Blog Archives - MentorLead

[Flash] Actor Jason Segal’s Journey Through Open-a-Door Mentorship

Actor Jason Segal’s career is the product of open-a-door mentorship.

While he is currently starring in one of my favorite television shows, Shrinking, Jason found the joy of the spotlight in high school.

His acting coach, Ted Walsh, noticed his talents on the stage and opened a door for him.

Without telling Jason, Coach Ted created a secret showcase of an upcoming theatrical performance, inviting casting directors from different studios around Hollywood to witness Jason’s talents.

Based on rave reviews, Coach Ted then met with Jason’s parents to advocate for a career as an actor. He urged, “I think your son can do acting for a living if he wants to.”

Shortly thereafter, Jason was cast in the television show Freaks and Geeks, directed and produced by Judd Apatow.

And another door was opened.

Apatow recognized Jason’s gift of improv, offering this advice, “If you can improv the way you’re improv-ing on this show, you can write scripts. You just need to learn how. So, I’m going to teach you.” Apatow taught Jason script writing and opened another door.

Goading Jason, Apatow said, “Listen, Jason. You’re a weird dude. The only way you’re going to make it is if you write your own material.” This inspired Jason to start writing the script for his movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

After working together on a few movies, Apatow asked about Jason’s projects, “Are you working on any new ideas?” Jason pitched his movie. Apatow’s response: “Go write it. We’ll shoot it next year.” The next door opened.

Most recently, when the creators of Ted Lasso formulated the idea for Shrinking, they offered Jason the opportunity to partner. Jason is now a co-creator, co-writer, co-producer, and one of the stars in the new fan favorite. Another door opened.

Deliberate mentors see ahead and around corners. They pay attention to aspirations, identify opportunities, and encourage their mentees.

As evidenced by those who have opened doors for Jason and nudged him forward, labels don’t make a mentor; purposed actions do.

Likewise, numbly implementing advice doesn’t make a mentee; thoughtfully interpreting and invoking ideas does.

Opened doors only work when a mentee walks through them. Like every mentee, Jason had to recognize contributions, embrace the opportunities, and take risks.

The overstory? Courage.

Bravery is revealed by and through open-a-door mentoring.

ps. Have you registered yet for our 2024-Q4 complimentary webinar?
“Boost Mentoring Participation: Harness Motivation to Drive Employee Engagement and Retention”
Date: Thurs Nov 14 @ 11am PT | 12pm MT | 1pm CT | 2pm ET
Register: www.mentorlead.com/webinars

[Flash] The Quest to Matter (the Undercurrent of Mentoring)

“Mattering” is a universal human need, essential for flourishing, according to Dr. Felt, a professor at York University.

What does it mean to matter? Adding value. + Feeling valued.

Even when we know we added value, we only feel valued when we feel recognized and appreciated.

When mentoring matters…
A few years ago, a healthcare leader called me, “We have a flock of managers that need to be fixed or fired. Can you help us?”

Absolutely! We launched a peer-manager mentoring program, pairing low-performing managers with high-performing managers in a formal, structured mentoring experience that we infused with leadership training.

The result? Within six months, 75% of those low-performers became high-performers! Success!

But what happened next surprised me…

Monica, one of the mentors, expressed disappointment with the experience, sharing, “I know I made a difference for my mentee! She is now thriving as a manager! It was a delight to help her.”

Confused, I said, “That’s wonderful… So, what happened?”

Monica said, “My boss never brought it up. He never mentioned my participation in the mentoring program… like it didn’t matter.”

In other words, Monica knew she added value – she witnessed the impact of her effort! But she didn’t feel valued. Her boss never acknowledged her mentoring experience, her contributions to save a manager, or growth as a leader. [To be fair, he probably didn’t even know about her participation!]

We are each on a quest to matter. We don’t go to work hoping to feel insignificant and irrelevant! We strive to add value and want to feel recognized, appreciated, and valued for doing so.

Feeling valued is powerful – it validates our capability, importance, and trustworthiness.

So, how can we feel valued for adding value? How can we help others feel valued?

Reflect on strengths, accomplishments, and growth
Communicate/notice contributions
Share/seek progress updates
Make achievements visible
Identify and celebrate impact
Ask/offer, “From your perspective, how am I contributing to the team’s success?”

When my mom went into hospice this year, her friends and colleagues immediately sent notes and cards, reflecting on their shared journey, acknowledging her mentoring, her friendship, and the difference she made.

My favorite was from one of her former employees, Beatriz:
“Cathie, thank you for your support, encouragement, professional skills, and compassion that made it possible for me to raise my family and enjoy life. You always listened to the story and always found a reasonable solution to the problem. Your friendship, above all, has been a gift.”

At the end, my mom knew she mattered.

[Flash] How Coach Nick Saban Transformed His Success

Many people consider him to be one of the greatest football coaches of all time.

Nick Saban coached from 1973 until his retirement in 2023. He is famous for leading the University of Alabama football team to six national championship games over 16 years.

Today, Saban is a sportscaster for ESPN’s College GameDay.

Recently on the show, Saban reflected on his own evolution as a coach:

“When things go sideways, you have a greater chance of losing your team when you’re a transactional leader, which is how I was until 1998. Everything was about winning or losing.

When we won, I [celebrated] people. But when we didn’t win, I was harsh.

I didn’t use [the loss] as a teaching moment. Negative moments without teaching kills morale.

In 1998, we were 4 [wins] and 5 [losses], and Michigan State was getting ready to fire me. I didn’t think we could win the game. So, I said, “What’s my approach going to be?”

I had to change into a transformational leader.

Somebody who:

players could emulate
cared about the players
had a vision for what we would accomplish
led with value-based principles
focused on one play at a time

We actually won that game. We became a different kind of team. And I turned around my coaching career.

If you want to save a team, you must become a transformational leader instead of a transactional one. “

Saban then mused that most exchanges are transactional, preoccupied with time, money, and winning. When that occurs, leaders become too focused on the outcome rather than the process.

Transformation aims for profound, longer-lasting change.

Saban concluded, “Transformational means you have passion and something you want to accomplish. You’re not worried about the immediate self-gratification you’re going to get. You’re trying to create value for your future.”

Mentoring is transformational leadership in action.

People volunteer to mentor not because they are bored, looking for more commitments. Rather, they are fueled by a passionate desire to contribute – investing in their growth and someone else’s.

Mentoring attracts those who:

care for people
operate with integrity and authenticity
support change and vision
are role models

Inevitably, mentors confess, “Mentoring fills my cup!”

Of course, it does… because when our lives become saturated and sedated with transactional exchanges, people are drawn to the transformative experience of mentoring.

Mean people don’t mentor. Earnest people do.

0 [Flash] Jelly Roll’s Father Mentored Him on Perfection Intolerance

In a recent interview, American country music star Jelly Roll shared the advice his dad gave him often:

“A smart man will learn from his mistakes,
A wise man will learn from the mistakes of others.”

Drawing on lessons he’s learned from his personal struggles with addiction and the law, Jelly Roll (born Jason DeFord) infuses his music with storytelling.

“It took me a long time to forgive myself for what I did back then.”

Along with this self-awareness, Jelly Roll travels with his eyes wide open. Paying attention to the mistakes his friends, fellow inmates, and other artists have made through their choices informs his own. Their relapses have served as cautionary tales.

Why aren’t we all learning from missteps – our own and others?

Mistake intolerance.

Mistakes make us vulnerable (and judgy). Social pressure exaggerates that vulnerability, magnifying low self-esteem and a ubiquitous fear of being judged or criticized.

We care what people think, leaving no room for experimenting, exploring, or erroring.

Schools in the US typically train students to avoid mistakes, rewarding those who know the correct answer rather than those who discover it. The result? Students learn to seek the safer path, memorizing answers to pass exams.

Conversely, mistakes, errors, and confusion are welcomed in Japan schools, encouraging students to think critically and work together to attempt to solve problems first before teachers intervene.

We don’t learn from taking safer paths. We learn from taking risks, making mistakes, reflecting on experiences, sharing our insights with others (mentoring!), and evolving.

We also learn from others who take risks and make mistakes. How? Paying attention. Observing. Staying curious. Asking questions. Being mentor-able.

We need to adopt perfection intolerance – it’s time to risk screwing up in the name of growth!

As a “work in progress,” we are more open to embracing the unknown space between intention and actuality.

Jelly Roll’s determination to change the course of his life forced him to reflect and acknowledge his mistakes, observe the mistakes of others, and take different actions. His steadfast commitment curtailed any urge to make excuses. As Jelly Roll says, “I refuse to be a victim.”

Perfection intolerance is strengthened by regularly asking:

“What have we learned?”
“How can we improve?”
“What will do differently going forward?”

In school and life, the shared struggle to find solutions is essential to the learning process – this is mentoring!

[Flash] Why Groupon Founder Sought Mentoring Regularly

In 2008, Andrew Mason co-founded Groupon, a daily deals e-commerce marketplace.

It became one of the fastest-growing companies ever, generating $14 million in revenue in year one and $300 million in year two.

To support this growth, Groupon’s staff exploded from 24 employees to 350 in just two years. And Andrew served as the CEO.

Prior to founding Groupon, he had graduated with a music degree and was working as a web designer.

Andrew had no training or experience as a new manager or a leader.

So, how did he know what to do?

Andrew revealed: “My co-founder mentored me – taught me what he could teach me about how to handle it.” (Let’s hear it for peer mentoring!)

He also learned a lot from his employees – they had substantially more experience than he did. He relied on them frequently. (Let’s hear it for reverse mentoring!)

In a recent interview, Andrew reflected on his catapult into leadership:

“When you’re [a new leader], people are willing to give you some slack; they understand that part of your role is going to be growing in the job.”

And then he emphasized, “…as long as you show that you are growing as you go. As long as people see your capacity for growth and that you’re getting better over time, then you can keep people believing in your ability to rise to the occasion.”

When Andrew stopped improving, people stopped believing, and in 2013, he got fired.

So, how can we ensure we continue to grow and get better over time?

Always be mentor-able.

Seek mentoring in every conversation:
- What am I missing?
- What is your advice/perspective/idea?
- What would you do if you stepped into my shoes?
- What’s one thing I can do better next time?
Sharpen your understanding by listening without judgment or distraction, asking questions for clarity.
Step into an experience to deepen the learning.
- What steps can I take next to create a growth opportunity?

Great leaders resist the urge to know-it-all by choosing instead to learn-it-all through mentoring conversations and experiences.
“It’s what we learn after we think we know it all that counts.”
~ humorist Frank McKinney Hubbard (often repeated by Coach John Wooden)

[Flash] Why Ryan Reynolds Chooses Observation Over Evaluation

During a recent interview, actor Ryan Reynolds reflected on his evolved approach to conflicting viewpoints:

“I love working with people who have different ideas. It’s interesting to meet them with curiosity as opposed to placing a value judgment.

“As I get older, I think I’m better at observation than evaluation – like constantly evaluating everything and everyone.

“When I just observe, I find my stress level goes down. I find I’m a little bit less of a [jerk], personally.”

Danielle Allen, Professor of Public Policy at Harvard, also advocates for observation. She teaches her students to navigate conflict using two rules:

Rule #1. Use Names

She encourages students to address each other by name intentionally, not condescendingly.

Why is this important?

Feels direct and personal
Grabs attention – people love hearing their own name
Creates connection
Fosters respect and trust

Rule #2. Repeat Back What You Heard

No one in Professor Allen’s class is allowed to respond until they can demonstrate they correctly understood the other person’s argument.

By repeating back what they think they’ve heard, both sides are forced to invest time upfront reaching a mutual understanding.

Why is this important?

De-escalates tension: heard people hear others
Validates: “I listened, I heard you, and I understand you.”
Ensures they are accurately addressing the other person’s issue

Every day, we have an abundance of opportunities to practice these skills.

For example, a mentee may share a concern that the mentor feels is overblown. Because we naturally meet different viewpoints with judgment rather than curiosity, the (well-intentioned) mentor might instinctively say, “Oh don’t worry about that – it’s nothing!”

And even in the safe space of mentoring, the mentee might impulsively defend their fear, while judging the mentor for being dismissive and oblivious.

To practice observing, not evaluating:

Listen to their concern, idea, or perspective
Stay curious (give your judge a break!)
Use their name
Repeat back what you heard
Check your understanding:

“Sally, I want to make sure I understand your point. Are you saying…?”
“Bob, can you explain what you mean by…”
“Aneek, I hear that you’re worried about X… is that right?”
“Marge, so what you’re saying is…?”
“Terry, what am I missing?”

In a world where the risk of altercation simmers beneath each interaction, we can diffuse everyone’s emotions with observation, curiosity, and commitment.

Seek compassion, not condemnation.

[Flash] Sharing Pebbles With Your Mentee

Gentoo penguins in Antarctica strengthen their connections with each other by collecting and sharing pebbles.

Why pebbles? Because penguins use pebbles to build nests. So, the simple act of bringing rocks to another penguin signals a desire to develop a relationship.

Similarly, with humans, “pebbling” entails small, consistent acts of attention and communication.

And in mentoring, pebbles are potent.

They demonstrate an ongoing effort to connect, engage, and cultivate a mentoring relationship.

Pebbling communicates our respect for a mentee – we value the relationship and want to invest in it, not just serve as a monthly checkpoint.

The “pebbles” we share do not entail enormous exertions of time, effort, or resources – they are small and considerate gifts:

Offering words of encouragement
Sharing a thoughtful or humorous text
Listening actively
Remembering and acknowledging an event
Forwarding a relevant article
Suggesting a new resource
Liking their post on LinkedIn
Recommending a book or podcast episode
Making an introduction to a new connection

Pebbling is a modest effort with a mighty impact.

People often feel isolated at work and in life because their overconsumption of technology individualizes their experiences.

Pebbling restores interaction. It prevents the emotional drift that can occur from isolation.

The simple act of pebbling conveys to our mentee, “I see you. I heard you. I know you. I’m here. You belong. You are important to me. I’m thinking of you.”

Being seen, remembered, and acknowledged, strengthens the connection and trust between a mentor and a mentee.

My mom managed and mentored a real estate office of one hundred realtors. Every year, she personally called each realtor on their birthday to sing, even on voicemail. She never missed the opportunity to make them feel special. Deepening the relationships and their trust was too important.

If pebbling is so effective, what stops us from leveraging it?

Concern about intruding – shouldn’t I wait until they reach out?
Fear of rejection – do they want to hear from me? will this make a difference?
Engrossed by daily chaos – I’m sooo busy!

But mentees need to be on our radar, not just our calendar.

When they are, pebbling becomes an extension of our mentoring – an opportunity to contribute between the cadence of scheduled meetings.

If we want to influence a mentee’s learning journey, we must infuse ourselves into it.

[Flash] Why Jack Lowden Watches His Hollywood Mentors Make Mistakes

Jack Lowden, an actor on Apple TV’s spy thriller series Slow Horses, recently appeared as a guest on Late Night with Stephen Colbert to promote the show’s new season.

During the interview, Stephen asked Jack about working with his co-stars, Hollywood icons Gary Oldman and Kristin Scott Thomas.

In particular, Stephen was curious about Jack’s habit of going to work even when he’s not scheduled to perform.

Stephen: “Is it true you show up on days you’re not shooting just to watch them [Gary and Kristin] shoot?”

Jack smilingly confessed, “Yeah. I once hid behind the sofa and just observed.”

Stephen: “And what are you learning by doing that?”

Jack: “I like watching them make mistakes. Because they do – they make mistakes.”

He continued, “As a young actor, it’s important to watch legends like that make mistakes. Of course, they make fewer mistakes than good takes. But I go, ‘Oh, right.’” As if suddenly discovering that his mentors are human.

When Jack sees their imperfections, it normalizes his own – an important tactic to mitigate imposter syndrome while validating his learning journey.

People observe their mentors to inform their own actions and behaviors, including stumbles.

Watching someone we respect make a mistake,

reduces our fear of making mistakes
humanizes mentors, making them more relatable and less intimidating
builds trust, strengthening the relationship
promotes vulnerability and humility
enhances learning

Mentoring doesn’t always entail sharing time-earned wisdom.

Mentoring often occurs in the space that lacks labels and targeted advice.

When I became a new lawyer, I spent my first year shadowing senior associates and partners, observing their interactions with clients. This experience undoubtedly shaped my client engagement skills.

When I ventured into the world of public speaking, I intentionally observed seasoned speakers enthrall an audience, which greatly influenced my speaking style.

But I also bore witness to their missteps, a refreshing reprieve – their blemishes forgave my own. It uncloaked my formidable mentors and confirmed my learning process.

Mentoring only works when we pay attention. We must notice experienced professionals navigating situations, fumbling, and growing as they go… just like us.

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