All Posts by Ann Tardy

Nick Saban coached from 1973 until his retirement in 2023. He is famous for leading the University of Alabama football team to six national championship games over 16 years.

Today, Saban is a sportscaster for ESPN’s College GameDay.

Recently on the show, Saban reflected on his own evolution as a coach:

“When things go sideways, you have a greater chance of losing your team when you’re a transactional leader, which is how I was until 1998. Everything was about winning or losing.

When we won, I [celebrated] people. But when we didn’t win, I was harsh.

I didn’t use [the loss] as a teaching moment. Negative moments without teaching kills morale. 

In 1998, we were 4 [wins] and 5 [losses], and Michigan State was getting ready to fire me. I didn’t think we could win the game. So, I said, “What’s my approach going to be?” 

I had to change into a transformational leader.

Somebody who: 

• players could emulate
• cared about the players 
• had a vision for what we would accomplish
• led with value-based principles
• focused on one play at a time

We actually won that game. We became a different kind of team. And I turned around my coaching career. 

If you want to save a team, you must become a transformational leader instead of a transactional one. “

Saban then mused that most exchanges are transactional, preoccupied with time, money, and winning. When that occurs, leaders become too focused on the outcome rather than the process.

Transformation aims for profound, longer-lasting change.

Saban concluded, “Transformational means you have passion and something you want to accomplish. You’re not worried about the immediate self-gratification you’re going to get. You’re trying to create value for your future.”

Mentoring is transformational leadership in action.

People volunteer to mentor not because they are bored, looking for more commitments. Rather, they are fueled by a passionate desire to contribute – investing in their growth and someone else’s.

Mentoring attracts those who:

• care for people
• operate with integrity and authenticity
• support change and vision
• are role models

Inevitably, mentors confess, “Mentoring fills my cup!”  

Of course, it does… because when our lives become saturated and sedated with transactional exchanges, people are drawn to the transformative experience of mentoring.

Mean people don’t mentor. Earnest people do.

It became one of the fastest-growing companies ever, generating $14 million in revenue in year one and $300 million in year two.

To support this growth, Groupon’s staff exploded from 24 employees to 350 in just two years. And Andrew served as the CEO.

Prior to founding Groupon, he had graduated with a music degree and was working as a web designer.

Andrew had no training or experience as a new manager or a leader.

So, how did he know what to do?

Andrew revealed: “My co-founder mentored me – taught me what he could teach me about how to handle it.” (Let’s hear it for peer mentoring!) 

He also learned a lot from his employees – they had substantially more experience than he did. He relied on them frequently. (Let’s hear it for reverse mentoring!)

In a recent interview, Andrew reflected on his catapult into leadership:

“When you’re [a new leader], people are willing to give you some slack; they understand that part of your role is going to be growing in the job.”

And then he emphasized, “…as long as you show that you are growing as you go. As long as people see your capacity for growth and that you’re getting better over time, then you can keep people believing in your ability to rise to the occasion.”

When Andrew stopped improving, people stopped believing, and in 2013, he got fired.

So, how can we ensure we continue to grow and get better over time?

Always be mentor-able.

• Seek mentoring in every conversation:
  • What am I missing?
  • What is your advice/perspective/idea?
  • What would you do if you stepped into my shoes?
  • What’s one thing I can do better next time?

• Sharpen your understanding by listening without judgment or distraction, asking questions for clarity.
• Step into an experience to deepen the learning.
  • What steps can I take next to create a growth opportunity?

Great leaders resist the urge to know-it-all by choosing instead to learn-it-all through mentoring conversations and experiences.
“It’s what we learn after we think we know it all that counts.”
~ humorist Frank McKinney Hubbard (often repeated by Coach John Wooden)

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Why pebbles? Because penguins use pebbles to build nests. So, the simple act of bringing rocks to another penguin signals a desire to develop a relationship.

Similarly, with humans, “pebbling” entails small, consistent acts of attention and communication.

And in mentoring, pebbles are potent.

They demonstrate an ongoing effort to connect, engage, and cultivate a mentoring relationship.

Pebbling communicates our respect for a mentee – we value the relationship and want to invest in it, not just serve as a monthly checkpoint.

The “pebbles” we share do not entail enormous exertions of time, effort, or resources – they are small and considerate gifts:

• Offering words of encouragement
• Sharing a thoughtful or humorous text
• Listening actively
• Remembering and acknowledging an event
• Forwarding a relevant article
• Suggesting a new resource
• Liking their post on LinkedIn
• Recommending a book or podcast episode
• Making an introduction to a new connection

Pebbling is a modest effort with a mighty impact.

People often feel isolated at work and in life because their overconsumption of technology individualizes their experiences.

Pebbling restores interaction. It prevents the emotional drift that can occur from isolation.

The simple act of pebbling conveys to our mentee, “I see you. I heard you. I know you. I’m here. You belong. You are important to me. I’m thinking of you.”

Being seen, remembered, and acknowledged, strengthens the connection and trust between a mentor and a mentee.

My mom managed and mentored a real estate office of one hundred realtors. Every year, she personally called each realtor on their birthday to sing, even on voicemail.  She never missed the opportunity to make them feel special. Deepening the relationships and their trust was too important.

If pebbling is so effective, what stops us from leveraging it?

• Concern about intruding – shouldn’t I wait until they reach out?
• Fear of rejection – do they want to hear from me? will this make a difference?
• Engrossed by daily chaos – I’m sooo busy!

But mentees need to be on our radar, not just our calendar.

When they are, pebbling becomes an extension of our mentoring – an opportunity to contribute between the cadence of scheduled meetings.

If we want to influence a mentee’s learning journey, we must infuse ourselves into it.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

During the interview, Stephen asked Jack about working with his co-stars, Hollywood icons Gary Oldman and Kristin Scott Thomas.

In particular, Stephen was curious about Jack’s habit of going to work even when he’s not scheduled to perform.

Stephen: “Is it true you show up on days you’re not shooting just to watch them [Gary and Kristin] shoot?”

Jack smilingly confessed, “Yeah. I once hid behind the sofa and just observed.”

Stephen: “And what are you learning by doing that?”

Jack: “I like watching them make mistakes. Because they do – they make mistakes.”

He continued, “As a young actor, it’s important to watch legends like that make mistakes. Of course, they make fewer mistakes than good takes. But I go, ‘Oh, right.’” As if suddenly discovering that his mentors are human.

When Jack sees their imperfections, it normalizes his own – an important tactic to mitigate imposter syndrome while validating his learning journey.

People observe their mentors to inform their own actions and behaviors, including stumbles.

Watching someone we respect make a mistake,

• reduces our fear of making mistakes
• humanizes mentors, making them more relatable and less intimidating
• builds trust, strengthening the relationship
• promotes vulnerability and humility
• enhances learning

Mentoring doesn’t always entail sharing time-earned wisdom.

Mentoring often occurs in the space that lacks labels and targeted advice. 

When I became a new lawyer, I spent my first year shadowing senior associates and partners, observing their interactions with clients. This experience undoubtedly shaped my client engagement skills.

When I ventured into the world of public speaking, I intentionally observed seasoned speakers enthrall an audience, which greatly influenced my speaking style.

But I also bore witness to their missteps, a refreshing reprieve – their blemishes forgave my own. It uncloaked my formidable mentors and confirmed my learning process.

Mentoring only works when we pay attention. We must notice experienced professionals navigating situations, fumbling, and growing as they go… just like us.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Her first manager was, as Kat describes him, “an incredible mentor.” During a particularly challenging project, he gave her some advice that Kat continues to carry to every promotion.

Kat was navigating a slew of bad decisions when he switched from managing to mentoring and said to her, “A lot’s going wrong, and you’re getting a lot of criticism.

“Look, whenever you’re criticized, assume first it’s correct. Just allow yourself the opportunity to assume that something in the judgment or negative feedback is accurate.

“And one of two things will occur as a result. Either:

1. You will realize some portion of that feedback is valid, and you will act with the humility necessary to preserve the relationship and improve on the thing.
2. or, you reflect and cannot see anything that is valid.

“But how you approach that criticism should be focused on the why instead of debating the what.”

Ask. Answer. Act.

This approach has become Kat’s superpower:

• Courageously ask for feedback with curiosity and contrition.
• Confidently allow others to answer honestly.
• Boldly demonstrate commitment by acting on it.

As Kat reflected in an interview recently, “Answers don’t scale. Questions do.”

“Finding the right questions allows me to make better decisions and have more fruitful actions, regardless of the dynamics or the situation – boom times or bust times.”

What questions can we use to activate an ask-answer-act superpower?

• What can I be doing better?
• How can I improve this [project/meeting/conversation]?
• What am I missing?
• If you were in my shoes, what would you change immediately?
• What is working from your perspective?
• What could we do differently going forward?

By asking questions, we signal our intent to improve, grow, and thrive.

By asking questions, we invite others to support that commitment and mentor us. We grant people permission to provide us with feedback, perspectives, and ideas.

By focusing on the why – improvement – we decrease the sting of the what – their responses, which could otherwise feel like judgment or criticism.

It’s not about the “what.” It’s about the “why” – a strong purpose gives us the strength and confidence to welcome all replies. Contributions become the gateway to reflecting, learning, and improving.

It’s not about the answers. It’s about the questions.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Underscoring the profound impact mentoring has had on her success, she shares, “I didn’t get here on my own. There were people in my life who saw potential in me, who didn’t have to make the investment, who held out their hand and showed me the way.”

In 2009, when Michelle became the First Lady, she gathered all the living First Ladies together to connect, thank them for their service, and learn from them. She wanted to know about the challenges they faced and seek their advice, guidance, and support.

In a recent interview, Michelle reflected, “I am a product of the generosity of other people’s mentorship. So, the expectation of myself is that I give that back.”

During her time in the White House, Michelle started a mentorship program and created mentoring events, demonstrating that everyone has the time and capability to mentor, even the First Lady.

Michelle confessed, “It’s also selfish of me to mentor because I get a lot out of it. It’s the most fulfilling thing to watch another person benefit from something that I helped them do.”

Mentor Karen called me last week to express a similar sentiment, declaring, “I have some exciting news!”

She proudly described the transformation she witnessed in her mentee’s confidence throughout our mentoring program. Karen then announced that her mentee had asked for and received a significant role and salary bump at her organization.

Karen revealed, “My mentee never would have done that when we started working together!” Delighted by her mentee’s growth, Karen knew she helped make that possible.

Another mentor, Julie, summarized it enchantingly when she divulged, “Mentoring fills my cup.”

So, how do we find those people who want our mentoring? How can we demonstrate to others that we are available to contribute to their learning journey?

• Enroll as a Mentor in a formal mentoring program.
• Notice others taking on roles and experiences you’ve had and offer to mentor them in their transition.
• Launch a mentoring conversation: “What have you discovered so far? What help do you need next?”
• Create a mentoring circle or a mentoring event.
• Inform your manager and peers that you’re willing to mentor.

“Service is the rent we pay for living.” ~ Marian Wright Edelman (one of Michelle’s heroines)

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.