Ann Tardy, Author at MentorLead

[Flash] Busy Being Busy? Grab a Go-To-No Statement

Many people gripe regularly about being “so busy” that it wears like a badge of honor.

But are we busy with activities that contribute to our personal and professional goals? Or do we say “Yes” because we struggle saying “No”?

Busy being busy often results because:

We harbor a fear of missing out.
We don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings (people pleasers unite!).
We lack clear boundaries.

So how can we say “No” in a way that maintains our relationship, doesn’t require a litany of excuses and apologies, and communicates an interest in future opportunities?

Grab a go-to-no statement! Here’s the formula:

Say yes! to the Person
Say no! to the Invitation
Say yes! to the Future

Go-to-No examples:

“I’m so flattered. Unfortunately it doesn’t work for me. Next time!”
“Thank you for thinking of me! I’m bummed I’m unable to participate. Let’s try again soon!”
“I would have loved to! I’m disappointed that I have to pass. Rain check?”
“That sounds amazing! Regrettably it’s not the right fit for me. Please consider me in the future.”

Then be silent. For typically when we reject an offer, we rush to justify: “Oooh! I’m so sorry. I can’t. I have to work on this project, speak on a panel, attend a meeting, join that call, and go to a conference…”

Instead, practice filling the silence with more silence. We don’t owe evidence or explanations to back up our boundaries.

When we project authenticity and graciousness while illuminating our borders with simplicity and confidence, people will respect our “No” – they won’t demand to verify our calendar.

Chaos leaves people confused and insecure, while clarity strengthens trust and relationships.

When busy being busy becomes the norm, it might be time to practice the joy of missing out!

[Flash] Do You Pick up Poop or Protect Wildlife?

Among other duties, all zookeepers are responsible for feeding animals, cleaning animal feces, and scrubbing enclosures.

To better understand how zookeepers relate to their work and the influence that has on their happiness, researchers interviewed 982 zookeepers from 157 zoos across the US and Canada.

They discovered:

Zookeepers who describe their job as “picking up poop and cleaning cages” hate their jobs.
Zookeepers who describe their job as “protecting the world’s wildlife and educating the public about animals” love their job, see it as their calling, and would do it for free.

Ultimately zookeepers who recognize a purpose in their work are more likely to regard their work as meaningful and important.

I noticed the power of purpose when my mom started volunteering at the Northern Illinois Food Bank after retiring.

Every Tuesday she spends the afternoon with other volunteers bundling various donated foods for distribution to shelters and other feeding programs around the state. Some days she’s packing potatoes, other days she’s weighing rice or sorting cans of tuna.

At the end of each shift, the Food Bank gathers the volunteers to report and celebrate their results. For example, this week she helped to pack 2,460 pounds of food which will provide 2,050 meals.

And as they leave, each volunteer receives a thank you notecard with these numbers.

Why? Because the Food Bank operation depends on its volunteers. And volunteers who know they made a difference will volunteer again. So the Food Bank routinely connects the task to the impact to demonstrate to volunteers that packing potatoes is meaningful and important.

By articulating a purpose, the Food Bank illuminates the why behind their work.

Do you pick up poop or protect the world’s wildlife?
Do you pack potatoes or feed hungry neighbors?

Never underestimate the power of purpose to fuel job love!

[Flash] Protector Words… like a Sucker-Punch to Our Power!

I delivered my Power of Presence workshop last week to a wonderful community called The Brave Heart Center (www.thebraveheartcenter.com).

We spent time on our body language and our voice; but it was our work on words that highlighted the various ways we shrink instead of shine.

We explored how our notorious use of Apology Words (“I’m sorry”) and Filler Words (“umm, you know, like, you know what I mean”) depletes our power. We could easily elevate our communication skills simply by preventing these words from polluting our speech.

And then there is the insidious group of words that we allow to undermine our power: Protector Words.

What are protector words? Words that we add to our sentences to protect us from other people’s judgment and criticism.

Fear and doubt trigger our reliance on Protector Words.

This might be a dumb question…
You may have already covered this…
As you might already know…
I’m not sure if…
I don’t know how many of you have seen this, but…

And pay attention to the shrewd Protector Words that sneak into our vernacular habitually:

Just (“I just wanted to reach out.”)
I think (“I think we should choose this one.”)

Notice how pervasively the words “just” and “I think” appear in our conversations and emails.

All of these phrases seem innocuous. So what’s the issue? Protector Words signal a lack of confidence and conviction… like a sucker-punch to our power!

What should we do instead? Intentionally eliminate them and stand courageously behind our words: “I am reaching out to you.” “We should choose this one.”

Will we still be judged and criticized? Of course! But we’d be judged and criticized even if we didn’t say anything.

Our power is bolstered when we lead with confidence and conviction, not fear and doubt.

[Flash] Old Keys Never Open New Doors

After I wrote about pedal-pushing around Vermont last month, I received a delightful email from Jean. Jean and I worked together when she participated in a mentoring program that her company hosted on our MentorLead platform.

Here’s what Jean shared:

”I was laid off from the company in November 2018. I knew my life direction needed a refresh. I decided to go for my dream: live and work abroad. I called this my Grand Adventure.

“Bound for the unknown, I was unsure if I was up for the challenge. People thought I was crazy!

“Today I’m living and working in Prague teaching English as a foreign language.

”Every day hasn’t been full of roses, but I feel very much alive and stronger than I ever imagined.”

Psychology magazine editor Hara Estroff Marano observed in her column recently, “It’s called self-esteem because only you can do things to lift it.”

As Jean discovered, the way to boost your self-esteem is to challenge yourself and to do some things differently.

By trying new things, we uncover new things about ourselves, like our own strength.

When we approach situations with courage, tenacity, and resilience, we impress ourselves. And we quickly realize that our comfort zone actually stretches.

Ultimately it’s through experiences that we elevate our self-esteem.

Jean’s comfort zone screamed:

I should find another job in corporate America
What will people think?
What do I know about living abroad?
What if it doesn’t work?

But she dared:

My family and friends will come around
I’ll find a job
I’ll figure it out
I want an adventure

When we stop relying on that which is familiar, comfortable, and safe, we can create various Grand Adventures and fuel our own self-esteem in the process.

Old keys never open new doors.

[Flash] Don’t Just Lead. Sell the Future.

In a recent article, marketing guru Robert Middleton explained sales in the most profound way: our job is not to sell a product or a service, but instead to sell a positive future.

Middleton writes, “Everyone buys something for the positive future it will bring them.”

This is also our job as leaders: to sell our people a positive future.

Routinely we are responsible for doling out tasks, setting expectations, holding people accountable, and giving feedback on how people accomplished those tasks. We might even offer some coaching or mentoring to develop their skills to do those tasks more effectively or efficiently.

But we can do better. Instead of merely managing their tasks, let’s start connecting those tasks to the positive future it will bring them. Let’s talk about the contribution their work has on creating the future they want for their careers, for the team, and for the company.

The key is to position their efforts as the gateway to that positive future.

How to sell the future:

Offer Context – explain the why behind the work
Provide Perspective – share your vision
Identify Goals – discover how they want to grow
Anchor Tasks to Goals – demonstrate that one impacts the other

Offering context, perspective, and goals helps people see the big picture. Connecting the dots between their job and the future reinforces that their actions and behaviors contribute to (or contaminate) the potential for that better future.

When we lead, we have the opportunity to help people become bigger, better, bolder versions of themselves.

We just need to remember to sell the future in the chaos of the present…

ps. Robert Middleton’s article: https://actionplan.club/what-are-you-really-selling

[Flash] Unleash the Power of Peers

For five years my friend Donna and I volunteered as the co-Directors of the Entrepreneurial Education Program at the Girls Middle School, teaching 7th grade girls how to start and run businesses.

We assigned students into teams, each with an adult mentor from the community. In the year-long class, each team wrote a business plan, pitched their idea for funding, created and sold products, and managed their business.

In class they learned about marketing, sales, and financing. Working together the girls discovered innovation, leadership, teamwork, accountability, navigating conflict, and cultivating confidence.

This was brain-based learning in action: learning through the experiences, emotions, and information obtained when in contact with others.

The brain is naturally social – we crave contact with others. We imitate the behaviors we see in others, and we find meaning in our interactions. Simply by allowing people to discuss and explore ideas, people can learn in new ways.

In a recent Chief Learning Officer article, Deborah Laurel argues that teams and organizations will transform only when we encourage people to learn and think together.

Her 3 strategies for teams and organizations:
1. Help people learn how to learn
2. Cultivate a learn-from-each-other environment
3. Capture knowledge and transform it into an asset

Here’s what we can do to unleash the power of peers in our own teams:

Organize cross-functional committees and workgroups
Implement cross-training, job aides, job shadowing
Incorporate learning partners into trainings and workshops
Schedule roundtables to exchange insights and experiences
Launch mentoring programs
Leverage mastermind groups
Anchor on-boarding with buddies or champions
Encourage collaborative conversations
Employ a knowledge database to capture learnings and even failures

If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. ~ African Proverb

[Flash] The Secret to Durable Relationships (according to SLJ and RBG!)

On a promotional tour for his new movie this year, Samuel L. Jackson discussed his extensive and prolific acting career as well as his 48-year marriage.

When asked about the secret to his wedded bliss, Jackson answered, “Amnesia.”

Jackson says that sometimes it’s better to let things go, forget they ever happened. He feels this approach allows him to form stronger relationships with everyone.

And when Jennifer Lopez wanted some advice before her wedding, she reached out to Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg (RBG) who had been married for 50 years before her husband died.

RBG shared the sage advice her mother-in-law gave her on her wedding day: “It helps sometimes to be a little deaf.”

RBG added, “A deaf ear also works in every workplace, including the good job I have now.”

So what should we forget or pretend not to hear? The perceived slights, injustices, annoyances, frustrations, and disappointments. Making the petty profound threatens every relationship we have.

And if we don’t let them go? They evolve into what relationship expert John Gottman calls “The Four Horsemen: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling” – indicators of an impending end to our relationship.

But we don’t even have to “get over it.” We just have to get past it.

How? By asking a few simple questions:

Does it matter?
Does it really matter?
Why?
What if it didn’t matter?

The act of forgetting is adaptive, says neurobiologist James McGaugh. It’s essential to help us focus on understanding the world, not obsessing over every infraction.

If we want better relationships at work and at home, we would benefit from a little amnesia, a deaf ear, thicker skin, and a reality check.

Always take the high road. It’s far less crowded. Warren Buffett

[Flash] Rerouting… What the GPS Can Teach Us about Leading Better

Lately, I’ve been relying heavily on my GPS navigation device to traverse unknown streets around the country as I travel.

And I’ve noticed that the GPS is masterful at using leadership strategies to ensure I continue to follow it.

Here’s what the GPS can teach us about being a better boss:

1. Alternative Routes
By offering a variety of route options (fastest, scenic, avoid tolls), the GPS allows us to choose, ensuring we are involved from the beginning.

Behind a wheel or behind a project, people crave involvement. With autonomy to choose the route, people will own their choice.

2. Traffic Ahead
By regularly offering updates on traffic delays, construction, accidents, and alternative routes, the GPS shares requisite information to reach our destination successfully.

People trust leaders who share information that contributes to the success of the goal.

3. Stay in the Right Lane
The GPS software is programmed to state directions in the positive, not in the negative, ex: “Stay in the right three lanes.” (instead of, “Don’t use the left lane.” or “Don’t take this exit.”)

When we focus on positive directions, people feel good about themselves, and they persevere.

4. Rerouting…
When we miss a turn or don’t follow the directions, the GPS simply says, “Rerouting…” It never scolds, “You missed the exit!” or “Wrong turn!”

We lead better when we help people accomplish a goal without judgment or criticism. Stay invested in the destination, not the route.

5. You’ve Reached Your Destination!
When we arrive, the GPS hails our accomplishment, “You’ve reached your destination.”

People are starved for acknowledgement and recognition.

While we employ it to serve our success, in actuality the GPS is leading us on the journey… like a great boss!