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[Flash] Old Keys Never Open New Doors

After I wrote about pedal-pushing around Vermont last month, I received a delightful email from Jean. Jean and I worked together when she participated in a mentoring program that her company hosted on our MentorLead platform.

Here’s what Jean shared:

”I was laid off from the company in November 2018. I knew my life direction needed a refresh. I decided to go for my dream: live and work abroad. I called this my Grand Adventure.

“Bound for the unknown, I was unsure if I was up for the challenge. People thought I was crazy!

“Today I’m living and working in Prague teaching English as a foreign language.

”Every day hasn’t been full of roses, but I feel very much alive and stronger than I ever imagined.”

Psychology magazine editor Hara Estroff Marano observed in her column recently, “It’s called self-esteem because only you can do things to lift it.”

As Jean discovered, the way to boost your self-esteem is to challenge yourself and to do some things differently.

By trying new things, we uncover new things about ourselves, like our own strength.

When we approach situations with courage, tenacity, and resilience, we impress ourselves. And we quickly realize that our comfort zone actually stretches.

Ultimately it’s through experiences that we elevate our self-esteem.

Jean’s comfort zone screamed:

I should find another job in corporate America
What will people think?
What do I know about living abroad?
What if it doesn’t work?

But she dared:

My family and friends will come around
I’ll find a job
I’ll figure it out
I want an adventure

When we stop relying on that which is familiar, comfortable, and safe, we can create various Grand Adventures and fuel our own self-esteem in the process.

Old keys never open new doors.

[Flash] Don’t Just Lead. Sell the Future.

In a recent article, marketing guru Robert Middleton explained sales in the most profound way: our job is not to sell a product or a service, but instead to sell a positive future.

Middleton writes, “Everyone buys something for the positive future it will bring them.”

This is also our job as leaders: to sell our people a positive future.

Routinely we are responsible for doling out tasks, setting expectations, holding people accountable, and giving feedback on how people accomplished those tasks. We might even offer some coaching or mentoring to develop their skills to do those tasks more effectively or efficiently.

But we can do better. Instead of merely managing their tasks, let’s start connecting those tasks to the positive future it will bring them. Let’s talk about the contribution their work has on creating the future they want for their careers, for the team, and for the company.

The key is to position their efforts as the gateway to that positive future.

How to sell the future:

Offer Context – explain the why behind the work
Provide Perspective – share your vision
Identify Goals – discover how they want to grow
Anchor Tasks to Goals – demonstrate that one impacts the other

Offering context, perspective, and goals helps people see the big picture. Connecting the dots between their job and the future reinforces that their actions and behaviors contribute to (or contaminate) the potential for that better future.

When we lead, we have the opportunity to help people become bigger, better, bolder versions of themselves.

We just need to remember to sell the future in the chaos of the present…

ps. Robert Middleton’s article: https://actionplan.club/what-are-you-really-selling

[Flash] Unleash the Power of Peers

For five years my friend Donna and I volunteered as the co-Directors of the Entrepreneurial Education Program at the Girls Middle School, teaching 7th grade girls how to start and run businesses.

We assigned students into teams, each with an adult mentor from the community. In the year-long class, each team wrote a business plan, pitched their idea for funding, created and sold products, and managed their business.

In class they learned about marketing, sales, and financing. Working together the girls discovered innovation, leadership, teamwork, accountability, navigating conflict, and cultivating confidence.

This was brain-based learning in action: learning through the experiences, emotions, and information obtained when in contact with others.

The brain is naturally social – we crave contact with others. We imitate the behaviors we see in others, and we find meaning in our interactions. Simply by allowing people to discuss and explore ideas, people can learn in new ways.

In a recent Chief Learning Officer article, Deborah Laurel argues that teams and organizations will transform only when we encourage people to learn and think together.

Her 3 strategies for teams and organizations:
1. Help people learn how to learn
2. Cultivate a learn-from-each-other environment
3. Capture knowledge and transform it into an asset

Here’s what we can do to unleash the power of peers in our own teams:

Organize cross-functional committees and workgroups
Implement cross-training, job aides, job shadowing
Incorporate learning partners into trainings and workshops
Schedule roundtables to exchange insights and experiences
Launch mentoring programs
Leverage mastermind groups
Anchor on-boarding with buddies or champions
Encourage collaborative conversations
Employ a knowledge database to capture learnings and even failures

If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. ~ African Proverb

[Flash] The Secret to Durable Relationships (according to SLJ and RBG!)

On a promotional tour for his new movie this year, Samuel L. Jackson discussed his extensive and prolific acting career as well as his 48-year marriage.

When asked about the secret to his wedded bliss, Jackson answered, “Amnesia.”

Jackson says that sometimes it’s better to let things go, forget they ever happened. He feels this approach allows him to form stronger relationships with everyone.

And when Jennifer Lopez wanted some advice before her wedding, she reached out to Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg (RBG) who had been married for 50 years before her husband died.

RBG shared the sage advice her mother-in-law gave her on her wedding day: “It helps sometimes to be a little deaf.”

RBG added, “A deaf ear also works in every workplace, including the good job I have now.”

So what should we forget or pretend not to hear? The perceived slights, injustices, annoyances, frustrations, and disappointments. Making the petty profound threatens every relationship we have.

And if we don’t let them go? They evolve into what relationship expert John Gottman calls “The Four Horsemen: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling” – indicators of an impending end to our relationship.

But we don’t even have to “get over it.” We just have to get past it.

How? By asking a few simple questions:

Does it matter?
Does it really matter?
Why?
What if it didn’t matter?

The act of forgetting is adaptive, says neurobiologist James McGaugh. It’s essential to help us focus on understanding the world, not obsessing over every infraction.

If we want better relationships at work and at home, we would benefit from a little amnesia, a deaf ear, thicker skin, and a reality check.

Always take the high road. It’s far less crowded. Warren Buffett

[Flash] Rerouting… What the GPS Can Teach Us about Leading Better

Lately, I’ve been relying heavily on my GPS navigation device to traverse unknown streets around the country as I travel.

And I’ve noticed that the GPS is masterful at using leadership strategies to ensure I continue to follow it.

Here’s what the GPS can teach us about being a better boss:

1. Alternative Routes
By offering a variety of route options (fastest, scenic, avoid tolls), the GPS allows us to choose, ensuring we are involved from the beginning.

Behind a wheel or behind a project, people crave involvement. With autonomy to choose the route, people will own their choice.

2. Traffic Ahead
By regularly offering updates on traffic delays, construction, accidents, and alternative routes, the GPS shares requisite information to reach our destination successfully.

People trust leaders who share information that contributes to the success of the goal.

3. Stay in the Right Lane
The GPS software is programmed to state directions in the positive, not in the negative, ex: “Stay in the right three lanes.” (instead of, “Don’t use the left lane.” or “Don’t take this exit.”)

When we focus on positive directions, people feel good about themselves, and they persevere.

4. Rerouting…
When we miss a turn or don’t follow the directions, the GPS simply says, “Rerouting…” It never scolds, “You missed the exit!” or “Wrong turn!”

We lead better when we help people accomplish a goal without judgment or criticism. Stay invested in the destination, not the route.

5. You’ve Reached Your Destination!
When we arrive, the GPS hails our accomplishment, “You’ve reached your destination.”

People are starved for acknowledgement and recognition.

While we employ it to serve our success, in actuality the GPS is leading us on the journey… like a great boss!

[Flash] In Turbulence Watch the Flight Attendant

Just as Tropical Depression Imelda was slamming into Houston last week, I was on an airplane taxiing down the runway. Inevitably, the takeoff was choppy as the plane shook violently throughout the ascent.

Frightened, I covered my face with my hands. I hate turbulence!

I was sitting on the aisle with a perfect view of the flight attendant. As this tube of metal rocked from side to side in the sky, I wondered what he was doing while I was panicking.

So I took a peek at him between my fingers…

Unbelievable. He looked like he was at the park watching birds! He was sitting back, his hands folded on his lap, an unruffled, serene look on his face.

The erratic turbulence didn’t faze him one bit!

And then I thought, well if he isn’t worried, I don’t need to be worried.

So I started to relax. Because he behaved like everything was fine, I presumed that everything was fine and there was no need to panic. (Had he acted concerned or unnerved, I definitely would have done the same!)

That’s called Social Cognitive Theory. Used in psychology, it suggests that we look to people we respect (models) to mold and shape our own actions. In other words, we acquire knowledge about how to behave directly from observing others.

Whether we lead meetings, projects, teams, departments, mentees, or a family, we are like my flight attendant on that plane – by virtue of our title or position, people watch us. We serve as role models, demonstrating how to behave in various situations. Our people observe our actions to determine their own.

It’s an important and yet often neglected responsibility anchored to any title.

In times of turbulence, will you use the privilege of your position to rattle or reassure?

[Flash] Repeat the Good Stuff (and Help People Combat Sabotaging Self-Talk)

Bob scheduled a car to pick me up. He said, “I’ve worked with Mr. Woldegiorgis for 8 years and he’s fabulous.” When Mr. Woldegiorgis arrived, the first thing I said when I got in the car, “Bob thinks you’re fabulous.” Mr. Woldegiorgis smiled, sat up proudly, and drove me to the airport as only a fabulous driver would.

It is estimated that 50,000 thoughts race through our minds every day, and 70% of them do not serve our success. We spend an inordinate amount of time doubting ourselves, obsessing about mistakes, and worrying. The flood of negative thoughts is self-deflating.

But we can help combat people’s sabotaging self-talk by repeating the good stuff we hear others say about them.

For example, when Barbara emailed me, “My mentor is awesome!” I forwarded Barbara’s email to her mentor, repeating the good stuff. Barbara’s mentor immediately replied, “Thank you! That made my day!”

It’s a phenomenon called the “Pygmalion effect” in which people internalize positive labels. Essentially, others’ expectations of them affect their performance.

As leaders when we repeat the good stuff, we elevate the importance of that positive label which serves to:

shift sabotaging thoughts to success thoughts
set our high expectations of the person (we want to experience their good stuff too!)

And this leads to an increase in performance, because people want to emulate their positive label.

Here’s what I love about repeating good stuff:

It’s easy to do
We make others feel good about themselves
We make the person who said the good stuff look good
We look good for sharing it
We inspire people to perform in a way that matches that positive label

When people feel good about themselves, they achieve more. And we need people inflated by pride, not deflated by self-sabotage.

[Flash] Persevere! (Lessons from Pedal Pushing Around Vermont)

Today we finished our cycling adventure around the Green Mountain State!

As the last few miles moved under my pedals, I reflected on what I’ve learned from this year’s ride…

Was it about having more fun and finding more joy? No!

There were plenty of un-joyful moments during this trip:

The 60 miles we biked soaking wet through unrelenting rain
The 22,863 feet of elevation we climbed up merciless hills
The 10-15% grades that had me at times pedaling slower than I could walk
The hauling all my stuff in bags suspended from my bike for 372 miles
The eating dinner at a gas station grocery mart when everything was closed on Labor Day
The wind and thunderstorms
The saddle that ruthlessly tortured my sit bones
The nasty feeling from recycling the same clothes for a week
The closed roads and detours

So, no. My insight was not about creating more fun-filled journeys in life.

Rather, I re-discovered what it means to persevere in spite of all those un-joyful moments. To set a goal and endure through a deluge of unwanted circumstances. To be completely uncomfortable and inconvenienced (and hungry!) in dogged pursuit of a finish line. And to get up the next day and face it all again.

My reward? I experienced a beautiful state, explored delightful towns, and met interesting people. And I amazed myself with my own strength and power.

As Jim Rohn once said, “The ultimate reason for setting goals is to entice you to become the person it takes to achieve them.”

Ultimately it wasn’t about the mileage or the elevation. It was about becoming a stronger person mentally, emotionally, and physically. It was about re-learning to persevere in the face of uncontrollable, unforgiving circumstances.

I’m ready for the next challenge!

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