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[Flash] Reframe for Resilience… in a Crisis or at a Crossroads

Earlier this year I registered for a conference in June that I was eager to attend. But given the reality of the pandemic, I was anticipating a somber cancellation email citing unprecedented times.

Instead, I received an email from the CEO that rippled with delight, “Great news! I’m thrilled to announce that the 2020 event will now take place in October!”

And in an instant the cloud over this conference dissipated…

Perception dictates how quickly we can recover from difficulties, whether in a crisis, at a crossroads, or in a conversation.

George Boonanno, a psychologist at Columbia University explains that events are not good or bad… unless we perceive them as such. The experience we have of an event is not inherent in the event – our experience dwells in how we psychologically construe the event.

Fortunately, we hold the power to interpret, add meaning to, and frame an event as: good, bad, insignificant, traumatic, positive, negative.

And the frame we choose determines the strength of our resiliency:
• If we frame an adversity as a threat, we will be unadaptable, weakened, paralyzed by fear, and at risk of a downward negative spiral.

• If we frame an adversity as a challenge or an opportunity, we will be galvanized to keep moving, learning, growing, strategizing, and innovating.
Caution, however, we tend to frame unconsciously and based on past experiences.

To temper the past, intentionally frame the present, and ensure resilience for the future, explore these Reframing Questions with your team/friends/family:
• What potential things could we gain from this?
• What are we discovering about ourselves?
• What can we do instead?
• What lessons have we learned?
• What is positive and valuable about this experience?
• How is this situation an opportunity for us?

There are no black clouds unless you believe it. ~ David V. Bush, author of Grit, Gumption, and Spunk

[Flash] Crisis Exposes Character (and Tests It and Strengthens it…)

Albert Einstein said, “Adversity introduces a man to himself.”

A man in Michigan stood on the corner of an Exxon gas station holding a sign: “Free Gas for Nurses.” He spent $900 of his own money to fill tanks for 80 medical workers on the front lines.
In South Dakota a middle school teacher stood outside a student’s house with a whiteboard and markers so he could illustrate how to graph an algebraic function after his emailed instructions after the shutdown didn’t help.
Every day for the past few weeks a woman in Maryland leaves hundreds of healthy bagged lunches on a tent-sheltered table at a busy intersection with a sign: “For anyone who needs it.”

According to David Brooks, author of The Road to Character, we build our character through our actions.

Actions that stem from honesty, courage, integrity, humility, and gratefulness
Actions that are not blinded by fear, vanity, gluttony, pride, or glory
Actions that are designed not to impress, but to serve… without expectations

And in crisis, that character is exposed and tested…

The first week of self-isolation, I acted with optimism (I shouted, “Hope springs eternal!” to everyone).
The second week I acted out of service and innovation (I architected Guides to Mobile Mentoring and Crisis Mentoring to help our clients).
The third week I acted adventuresome (I started learning Spanish with my niece and nephew via virtual lessons on Babbel).
This week I’m acting out of impatience and irritation…

Fortunately, as Brooks’ book title indicates, it’s a road to character – a journey, not a goal or a destination.

Brooks explains that people of character use every experience (even adversity) as tools for transformation. So while crisis exposes and tests our character, we can also use it to strengthen our character.

And every day we get another opportunity to do just that – to serve without expectations, to be honest, courageous, humble, and grateful.

When everything around us feels unpredictable and uncertain, our character is the one thing we can completely control.

[Flash] It Doesn’t Get Easier. We Get Stronger.

This morning my Peloton cycling instructor shouted these words to me through the monitor as I was pedaling, sweating, and struggling: “It doesn’t get easier. We get stronger!”

And while she was talking about the workout, it definitely applies to this crisis.

We are getting stronger.

Here’s the evidence:

We are improvising to stay socially connected while physically distant. People are using Zoom or Skype for virtual happy hours, book clubs, and fitness classes!
We are discovering creative ways to deliver value to others. A sign on a delivery truck: “We sanitize your packages before we deliver them!”
We are demonstrating kindness and compassion. Some people are sewing masks, some are shopping for the elderly, others are ordering take-out from local restaurants, others are donating blood, plasma, or money.
We are innovating and reinventing. Our hospital clients are skill-assessing and preparing non-ICU nurses to jump into the ICU when the surge hits.
We are persevering. In the face of disappointment, we are asking, “What can we do instead?” Teens are creating at-home photo shoots to make up for canceled proms. Parents are creating drive-by birthday parades for kids. Teachers are delivering classes online.
We are galvanizing positivity and celebration. People in Italy are singing from their balconies; towns are ringing bells and clapping for healthcare workers; neighborhoods are displaying holiday lights or teddy bears in front windows; animal shelters are emptying as people foster and adopt in record numbers!
We are more appreciative… of our health, our essential workers, our schedules, our small accomplishments, and our toilet paper.
We are being intentional… about washing our hands, cleaning our surroundings, reconnecting with friends, evaluating our priorities and commitments.
We are bolstering our resilience. In spite of uncertainty and unpredictability, we are finding ways, not excuses. So, we are planning for the future.

It’s astounding… in the middle of a pandemic, we are actively improving ourselves and our world. It might not get easier, but we are stronger already!

[Flash] Calm is Contagious (and so is Chaos, Panic, and Stupid)

Navy SEAL Commander Rorke T. Denver: “The best advice I ever got in Navy SEAL training is simple: calm is contagious.”

While introducing his story, Rorke revealed, “We can supplant any word for ‘calm’ and it still applies to every leadership situation: chaos is contagious, panic is contagious, stupid is contagious.”

His final training exercise as a Navy SEAL involved planning, organizing, and executing a mission as a team. Toward the end, they were running out of time and floundering. And the student who taken on the role of ranking officer in this exercise was screaming his head off “like the Tasmanian devil.”

In the middle of the chaos, the trainer halted the exercise to share some sage leadership advice with the trainees:

“As leaders, as captains, as officers, if you keep your head, they’ll keep their head. If you keep it together, they’ll keep it together. And if you lose it, they’ll lose it.”

Essentially, others mirror our behavior simply by virtue of our title or position (ex: supervisor, manager, team lead, mentor, parent).

In psychology it’s called “social cognitive theory.” In other words, people observe the actions and behaviors of those they respect in order to shape and mold their own actions and behaviors.

SEALs know the importance of calm to bring out the best in themselves and others. And because of the power of mirroring, they intentionally create calm.

How?

Focus on the mission at hand
Identify stress/panic triggers
Recognize when emotions escalate
Stay cognizant of the ripple effect of emotions on others
Pause and breathe (research shows that it takes 4 seconds to get into a calm zone)
Laugh… it reinforces the belief that it’ll all be OK

Whether we’re at a crossroads or in a crisis, our reactions are powerful and contagious. React purposefully.

[Flash] Hope Springs Eternal! (a Plea for Optimistic Leadership During this Crisis)

“Hope springs eternal” describes an endless renewal of hopefulness – our human tendency to find fresh reasons for optimism.

As leaders and mentors, we bear the power, the platform, and arguably the promise to ignite optimism – to be the beacon of hope, particularly when people are desperate for it. Like now.

How?

1. Provide Perspective.
When fears merge with uncertainties, anxiety escalates into panic. Help balance a pragmatic dose of concern with perspective. Your calm, empathetic, reassuring optimism will spark theirs.

2. Connect Constantly and Creatively.
Social distancing breeds isolation and depression. Intentionally combat this with virtual huddles. Reach for the phone, not just the keyboard. Experiment with FaceTime, Zoom, and other connecting and collaborating tools like Slack and Jabber.

3. Create Future-Focused Conversations.
Schedule calls, meetings, and events for next week, next month, and next quarter. Planning for the future assures there is one.

4. Practice Resilience.
What can we learn from this? How can we move forward together even stronger? Focusing on that which we cannot control is deflating. Focusing on what we can do is empowering – it gives us purpose.

5. Circulate Inspiration.
Subscribe to Optimist Daily (www.optimistdaily.com) for stories to share of hope, inspiration, and resilience (e.g. “Italians are keeping their spirits up by singing from balconies during their country-wide quarantine”)

6. Leverage the Shared Experience.
Humans bond over shared experiences and commonalities. And this pandemic is offering us both. Use it to strengthen your team – you’re in this together!

7. Be of Service.
While we are inconvenienced, many are in need. Serving others feeds the soul, especially in times of crisis. Explore ways to be of service to peers, customers, friends, and strangers.

We cannot be stuck and in action at the same time. When hope springs eternal, people spring into action!

[Flash] Why Mentoring Matters in Change, Crisis, and the Coronavirus

In the midst of change, chaos, or crisis, it’s easy to dismiss mentoring as extraneous or unnecessary – a frivolous activity.

I once had a client abandon their mentoring program because, in her words, “We are too busy for mentoring.” And I’ve had a mentee confess, “I just got a new role, so I don’t have time for mentoring. I’m dropping out of the program.”

But while it may not be urgent, mentoring is important as we navigate unchartered territory.

Why? Because mentoring is the circulation of wisdom. It’s the intentional exchange of advice, perspectives, and ideas for the purpose of accelerating success.

Look. Obi-Wan Kenobi is not coming. No one is going to save us, so we better learn to save ourselves… together.

When faced with change or crisis, we can circulate wisdom to:

collect new ideas to help us innovate through the change or crisis
identify our blindspots that may be hindering our success
acclimate to and succeed in a new role or responsibility
rediscover our own resilience as we integrate the new normal
learn to cultivate calm and vigilance, not fuel frenzy and fear

But we cannot merely hope that we acquire the wisdom we need for the challenges we face. We must ensure that we do.

How? Deliberately create mentoring opportunities:

schedule Advice Interviews with others regularly
involve peers in generating solutions
seek a variety of perspectives to make better decisions
invite people to share their experiences and ideas
turn strangers into connections using curiosity
encourage and support mentoring programs to foster a culture that eagerly exchanges advice, perspectives, and ideas

When you feel too busy or overwhelmed for mentoring, consider wrestling that chaos, change, or crisis on your own, lacking essential wisdom.

Now more than ever we need to learn from each other. When nothing is certain, mentoring forges possibility.

[Flash] How to Avoid Criticism

“Only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.” ~ Aristotle

This week I’m celebrating 5 years of Flash! It was March 2015 when I committed to writing and publishing a short article every week…

to provide conversation starters for the mentors, mentees, and leaders in our programs
to create a constant connection with people
to contribute fresh ideas, strategies, and perspectives
to hone my writing skills

I started with 11 people on my mailing list (including my mom). Today over 11,000 people receive Flash!

Inevitably every week, someone emails me.

Sometimes they send me a simple thank-you or a woo-hooo! Other times people write to tell me that they or their team really needed to hear that week’s message – as if I wrote it specifically for them.

But occasionally someone will email me their criticism. They might dislike my idea, argue about my perspective, reprimand my use of a story, or even point out a typo. Sometimes they even unsubscribe.

I have to admit, I take it to heart.

As a result, every week I pause to consider if I’m writing something that might inadvertently irritate, upset, offend, or even confuse my readers (you!). I reflect on the content and scrutinize it from different angles before I publish it.

And I don’t always get it right.

I recognize that it’s risky to put my perspectives and ideas out there each week, especially in this era of unabashed judging, criticizing, and hating.

But it’s a risk I’m willing to take to inspire, ignite, contribute to, and connect with all of you!

The secret is not to avoid criticism, but instead to have something compelling you to do, say, or be… in spite thereof. The power of that commitment will mute the volume of inescapable criticism.

[Flash] It’s Never Not My Department

My husband and I visited Lowe’s this weekend to purchase new carpeting, and we had the pleasure of working with Chelsea in the flooring department.

Chelsea was attentive, knowledgeable, and personable.

As we were waiting for the paperwork, I asked Chelsea how long she’s been at Lowe’s.

She proudly responded, “I started three years ago as a part-time stocker for $9.00 an hour and today I’m full-time making $20.00 an hour.”

And then Chelsea paused to add, “It’s never not my department.”

She continued, “Yes I’m assigned to flooring today, but if any customer anywhere in the store asks me if I can help them, I never say ‘That isn’t my department.’ I have to be invaluable, and that’s by being able to help anyone in any department at any time.”

She was refreshing!

And we can easily employ Chelsea’s approach as mentors, leaders, colleagues, and friends…

It’s never not my problem. It’s never not my job.

This doesn’t mean that it’s now my problem or my job.
It doesn’t mean that I am responsible for that problem of job.
It doesn’t mean that I must solve or fix everything.

But what it does do is invite our humanity. While we don’t have to help anyone else, why wouldn’t we try? Doing so fuels our confidence, our energy, our connection to others, and our engagement in life!

“It’s never not my problem” and “It’s never not my job ” encourage us to be a little less self-serving and a little more other-serving.

How? By asking how we can make a difference in this moment:

Can we lend an ear or a cheer?
Do they need a connection or a resource?
Would they benefit from our perspective or ideas?
Can we physically help in some way?
Can I at the very least point them in the right direction?

If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. – African Proverb

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