Search Results for: Not for me

“Verbally stating goals has been the single greatest tool that has furthered success in my life.”

He then explained his process. As he enters a new chapter in his life, Adam examines his needs and desires, creates a theme, and declares a destination – a goal. For example, inspired by his grandfather who spoke seven languages, he articulated his post-college goal in two words: “foreign perspective.”

Adam didn’t know how he would get a foreign perspective, but he planted that flag and then told everyone he met. 

Why? Because, as he admits, he had no idea how he was going to get there! So, he looked to his community for clues.

By verbalizing a goal, Adam:

• Commits to it
• Invites people to contribute

“People start to help me find the path.” 

In other words, he seeks out pathfinders – peers, friends, and even strangers – to help him create his journey.

During his talk, Adam listed five of his previous goals – the flags he planted – and the paths he ultimately took to reach those goals:

1. Foreign perspective (he took a job in France)
2. Yearn to learn (he completed a master’s program at UCLA)
3. Work without boredom (he worked at SRI International for 10 years)
4. Understand if love is real (he got married)
5. Explore how breakthroughs happen (he joined the largest AI project in US history)

Pathfinding works when we have communicated a destination. Imagine planning a vacation and asking people for ideas and advice but not telling them where you’re going.

The goal gives purpose and direction to pathfinding.

Not surprisingly, pathfinding is an essential role for mentors. But when mentees show up without a goal, mentors implore, “Help me help you, mentee!” Knowing the goal, mentors can propose various paths.

Yet, sometimes, “finding a goal” feels overwhelming or obligatory. Whereas a “destination” can be enticing, even seductive!

Recently, when I verbalized a destination to “radiate serenity,” one pathfinder recommended knitting and another recommended improv. Two paths I had not considered!

By purposely pathfinding, I can actively curate the advice, perspectives, and ideas I need in pursuit of a destination while inviting others to engage and make a difference.

Destinations inspire action. Pathfinding ignites champions. 

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

When someone wishes you…

• Merry Christmas… and you are Christian or not Christian
• Happy Hanukkah… and you are Jewish or not Jewish
• Happy Kwanza… and you are African-American or not African-American
• Season’s Greetings… and you are agoraphobic or not agoraphobic
• Happy Holidays… and you are religious or not religious
• Happy New Year… and you are good with dates or bad with dates

You say: “Thank you! Same to you!”

The simplicity of this recommendation is actually profound: Meet people where they are, not where you are.

Understandably, we expect others to offer an appropriate holiday wish. But that’s not always practical or possible. And sometimes, even those who know us well are distracted, forgetful, or inadvertent – that’s just where they are at that moment.

Instead of assuming that others are being rude or dogmatic with their beliefs, seek to understand their intentions – politeness, friendliness, amiability, holiday spirit.

If we express outrage or insult, we become rude and self-oriented – making it all about us. Being offended when the offense was not intended is a waste of time and energy.

Rather than interpreting someone’s use of specific greetings, let’s just assume good intent behind the holiday well-wishing and move on.

Kindness is extending to people the benefit of the doubt. And that includes letting go of our expectations around holiday greetings.

Wishing you Happy Everything!

© 2023. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Here are 12 phrases to help us connect, not just cope:

1. You look terrific!
People are constantly critiquing themselves, especially during the holidays. We can instantly reassure them with a (genuine) compliment. 

2. You’re amazing!
Ask people about their recent adventures or experiences – everyone deserves a spotlight!

3. How can I help? 
Swap “Do you need help?” with “How can I help?” to indicate your commitment to making a difference. Better yet, start helping!

4. What’s your perspective? 
Everyone has a perspective, and their view of the world is inevitably different than yours. Get ready to discover what they see!

5. Tell me the story…
Demonstrate an interest in their experience. “Tell me the story of that perspective. How did you get there?” Or “tell me the story of your job change, college decision, vacation…”

6. That’s wonderful, frustrating, or interesting.
People have an innate desire to be understood. No matter the story, validate their experience and make them feel heard by mirroring their feelings with your words.

7. Have you considered…? What about this idea…?
If they ask for your advice or get stuck venting, offer an idea for consideration. Doing so with a question allows you to contribute without judgment, expectation, or pressure. 

8. Not yet.
 “No” halts conversation, whereas “Not yet” fuels possibility.

9. Say more…
As in, “I’m curious about that idea. Say more about what you’re thinking.”

10. To change the subject…
Not every conversation needs to be exhausted over a basted turkey. Conversations can change, and this phrase signals your intent to change it. 

11. Grateful!
Using an alternative to “thanks” causes people to hear it and ourselves to mean it. Options: “Grateful!” “Appreciate you!” or “Much obliged.” For more significant impact, add context: “I’m grateful that you…” “I appreciate you for…”

12. “Pleasure.”
I worked with a woman from South Africa who always responded to my “Thanks” with “Pleasure!” as in, “It was a pleasure to help.” This cheerful response made me delighted that we partnered. 

Regardless of the conversations you create this holiday, guests will appreciate your effort to engage. And who knows… you might feel more connected and compassionate as you savor the celebration.

Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving!

© 2023. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

While his career journey had been prosperous – 20 years at Bain & Company from consultant to CEO, CEO of eBay, CEO of ServiceNow – he recognized the need for an intentional pause. So, John took a year off.

During this sabbatical, he created what he called a “Wisdom Tour” – a quest for inspiration, advice, and guidance through a series of mentoring conversations.

Reflecting on the enriching experience in an interview with Fortune’s podcast Leadership Next, John said:

“I was 55 thinking, what will I care about when I’m 65? Some people are 65 who have vitality – they’re young at heart, they’re happy. But there are an awful lot of people at 65 where that’s not the case.

“I learned from brain science that our brains get more negative over time. So I started reaching out to people 65 and over who have the vitality that I looked up to.”

In total, John connected with 50 people and asked:

“Tell me how you understand your life at this stage and how you have handled transitions since your 50s. How can I keep vitality into my 60s and 70s?”

5 lessons John learned during his Wisdom Tour:

1. Attitude is everything
2. Hang out with people you strive to be like
3. Be time-conscious and choose meaningful, consequential activities
4. Use your gifts in service of others
5. Allow serendipity to unfold instead of controlling everything

This learning journey informed John’s next stage of his life. He recognized his gift as service-based leadership and sought a role that would allow him to leverage it. With this clarity, he joined Nike as its new CEO.

You don’t need to quit your job to create your own Wisdom Tour. But you need to:

• recognize when you’re in a transition
• acknowledge the benefit of curating wisdom from others
• intentionally create an abundance of mentoring conversations
• be vulnerable and humble
• listen without judgment or dismissal
• take good notes, reflect, and synthesize

Wisdom is swirling all around us… but accessible only to those brave enough to seize it!

© 2023. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

In 2000, the US Army started assigning every recruit in Basic Training a Battle Buddy to tackle high anxiety, stress, and fear.

Through this forced partnership, soldiers:

• establish peer mentoring and emotional support,
• observe and assess each other’s stressors through daily contact,
• validate their experiences,
• improve readiness and resilience,
• and look out for one another, in and out of combat.

When the COVID-19 pandemic hit, the University of Minnesota Medical Center (UMMC) faced a similar urgency to address its staff’s acute mental health needs. 

Due to the high anxiety, stress, and fear experienced by its healthcare workers, UMMC sought a solution that it could deploy rapidly with high scalability, low cost, and few resources.

Like the Army, UMMC turned to human connection and adapted the Battle Buddy system:

• They asked everyone to participate, with leaders explicitly endorsing the program.
• They empowered frontline units to quickly pair individuals based on similar professional perspectives, life experiences, and exposure to stressors.
• They instructed pairs to connect daily for ten minutes to check-in, listen, and discuss daily challenges and successes (but not air grievances, debate, or argue).
• The daily contact allowed peers to emotionally support each other, observe and assess stress, and identify specific issues that might need additional support, attention, or escalation.

To guide their daily check-in conversations, each Battle Buddy received a pocket-card with thoughtful, compassionate questions:

• What is hardest right now?
• What worried you today? 
• What went well today?
• How are things at home?
• What challenges are you facing with sleep/rest, exercise, and nutrition?

By intervening with an in-the-moment-of-crisis solution, UMMC demonstrated its commitment to cultivating a working environment where people felt supported, validated, and ultimately resilient.

In its 2020 paper entitled “Battle Buddies: Rapid Deployment of a Psychological Resilience Intervention for Healthcare Workers During the Coronavirus Disease 2019 Pandemic,” UMMC stated:

“Given the remarkable adaptability of human beings, we believe that, by promoting resilience, our diverse health care workforce can emerge from this monumental challenge with new skills, closer relationships, and greater confidence in the power of community.”

People face proverbial battlefields daily, not just in combat or during a pandemic. While human connection is essential, it often needs to be intentionally constructed.

Where could you deploy a Battle Buddy model on your team or in your organization?

© 2023. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

All new pledges in the sorority chapter received a “big sister.” I remember when my big sister chose me, I felt like I belonged! Lisa became my confidante and champion as I transitioned from pledge to sorority sister that first year.

Likewise, every junior in the chapter was expected to serve as a big sister. Why? Because the sustainability of the chapter relied on new pledges becoming sorority sisters and paying monthly dues.

The big sister/big brother model is an evidence-based strategy to improve onboarding and retention.

For the past decade, a research organization, Phired Up, collected and analyzed data to determine why members leave fraternal organizations.

They identified 3 main reasons:

(1) Misaligned Expectations.
People quit because of unclear or false expectations about membership.

(2) Lack of Connection.
People quit if they don’t have a friend group.

(3) Discord.
People quit over miscommunications and drama.

In their report, Phired Up recommends sororities and fraternities take the following actions to create engagement:

• Semesterly Engagement Assessments
• Retention Committee
• Big Brothers & Big Sisters

In summary, to retain chapter members, deploy “Bigs” to mentor, engage, and help new pledges find success as college students.

Why should we care about this report on sororities and fraternities?

Onboarding new members to a team or new nurses to a hospital is no different.

Simply put:

• People crave connection, acceptance, and belonging. 
• They will leave if they don’t feel it.
• It costs money and disruption when they go. 

Here’s where it gets nuanced. Most organizations already have some sort of onboarding initiative or residency program. So, where do many go wrong?

They either lack mentoring or…

1. make it optional
2. put the onus on the new hire

As a sorority pledge, I would not have created a relationship with a big sister (a mentor) if someone had told me that it was optional or my job to establish.

Why?

I felt intimidated, insecure, and isolated as a newbie. Asking an established chapter member to mentor me would have felt overwhelming and vulnerable.

New hires often feel the same way.

So what to do?

• Make mentorship uncomplicated, unavoidable, and rewarding. 
• Expect all employees to mentor new hires.
• Put mentors in charge. (Alternative titles: champion, buddy, advocate, ally, supporter, navigator, or “Big.”) 

If everyone in your organization takes someone under their wing, your organization’s culture will inevitably shift.

Retention doesn’t happen – it’s engineered through engagement. And mentorship is the spark.

© 2023. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

“I was initially hesitant to take it on as I didn’t have a record deal yet, so how could I call myself a ‘legend’? But then I decided to grab it because I’m not going to go into my career with this fear that it won’t work out. I’m going to go live up to this name. It was a bit audacious, I know.”

Sigourney:
When Sue Weaver was 13, she was already towering over her classmates.

“I had great trouble at the height of six feet, saying my name is “Sue” – so small. Then I read the book The Great Gatsby and saw the name “Sigourney,” I liked its look – it goes on for three syllables. I’m going to use it as a placeholder, I thought. It wasn’t supposed to be a stage name.”

Bono:
As teens, Paul David Hewson and his friends joined a surrealist street gang in Dublin and needed nicknames. Paul’s friend dubbed him “Bono Vox” after a hearing-aid store in the neighborhood. Paul did not like it until he learned it was derived from the Latin word “Bonovox,” which means “good voice.”

The Question
One of my favorite get-to-know-you-quickly questions is, “What’s the story behind your name?”

It serves to unlock connections in a few ways:

• Being curious and interested in someone else is a gateway to trust.
• It helps me remember their name (because the brain quickly processes information when it’s connected to a story).
• It makes the other person feel important and validated (especially when I can easily recall their name!)
• It offers a glimpse into their life, allowing me to discover their origin, family, or journey.
• It sometimes identifies a commonality we share.
• It requires a low investment of time and preparation.

In addition, this one question decreases the inevitable anxiety of meeting someone new because it shifts the spotlight from “We don’t know each other!” to “What could we learn about each other?”

When you are eager to connect with a new person or strengthen the relationship with a colleague, a mentoring partner, or a friend, simply (but genuinely!) inquire about their name.

Everyone has a story. Even no story is a story.

© 2023. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.