Ann Tardy, Author at MentorLead - Page 32 of 39

All Posts by Ann Tardy

[Flash] A-Rod… My New Favorite Mentor

In the new reality show Back in the Game, baseball-star-turned-entrepreneur Alex Rodriguez mentors athletes and entertainers who are struggling financially, like Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte.

In my favorite episode, Alex chooses Brian Dunkleman, comedian, actor, and the first host of American Idol.

In Brian’s words, he foolishly quit Idol after one season because he was unable to demonstrate his true acting talents on the show. The producers were irate, and he was never hired in Hollywood again – even his manager stopped calling. They called Ryan Seacrest instead.

Seventeen years later, Brian is broke, divorced, and driving for Uber to survive. He lost everything, including his confidence.

When Alex showed up to mentor Brian out of this rut, he:

  • explored Brian’s finances, talents, skills, and passions
  • uncovered Brian’s interest in real estate
  • arranged for Brian to shadow a real estate magnate
  • introduced Brian to his CFO to help negotiate his debt

But Brian rejected every idea Alex suggested by unloading a plethora of excuses.

Alex was unfazed – he didn’t take it personally, but he also didn’t tolerate the excuses. Instead, he shared his perspective of Brian’s situation and his expectations.

Some highlights:

  • ”You’re letting your life be defined by your mistakes.”
  • ”How do you win if you’re not constantly preparing to win?” 
  • “You need to wake up every day with your hair on fire, willing to grind!”
  • “You have to leverage your PHD – poverty, hunger, and drive. You are poor, but you’re not hungry and driven.”

And then Alex delivered an ultimatum: “Brian, if you’re not in it, I’m not in it.”

After a few days of sulking, Brian finally admitted that his excuses made it easier to hide when life got hard.

As the show concluded, Brian was studying for the real estate exam, paying off his debt, and feeling confident again.

Alex did not have all the answers, nor did he solve Brian’s problems for him. But like a great Mentor, Alex offered advice, perspectives, ideas, encouragement, connections, resources, and some tough love.

Sometimes Mentees get stuck in the valley of despair. But if they could see beyond their own excuses, they wouldn’t need a Mentor! 

 

[Flash] Burn the Ships! How Committed Are You?

My friends Connie and Mike are getting married in June (and I’m officiating the wedding!)

It’s a second marriage for both of them, and at our holiday gathering they declared, “We are burning the ships!”

”Burn the ships” is based on the legend of Hernán Cortés, an ambitious Spanish conquistador who arrived in Veracruz in 1519 determined to bring down the mighty Aztecs. He ordered his men to burn all of his ships, signaling his commitment to succeed or die trying – there would be no turning back! Two years later they successfully conquered the Aztec Empire.

It is the pinnacle of commitment when we “burn the ships!”

Like Cortes, my friends have signaled that quitting is not an option. They are determined to create a successful marriage or die trying.

We “burn the ships” when we elevate our commitment by removing any reliance on excuses or exit strategies.

It doesn’t mean we can’t change or improve a course of action, but when we are truly committed, giving up is not an option.

If you’re having a hard time committing to something, perhaps you still have “ships in the harbor” – an excuse, a rationalization, a justification.

But what makes it so hard to “burn the ships”?
• Fear of failure, judgment, criticism
• Perceived obligation or expectation
• Comfort
• Addiction

Naturally we cling to safety nets until we are no longer afraid. But this then leaves us half-committed, even paralyzed from taking action.

The question is… can we really be fully committed to success if there is always an out?

What ships are sitting in your harbor? What excuses do you need to let go of so you can move forward powerfully this year? Can you create a “burn the ships!” declaration like Connie and Mike?

Now I need to work this into their ceremony…

[Flash] Evolve Resolutions into Solutions… What’s the Worst That Can Happen?

In my house growing up, my mom would invariably counter any hesitation with “What’s the worst that can happen?” She even employed this when I hesitated asking the cutest boy in class to the 8th grade Sadie Hawkins dance. (I did. He didn’t. But her nudge got me out of my head and into action!)

Her approach has since been backed by science…

In the 1980s, researchers discovered that our challenge with long-term goals is not willpower or motivation. Instead we are derailed by short-term, in-the-moment urges and deterrents!

  • Staying in that cozy bed instead of getting up early to work out
  • Eating a colleague’s homemade cookies instead of sticking to a diet
  • Not flossing due to exhaustion after a late night at the office

Instantly a long-term goal of being healthy evaporates, and temptation wins! What starts with great intentions, falters in the face of one cookie or one warm, cozy bed.

NYC researcher Peter Gollwitzer tested a technique that could help evolve those greatly-intended resolutions into greatly-executed solutions: implementation intentions. Better known as an “if-then plan.”

Here’s how this self-regulatory strategy works: write down a goal, anticipate the obstacles (urges and deterrents), and create a concrete game plan to overcome them. Gollwitzer and his team devised the following template:

“When situation X arises, I will perform response Y.”

In other words, launch with a plan for the worst that could happen!

Example:

  • Goal: exercise before work
  • Obstacle/Temptation: sleeping in
  • Strategy: arrange to meet a friend at the gym

Example:

  • Goal: save more money
  • Obstacle/Temptation: a ridiculous sale at a favorite shop
  • Strategy: wait 24-hours before purchasing anything

Interestingly, Gollwitzer and his team discovered that the more difficult the goal, the better this strategy works.

So don’t just create Doomed New Year’s Resolutions. Create Intentional New Year’s Solutions!

[Flash] The Best of Flash 2019 (fan favorite articles from the year!)

The end of the year provides a valuable pause to reflect upon and celebrate what we’ve each initiated, discovered, and achieved over the past 12 months.

As I reflect upon the Flash! articles I wrote for you in 2019, I’m highlighting the ones that generated the most conversation this year:

Repeat the Good Stuff (and Help People Combat Sabotaging Self-Talk)
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/flash-repeat-good-stuff-help-people-combat-sabotaging-ann

In Turbulence, Watch the Flight Attendant
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/flash-turbulence-watch-flight-attendant-ann-tardy-cpa-jd-csp

Rerouting… What the GPS Can Teach Us About Leading Better
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/flash-rerouting-what-gps-can-teach-us-leading-better-ann

Two Super-Simple, Trust-Building Behaviors for Bosses Everywhere
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/flash-two-super-simple-trust-building-behaviors-tardy-csp-jd-cpa

There are No Evil Mentors
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/flash-evil-mentors-ann-tardy-cpa-jc-csp

5 OrangeTheory Strategies to Revitalize Meetings and Boost Programs 
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/flash-5-orangetheory-strategies-revitalize-meetings-ann

Does Change Happen To Us or For Us? 
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/flash-does-change-happen-us-ann-tardy-cpa-jc-csp

Positivity is a Game Changer at Work and in Life
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/flash-positivity-game-changer-work-life-ann-tardy-cpa-jc-csp

Thank you for reading, responding, and engaging with me throughout the year!

I look forward to continuing the journey together to become bigger, better, bolder versions of ourselves.

Merry Holidays and Happy Everything!

[Flash] Love Humankind but Irritated by People?

In her book Braving the Wilderness, Brene’ Brown writes: ”We love the idea of humankind but people in general get on our nerves.”

This stark reality routinely challenges our commitment to lead: we love the idea of helping people and making a difference, but personalities, problems, and politics irritate us.

Brown suggests that we can best deal with people-on-our-nerves by engaging in moments of joy and pain. So don’t skip the funerals, weddings, and celebrations – they matter.

But to truly engage in moments of joy and pain, individual experiences must become shared experiences.

For example, flying is typically an individual experience. We jockey for our place in line to board; we stow our own luggage; we take our seat; we put in earphones; we do work or watch a movie. It’s an individual experience (and everyone around us seems unavoidably annoying).

Recently, I was on a flight when that individual experience became a shared experience. After a man had collapsed from a heart attack, flight attendants found a doctor on board. When the doctor performed CPR and saved the man’s life, the plane erupted in applause! A shared experience!

But what do we do without a funeral to mourn, a wedding to celebrate, or a resuscitated man to cheer? In other words, on a daily basis, how do we move people off our nerves and onto our side so we can enjoy the humans in humankind?

By intentionally creating shared experiences:

  • Request mentoring conversations
  • Join a book club or Toastmasters
  • Volunteer to help someone problem-solve
  • Engage in team building activities
  • Identify commonalities
  • Point out the humor in situations
  • Ask people about their stories
  • Seek ways to partner with people

For less irritation and more joy, look for opportunities to evolve individual experiences into shared experiences.

[Flash] Does That Need to be Said? (thank you Craig Ferguson!)

Twenty-five years ago my sister visited me on spring break from college. She was wearing an outfit that I didn’t like. And, lacking any kindness or civility, I voiced my opinion. My words stung, she cried, and to this day I still regret it…

In a 2011 stand-up special, comedian Craig Ferguson shared some wisdom that he says took him three marriages to learn…

Before saying anything, ask yourself:

  1. Does this need to be said?
  2. Does it need to be said by me?
  3. Does it need to be said by me right now?

Does it need to be said?
Just because someone doesn’t dress, talk, or behave like me (and they aren’t causing me or others harm), do I need to say anything at all? Will offering unsolicited opinions and advice contribute to or contaminate the situation?

…by me?
Do I have the relationship or credibility that warrants saying something? Am I the parent, the boss, the mentor, the friend?

…right now?
Is this the right time and place? Are they prepared to hear it? Do I risk embarrassing the person?

So why the dramatic pause to self-edit our comments? Because people are constantly scanning their environment to determine if they are being judged, criticized, or blamed.

And our unsolicited opinions invariably feel like judgment, criticism, and blame – the death knell to trust in any relationship!

Instead, offer people:

  • our heart – people need acceptance (they’re already judging and criticizing themselves!)
  • our ears – people often simply want a sounding board
  • our eyes – people may be seeking fresh perspectives
  • our ideas – people might need help solving a problem

“Do you need my heart, my ears, my eyes, or my ideas?” is always more powerful than, “Do you want me to judge and criticize you?”

[Flash] 3 Pivotal Questions from Evite Co-Founder Selina

In a recent interview, Evite co-founder Selina Tobaccowala shared the essential guidance her father offered as she was deciding whether to change jobs. He asked her 3 clarifying questions:

  1. Do you like the people?
  2. Are you passionate about the product?
  3. Are you learning?

Selina revealed that even to this day when faced with various decisions in her business and her life, she references:

  1. People
  2. Passion
  3. Progress

A valuable beacon for our own perspective!

When we get mired in daily issues, altercations, upsets, and missed expectations, perseverance can be challenging. Focused on all that’s going wrong, we can easily lose sight of why we actually chose this job or situation!

I listened to Selina’s interview at the end of one of those days that was choked by issues and unmet deadlines – I was despondent, fiercely disliking my job.

And then I deployed Selina’s 3 pivotal questions:

  • Do I like the people I work with? Absolutely!
  • Am I passionate about what we do? Definitely!
  • Am I progressing and learning? Constantly!

Suddenly I got the perspective I needed to recalibrate my victim mindset.

Once we get clarity on People, Passion, and Progress, the rest becomes mere details to navigate.

I’ve even used the 3 pivotal questions to help my niece. When she was faced with a stick-with-the-cello-or-switch-to-the-clarinet dilemma, I asked her:

  • Do you like the people in the band?
  • Are you passionate about the cello?
  • Are you progressing with the cello?

She admitted that in fact, she wasn’t progressing because she wasn’t passionate about it. But she really enjoyed the people in the band, so she confidently switched to the clarinet!

When we remember our why (People, Passion, Progress), we can deal with almost any what…

[Flash] 7 Hip Pocket Phrases to Influence (not just tolerate) Holiday Gatherings

The pressure around the holidays can easily test our emotional intelligence.

Before declining or dreading invitations, consider holiday gatherings a great opportunity to practice connecting with curiosity and compassion – a coveted skill that makes us better mentors, leaders, and human beings.

Here are 7 hip pocket phrases that will help us influence, not just tolerate, these affairs:

1.  You look terrific.
People are constantly worried about how they look, and the holidays bring an added layer of fear. With a (genuine) compliment, we can put people at ease and instantly help them feel good about themselves. When people operate from fear, meet them with generosity.

2. You’re amazing.
Ask people about their recent adventures or experiences, and then express kudos! People appreciate the spotlight.

3. Interesting, tell me more.
Especially useful when you don’t agree with a point of view being shared about politics or religion. You don’t have to change your mind, but neither do they. Simply be fascinated by a different perspective.

4. How can I help?
”Do you need help?” can feel contrived, so the answer is typically, “No.” Instead ask, “How can I help? or “What can I do for you?” to signal your intention to contribute.

5. I understand.
Helping people feel heard can quickly disarm their defenses. (And it doesn’t mean you have to agree with them!)

6. We’ll figure it out.
Nothing ever goes as planned – that’s how holidays work. Give people permission to rebound without pressure.

7. I appreciate…
Let’s rejuvenate the obligatory “thank you!” By adding context, sharing impact, and experimenting with new words, we give people pause to recognize the appreciation. “I’m grateful for our friendship. I appreciate the time we spend together. Our conversations bring me joy.”

———————————————–
To my 11,383 readers, I’m grateful for our weekly connections. You inspire me with your commitment to make a difference in your roles as boss, mentor, peer, and human being!

Wishing you a happy (and more than tolerable) Thanksgiving!

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