Search Results for: Not for me

But he never intended to be an actor. In fact, he wasn’t in theater in high school, never went to Broadway shows growing up, and didn’t even know any actors.

Instead, David chose the path to become a college professor, earning an English degree from Princeton and entering the PhD program at Yale.

So, what happened?

David became restless. He was 22, sitting in a Yale library reading all day.

As he recalls, the last time he felt alive was when he was playing sports. He wanted to recapture that joy—he missed the collaboration, tension, and excitement.  

He wanted more life in his life.

So, David went exploring.

Hoping to hang out with people again, he dabbled with writing plays. And Yale’s drama school allowed him to sit in on—shadow!—writing classes. There, he drifted in and out, meeting interesting people.

Soon, some students asked David to join their production. He justified, “Heck, if I’m going to write plays or screenplays, I should probably experience what it’s like to say the words.”

And with that, a paradigm shift occurred. Acting introduced David to a sea of reactivity, emotions, and expressions, a stark contrast to academic pondering and brooding.

While he continued to teach at Yale for the next three years, David explored this newfound passion by taking acting classes twice a week in New York City. Following a gut instinct, he dropped out of his PhD program (a dissertation shy) and moved to California to pursue a career in acting.

From there, David’s career became an iterative journey for six years until he landed the lead in The X-Files, transforming his passion into a profession.

That’s the power of job shadowing!

David’s dabbling, observing, and experiencing informed his career path.

Job shadowing is a mentoring conversation in action. It’s not about changing careers; it’s about leveraging exposure and experience to better guide our choices.

• With informational interviews, we discover someone’s job through inquiry.
• With job shadowing, we experience their job through observation and participation.

Through the unique exposure to someone’s role, we expand our perspective by witnessing theirs. 

If you’re feeling restless or stuck, step into a new mentoring conversation at the intersection of connection, curiosity, and contemplation.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Origin stories are the cornerstone of mentoring, jammed with experiences, lessons learned, and wisdom articulated upon reflection.

Undeniably, I can be enraptured by a good memoir. While it’s easy to marvel at celebrities who seemingly launch to fame overnight, they, too, cradle an origin story. And it’s personal when they capture it in their memoir, inevitably mentoring us from afar with their messy, wisdom-rippled journeys.

Being in college when Kurt Cobain and Nirvana besotted my generation, I was eager to inhale Dave Grohl’s memoir, The Storyteller to discover how an unknown drummer catapulted to stardom.

In his book, Dave confesses that he taught himself to play the drums by pounding drumsticks into a pillow daily. Obsessed with music, Dave started a punk rock band with some friends in high school.

He especially loved the band Scream, having memorized every song. So, when Dave saw a flyer on a bulletin board that Scream needed a drummer, he didn’t hesitate to call. Impressed with Dave’s talent and repertoire, the band offered him the spot – the tour was starting immediately.

But Dave was only 17, a junior. He would have to drop out of school, risk his friendships, and disappoint his parents. And he admits he was afraid of failing.

His fear won. He turned down the offer, and Scream left on their tour without Dave.

Dave wrote, “I walked away from the opportunity because of fear, and I instantly regretted it.”

Two months later, when Scream returned to town, Dave attended their concert, beelined for the backstage, and begged for another chance. Hesitant but eager to work with Dave, they acquiesced and made him their drummer.

Dave promptly dropped out of school and resigned from his band. As he predicted, his friends were angry, his mom worried, and his dad enraged. But Dave was too busy quelling his fears to waffle.

Immensely talented, his reputation as Scream’s drummer quickly grew. And that’s how Kurt Cobain found Dave Grohl – captivated in concert. The next day, Kurt called Dave and invited him to join his nascent band named Nirvana.

This time, like stepping over a pile of fear on the floor, Dave did not hesitate.

“Don’t get too comfortable with who you are at any given time – you may miss the opportunity to become who you want to be.” – Jon Bon Jovi

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

We would park ourselves in high-traffic areas and comment unabashedly on the parade of fascinating outfits, actions, and conversations as they rushed past us.

Essentially, we were critiquing people based on nothing more than what we momentarily witnessed. To this day, being judgy is an entrenched vice that I admittedly work hard to counteract.

Consider a similar judgment-prone concept: “punishing without looking.” Researchers coined this term to describe the internet pile-on that occurs when people publicly condemn someone’s behavior without asking more questions or seeking additional information.

Why the rush to judgment?

• negligence or laziness (considering alternative perspectives takes work)
• virtue-signaling (“adding my criticism makes me look like a good person.”)
• demonstrating loyalty to a person or an issue
• reputational rewards (on social media, people scrutinize other peoples’ reactions)

Examining this impulse to “punish without looking,” Northwestern Professor Nour Kteily wondered, “Are people evaluating the evidence? Are they actually looking at the full picture?”

After conducting various experiments, Kteily recommended incorporating practices that force us to deliberate and consider opposing perspectives.

“Imagine a world where you had to give your reasons before signing a petition or forwarding a news article,” Kteily suggested.

To break my own punish-without-looking, judging-without-observing habit, I am committed to 2 practices:

1. Mentoring Others.
To effectively mentor, I must be curious, ask questions, introduce alternative perspectives, observe, seek the whole picture, and discard my judgment.

2. Chasing Context.  
Law school taught me to always assume there are multiple sides to every situation.

• “I wonder what their story is…”
• “What am I missing? What am I not seeing?”
• “I’m curious to know why that happened…”
• “What would the other side say?”
• “I’m eager to see how they respond…”

Everyone is a work in progress, with stories and backstories. And one interaction is egregiously insufficient to assess another’s character. We need to keep observing and engaging!

You won’t always catch me in my best moment, but I do hope you’ll catch me in my next moment.

I have a magnet on my fridge that says “Bark Less. Wag More.” My dogs blatantly ignore this advice as they encounter strange people and dogs in the real world. They don’t observe; they judge.

The rest of us can do better.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

ps. Have you registered yet for our 2024-Q2 complimentary webinar?
“Unlock the Power of Mentoring Programs to Retain Nurses, Improve Leadership, and Strengthen Your Hospital”
Date: Tues May 14 @ 10am PT | 1pm ET
Register: https://us06web.zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_dFKVwhWVSMGrbMftJJmSLg#/registration

She distributed postcards that read: “Race. Your thoughts. 6 words. Please send.”

Michelle named it The Race Card Project.

Examples of submissions:

• White female, eager learner, poor listener.
• I am a light-skinned black woman.
• White but grew up as minority.
• My children are black. I’m not.
• Beautiful, brown, and Hawaiian every day.
• Indian, born here but built there.
• He’s my dad, not the gardener.
• Everybody else is potentially a friend.

To broaden her reach and improve the collection of submissions, she created a website: theracecardproject.com.

But Michelle became hungry for more than six words. Like a great journalist, she needed context, the story behind the six words.

So, Michelle added a textbox to the submission page on the site that reads, “Anything else to say?” This simple question prompts people to share their stories, thoughts, and feelings vulnerably.

Michelle reflected in a recent interview, “People are desperate to discuss issues like race from the prism of their personal experiences. In their submission, they write about personal things through their vantage point.”

To date, Michelle has collected more than 500,000 personal narratives from all 50 states and 96 countries.

In 2013, the Race Card Project was awarded the prestigious Peabody Award for excellence in electronic communications for creating a productive dialogue on a complex topic.

What is so magical about “Anything else?”

According to a recent study, asking follow-up questions dramatically increases connection, even among strangers. Follow-up questions cause and convey better listening, understanding, and care.

Another study found that 40% of what we say involves telling people about our subjective experiences—what we think or feel. We really do enjoy talking about ourselves!

By adding the follow-up question, “Anything else to say?” Michelle bonds with strangers, inviting them to do what they are compelled to do already – talk about their experiences.

Similarly, when we mentor, it’s imperative that we connect with our mentees and see what they see. With connection, they will welcome our advice, and by understanding their perspective, our advice avoids irrelevancy.

A simple question can grant us the pause we need—like a speed bump—to create the interaction we want.

Before regaling mentees with a treasure trove of wisdom, let’s deliberately improve our listening, comprehension, and compassion by genuinely inquiring…

“Anything else to say?”

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.