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He turned to Kristine McDivitt, another manager at Patagonia, and put her at the helm.

As she retells it in an interview, which Yvon highlighted in his book Let My People Go Surfing, “In 1977, there were 16 of us when [the general manager] quit. Yvon gave me the companies, saying in effect, ‘Here’s Patagonia. Here’s Chouinard Equipment. Do with them what you will. I’m going climbing.”

But Kristine had no business experience – she didn’t know how to run a company.

So, she started asking people for free advice – she cold-called for mentoring.

“I just called presidents of banks and said, ‘I’ve been given these companies to run, and I’ve no idea what I’m doing. I think someone should help me.’ And they did. If you just ask people for help – if you just admit that you don’t know something – they will fall all over themselves trying to help. So from there, I began building the company.”

Kristine successfully ran and grew Patagonia as CEO for 13 years.

Ad Hoc Mentoring
While we always assume people are busy, we can also assume that people have advice to share.

Asking someone for help triggers their “prosocial behavior” – their desire to help for the greater good.  Essentially, when we ask someone for guidance, we are inviting them to help us and make a difference.

Gratifyingly, offering advice, perspectives, or ideas is an easy lift. People can contribute without assuming the project or the problem. They get to help without the homework.

While Kristine’s audacious task of leading Patagonia fueled her need to create these conversations, we each have the power to elevate any interaction into ad hoc mentoring.

How? Five simple words: “Can I ask your advice?”

And because ad hoc mentoring is indifferent to title, tenure, rank, and age, we can connect and converse with anyone.

When you couple that compelling question with determination and courage, you’ll effortlessly unlock a world of wisdom.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

The firm’s managing partner, Glen Rossman, had personally called to offer me the job and encourage me to join his practice. I confess, Glen had me at “hello!”

I was excited about my adventure. Finally, after seven years of schooling, I was ready to wear a suit, enter the workforce, and earn a paycheck!

But when I arrived at the sea of cubicles on Floor 5, I quickly discovered a malaise lingering like San Francisco fog. My colleagues were unhappy – they didn’t love their adult jobs like I thought they would.

And I was certain that Glen was unaware of this discontent. Unfortunately, Glen’s title intimidated people into promoting the façade of a happy workforce instead of revealing the reality.

Perhaps it was my naivete, but I felt a responsibility to inform Glen – how could he address it if he was nescient regarding the situation?

Concurrently, I was reading The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz and discovering the importance of including solutions to any problem presented to the boss. So, I prepared several ideas.

I then typed an interoffice memo to Glen (yes, there was a time before email…) with my observations and ideas and sent it via interoffice mail.

Admittedly, it was a bit brazen, but it was well-intentioned.

A week later, Glen’s assistant phoned – Glen was ready to discuss my memo.

I was incredibly nervous – I was meeting with the managing partner, and I wasn’t sure if I was in trouble.

Quite the opposite. Glen was curious and eager to learn from me! Over the next six months, we met regularly to explore my observations and my proposed solutions. He then implemented a few of my ideas and noticeably improved the culture of the office!

I’ve always been grateful to Glen for his mentoring – he encouraged my enthusiasm, my initiative, and my leadership. And I credit Glen for kindling my passion around our collective quest for #joblove.

But Glen also modeled a valuable leadership quality: the commitment to discover, learn, and grow regardless of tenure and title.

Glen wasn’t placating me during our six months of meetings – he was inviting me to mentor him!

Bottom line: mentoring can strengthen leadership muscles, but only if leaders intentionally engage in a variety of mentoring conversations.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

• exchange knowledge
• curate insights
• formulate ideas
• improve our confidence
• strengthen our leadership muscles
• leverage champions

Whether you’re critically thinking through a goal or need a sounding board for an in-the-moment crisis, a mentoring partner is invaluable!

But what makes mentoring work? What’s the secret sauce?

Introducing the Hawthorne Effect

In 1924, Harvard Business School Professor Elton Mayo set out to study motivation by experimenting on the workers at the Western Electric Hawthorne Works factory in Cicero, Illinois.

Over the subsequent eight years, he conducted tests to ascertain what factors influenced people to work harder.

For each experiment, he selected a group of workers from the factory, placed them in a special room to work, and then fiddled with their working conditions. For example, he changed the lighting or the temperature or the number of allowed breaks during their shift.

And with each change, Mayo monitored their productivity.

He wanted to see if any changes improved their motivation to work harder and produce more.

Surprisingly, they all did! Every change that Mayo made increased the workers’ productivity… but not for the reasons Mayo originally predicted.

Eventually, Professor Mayo discovered that the individuals were altering their behavior because they knew Mayo was observing them in action. As soon as Mayo started watching them work, the workers worked harder, which increased their productivity.

Mayo concluded that because the Hawthorne Factory workers were chosen to participate in the experiment, they felt important – Mayo singled them out and involved them in his experiments. And because Mayo watched them, they felt their actions were important. As result, they felt motivated to accomplish more.

Like all humans, the workers wanted someone to notice and care.

This is known as the “Hawthorne Effect,” and it’s the fuel that powers every robust mentoring relationship.

We all want our work to matter. And we all want someone to notice that our work matters – as Professor Mayo did.

When that someone is our mentor, we too alter our behavior. We know our mentor is watching and cares about our goals, actions, learnings, growth, and success.

And that makes us care, work harder, and accomplish more.

Mentoring. Powered by the Hawthorne Effect.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

The mentors in this program are eager to make a difference and slightly nervous about their efficacy. Exactly how I want my mentors – hungry and humble! 🙂

During the training, a mentor voiced a collective concern:
“What if it doesn’t work out?”

I deliberately inquired, “What specifically might not work out?”

This gave them pause, so I probed.

“Are you concerned that…

• your mentee won’t find time to connect?
• you won’t bond with or even like your mentee?
• you won’t know what to talk about?
• you won’t have the right advice to offer?
• your mentee won’t transform through this process?”

When I saw multiple heads nodding over Zoom, it confirmed my suspicion – they’re worried they won’t be good mentors!

I offered the following guidance…

5 questions to consider before giving up:

1. Have I persevered in making contact?

Engage multiple communication tools until you make contact with your new mentoring partner: phone, text, email, LinkedIn, and feet (walk to their office/unit if possible). Don’t wait or make assumptions before you’ve even said “hello!”

2. Have I worked on building trust?

Engage get-to-know-you questions to turn this stranger into a friend quickly. Be curious, find commonalities, and share something personal – your mentee will follow your lead. Through tenacity, we can create connection with different and difficult personalities.

3. Have we identified a goal or an objective?

Mentors serve by (1) critically thinking with mentees around goals, and (2) being a confidant when mentees grapple with an in-the-moment crisis. Each situation brings direction and purpose to your conversations.

4. Am I exploring options, ideas, and insights?

To support their growth, help a mentee explore options and ideas; then encourage action and identify insights from their results. (And it doesn’t matter if they follow or ignore your advice!)

5. Do I know when we’re meeting next and what to expect?

Create a cadence and ensure expectations are clear, communicated, and confirmed regularly. If expectations are not being met, you can re-negotiate your agreement or withdraw your commitment.

When Mentees don’t show up literally or figuratively, there is always a reason: insecurity, intimidation, confusion, fear, self-sabotage, or overwhelm – each a crisis calling us to mentor, not surrender.

We must make the mentoring experience personal but not take it personally.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

And then, through a virtual book club, I had the privilege of listening to an interview with the author in which he shared his experience and perspectives on writing this book in 2019.

Even before the pandemic caused a tsunami of isolation, Mike chose loneliness as the focus of his story.

During the interview, he reflected on his cacophony of characters, noting how each addressed their loneliness by connecting with strangers and creating a community.

As he concluded his comments, Mike left us with this gift: “We are the answer to each other’s problems.”

And that is why I love mentoring – we are the answer to each other’s problems. From crisis to critical thinking, we are better grappling and tackling coupled than siloed.

“No one needs new friends.” I have flippantly said this to mentoring program leaders during our strategy sessions, imploring them to devise a more compelling reason for people to enroll in mentoring.

But I’m now eliminating that proclamation. Because we could all use new friends, champions, comrades, advocates, and allies at work and in life.

In a new study, researchers discovered that feeling lonely is more damaging than smoking, adding almost two years to our biological age and increasing our risk of Alzheimer’s, diabetes, and heart disease.

In 2017, the U.S. Surgeon General called loneliness a “growing health epidemic.” And in 2018, London appointed a Minister of Loneliness to combat its country’s loneliness problem.

Fortunately, innovative anti-loneliness ideas have been popping up around the world:

>> Shared Lives, a home-sharing initiative, matches lonely retirees with young people needing a place to live.

>> Men’s Shed Movement connects retired/unemployed men through activities like woodworking and repairing electronics.

>> HostNation pairs refugees with volunteers in their neighborhood.

>> Intergenerational Care Homes combine childcare and eldercare by placing preschools inside retirement homes.

And just like that, your organization’s mentoring program takes on a new purpose: combatting loneliness.

We can enrich any mentoring experience by remembering that we are the answer to each other’s problems.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

This fall, Lynnae started teaching at a new school district, prompting various onboarding requirements and training.

When we connected recently, she mentioned her gender-identity training, which led to a discussion about how society had evolved since we were in school – in the 80s, we didn’t announce gender pronouns, nor had we ever heard of “gender fluidity.” We both agreed that we didn’t fully understand all the nuances.

And then Lynnae asserted, “But I don’t have to understand it. I just need to respect it.”

Her profound declaration gave me pause – was I trying too hard to understand while failing to respect?

Like every great mentor, Lynnae had twisted the figurative kaleidoscope through which I was looking – her pronouncement changed my view.

This week when Lynnae called, we explored family dynamics. I was venting, grateful to borrow her ear, appreciating her exceptional listening skills – she seeks to make a difference without encroaching.

And that’s when Lynnae echoed her view-altering perspective from our prior conversation:

“Maybe you don’t need to understand it. Maybe you just need to respect it” – there’s my BFF again mentoring me at 6:30 am! I reconsidered my grumbling…

Reflecting on what it means to “respect,” I’ve concluded that I can:

• Demonstrate kindness and patience to the other person
• Actively listen to them without criticism or disdain
• Lead with curiosity (not my judgment), “What’s that experience like?”
• Interact positively and politely, not with contempt or derision
• Recognize their learning journey – like me, they are a work in progress
• Accept that while I might not relate or agree, they have every right to their experience
• Withhold my unsolicited advice and opinions
• Refuse to disparage this person’s sojourn to their face or behind their back
• Offer space and grace to allow them to discover and grow

Respect involves treating people with goodwill without needing to change our own ideas and choices.

Respect is simply acknowledging that we are all having a human experience. I don’t need to understand yours, but I can certainly respect it.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

A month ago, she left her job, and now she’s in a funk – not a mental health crisis, just a feel-sorry-for-herself slump. And I’ve done my best to listen actively and be a champion.

But she hasn’t even reached out to her network to share that she’s looking for a new opportunity – she’s sapped, self-conscious, and stuck.

Grasping, I said, “The only way to get off the couch is to get off the couch.”

In other words, take some action! Do anything.

• Send one email
• Connect with one person on LinkedIn
• Schedule a call or a lunch
• Read an article
• Listen to a podcast
• Go for a walk – change the scenery

I work out at OrangeTheory Fitness a few times a week… and I don’t like it. In fact, I loathe running, rowing, and lifting weights at 7 am! When my alarm goes off, I hit snooze. And every time I step onto that treadmill, I count the minutes until I can step off.

But I’ve never regretted going to class. I always leave feeling energized, fit, and accomplished!

I know I’d still be in bed if I waited until I wanted to work out. And I’d definitely still be under the covers if I waited for someone else to engage or motivate me. 

I’ve learned through my own slumps that the fastest way out is simply to start moving. I get up and go – even though I rarely feel like it – because I’m committed to staying healthy.

To get off the metaphorical couch…

• Move:  take some action, no matter how small
• Ask:  questions hijack the brain, forcing us to redirect and reengage
• Consider:  “What have I learned? What can I do now and next? What can I create? Who can I connect with?”
• Commit:  for example, OrangeTheory charges me money if I don’t show up
• Ignore:  forget the feelings – focus on the commitment
• Create:  an idea, a goal, a connection, a conversation, a project, a skill, an experience
• Involve:  find a mentor, a champion, an accountability partner
• Stop:  excusing, rationalizing, justifying
• Start:  doing

We cannot be stuck and in action at the same time.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

hmmm… I thought everyone was busy “celebrating failures.”

Professor Lauren Eskreis-Winkler explains, “We don’t like to focus on our failures – even if there’s value in doing so – because it makes us feel bad about ourselves.”

So what?

Researchers noted that because failure is ego-threatening, people aren’t celebrating it; they’re avoiding it. They’re neglecting that which could help them grow!

Here’s what the researchers concluded:

• Failure is a gateway to judgment and criticism
• Failure compromises our motivation to learn
• Failure lowers our confidence
• Failure causes us to tune out

As a result of the potential judgment, demotivation, undermined self-esteem, and stupor, we stop paying attention to anything that is not successful.

And paying attention is a prerequisite to learning! It’s impossible to learn from an experience and glean information about what caused our failure if we refuse to acknowledge and explore it.

And society isn’t helping:

• Schools promote perseverance, tenacity, and grit
• Social media applauds victory, triumph, and achievement
• Resumes highlight career successes
• Performance reviews advance accomplishments

After reading this report, I asked a friend to name some of her failures. She couldn’t think of any, even though she had been fired from a job and gotten divorced.

But then I asked her, “What about your mistakes? Have any of those?” “Definitely!” she laughed, and then we exchanged stories of our favorite mistakes.

Interestingly, in this conversation…

• “Failure” felt like an indictment of character, whereas “mistake” was simply a wrong turn.
• Failure was a label; mistake was an action.
• Failure was fixed; mistake was fixable.

So, what can we do about this? How can we grow despite our contempt for failure?

• Furlough the word “failure”
• Experiment with reframing words, like “life lesson,” “practice,” “experience,” “learning opportunity,” “growth moment,” “blunder,” “gaffe,” and “user error”
• Keep asking, “What have I learned?”
• Seek insights, not culprits
• Look to others and learn from their mistakes (it’s less ego-threatening)
• Engage a mentor and reverse-engineer results (not successes, not failures, just results)

We don’t need to celebrate or pay homage to failure; we just need to welcome the growth on the other side.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.