Ann Tardy, Author at MentorLead

[Flash] We Are Meaning-Making Machines

In the movie Braveheart, Scottish folk hero, and leader in the War of Scottish Independence, William Wallace shouted, “They may take away our lives, but they’ll never take our freedom!”

His impassioned speech continued, “Your heart is free… have the courage to follow it. Every man dies. Not every man really lives!”

Wallace employed this battle cry (at least in the movie) to rally his countrymen to join in the fight against England. He gave his neighbors meaning and purpose – something to fight for.

Now imagine the frenzied soldiers running into battle, committed to the cause, eager to encounter their enemy.

Suddenly, one of the soldiers pulls Wallace aside in the middle of the action to complain about another soldier. “He’s definitely sabotaging me! I was excluded from the meeting last night. Plus, he never considers my ideas. I keep asking for a deadline and he refuses to commit. And his equipment is nicer than mine!”

Inconceivable. Because when a battle cry triggers passion and action in others, people run in the same direction, thereby demoting inconsequential circumstances and situations.

But when there is no battle cry – no purpose, no ambition on a mission, no passion – people elevate the inconsequential and make the unimportant important.

We are meaning-making machines. If we don’t make meaning in our work, we will make meaning in how we work.

So when teams struggle – personalities clash and altercations persist – it’s often a symptom, an indication that people are missing the why, the purpose, the meaning in their work together.

If people don’t have a reason to run in the same direction, they are more likely to run into each other.

[Flash] Why Won’t You Lead Already? (The CEO Who Sentenced Her Mentoring Program)

Years ago, I worked on a mentoring program that was doomed before it launched.

For the kickoff, we organized a massive, in-person, standing-room-only event with balloons and streamers. The room was bursting with excitement!

I joined the CEO on stage to introduce their new program, share strategies around mentoring, and invite her employees to access the mentoring platform that my company had created for them.

A man in the front row raised his hand to ask the CEO, “Will you have a profile on the mentoring platform?”

Caught off guard, she stammered, looked at me sheepishly, and in front of hundreds of her eager, hopeful employees, she asked me, “Ann, can I participate with an alias?”

I was dumbfounded. The CEO had just asked me if she could join her own mentoring community with a fake profile so she could hide out and not truly participate.

Taking a cue from their “leader,” the audience immediately erupted in pleas for an alias too.

And just like that, the CEO fated the program.

Why wouldn’t she lead? What was she afraid of? Why cower when she had the opportunity to influence? Why not be enthusiastic, encouraging, and visionary instead of fearful, doubtful, and dismissive?

Because she didn’t know why to lead.

And when people don’t know why they should lead, they default to what they do best: manage. They manage their time, responsibilities, budgets, projects, and conflicts.

She didn’t know why to lead, so she managed… from the stage. I watched her face as she processed the possibility that people might actually contact her for mentoring. What would she do? She’s already so busy!

But if she knew that leading could… save her time, decrease attrition, increase effectiveness, bolster resilience and initiative, and solidify her status as a great boss…

…she would have boldly said, “Yes!”

[Flash] If Leadership Was Easy, Everyone Would Do It

As I was preparing to deliver my “Manage AND Lead” workshop this week, my Mentee challenged, “Why do you think so many people talk about leadership?” I responded, “If leadership was easy, everyone would do it. The world is congested with leadership training because very few people are actually leading.”

Here’s the issue. People intellectually grasp leadership concepts, but they execute their jobs with a manager mindset.

People are greatly-intended creatures. They sincerely want to develop, guide, mentor, and recognize others. Most participants register for leadership programs out of their deep desire and spirited passion to make a difference for the people on their teams.

But then their boss calls screaming, “I need that report ASAP!” …and all worthwhile intentions vaporize! They scramble to send out an urgent message to their people, demanding to know the status of the report!

The stark reality is that we don’t get paid to develop, guide, mentor, or recognize people. We don’t get paid to motivate, encourage, or celebrate people. We don’t get paid to bring joy, passion, or enthusiasm to our role. We don’t get paid to inspire others and draw out their full potential. We don’t get paid to lead.

We. Do. Not. Get. Paid. To. Lead.

We get paid to Manage. We get paid to manage stuff: deadlines, budgets, projects, reports, meetings, calendars, and conflict.

And because of these opposing forces, the Leadership Journey is not easy.

And we don’t make it any easier. By ignoring the managing vs. leading struggle that undermines all great intentions to contribute to others, we guarantee leadership frustrations and even failure. We have designed the system to ensure the survival of the Bad Boss.

If it was easy, everyone would do it, and we wouldn’t need to talk about it so much.

We get paid to Manage. We get the privilege to Lead.

[Flash] I Hate Surprises (and If You’re a Leader, You Should Too)

Last week was my birthday, and I planned my own dinner party with my family. I chose the people, the food, and the activity. I even picked out my own gift (much to my husband’s relief!).

And because there were no surprises, I wasn’t stressed, frustrated, or disappointed. Instead, I enjoyed the anticipation beforehand, and I was fully present, engaged, and delighted throughout!

I hate surprises.

And if you’re a leader of anything, you should hate surprises too.

Surprises happen when we:

stop paying attention
fail to communicate expectations

Typically, we get derailed by something urgent. We dive into the weeds, ignoring important indicators about our people, projects, or problems. And then we fail to clarify or confirm expectations.

The result? Surprise! … which causes confusion, distraction, upset, and even chaos. And missed opportunities to lead and unlock potential.

And it’s all unnecessary.

When you’re the leader of a program, a project, or a team, you should never be surprised. After you communicate your expectations, you should be looking for signals, asking for status, checking on progress, inviting questions, and measuring success.

Strong sales leaders never wait until the end of the quarter to discover their team’s results. Rather, they leverage weekly reports and team updates.

Even pilots are in ongoing contact with air traffic control to ensure their plane is on track to their destination.

So when I met up with Marcel last year, I was bewildered by his whim for surprise! He was headed to the closing celebration for the mentoring program he launched. He said, “I’m so excited! I cannot wait to hear how it went for my Mentors and Mentees!”

Leaders should never get to the end of a program, a project, or a quarter and wonder how it went.

Because we can’t course-correct if there is no longer a course.

Hate surprises. Love expectations.

[Flash] When Your Mentee Says Thanks for Pushing Me to Be Brave

When I matched Tom and Lucy in the Rising Star Mentoring Program, Tom called me with apprehension, “Ann, I’m not sure about this. Lucy is a technical writer. I’m a sales guy. What could I possibly teach her?”

I responded, “Tom, you’re a leader. Your job is to be Lucy’s champion as she develops her own leadership. You will make a difference simply by sharing your unique perspectives, advice, and ideas.”

Hesitant but committed, he persevered on the journey.

Shortly after the program ended, the company restructured, and Lucy lost her job. Following an intense job search and through her tenacity, she landed a new opportunity.

Last week Lucy sent Tom a message on LinkedIn. (How do I know? Because Tom proudly sent me a screenshot!)

“Tom, I wanted to share the latest good news with you – I accepted a job offer! Your mentoring paid off. I was asked to give a presentation to the interviewers, and they liked my stories which made the interview less intimidating. Thanks for pushing me to be brave!“

Recently published research at the Kellogg School of Management explains Tom’s experience – mentoring is most valuable when we share tacit knowledge.

It’s not conveying codified knowledge that changes the game – Lucy didn’t need a mentor to improve her technical writing.

It’s the imparting of unwritten wisdom that makes the biggest difference – that which is intuitive and gained through work experience.

Further in their research, Kellogg Professor of Leadership Brian Uzzi and his team identified the secret to significant mentoring: teach mentees to think independently and communicate their unique viewpoints effectively.

Tom’s mentoring was impactful, not because he taught Lucy codified skills, but because, by sharing his own experiences, insights, and perceptions, Tom helped Lucy to think independently, communicate effectively, and connect with confidence and courage.

Thanks for pushing your mentee to be brave, Tom!

[Flash] Missed Expectations are the Greatest Threat to Your People’s Success

In 1993, Chinese Northern Airlines Flight 6901 was en route from Beijing to Xinjiang. The Chinese pilots were flying a U.S.-built McDonnell Douglas MD-82 airliner and attempting to land in dense fog.

Suddenly an alarm went off in the cockpit warning the pilots of their dangerous proximity to the ground. But the pilots were baffled by the alarm and the accompanying warning. One crew member asked another in Chinese, “What does ‘pull up’ mean?” Moments later, the plane crashed. The McDonnell Douglas engineers and the pilots had each made grave assumptions.

Assumptions Breed Missed Expectations

Whether you lead a mentoring program, a project team, or a business, missed expectations are the greatest threat to your people’s success.

Following any communication, we all establish expectations. Typically, these are implied and result in assumptions.

For example, you and I decide that our project necessitates regular updates. I assume the word “regular” means you want a weekly update; you assume you are going to receive a daily update from me. When I update you on Friday, you’re upset that you haven’t heard from me in five days, while I’m proud of myself for getting you a project update on time.

That’s a missed expectation.

It is the cause of every frustration, conflict, and altercation, personally and professionally. It breeds distrust and negativity in your program, on your team, and in your culture. If unaddressed or ignored, feelings fester, resulting in anger, disengagement, even attrition.

And it can be entirely prevented.

How? By assuming from the outset that there are assumptions. By being curious about those assumptions. By taking actions to confirm or negate those assumptions.

And here’s why setting expectations is so crucial in any program, on any team, in any relationship…

By working on the commitments and clarifying the outcomes, you are setting up the other person for success. You are making their experience your priority.

Some words to try:

Let’s clarify our expectations…
Let’s review and summarize our commitments…
To make sure I understand…
For context…
What time zone exactly?
To check myself, let me know what you heard…

Kill the phrase, “Does that make sense?” because it assumes an outcome – the outcome in which I agree that you made complete sense. But it doesn’t leave any space to examine where our expectations might be discordant.

If we are determined to avoid the malignancy of missed expectations, then we must stay fiercely vigilant and relentlessly committed. Assumptions abound!

[Flash] I’ve Never Met An Insignificant Person

I’ve never met an insignificant person.

But I have met:

People who operate as if they’re insignificant
People whose boss makes them feel insignificant
People whose leadership regards them as insignificant

And I’m always saddened by such failure of potential.

Inherently people are negatively-biased – they are constantly deflating themselves. And this battle of insignificance rages daily. People are dying to learn that they matter and that their work makes a difference.

On the opposite side is “self-delusion bias” – people tend to perform better when they feel good about themselves.

So why would we ever allow people to feel less than significant?

Our best strategy for pulling the potential out of people is to spark their self-delusion and help them avoid their self-deflation. They don’t need to be reminded of how they’re already feeling: insignificant.

An attrition problem?
When a transportation company called to describe to me their attrition problem among their drivers, I said “You don’t have an attrition problem. You have a significance problem. Attrition is merely a symptom.”

The company revealed its 6-month pursuit of a solution to prevent drivers from leaving the company. Because this was costing them a lot of money, the executives were insanely focused on this problem.

And while they may have been looking, they weren’t looking around.

After analyzing the data and asking better questions, we discovered that the attrition rate was extremely low at one location compared to all others. And the differentiating factor? The supervisor! Drivers at the low-attrition location loved working with their supervisor. Drivers at other locations did not.

Ultimately, it was not about the drivers not driving anymore; it was about the leaders not leading anymore.

Once the executives shifted their focus to up-skilling their supervisors, everyone quickly discovered the power and passion behind: “I’ve never met an insignificant person.”

[Flash] Kinder Than is Necessary (Why Peter Pan Author Would Love Your Mentoring)

My niece and nephew were aghast when they learned that I had not read the book Wonder by author R.J. Palacio.

So I immediately obtained a copy and inhaled it. Such a sweet, thoughtful, soul-fueling book!

It’s the story of Auggie, a boy born with a rare facial deformity, as he starts middle school, afraid to meet a world that is afraid to meet him. Ultimately he inspires his peers to see past his disfiguration and discover who he really is.

In the principal’s graduation speech, he reflects on how his students were transformed by the experience.

He quotes James M Barrie (author of Peter Pan) who wrote in his book The Little White Bird, “Shall we make a new rule of life… always try to be a little kinder than is necessary.”

What an aspirational approach to life! Let’s dissect it to apply it…

Being kind:

doing good and conferring happiness
being gracious, polite, patient, considerate, and friendly

Basically, the essential rules we learned in kindergarten for playing well with others.

Therefore, when we are “kinder than is necessary,” we outshine our shine. We exceed the elementary expectations we have of each other as human beings.

Evidence of people being “kinder than is necessary” is in abundance – especially in times of tragedy and crisis – we just need to notice and appreciate. (For a morning jolt of evidence, I subscribe to GoodNewsNetwork (goodnewsnetwork.org) and Morning Smile (inspiremore.com).)

But how do we bring “kinder than is necessary” to work?

Assist colleagues when it’s not your job
Recognize others’ contributions
Acknowledge people’s progress
Repeat the good stuff you hear about others
Stop repeating the bad stuff

And how can we lead from “kinder than is necessary”?

Advocate for people
Offer opportunities to stretch, learn, grow, and connect
Create situations for their visibility and exposure

And one of my favorite “kinder than is necessary” acts? Mentoring!

When we mentor others,

we prioritize someone else’s goals,
we look for ways to contribute to their success,
we share advice, perspectives, ideas, resources, and insights….

… not because it’s expected or required, but because we want to make a difference – the essence of being kinder than is necessary.

Peter Pan and Auggie would be inspired!