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It was in 1997, on the set of the movie Copland, that Peter set his intention on directing.

As he explained during an interview on the SmartLess podcast, Peter was in a scene with Sylvester Stallone, Robert De Niro, and Ray Leonard waiting to deliver his one line in the script, wondering, “What am I doing with my career?”

And then he noticed the director, James Mangold arguing with Stallone and questioning creative direction with De Niro and Leonard.

As Peter remembered the moment, “The director was alive! He had energy coming out of him!” 

At lunch, Peter walked up to Mangold, whom he did not really know, and asked earnestly, “How do I get your job?”

Instead of feeling threatened by Peter’s eagerness, Mangold welcomed it! He didn’t patronize or ridicule Peter. Instead, he conspiratorially shared his strategy with Peter.

Mangold said, “You’ve got to write. I use notecards to start writing the scenes and outlining the script.”

So, Peter did just that to craft the script for Very Bad Things, which launched his debut as a feature film director.

Similarly, when nurse manager Mervin Francisco-Passarella set his aspirations on becoming a Chief Nurse Executive (CNE), he gave voice to that vision by sharing it with his leader.

Mervin emphasized, “I admire the way you lead. I want to serve in a similar position someday.” 

Mervin’s vulnerability, coupled with respect, invited the mentoring he needed from his boss. In many conversations over the years, they explored Mervin’s winding path to the CNE role.

He continued to show up as mentor-able, allowing various leaders to show up as mentor-ful. In November, Mervin was promoted to Chief Nurse Executive.

When we let people know where we are headed and that we could use some guidance, it summons – even inspires – their contributions. The welcome mat for mentoring!

Before GPS became our copilot, we often stopped strangers to ask for directions. Doing so was an outright admission that we needed help on our route. 

Today, while we are more efficient with our navigation, technology shortchanges that human connection. Even strangers extend encouragement, nuanced guidance, and personalized, lived experiences.

But only when we point to a destination. 

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Benioff began his response by describing the endless amount of information that CEOs navigate daily: emails, texts, meetings, articles, reports, research, news, and updates.

To quickly navigate the overload, leaders tend to lean heavily on their vast experience and expertise to solve problems, often failing to consider or acknowledge new ideas or approaches.

Unfortunately, this I’m-an-expert approach favors efficiency over possibility.

To combat the hubris of previous experience, Benioff revealed his commitment to shoshin.

A Zen Buddhist concept, “shoshin” means having a beginner’s mind. It entails looking at a problem or a situation through the lens of a newcomer.

With shoshin, we are open, eager to discover, and free of preconceptions, assumptions, and expectations – just like beginners. With this frame of mind, anything is possible!

Imagine being new to a project, a problem, or a puzzle – the mind is filled with wonder and curiosity.

Benioff applies this same concept to mentoring.

When a leader calls Benioff for advice, he practices shoshin to ensure he meets the conversation with possibility, focusing first on the person, not the problem. 

Here’s how he unfolds a mentoring conversation:

• “Let’s start with your level of mindfulness and your mindset. Where are you?
• “What do you really want? That is the number one question to start.
• “What’s important to you?
• “Let’s start there with your vision and your values. That is where I want to spend the time with you right now.”

Benioff’s mentoring approach is like a pause button – encouraging people to see themselves first.

Mentoring is not about having all the answers. It’s about asking questions that prompt a change in thinking.

Benioff’s questions pause the propensity to fix problems with the been-there-done-it experience. He is unearthing a mentee’s core which then serves as a beacon for any advice, ideas, and guidance.

When a mentee asks for our support, we too risk leaning on our experience instead of exploring with our curiosity. Our desire to immediately fix a problem can drive us to offer a solution impulsively.

Where are you?
What do you hope for? 
What’s most important to you?

But starting with these three questions, we can create conversations that demand a beginner’s mind – ours and our mentees’.

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

As I reflect on the Flash Mentoring articles that I wrote for you each week in 2024, I’m resharing the 9 that generated the most conversation:

1. Jelly Roll’s Father Mentored Him on Perfection Intolerance
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-jelly-rolls-father-mentored-him-on-perfection-intolerance/

2. Why Ryan Reynolds Chooses Observation Over Evaluation
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-why-ryan-reynolds-chooses-observation-over-evaluation/

3. Winners Quit a Lot
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-winners-quit-a-lot/

4. When a Broadway Actress Retaliated for Unsolicited Advice (and How You Can Avoid This in Mentoring)
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-when-a-broadway-actress-retaliated-for-unsolicited-advice-and-how-to-avoid-this-in-mentoring/

5. When Lucille Ball Mentored Carol Burnett Who Mentored Julia Louis-Dreyfus
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-when-lucille-ball-mentored-carol-burnett-who-mentored-julia-louis-dreyfus/

6. When Johnny Carson Delegated the Desk and Mentored David Letterman
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-when-johnny-carson-delegated-the-desk-and-mentored-david-letterman/

7. The Quest to Matter (the Undercurrent of Mentoring)
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-the-quest-to-matter-the-undercurrent-of-mentoring/

8. Why Michelle Obama Mentors
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-why-michelle-obama-mentors/

9. Path-Pivoting Mentorship (Are You a Ready-Now Mentee?)
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-path-pivoting-mentorship-are-you-a-ready-now-mentee/

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March 2025 marks 10 years of my weekly Flash articles. Thank you for reading and rooting!

It is a delight to be on this bigger-better-bolder adventure with you! I look forward to circling the sun with you again! Happy New Year!

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

I think of him especially at this time of year because he looked like Santa Claus: thick white beard, sparkling eyes, round protruding belly, bulbous red nose, and a hearty laugh.

I don’t pretend to know what he was like before he was sober, but I am inspired by the person he became after:

• he dressed up as Santa Claus every year for the town parade
• he served as a crossing guard at the grade school, loved by hundreds of children
• he became a sponsor for AA, supporting others with their second chance
• he graduated from college at age 65 with a degree in counseling
• he pedaled his first century bicycle ride (100 miles!) at age 70, inspiring my own love of cycling

But not everyone forgave him. Some people refused to accept the person he had become or see his potential. Their vision was clouded by their experience.

In his book Stumbling on Happiness, Daniel Gilbert reflected, “Human beings are works in progress who mistakenly think they’re finished.”

We underestimate our capacity to change and grow over time.

Unfortunately, we often project this same notion onto others – we interact with people as if they are presenting us with their finished product. We define them by their actions instead of their promise.

We gravely dismiss people’s ability or desire to evolve, failing to acknowledge that they, too, are on a learning journey.

Every year during this holiday season, people furiously purchase gifts for friends, colleagues, and family – sometimes out of companionship, sometimes out of obligation.

What if we also gave people the gift of:

• a second chance
• acceptance
• belief and conviction
• support, advocacy, encouragement
• our mentoring and championship

No one needs a gift receipt for hope, validation, and possibility. 

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

This is according to research conducted by Professor Sigal Barsade, who spent her career exploring the importance of having friends at work.

Unfortunately, we’re often so busy collecting followers and likes on social media that we neglect the art of making “friends.” From 1990-2020, the percentage of Americans who said they had no friends quadrupled! [David Brooks, How to Know a Person]

Surgeon General Vivek Murthy describes this as an “epidemic of loneliness.”

As a solution, he suggests, “When we serve other people, we not only feel connected to them in the moment, but we actually remind ourselves that we have value to bring to the world.”

Serving other people is the rock on which mentoring stands. Mentors volunteer to support someone’s success by offering advice, guidance, and ideas.

When I first started MentorLead in 2005, I thought my job was to help strangers become friends so that advice-giving could flourish.

But turning strangers into friends takes time – a scarce commodity in mentoring. So, I used to focus my mentor training heavily on building a trusting relationship.

After running a few programs, I decided to try something new in my turning-strangers-into-friends mission. I brought the mentees together soon after matching them to ascertain their level of engagement with their mentor.

Being only one month into the program, I was merely hopeful the mentoring pairs had made contact.

To my surprise, a mentee eagerly shared, “I met with my mentor and enjoyed having a safe space to talk about my concerns.” Other mentees shared similar experiences, also referencing and appreciating the “safe space.”

Wait! Safe space?

A “safe space” requires trust and confidentiality, respect and inclusivity, empathy and understanding, and freedom from judgment and fear. Infusing all of that into a new relationship takes time! 

How could these strangers experience a “safe space” in their first meeting?

Here’s what I have discovered…

It’s the word “mentoring.” We instinctively project trust into a “mentoring” relationship.

Why? Because we assume that if someone volunteers to serve in a mentor capacity – to be our work friend, to see us when we feel unseen, to offer us their time, advice, and resources, to guide us through some challenge or change – then they must be trustworthy.

The act of agreeing to be our mentor cements the foundation of a safe space.

Once in a while, a leader voices a concern that “formal” mentoring might feel contrived and synthetic.

But if we can use a programmatic structure to help some people volunteer to serve and others to find that work friend they fiercely need, then does it matter that a meet-cute didn’t happen? 

What truly matters is that people connect with someone who brings compassion, confidentiality, an absence of criticism, and an abundance of championship.

In that safe space, loneliness doesn’t stand a chance.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Ruth started her career as a chef before becoming a food writer and restaurant critic for the LA Times and then The NY Times.

Ruth’s job entailed eating around New York City and reporting on her dining experiences. Because she felt an obligation to provide accurate reviews for everyday diners, Ruth often dined in disguise to ensure she was not recognized.

And that’s how she showed up at Le Cirque – with a wig. To her surprise, the staff was rude and disrespectful to Ruth-in-disguise.

Suspecting they would give her preferential treatment if they thought she was important, she returned to the restaurant as Ruth-the-restaurant-critic. As if on cue, the staff became slobbering sycophants upon recognizing her.

Ruth decided to tell the truth. She wrote her review, revealing the disparity in her experiences, thereby exposing Le Cirque’s discourteous behavior.

Her audacity garnered Ruth exposure and opportunities.   

In 1999 Ruth was offered the role of editor in chief for Gourmet Magazine, the beacon for food lovers. But she hesitated – she didn’t feel ready for her dream job.

It was Ruth’s older friend, Paula, who stepped in with move-the-yardstick mentoring:

Ruth, it’s never the right time. You have to take the opportunities when they come along. If you don’t take it, it won’t come again. Just do it. 

So, she did. Ruth served as Gourmet’s editor for 10 years and loved it.

Today, Ruth is the host of Gourmet’s Adventures with Ruth on PBS, the author of 13 books, and the winner of six James Beard Foundation Awards.

During a recent interview, Ruth reflected on a career steeped in risk-taking. She offered her own move-the-yardstick advice:

“Always push the envelope. It’s really important to have new experiences. The only thing that keeps us young is constantly doing things we don’t know how to do. If you spend your whole life doing things you already know how to do, you get old fast.”

As Mentors, we see our Mentees bigger, better, and bolder than they see themselves.

And when we nudge a Mentee to push past their fears and stretch for the seemingly unattainable, we help them find new courage and louder confidence. Suddenly, they see and experience their bigger-better-bolder version.

Only then can a Mentee pick up that yardstick and move it down the field. 

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

ps. Encore! We are offering a live encore presentation of our 2024-Q4 complimentary webinar:
“Unlocking the Power of Mentoring Programs to Retain Nurses, Improve Leadership, and Strengthen your Hospital”
Date: Thurs Dec 12 @ 9am PT | 10am MT | 11am CT | 12pm ET
Register: www.mentorlead.com/webinars

Over the past few months, I’ve noticed that whenever Meg sends an email with a deliverable, she adds to the end of her email, “All feedback welcome.” 

In fact, she consistently rolls out this Feedback Welcome Mat internally to our team and externally to clients.

So, I asked her about it. Here’s what she said:

“One day, it occurred to me that people can be timid about giving feedback for fear of hurting my feelings. So, I decided to add those words to convey that I am open and willing [to learn] and wanting to help. I also add a smiley face [to convey my sincerity].”

This refreshing “always a mentee” mindset demonstrates Meg’s commitment to meeting needs while also learning and growing.

She operates with almost utter disregard for being judged or criticized. As if choosing between her feelings and a shared goal, she chooses the goal.

By proactively and eagerly welcoming comments, Meg normalizes the exchange of feedback and the learning journey.

This short phrase squashes any hesitation her colleagues and clients might have in voicing a different perspective or examining her solution. And she has entirely prevented the need to invoke the cringe-inducing “Can I give you some feedback?”

On the receiving end, I am relieved when I read those words: All feedback welcome. I feel reassured to ask questions, mentor, support, opine, and offer improvements without fear that doing so will damage our relationship. 

Because Meg eagerly seeks input, I engage confidently, knowing that she will embrace any comment not as criticism but as a contribution.

In response to her invitation to contribute, I often respond with, “I have an idea…” “What about…” “What’s your thought…?” “Here’s another perspective…” and “Here’s another way we can solve this…”

As a result, when Meg and I work together, it feels like a partnership. I don’t dump work on her and judge her deliverable. We collaborate. And in doing so, we improve each other’s work and help each other grow and develop.

Permission to contribute granted with three simple words.

Perpetually searching for wisdom leaves little time to worry whether people like us. 

“I never learned anything while I was talking.” ~ Larry King

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

After law school, I moved to Silicon Valley and joined a renowned firm to practice start-up law.

There, I was responsible for helping CEOs launch their dreams with venture financing. The pace was grueling; the work was challenging; the challenge was exhilarating!

I worked for two brilliant partners, Dana and Bob (not their real names), both good-natured people whose company I enjoyed.

One hitch: Bob’s disorganization. He would notoriously assign me urgent client transactions at the end of the day, causing me to cancel plans and work past midnight to meet his last-minute requests.

I felt frustratingly incapable of changing my situation. I lacked the confidence and competence to confront the pattern of missed expectations.

When a recruiter called and dangled the prospect of a fresh start at a different law firm, I took the interview and ultimately the job offer, but not without undue angst. I felt enormously disloyal.

Upon reflection, mentoring would have made a fundamental difference in my decision.

• I thought I had to navigate career situations and decisions on my own.
• I didn’t know I could seek advice, guidance, perspectives, and insights from colleagues.
• And it never occurred to me that anyone at work would want to listen deeply to my struggle and contribute their wisdom to help me succeed.

Instead, I ran away. And I questioned my choice the moment I left.

At the time, my relationship with work was like a Post-it note, easily lifted and moved from one project, team, or employer to another.

But mentoring conversations create an experience like Velcro – each exchange is a hook fastening onto a loop, proclaiming, “I’ve got you! I see you. I hear you. You belong here. We’re in this together! You don’t have to figure this out all by yourself.”

And that’s why I love formal mentoring programs. They…

• give us permission to engage and contribute to each other
• teach us to create transformational conversations (Velcro!) in the chaos of our everyday transactions (Post-it notes)
• reframe mentoring as a skill to be sharpened, not an event to be coveted
• offer us a safe space to practice championing each other

By formalizing mentoring, we normalize it, helping everyone in an organization become better peers, leaders, and human beings.

Fewer Post-it notes. More Velcro.  

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.