Search Results for: Not for me

But after taking Mr. Rogina’s captivating Business Law class during my junior year, I knew I would be an attorney.

Noticing my enthusiasm, Mr. Rogina encouraged me in class, invited me to join the moot court team, and cheered me on when I shared my plans to go to law school and move to Silicon Valley to practice business law.

Mr. Rogina has since retired from teaching, served two terms as the mayor of our town, and most recently launched a podcast with another former student, Pat Crimmins. Named “Justa Coupla Guys,” the podcast provides the forum to do what they love – banter with interesting people in the community.

When life brought me back to live in my hometown last year, Mr. Rogina and I reconnected. And then he invited me to be a guest on their podcast.

At first I hesitated, thinking, Me? Why? What do I have to share? How could I contribute to this collection of local celebrity interviews?

My initial reaction reminded me of the numerous people who have resisted over the years, “Me? Be a mentor? Already? What do I have to offer someone?”

I’m always stunned by this response. Most people don’t see what the rest of us see – their greatness, their potential to contribute!

When these tentative individuals ignore their inner critics and join the mentoring program, they invariably love the experience, make a difference, and strengthen their confidence.

And then I remembered… mentors always see mentees differently than mentees see themselves. Mentors have a different vantage point, aren’t burdened with the mentee’s self-doubt and uncertainty, and can see their blind spots.

And that’s what was happening to me.

So, I said “Yes” to Mr. Rogina’s invitation despite my inclination to remain always-a-listener-never-a-guest. We recorded the episode yesterday, and it was a delightful, rejuvenating experience! Reflecting on my adventures and triumphs during our podcast bantering reignited my appetite to create more adventure in my life.

And so, 35 years after mentoring me the first time, Mr. Rogina mentored me again!

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

I enjoy the peek into the lives of the famous, particularly their backstories, journeys, and insights.

But I also listen to podcast interviews to learn from the interviewer.

Good interviewers like Willie Geist are like eager mentees – curious, enthusiastic, non-judgmental, trusting, and aspiring.

Notably, Willie’s go-to interview questions contain terrific conversation starters to engage any mentoring partner:

• What was the plan? 
• Does that feel recent or a long time ago?
• What was that experience like?
• Where did your obsession come from?
• What’s it like to…? 
• Which move felt like your big break?
• Do you think that decision hurt your career at all?
• How much fun do you have with that?

Recently, Willie interviewed the prolific actor Jeff Goldblum about his blockbuster career. It was difficult not to like Jeff with his unassuming, authentic, good-natured personality.

And with that personality, Jeff did something that I haven’t heard other guests do – he turned the mic on Willie. He didn’t just wait for the next question or focus on his talking points. Instead, like a thoughtful mentor, Jeff wanted to include Willie in the exploration.

Willie asked Jeff about his journey to stardom, and Jeff responded with a story about growing up outside of Pittsburgh and moving to NYC at 17.

Then Jeff said to Willie, “How about you?” as if the interview was merely a prelude to a conversation.

Willie chuckled, a little surprised – guests don’t engage Willie in a reflection on his own experiences.

But Jeff was genuinely interested in bantering. So, like the consummate pro, Willie quickly switched interviewer-guest roles and shared his journey-to-the-stage story.

And in the end, the exchange inspired the mentor, the mentee, and the audience, leaving each a bit better.

Always be curious.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

I get it! The days already feel clogged.

So, I recommended Synchronous Mentoring.

We can’t wait until we have time to do mentoring – our calendars abhor a vacuum, causing available slots to fill quickly! So, we must make time.

Consultant Alan Weiss says we need to shift from managing our time to managing our activities in the time we have. Bingo!

And that’s precisely what powers Synchronous Mentoring.

Fortunately, mentoring is not contingent upon the time we have. It’s contingent upon the conversations we create.

In my experience, people don’t enroll in mentoring because they are bored and looking for new activities or friends. They enroll because they are starving for wisdom. They crave fresh perspectives, thought partners, insights, validation, shared experiences, a sounding board, new ideas, advice, and encouragement.

And none of that takes enormous amounts of time. But it does take intentionality.

In Synchronous Mentoring, we mentor at the same time as we do another activity.

For example, when I walk my dogs, I am not on zoom calls or distracted by emails. And because I walk my dogs at about the same time every day, my mentees know when to connect with me. With Synchronous Mentoring, I make time to exchange advice, perspectives, and ideas by coupling one activity with another. 

Examples of Synchronous Mentoring:

• Mentoring while sharing a meal
• Mentoring while walking
• Mentoring while driving
• Mentoring while meeting to review project status
• Mentoring while delayed at the airport
• Mentoring while attending a company event together
• Mentoring while waiting for an appointment

Synchronous Mentoring often requires us to lean into a moment spontaneously. So, it behooves us to carry a list of mentoring questions to evolve any conversation and make the most of those moments.

Here are 5 go-to mentoring questions:

1. What went well?
2. What would you (could I) do differently next time?
3. What is your observation?
4. What insights do you have?
5. What am I missing?

Synchronous Mentoring is about the conversations we create for the moments we are in.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

In an attempt to better understand the Great Resignation, author Marcus Buckingham and the ADP Research Institute interviewed 50,000 people in working populations around the world. They set out to determine what actually predicts retention, performance, and engagement.

Their conclusion? It has less to do with pay, colleagues, location, or even a belief in the mission and more to do with people’s love for the content of the work itself.

According to their research, people consider:

• Was I excited to work every day last week?
• Did I have a chance to use my strengths every day?
• Do I get a chance to do what I’m good at and something I love at work?

Accordingly, Buckingham argues that leaders must intentionally and intelligently strive to connect people’s activities with their strengths and what they love to do. Only then can they achieve higher engagement and lower turnover.

He recommends that leaders remember:

1. People are the point: People are the most critical stakeholders in the organization, above customers and shareholders.
2. One size fits one: Everyone is distinct in what enthuses them about work.
3. In trust we grow: Trust must be the foundation of all practices and policies.

While I appreciate the research and guidance directed at leaders, the conversation feels rather one-sided. It would be negligent if we didn’t also acknowledge that leaders cannot be solely responsible for ensuring that people enjoy their jobs.

We must consider: What role do people play in their quest for excitement, strengths-based assignments, and joy on the job?

Arguably leaders cannot help people realign unless people remember:

1. Customers are the reason: We have jobs because we have customers.
2. Leaders are not mind-readers: They need us to share our strengths, what we enjoy about our work, and where we feel confident and competent.
3. Trust takes two: We need to be trustworthy, and we need to trust back.

While leaders must endeavor to lead differently, people must endeavor to follow differently…  not by resigning but by reflecting and realigning. 

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Right arm! You put your right arm in. You put your right arm out. You put your right arm in, and you shake it all about. You do the hokey pokey, and you turn yourself around. That’s what it’s all about!

The song then repeats, calling on other body parts (ex: left leg, right foot, left side, backside) and ending with the whole self!

Remembering this participation dance, I’ve noticed a similarity to how people participate in mentoring. There are:

1. Observers
2. Right Arms
3. Whole Selves

Observers
Observers sit on the side, watching everyone else have fun. 

They don’t participate in mentoring because they are too busy or don’t feel like they need it. 

Right Arms
Right Arms participate in mentoring but in a limited way. 

Right Arms attend the virtual kickoff but never turn on their cameras or participate in the chat. They have a mentoring partner, but they only sporadically meet because they’ve made little effort to get to know them personally. And they lack a compelling goal, so there’s no sense of urgency to connect. By the end of the program, they often regret missing the opportunity, especially when they hear about the Whole Selves’ great relationships and transformative successes.

Whole Selves
Whole Selves jump into the mentoring experience. 

They make contact immediately with their Mentor or Mentee. They show up with gripping goals and unbridled enthusiasm for the possibility of the partnership! They quickly look for ways to build trust, engage, and contribute. They take notes, send calendar invites, share resources, and make introductions. And they never leave one conversation without arranging the next one. Inevitably through the process, the Mentee and Mentor grow. 

The Right Arm Predicament
Right Arms are in a quandary. Unlike Observers, they do show up, but unlike Whole Selves, they aren’t leaning into the program or the relationship as they had committed to. So they feel obliged to justify their inaction. Eventually, they rattle off a litany of excuses and point to their overwhelming circumstances.

But Right Arms Can Dance 
Right Arms can put their Whole Self in at any moment… by exchanging excuses for insights. 

When Right Arms pause to reflect on their lackluster participation in mentoring, they can identify valuable insights and learnings. And by sharing — at any point in the relationship – – what went well and what they will do differently going forward, Right Arms can deliberately move their Whole Self into the dance.

That’s how you do the Hokey Pokey in mentoring and in life! 

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Carol Dweck, author of Mindset, would love this mentoring! In her 2007 book, she introduced the world to fixed and growth mindsets. “Talk yourself up” comes from a growth mindset.

With a fixed mindset, our efforts, actions, and results define us. So then, each success or setback feels like a validation or an indictment of who we are. And this causes us to constantly defend, justify, excuse, or blame to preserve who we are.

Conversely, with a growth mindset, our efforts, actions, and results do not define but inform us. Thereby, each success or setback is merely information that we can use to improve and grow.

When we operate from a fixed mindset, we battle fears and imposter syndrome (“Who do you think you are to perform on stage in front of millions?”). We become so consumed with protecting an image that we recoil from taking chances or appropriate risks. We talk ourselves down to prevent failure. 

But when we operate with a growth mindset, we work to improve, look for areas to develop, seek mentoring, take on new actions like an experiment, and approach our perspectives like an exploration. We talk ourselves up for the adventure that awaits!

Frustratingly, our fixed mindset is triggered when we are confronted by challenges, face criticism, and compare ourselves to others (say goodbye, social media!).

Our daily test then is to catch our fixed mindset in the moment (“Watch out! You’re going to fail!”) and shift to a growth mindset by talking ourselves up! (“This is an experience, and I’m going to learn something amazing!”) 

My niece talks herself up each time she steps onto the swim block for a race at the pool. When I first watched her swim, I thought I was cheering for her to beat the swimmer in the next lane. But in each race, she is focused on shaving seconds off her personal record. A growth mindset! (Her mindset when doing her English homework is another story…)

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

In a more recent episode, Dr. Rick takes a group of adults to the movies, and as they walk toward the theater, one woman points out the restrooms and says, “Bathrooms! Even if you don’t have to go, you should try.” Dr. Rick scolds, “We all know where the bathroom is and how to use it, okay?”

I need to channel Dr. Rick when my mentoring program leaders attempt to manage and protect their mentors.

One program team I worked with was so afraid of burdening their program’s mentors that they refused to send any emails to the mentors. As a result, the mentors were confused and frustrated – predictably, they complained about the utter lack of communication from the program.

Other program leaders insist that mentees be responsible for creating and driving the relationship. But it’s a relationship. And relationships take two to develop and grow. So why absolve the mentors of responsibility?

And then my personal favorite… the fear that mentees will reach out to mentors too much or too often. I wish programs had this problem! Instead, most suffer from over-intimidated or overwhelmed mentees.

Mentors don’t need safeguards!

1. Mentors are not fragile – mentoring is not their burden; it’s their privilege
2. Mentors are not offended by communication from the program or their mentees – they know how to manage their emails, voicemails, and schedules
3. Mentors do not want to be detached and nonchalant – they signed up to engage in a relationship, so encourage them to forge ahead!

I’ve never had a mentor complain about an over-eager mentee or over-communication from the program!

Mentors don’t need protection. Instead, they need to discover and grow their mentoring skills! Program leaders just need to get out of the way…

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.