success?” 

Meyer explains, “It helps us dream bigger dreams when I ask that question. But it also helps us plan for success because many of our failures occur when we get caught up in the what-could-go-wrong stuff.”

Rescuing Not Required

As Meyer demonstrates with his mentoring-while-managing leadership, mentees don’t need to be saved.

They need to be challenged:

1. Are you taking great care of your peers?
2. What is in the way of your aspirations?
3. What could go right and are you prepared for that success?

Mentoring is more than just offering advice; it’s about empowering people to think differently and take action.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

When Debra’s manager recommends that she hire a younger comic to write jokes for her, she is incensed! She doesn’t need help, especially from a comedian two generations apart.

Ava, the younger comedian writer, is undeterred, and somewhat belligerent, calling Debra a “hack” – someone whose work has become dull, unimaginative, and mediocre.

That label forced Debra to admit that Ava was correct. She had calcified, her material had become trite, and she had stopped growing.

Over the next three seasons, Ava mentors Debra in an informal, reverse mentoring relationship. Deborah evolves, and Ava thrives in her role.

Reverse Mentoring
Reverse mentoring occurs when someone younger or junior mentors someone senior or more experienced. It’s an effective way to bridge generational gaps.

In 1999, Jack Welch, CEO of General Electric, initiated a reverse mentoring program in response to the onslaught of technology rattling the business landscape. He noticed his senior leaders resisting the new digital world and feared GE would be left behind.

Jack paired 500 senior leaders (the mentees) with younger, tech-savvy employees (the mentors) who provided mentoring on hi-tech trends, including the internet and email.

The result? Senior leaders grew confident in incorporating technological strategies into their operations, helping GE stay competitive.

Challenges
The potential of reverse mentoring risks stalling at the intersection of pride and pressure. 

• Pride: Acknowledging the need for knowledge and wisdom can make senior leader mentees feel vulnerable.
• Pressure The power dynamics can intimidate new employee mentors who lack confidence.

But the value of “mentoring up” is worth the discomfort.

Reverse mentoring:

• Highlights the potential of younger generations to contribute insights and expertise
• Fuels a culture of continuous learning and resilience
• Fosters inclusion, recognition, collaboration, and innovation
• Showcases the power of diverse perspectives

We can generate reverse mentoring in any conversation by shifting our mindset from “leader” to “mentee” and asking mentoring questions to our younger, newer, or greener colleagues:

• What do you think of this idea?
• What is your perspective?
• How can I improve?
• What am I not seeing?
• What advice or guidance do you have?
• What’s it like from your experience? 
• Are you noticing any trends that might impact our decision?

While often overlooked, reverse mentoring offers an opportunity to unearth potential in both participants.

Don’t be a hack. Be a mentee! 

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

The world watched her sprint to a journal after each jump, grab a pen, and start writing.

As Nicola explains, she captures how she feels and then rates herself from 1-10 on technique (run-up, take-off, and execution). “It allows me to ask, ‘What do I need to work on?’ rather than get carried away by the emotion.”

Nicola has incorporated this disciplined, reflective practice into her routine.

Why? Because we learn from our experiences not by running past them but by leaning into them.

Diligently, Nicola pauses after each jump to ponder her performance and consider how she could refine her next jump.

And it worked! Her commitment to incrementally improve earned her the silver medal!

While our high jumps look different, the enormous value of self-reflecting is universal. 

A “high jump” is any event where growth matters because success matters to us:

• a weekly team huddle
• a monthly presentation
• a quarterly client review
• a job interview
• a sales pitch
• an interaction with leadership
• a mentoring conversation

When we assess our performance in that event and measure our execution, emotional state, interactions, or outcome, we can make adjustments like Nicola did after every jump.

For example, these measurements inform a reflective practice:

• Sleep scores
• Steps
• Splat points (from OrangeTheory Fitness) 
• Calories
• Weight
• Blood pressure
• Expenses

Based on these routinely curated scores, we set goals, make adjustments, and improve various aspects of our lives. 

Amazingly, the intentional focus required for self-reflection can calm us in chaos, while incremental improvements can bolster our confidence.

In mentoring, reflection is essential for the learning process to occur. 

1. A mentor critically thinks about an experience to articulate learnings and share advice.
2. A mentee reflects on an experience to gain a deeper understanding and explore how to apply those insights to future situations.

The magic lies in the simplicity of the reflection.

These 7 potent questions can readily structure a reflective routine for any “high jump:”

1. What happened?
2. How did I feel?
3. What worked?
4. What didn’t work?
5. What did I learn?
6. How could I have handled it differently?
7. What will I do differently next time?

If you want to improve your resilience, performance, leadership, and joy, consider reflecting after your next high jump!

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

The 1500-meter race is a grueling 15-minute test of endurance in which swimmers sprint 30 laps in an Olympic-size pool.

During a post-win interview, a reporter asked Katie about the race and what goes through her mind as she swims.

Katie responded, “My mind started wandering as I was racing. I was thinking of everyone who has supported me all these years. I was thinking of all the people who have trained with me, just saying their names in my head. So many great [people] have helped me get to this moment.”

That makes sense – no one gets to these milestone moments alone.

As the stands erupted in cheers, Katie meditated on her mentors!

So, who mentored Katie Ledecky?

Reading her new memoir, Just Add Water, it’s easy to wonder, who didn’t mentor Katie? Every chapter highlights numerous individuals Katie credits for having influenced, guided, coached, encouraged, advised, championed, validated, challenged, and rooted for her since she learned to swim at age six.

Even the Acknowledgements section at the end of the book reads like an Oscar acceptance speech!

One of her coaches, Bruce, was so instrumental in accelerating her success that she dedicated an entire chapter to her experience working with him.

After winning her first gold medal at the Olympics at age 15, Katie joined a new swim team led by coach Bruce Gemmel.

Bruce was an engineer turned swim coach, and he trained her from that perspective. Bruce offered Katie a fresh start and a mindset shift. His meticulous planning and technical approach improved her swimming by recalibrating her tempo.

But more than anything, he became a mentor. “The biggest thing Bruce did for me was to help me think bigger.”

Bruce gave Katie permission to aim big, anything-is-possible big.

She wrote in her memoir, “Bruce knew me better than I knew myself.”

While Katie no longer swims on that team, she often reconnects with Bruce “to seek guidance about swimming, about life. He’s always willing to listen. He never oversteps.”

Before every race, Bruce would tell her, “Have fun.”  He taught her that life is short and everything can change instantly. Watching Katie compete, listening to her interviews, and reading her memoir, it’s evident that “having fun” permeates her approach in practice, during races, and in life.

In her young but illustrious career, Katie has discovered the secret sauce to professional success: audacious goals, unwavering discipline, abundant mentoring, and unhindered joy.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Society reveres the achievers, the ones who set and accomplish goals. And scoffs at those who quit.

Quitting is for losers, right? Wrong.

While goal grit is exalted, it can come with a cost if we aren’t evaluating and evolving. 

I registered for the New York City Marathon many years ago but quit when I hurt my knee in training the week before.

Distraught and disappointed from quitting, I sought another form of exercise, one kinder to my knees. I turned to cycling and discovered a new world!

Eager for a different challenge, I registered for the SF-to-LA charity bike ride, which gave me the confidence to cycle across the country, up the East Coast, and down the West Coast.

But I had never considered any of those goals – I was too busy running. Until I quit.

Upon reflection, every past quit has led me to a new path.

• I quit Chicago after law school to create an adventure in San Francisco.
• I quit my legal career to experience entrepreneurship and start three businesses (two of which I quit to build this one).
• I quit a book project I had no passion for, leading me to write a better book.

But I also have plenty of examples of projects and paths I should have quit. I persevered too long, not paying attention to or acknowledging the learnings. Crossing the finish line just to say I did it.

And that is the challenge with goal setting. It emphasizes the grit, not the grind. Obsessed with finishing, we devalue the journey.

Duke recommends adding an “unless” statement to goals to provide us with what she calls “kill criteria” – an indicator to choose quit over grit.

• I’m going to finish this marathon “unless” I get hurt.
• I will stick with this book proposal “unless” I discover a disdain for the topic.
• I will pursue this career path “unless” I no longer make the difference I want.

Without an “unless” statement, we risk maniacally pursuing a goal without evolving or evaluating. And blind pursuit of goals suffocates growth.

In every mentoring relationship, goals are essential – they give meaning and direction to mentoring conversations.

But the magic of mentoring occurs while chasing that goal. And that chase sometimes reveals an “unless.”

As mentors, our job is not just to offer advice; it’s to hold our mentees accountable and encourage their growth by evaluating progress and evolving goals.

Mentors do not fail when a goal falls. We rise to the level of our mentees’ growth.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Years prior, Andrea had trained Carmy at her prestigious restaurant, Ever, and inspired him with her passion for food, people, and exceptional service. Carmy’s new restaurant, The Bear, reflects her influence.

At a celebration at Ever, Andrea and Carmy engage in the following mentoring conversation. His profound respect and reverence for her are palpable.

Carmy: Chef, I don’t think I ever got to tell you just how much I learned in this place

(Here, Carmy redirected their initial chitchat by acknowledging Andrea’s mentoring.)

Andrea: How much did you learn?

(Andrea didn’t deflect or run past it. Instead, she gave his appreciation space to expand.)

Carmy: It’s a lot. Thank you. 

Andrea: Well, I learned plenty myself. I learned that I want to sleep in more, go to London more, and go to a party and meet people live.    

(Here, Andrea candidly shared insights from her own learning journey.)

Carmy: That’s why you’re closing Ever? 

Andrea: Yes, but I got to do all the things I wanted to do the way I wanted to do them with the people I wanted to do them with, so I can’t ask more than that, really.

(Andrea’s fresh perspective gave Carmy pause; his reality suddenly altered.)

Carmy: huh.

Andrea: And now you’re starting.

(Here, Andrea shifts the spotlight back to Carmy.)

Carmy: It feels like I’ve been starting forever.

(Andrea’s sharing gave Carmy permission to meet her vulnerability with his own.)

Andrea: But I’ve heard your restaurant is wonderful. Congratulations, Carmy. Truly

(Andrea’s sincere compliment recognized Carmy’s commitment and dedication.)

Carmy: Thank you, Chef. Can I ask you something? What would you tell yourself when you were where I am?

(Here, Carmy noticed his need for guidance rather than compliments. He leaned into this moment to request advice from his mentor without any need to impress her or fear judgment.)

Andrea: I don’t think there’s any right thing to say that will make any difference… I think I would have told myself that you have no idea what you’re doing and, therefore, you’re invincible.

(At first, Andrea downplayed her wisdom and then rose to the request. She seized the opportunity to validate Carmy’s struggle while offering advice to ease his tortured quest for perfection.)

Andrea: Can I ask you something? Next time we see each other, will you please call me Andrea?

(She ended with a request to be a human being first and a mentor second.)

Carmy: Yes, Chef, thank you.

(He agreed but with admiration.)

Mentoring is notoriously defined as one person advising another – a simplistic, unrequited transaction.

Yet, the skill of mentoring is immensely more dynamic. A meaningful mentoring conversation unfolds like a dance where the partners listen on purpose, shifting their contributions as their exchange blossoms and the needs evolve.
Carmy and Andrea beautifully demonstrated this dance as they pivoted their conversation from recognizing to reflecting, perspective-sharing to advising, validating to encouraging.

Mentoring may start as a transaction, but a heartfelt exploration and learning journey inevitably leads to a transformation.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.