Search Results for: Not for me

According to the author Don Miguel Ruiz, everything we do is based on agreements we’ve made with ourselves and with others. When those agreements are fear-based, they fuel self-limitations, diminish self-worth, and inflame needless suffering.

He argues that to free ourselves from fear, we must re-negotiate these agreements and adopt new ones.

His 4 agreements for less stress and more joy:

1. Be impeccable with your word
2. Don’t take anything personally
3. Don’t make assumptions
4. Always do your best

And what better construct to practice these life edicts than the safe environment of a mentoring relationship?

Here’s how to strengthen our mentoring experiences with the four agreements:

1. Be impeccable with your word.

• Speak with integrity; choose your words intentionally – they have influence and power.
• Don’t gossip about others – it doesn’t serve the mentoring conversation.
• Follow through on commitments – taking responsibility for actions strengthens trust and engagement with your mentoring partner.

2. Don’t take anything personally.

• Each of you brings your unique viewpoint to the relationship.
• Advice from a mentor is not meant as an indictment, a judgment, or an affront – mentors might be inexperienced in their delivery, but they’re never evil.
• Likewise, inaction by a mentee is not a reflection of the mentor’s value.
• Mentoring is personal, but don’t take it personally.

3. Don’t make assumptions.

• Assumptions are the greatest threat to your mentoring relationship.
• Close gaps in expectations early and often to avoid unnecessary conflict.
• Engage with curiosity and compassion. Ask questions. Clarify. Confirm.
• When connecting with a mentoring partner, don’t rely only on email. Dial the phone, send a text, and direct a message on Teams or LinkedIn.

4. Always do your best.

• In each interaction with your mentoring partner, do your best to integrate the first three agreements.
• Respond. Be present. Be engaged. Turn on your camera or show up in person. Take notes. Follow up. Follow through. Contribute. Be contributed to.

With four simple yet profound agreements, we can free ourselves from the sabotage that undermines our mentoring and threatens our joy in life.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

While she has never taken a business class, Jennifer does not allow her lack of education and experience to hold her back. Instead, she shared in an interview recently that she enjoys “just being completely ignorant and having this incredible group of brilliant people to talk to.”

Jennifer then revealed how she keeps learning from this group. “As we’re in meetings, I circle what I don’t understand so I can ask later.”

With a resolve to grow from the people around her, Jennifer has learned to lead while leading. “It’s been a full-on education for me, but I’m happiest in a community.”

“In the beginning, I was always asking [Once Upon a Time CEO John] Foraker. We’d finish a call, and I would call him back to ask these basic business questions.”

But as Jennifer’s understanding and proficiency strengthened, so did her questions. She continued, “I started going deeper and asking questions that were more CPG-specific [Consumer Packaged Goods], then I would ask more grocery-related things and even go on sales calls all over the country.”

How Jennifer’s belief in mentoring bolstered her leadership:

• Confident she could learn from her partners, she accepted a role based on her passion, not based on her experience or expertise
• She regularly highlights her knowledge gaps so she can focus her questions
• She makes a point of asking in the moment
• She measures her growth by the improvement of her questions
• She seeks new experiences for additional learning

Jennifer didn’t allow her fear or imposter syndrome to derail her desire to join the company and become a leader. Rather, she looked to her community and leaned on the power of her peers to bridge the gaps in her wisdom.

Her sage advice: “There is strength in believing in your partners.”

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

He turned to Kristine McDivitt, another manager at Patagonia, and put her at the helm.

As she retells it in an interview, which Yvon highlighted in his book Let My People Go Surfing, “In 1977, there were 16 of us when [the general manager] quit. Yvon gave me the companies, saying in effect, ‘Here’s Patagonia. Here’s Chouinard Equipment. Do with them what you will. I’m going climbing.”

But Kristine had no business experience – she didn’t know how to run a company.

So, she started asking people for free advice – she cold-called for mentoring.

“I just called presidents of banks and said, ‘I’ve been given these companies to run, and I’ve no idea what I’m doing. I think someone should help me.’ And they did. If you just ask people for help – if you just admit that you don’t know something – they will fall all over themselves trying to help. So from there, I began building the company.”

Kristine successfully ran and grew Patagonia as CEO for 13 years.

Ad Hoc Mentoring
While we always assume people are busy, we can also assume that people have advice to share.

Asking someone for help triggers their “prosocial behavior” – their desire to help for the greater good.  Essentially, when we ask someone for guidance, we are inviting them to help us and make a difference.

Gratifyingly, offering advice, perspectives, or ideas is an easy lift. People can contribute without assuming the project or the problem. They get to help without the homework.

While Kristine’s audacious task of leading Patagonia fueled her need to create these conversations, we each have the power to elevate any interaction into ad hoc mentoring.

How? Five simple words: “Can I ask your advice?”

And because ad hoc mentoring is indifferent to title, tenure, rank, and age, we can connect and converse with anyone.

When you couple that compelling question with determination and courage, you’ll effortlessly unlock a world of wisdom.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

The firm’s managing partner, Glen Rossman, had personally called to offer me the job and encourage me to join his practice. I confess, Glen had me at “hello!”

I was excited about my adventure. Finally, after seven years of schooling, I was ready to wear a suit, enter the workforce, and earn a paycheck!

But when I arrived at the sea of cubicles on Floor 5, I quickly discovered a malaise lingering like San Francisco fog. My colleagues were unhappy – they didn’t love their adult jobs like I thought they would.

And I was certain that Glen was unaware of this discontent. Unfortunately, Glen’s title intimidated people into promoting the façade of a happy workforce instead of revealing the reality.

Perhaps it was my naivete, but I felt a responsibility to inform Glen – how could he address it if he was nescient regarding the situation?

Concurrently, I was reading The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz and discovering the importance of including solutions to any problem presented to the boss. So, I prepared several ideas.

I then typed an interoffice memo to Glen (yes, there was a time before email…) with my observations and ideas and sent it via interoffice mail.

Admittedly, it was a bit brazen, but it was well-intentioned.

A week later, Glen’s assistant phoned – Glen was ready to discuss my memo.

I was incredibly nervous – I was meeting with the managing partner, and I wasn’t sure if I was in trouble.

Quite the opposite. Glen was curious and eager to learn from me! Over the next six months, we met regularly to explore my observations and my proposed solutions. He then implemented a few of my ideas and noticeably improved the culture of the office!

I’ve always been grateful to Glen for his mentoring – he encouraged my enthusiasm, my initiative, and my leadership. And I credit Glen for kindling my passion around our collective quest for #joblove.

But Glen also modeled a valuable leadership quality: the commitment to discover, learn, and grow regardless of tenure and title.

Glen wasn’t placating me during our six months of meetings – he was inviting me to mentor him!

Bottom line: mentoring can strengthen leadership muscles, but only if leaders intentionally engage in a variety of mentoring conversations.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

• exchange knowledge
• curate insights
• formulate ideas
• improve our confidence
• strengthen our leadership muscles
• leverage champions

Whether you’re critically thinking through a goal or need a sounding board for an in-the-moment crisis, a mentoring partner is invaluable!

But what makes mentoring work? What’s the secret sauce?

Introducing the Hawthorne Effect

In 1924, Harvard Business School Professor Elton Mayo set out to study motivation by experimenting on the workers at the Western Electric Hawthorne Works factory in Cicero, Illinois.

Over the subsequent eight years, he conducted tests to ascertain what factors influenced people to work harder.

For each experiment, he selected a group of workers from the factory, placed them in a special room to work, and then fiddled with their working conditions. For example, he changed the lighting or the temperature or the number of allowed breaks during their shift.

And with each change, Mayo monitored their productivity.

He wanted to see if any changes improved their motivation to work harder and produce more.

Surprisingly, they all did! Every change that Mayo made increased the workers’ productivity… but not for the reasons Mayo originally predicted.

Eventually, Professor Mayo discovered that the individuals were altering their behavior because they knew Mayo was observing them in action. As soon as Mayo started watching them work, the workers worked harder, which increased their productivity.

Mayo concluded that because the Hawthorne Factory workers were chosen to participate in the experiment, they felt important – Mayo singled them out and involved them in his experiments. And because Mayo watched them, they felt their actions were important. As result, they felt motivated to accomplish more.

Like all humans, the workers wanted someone to notice and care.

This is known as the “Hawthorne Effect,” and it’s the fuel that powers every robust mentoring relationship.

We all want our work to matter. And we all want someone to notice that our work matters – as Professor Mayo did.

When that someone is our mentor, we too alter our behavior. We know our mentor is watching and cares about our goals, actions, learnings, growth, and success.

And that makes us care, work harder, and accomplish more.

Mentoring. Powered by the Hawthorne Effect.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

This fall, Lynnae started teaching at a new school district, prompting various onboarding requirements and training.

When we connected recently, she mentioned her gender-identity training, which led to a discussion about how society had evolved since we were in school – in the 80s, we didn’t announce gender pronouns, nor had we ever heard of “gender fluidity.” We both agreed that we didn’t fully understand all the nuances.

And then Lynnae asserted, “But I don’t have to understand it. I just need to respect it.”

Her profound declaration gave me pause – was I trying too hard to understand while failing to respect?

Like every great mentor, Lynnae had twisted the figurative kaleidoscope through which I was looking – her pronouncement changed my view.

This week when Lynnae called, we explored family dynamics. I was venting, grateful to borrow her ear, appreciating her exceptional listening skills – she seeks to make a difference without encroaching.

And that’s when Lynnae echoed her view-altering perspective from our prior conversation:

“Maybe you don’t need to understand it. Maybe you just need to respect it” – there’s my BFF again mentoring me at 6:30 am! I reconsidered my grumbling…

Reflecting on what it means to “respect,” I’ve concluded that I can:

• Demonstrate kindness and patience to the other person
• Actively listen to them without criticism or disdain
• Lead with curiosity (not my judgment), “What’s that experience like?”
• Interact positively and politely, not with contempt or derision
• Recognize their learning journey – like me, they are a work in progress
• Accept that while I might not relate or agree, they have every right to their experience
• Withhold my unsolicited advice and opinions
• Refuse to disparage this person’s sojourn to their face or behind their back
• Offer space and grace to allow them to discover and grow

Respect involves treating people with goodwill without needing to change our own ideas and choices.

Respect is simply acknowledging that we are all having a human experience. I don’t need to understand yours, but I can certainly respect it.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

A month ago, she left her job, and now she’s in a funk – not a mental health crisis, just a feel-sorry-for-herself slump. And I’ve done my best to listen actively and be a champion.

But she hasn’t even reached out to her network to share that she’s looking for a new opportunity – she’s sapped, self-conscious, and stuck.

Grasping, I said, “The only way to get off the couch is to get off the couch.”

In other words, take some action! Do anything.

• Send one email
• Connect with one person on LinkedIn
• Schedule a call or a lunch
• Read an article
• Listen to a podcast
• Go for a walk – change the scenery

I work out at OrangeTheory Fitness a few times a week… and I don’t like it. In fact, I loathe running, rowing, and lifting weights at 7 am! When my alarm goes off, I hit snooze. And every time I step onto that treadmill, I count the minutes until I can step off.

But I’ve never regretted going to class. I always leave feeling energized, fit, and accomplished!

I know I’d still be in bed if I waited until I wanted to work out. And I’d definitely still be under the covers if I waited for someone else to engage or motivate me. 

I’ve learned through my own slumps that the fastest way out is simply to start moving. I get up and go – even though I rarely feel like it – because I’m committed to staying healthy.

To get off the metaphorical couch…

• Move:  take some action, no matter how small
• Ask:  questions hijack the brain, forcing us to redirect and reengage
• Consider:  “What have I learned? What can I do now and next? What can I create? Who can I connect with?”
• Commit:  for example, OrangeTheory charges me money if I don’t show up
• Ignore:  forget the feelings – focus on the commitment
• Create:  an idea, a goal, a connection, a conversation, a project, a skill, an experience
• Involve:  find a mentor, a champion, an accountability partner
• Stop:  excusing, rationalizing, justifying
• Start:  doing

We cannot be stuck and in action at the same time.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Why?
The researchers surmise that those who pass up the experience are reluctant out of insecurity or an inflated sense of their abilities – they don’t believe they need any help.

The researchers argue that because of the enormous ROI that mentoring can generate, mentoring programs should be mandatory.

I disagree (and wonder if the researchers confused mentoring with training, precepting, or apprenticing).

First, no one “needs” mentoring – it’s not intended to be remedial. Instead, it’s the chance to connect, grow, expand, collaborate, and strengthen. 

Second, mandatory mentoring dilutes the ownership aspect of mentoring that fuels its power.

Finally, people eschew mentoring for only two reasons:

1. They don’t know how
2. They don’t know why

The “don’t know why” is an enormous barrier (in all areas of life!). If people don’t have a compelling reason (a goal, an aspiration, a commitment, an expectation to participate), they will choose other ways to spend their time.

5 reasons people ignore the invitation to be mentored:

1. Confusion (they don’t know how, what, where, when, or who)
2. No compelling reason (they don’t know why)
3. Already have a mentor (they don’t know why they need another one)
4. Overwhelm/time-challenged (they don’t know how to make it work)
5. Fear (which results from their don’t-know-how-or-why)

Potential Mentees! Before you overlook the opportunity to be mentored, ask yourself and others these discerning questions to explore your don’t-know-how-or-why barriers…

• What is the purpose or goal of the mentoring program?
• How would it contribute to my goals? (What are my goals?)
• Logistically, how can I participate?
• What would make it a success for me?
• Mentor, how did you leverage mentoring when you were in my role?
• How can I grow from this experience?
• Who could I meet? What could I learn?
• How will participating (or not) reflect on my reputation and commitment to connect, collaborate, contribute, and lead? 

While program leaders can improve how they engage mentees, potential mentees can improve how they engage themselves.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.