All Posts by Ann Tardy

Our monthly conversation started strong: I re-established trust, and when she regaled me with the latest in her ongoing saga, I practiced loud listening.

But suddenly, I heard the rescuer in me proclaiming, “You should…” “You must…” “Here’s what you need to do….” and “Go! Now!”

And like an over-eager, compliant Mentee, she “Yes!”-ed me, agreeing to implement my advice immediately.

I left the conversation feeling like a rockstar – I changed my Mentee’s life! I almost strained a muscle, patting myself on the back.

So when I received a disappointing text from her a week later with a sheepish update replete with excuses and apologies, I realized what I had done – I had broken a few cardinal rules of mentoring:

• I acted like she needed fixing
• I told her what to do
• I became invested in her executing my advice
• I failed to consider her people-pleasing nature

Cardinal Rules

1. Water Don’t Weed.
Mentees don’t need fixing. Mentees seek guidance and support as they traverse change and grow their careers.

2. Slow to Yes, Fast to Maybe.
Mentees often want to indulge us, which can rob them of critical thinking. Our position allows us to observe this need-to-please and encourage them to exchange their fast-Yeses for strong-maybes: “That’s an idea.” or “I’ll consider that.”

3. Challenge Don’t Cheer.
When a Mentee expresses a concern, we attempt to boost their confidence by gushing, “Don’t worry! You’re amazing! You’ve got this!” But doing so inadvertently invalidates their concerns.

They don’t need cheerleading. They need a thought partner who helps them navigate their worries: “What is causing this concern? Is there another way to frame the situation? What can you do to mitigate it? Here’s what I’ve tried …”

4. Question Marks Before Periods. 
Question marks help us dig deeper to ensure any story or advice will be relevant and valuable. Our job is to explore options with our Mentees, not flood them with platitudes and proverbs.

5. Improv Not an Orchestra.
The conductor of an orchestra knows precisely who is going to play which instrument at what time. Conversely, a comedian on an improv stage has no idea what words will appear next.

Treat mentoring like an improv exercise, not an orchestra performance. Be present, agile, and accepting, with a splash of levity.

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

But in the middle, she takes a surprising pause to share a poignant, seminal mentoring moment with Jane Fonda.

As Chelsea describes the encounter, Jane invited Chelsea for dinner: “I need to talk to you.”

When they sat down to eat, Jane did not hesitate, “You might have noticed that I’ve been icy toward you since the fundraiser, and I want to tell you why.”
[Jane demonstrated accountability for her actions.]

“You behaved badly at my party. From the moment you came in, you had a black cloud hanging over you. You insulted people, and it brought the whole party down. A few people told me you were horrible to them.”
[Jane directly shared her experience, condemning not Chelsea but her behavior.] 

“I don’t get it. Why did you even come if you were in that kind of mood?”

[Genuinely confused and curious, Jane paused to allow Chelsea to engage and explain.] 

Chelsea met Jane’s candidness with humility. She revealed her recent journey into therapy to work on her deep anger.

[Rather than defend her behavior, Chelsea leaned into Jane’s invitation, not with excuses but with vulnerability.]

Encouraged, Jane responded, “Good. Your gifts are plentiful. Sometimes, people with the most gifts have the easiest time throwing them in the trash.”

[Here, Jane disclosed the compelling reason she summoned Chelsea to dinner. And doing so validated Chelsea’s talent.]

“Don’t be a product of your environment, Chelsea. Make your environment be a product of you.”

[Like a female Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jane concluded with watershed wisdom.]

It was risky. Without obligation, agenda, or permission, Jane confronted Chelsea despite the unpredictability of Chelsea’s reaction.

Jane dared Chelsea to be better than her behavior. It was audacious.

And Chelsea could have easily missed the moment.

She could have avoided the altercation, accused Jane of offending her, justified her actions, and then unloaded it all on stage in a future comedy sketch disparaging Jane.

Instead, she recognized Jane’s generosity, a raw display of humanity.

Chelsea concluded, “Jane will never have to talk with me about my behavior again – that kind of honesty deserves action!”

Audacious mentoring moments can be formative when our courage with each other meets our commitment to each other.

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

When Steven Spielberg discovered a short film Jon produced for school, he invited Jon to shadow him on a movie set for the day.

Spielberg offered Jon this advice: “Be extraordinarily careful about choosing your first project – hold out until you find the one that means a lot, that would allow you to do your best work, that would define you for Hollywood.”

Unfortunately, this moment with Jon’s idol was followed by a few promising projects that fizzled and a 5-year drought in which he didn’t work on any movies.

So, when an opportunity to direct the sequel to So You Can Dance came to him, Jon considered it.

But the studio offered it as a “direct-to-DVD” movie. In Jon’s words, “The lowest form of directing gig. I’m not that person. I can’t be that person!”

Directing a direct-to-DVD sequel would be ignoring Spielberg’s mentoring.

When he mentioned the offer to his mom and told her he would turn it down, she scoffed, “Since when did you become a snob?”

She continued, “You’re a storyteller, right? You should be able to tell a story in any form – even a direct-to-DVD movie. So, go tell a story.”

Whose advice should he follow: Steven Spielberg’s or his mom’s?

Spielberg’s mentoring was substantial, but, as Jon reflected, it fed a self-image that became Jon’s anchor rather than a beacon.

Conversely, his mom’s mentoring reminded Jon why he wanted to be a filmmaker.

With renewed confidence, Jon chose to be a great storyteller. He proactively reconfigured the script for Step Up 2 to tell the story through street dancing. His pitch to Disney was so compelling that they changed it to a theatrical release.

And just like that, Jon’s career launched.

Having multiple mentors is valuable – they offer different perspectives and perceptions.

But it’s imperative to be discerning when advice pours in, especially when recommendations diverge.

Mentors are well-intended; however, context matters. Sometimes, the advice they offer is vacuum-sealed, while our situation never is.

But mentors are never responsible for our success; they are simply responsive to us.

It’s our job not to execute every morsel of mentoring but to unravel and decipher them. And then take action.

Compile. Contemplate. Choose.

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/anntardy-mentorlead/ 

“I am a person who likes advice. I love getting advice because I have enough self-esteem to acknowledge the advice but know that I don’t have to take it. No one’s watching me apply it.”

“I want to know how you made your marriage work. I want to know how you performed better at an audition. I want to know how you parented your kids and got them to sleep better.”

“And then, I can choose what to use.”

Here’s where advice gets tangled:

• If we have high confidence, we don’t seek it – we tend to rely on our own judgment.
• If we have low confidence, we tend to view advice as unwanted criticism.

According to research, 76% of people report feeling annoyed, defensive, and inadequate when people give them advice – even when it’s well-intended!

When did our ego become the gatekeeper of wisdom?

People all around us want to offer help. And they often do so without our permission – even “Have a nice day!” is unsolicited advice.

But instead of leveraging our daily interactions to improve, we often opt to protect our pride.

Instead of welcoming the possibility of gaining fresh ideas, insights, and interpretations, we contort around the fragility of our esteem.

Kristin Bell’s approach is grounded in curiosity:

• Incessantly eager to discover better ways.
• All advice is welcomed – invited and uninvited.
• Steadfastly committed to improve and choose.

My husband is a prolific advice-giver. His prosocial behavior is triggered when he hears about someone’s problem, project, or purpose.

He immediately thinks about who or what he knows – mentoring is his leadership language. And without asking permission, he contributes guidance and recommendations.

Unfortunately, I’ve watched countless people miss it. They politely nod, uncurious, as he doles out invaluable connections and ideas. Sometimes, they get dismissive, even defensive.

But occasionally, I’ll witness a savvy one who leans in, listens intently, and then does something brilliant… they ask a question. A question that helps them discern how the advice might better their life.

And when they contemplate the potential of incoming wisdom, their confidence noticeably elevates.

By adopting Kristin Bell’s drive to curate advice, transactions can become transformations.

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

In the 1970s, an odd trend emerged on college campuses called “streaking,” where people ran naked through public areas to shock and amuse others.

Then in 2011, the messaging app Snapchat repurposed the term “streak” to gamify the act of exchanging messages multiple days in a row. Snapchat refers to this uninterrupted chain as a “Snapstreak.” The app tracks these streaks and encourages users to continue their daily exchanges.

And now there is a new kind of streaking: Goal Streaking – a continuous series of one activity in pursuit of a goal.

Goal Steaking examples:

• recognize-someone-weekly-at-work streak
• team-huddle streak
• wake-up-early streak
• work-out-each-week streak
• arrive-early-to-meetings streak
• return-emails-in-24-hours streak

On January 1, 2019, Michigander Bugsy Sailor challenged himself to capture a photograph of the sunrise on Lake Superior every morning for one year. His goal? To connect with nature and be more present. His early morning ritual soon amassed a following in town and around the country. To date, hundreds of people have purchased pictures and/or pledged to watch more sunrises.

Bugsy is now in his seventh year of photographing morning sunrises. He revealed recently, “How much joy everyone else gets from it has really kept me going the last couple of years.”

Personally, I have two streaks that continue to impact my life:

(1) My Flossing Streak
In 2005, I had a dentist crush on Dr. Michael Hing when I lived in San Francisco. His warm, gentle personality prevented me from lying to him about flossing my teeth (like I had done with other dentists!) So, I challenged myself to floss every night for one month before my next appointment. This evolved into my now 7,348-day flossing streak and has positively contributed to my dental health.

(2) My Writing Streak
I started my writing streak on March 13, 2015, to hone my skills and consistently connect with people and contribute ideas. The weekly Flash! article was born. I credit my nearly 520-week streak with expanding my network, strengthening our mentoring programs with weekly content, and generating one of my books, In a Flash! and my forthcoming book, Mentoring in a Flash!

I sent the very first Flash! article to 11 people, including my husband and my mom. Today, over 50,000 people receive it.

When the Streak Goes on Strike
A few years ago, Bugsy’s alarm did not go off one morning. He missed the sunrise. Disappointed but resolute, Bugsy rededicated, and his streak goes on.

Like Bugsy, my streak once went on strike as well. I missed publishing a Flash! article one week due to mismanaging my health and my time. I, too, was frustrated with myself, but instead of giving up, I recommitted to my goal… with a twist. I now incorporate scheduled writing breaks on major holiday weeks each year.

Action!

From the goalstreaks.com website: “The best way to achieve your goals is by taking regular, meaningful steps towards them.”

Finding a mentor is a meaningful step.

Mentors create what is known as “evaluation apprehension” – an aspirational form of peer pressure. Knowing someone we respect is rooting for us and regularly asking about our progress compels us to take action.

In the world of goals, action is the game-changer. This past decade has taught me, however, that perfect action is not required, just continuously being in action.

As long as we stay on the field, mentors (and mentees!) of all shapes and sizes will stand on the sidelines and fill the stadium.

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

PS. Tired of looking for Flash! in your email? Follow me on LinkedIn and get notified when I publish a new Flash! each Thursday (except on major holidays!) 
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/anntardy-mentorlead/ 

For years, I attributed this to altruism – the selfless, feels-good-to-do-good approach.

And then I read Ethan Kross’ compelling book Chatter – The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It.

In his book, psychologist and professor Dr. Kross shares a tool called “distancing” that can lead us to wisdom, regardless of age, job title, or experience.

Psychological distancing involves stepping back, lowering our emotional intensity, and reducing our cognitive load to gain objectivity and perspective. In other words, we turn down the volume of the internal chatter by figuratively stepping away from it.

Distancing is most effective when we (1) imagine how we will feel about this situation in the future, (2) observe our situation happening to someone else, or (3) offer advice to someone in a similar situation.

We often struggle to solve our own problems because we are too emotionally involved. When our view is only internal, our problems can feel insurmountable.

Psychological distance not only diminishes our stress and anxiety, but it also gives us the detached perspective needed to reassess our problems.

When we step into the role of mentor, we psychologically distance ourselves from our circumstances by focusing on our mentee’s circumstances.

As our mentee is sorting through their problems and navigating their situations, they seek our guidance, advice, and perspectives. We are called to step away from our uncertainty to help them with theirs.

Ironically, while we might struggle to solve our own problems, we often have clarity and advice for people grappling with similar challenges. Their emotional burdens don’t afflict us.

The birds-eye view allows us to see solutions we missed when our view was purely internal.

When we offer those solutions to our mentee through advice, we finally see the wisdom that applies to our situation.

The adage, “Those who can’t, teach” should be followed by “…so they can.”

We might not have been able to sort it out for ourselves, but then we became a mentor and helped a mentee sort it out, and doing so gave us the distance and clarity we needed to sort it out for ourselves.

Now when a mentor claims, “I got more out of this than my mentee,” I will nod appreciatively to psychological distancing and affirm, “Of course, you did!”

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

And for a time, it was winning.

At that level, Comstock was often the only woman in the room. She sat in meetings listening but not saying much. As she shared with Guy Roz on his leadership podcast a few years ago, she was overwhelmed with intimidation.

But then she decided to put herself out there, make herself known.

Comstock’s strategy for conquering her imposter syndrome:

1. Invite herself to leadership meetings
2. Bring one question and one idea
3. Be courageously vulnerable
4. Hire direct reports to mentor her
5. Lead as a mentee

She didn’t wait for invites – she invited herself to meetings.

Comstock called leaders’ assistants and said, “I’m going to show up to the meeting, and here’s why,” not wanting anyone to be surprised.

She then attended each meeting prepared to ask one question and share one idea. 

And it worked – she was seen, heard, and known. The new CEO, Jeff Immelt, promptly promoted Comstock to Chief Marketing Officer (CMO).

But marketing was not her area of expertise! She didn’t go to business school, and she didn’t have a marketing background.

Her imposter syndrome flared…

So, Comstock did the vulnerable. She confessed to the CEO that she was not qualified for this role but was committed to learning it.

She became a mentee.

Comstock sought knowledge and guidance from CMOs at other large organizations, like P&G. She studied marketing, poring over curricula and textbooks.

And she recruited people to mentor her. 

Comstock hired CMOs for each of GE’s business units, ensuring they had the business skills she lacked. They knew she didn’t possess their level of training, so they helped her figure out what questions she should be asking.

She admitted, “It’s intimidating, but I had to learn what to ask.”

With mentoring from her direct reports, Comstock helped GE rethink its approach to marketing.

In 2015, GE named her the first female Vice Chair leading GE Business Innovations.

Following her retirement, Comstock published her book Imagine It Forward. In it, she shares wisdom she’s learned after 27 years with GE, including her secret to slaying imposter syndrome:

Trust yourself. Hire great people. Lead through mentors.

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.