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Feedback stinks. I don’t care how you sandwich it, reframe it, or rename it; it’s rarely a pleasant experience.
Inevitably, the giver fears damaging a trusting relationship while the receiver fears being judged and criticized. So then, why do it? Why give people advice they didn’t request? Why not let people self-discover their areas for improvement? I am a champion of mentoring, where feedback is fundamental to the process, and yet, personally, I flinch in the face of feedback – giving it and receiving it. Between being right and being in relationship, I almost always choose relationship. But feedback can be vital: Studies show that 87% of employees want development, but only 33% get the feedback they need to engage and improve. At the same time, trusting workplaces enjoy 50% higher productivity, 106% more energy, and 13% fewer sick days while outperforming low-trusting workplaces by 186%. So, how can we choose a relationship and contribute to it? By normalizing the exchange of ideas and mitigating the defensive reflexes. The power phrase: “Would you consider…?” I experimented with this recently at the gym when an idolized trainer started delivering instructions over his thunderous music – it was impossible to decipher! After class, I asked him, “Would you consider turning the music down only during your instructions so we can better understand you?” I noticed his initial defenses ebb and flow when he realized I offered an invitation, not an attack. He agreed to consider it. And the very next class? He didn’t compete with his music. He deliberately lowered the volume during his instructions and increased it as class started. Why is the power phrase effective? Because it collectively empowers and engages the giver and the receiver. Are you struggling to solicit feedback because people around you are squeamish about scolding? Experiment with, “What should I consider to improve this project/task/meeting/result?” This question signals to others that you’re open to their ideas and contributions. Whether you’re the mentor, the manager, or a peer, don’t choose between being right and being in relationship. Choose to make a difference. © 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved. |