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[Flash] Unexpected Mentoring – When Kelly Clarkson Sent Taylor Swift an Idea

The backstory: In November 2018, Taylor Swift left her record label so she could create and own her music. But the record label sold the master recordings of Taylor’s first six albums to someone Taylor described as her nemesis.

The challenge: Taylor’s attempts to buy back her recordings from her old record label came with unsavory stipulations.

The unexpected mentoring: When Taylor publicly shared her frustration and anger over the situation, she received a tweet from Kelly Clarkson with an idea:

@taylorswift13 just a thought, U should go in & re-record all the songs that U don’t own the masters on exactly how U did them, but put brand new art & some kind of incentive so fans will no longer buy the old versions.

The pivot: Seemingly energized by Kelly’s unexpected mentoring, Taylor re-recorded her music with brand-new album artwork.

As for the “incentive,” Taylor added a series of never-before-heard songs that did not make the original album cut to encourage fans to stream the rereleased version of the album.

By doing so, Taylor reclaimed her art and sabotaged others from fully profiting from her master recordings. She has released four of her first six albums, each of which has outperformed the originals.

The recognition: Apparently, Taylor sends flowers to Kelly each time she releases one of her re-recorded albums.

The unexpecting mentor: Kelly didn’t see herself as a mentor. “Taylor’s a very smart businesswoman. So, she would have thought of it herself.” She didn’t reach out, intending to mentor Taylor formally.

Instead, Kelly graciously extended an idea and encouragement out of admiration and respect for Taylor.

Unexpected mentoring occurs when someone – without advance planning or even a relationship – provides advice, perspectives, ideas, insights, experiences, or encouragement. No judgment. No expectations.

Sometimes, the mentor doesn’t even realize their comment is game-changing, while the mentee only recognizes it in hindsight.

When I was interning at a law firm near graduation, a partner made an off-handed remark, bestowing seminal yet accidental advice: “Best thing I ever did was move away from home.”

After that unexpected mentoring, I moved to California following law school. If I remembered his name, I, too, would send him flowers – without knowing it, he gave me permission to pivot!

Advice matters.

[Flash] Harnessing Allies: Mentor Lite for When You Face Change Challengers

I became a vegetarian 13 years ago, but the reasons aren’t as important as the experience.

Wanting to experiment, I decided to order vegetarian options. Immediately, I discovered the joy of plant-based plates palatably and logistically. To me, being vegetarian is easy – I always find something to eat no matter where I go, without issue or declaration.

But it was the community friction I was unprepared for.

When people in my life noticed that I – the girl who grew up on a farm eating the animals we raised and the Big Macs we didn’t – was choosing forks over knives, they commented, questioned, and challenged me:

Why are you doing that?
I thought you grew up on a farm?
What’s wrong with meat?
Do we need to go somewhere else?
Didn’t you used to eat steak?
Aren’t you feeling sluggish?
I don’t know how to feed you!
What will you do for food on Thanksgiving?
That must be so hard – I can’t imagine!

Today, no one cares that I pass on the meat dish. And in fact, most people in my life have long forgotten that I used to love fish and filet mignon.

So why the initial friction?

We don’t hate change; in fact, we each actively work on creating change daily. How do I know? We constantly set and drive goals. Goals are the gateway to change.

Here’s the problem. While we want change, we don’t want to be changed.

And when we change, it forces other people to change how they know and relate to us. They experience “being changed” and resist.

But instead of surrendering, seek allies.

An ally is like mentor lite – a champion, a sympathizer, a collaborator – someone who supports or shares the journey. Allies don’t require a rationale to cheer. They offer a confidence boost without judgment.

While a mentor is always an ally, an ally doesn’t need to be a mentor. Allies stand with us, validating and encouraging.

Our meandering path is ours to create and discover at our pace. We don’t owe anyone a justification or an explanation for any change we choose. But sometimes, people who do not understand our choices demand one.

Whether you’re changing your health, your career path, your hobbies, or even your outlook, align with allies. They have the power to drown out the change-resistors and bolster our perseverance.

But to find allies, we must first be an ally…

[Flash] Inspired by a Teenager I’ve Never Met

Born in 2005, Gitanjali Rao is 18 years old this year with a resume that reads like a tenured professor’s:

Inventor of Tethys, a lead-detection tool
Inventor of Epione, a clinical tool to diagnose prescription opioid addiction
Inventor of Kindly, an anti-cyberbullying tool
Winner of the Discovery Education 3M Young Scientist Challenge in 2017
Forbes 30 Under 30 in 2017
STEM Scout of the Year in 2017
EPA President’s Environmental Youth Award in 2018
Top “Health” Pillar Prize for the TCS Ignite Innovation Student Challenge in May 2019
Time’s Top Young Innovator in 2020
“Kid of the Year” Time cover in 2020
Laureate of the Young Activists Summit at UN Geneva in 2021
3x TEDx Speaker
Author Young Inventor’s Guide to STEM: 5 Steps to Problem-Solving, published in 2021
Conducts innovation workshops around the globe to promote a problem-solving curriculum.
Entered college at MIT in Fall 2023

It all started with small actions by mentors who recognized and then fanned the flames of Gitanjali’s burning desire to do good in the world.

Her uncle gave her a science kit when she was four, which sparked an interest in inventing.
Her second-grade teacher, Ms. Jennifer Stockdale, encouraged this interest. Gitanjali recalls, “She told me I was going to change the world someday.” Ms. Stockdale gifted Gitanjali her first college flag – from MIT.
Intrigued, Gitanjali explored MIT’s website and learned about carbon nanotubes.
At age 10, she heard on the news about the Flint, Michigan water crisis and felt compelled to take action – why wasn’t there a device to measure lead content in water?
At 11, she invented a lead-detection device based on the carbon nanotubes that she had discovered on MIT’s website that Ms. Stockdale had inspired her to consider.

Gitanjali shared some insights on a recent episode of “Tell Me More” with Kelly Corrigan on pbs.org.

Teach yourself how to stop stigmatizing failure. Gitanjali generated many terrible ideas (her words, not mine) before inventing her patentable solutions.
Adopt a habit of empathy to help solve problems – it nudges us to think of the bigger picture.
Make a difference by standing on the shoulders of giants who have come before us (mentors!) and leveraging their incredible research.
Don’t apologize for being you.

In Gitanjali’s words, “If no one else is going to take that first step, I need to take it.”

Amid a slew of helplessness and powerlessness in various corners of the world, Gitanjali reminds us that we always have the power to start solving problems.

[Flash] Unmasking Mentees – The Invisible Power to Grow as You Go

Last week, we had the pleasure of exhibiting at the ANCC Magnet Conference in Chicago, a celebration of best-in-class hospitals and the nurses who contributed to the designation.

At our booth, we attracted bedside nurses to nurse leaders with our “spin-it-to-win-it!” carnival game – everyone won a prize!

After they won, we offered them a gift – a mentoring ribbon to attach to their conference lanyard. We had three different ribbons, and to help them choose, we eagerly inquired, “Are you a Mentee, a Mentor, or a Mentoring Champion?”

Suddenly, the delight of winning a prize was replaced with bewilderment. The attendees stared, searching for an answer.

Eventually, they concluded, “I guess I’m a Mentor…” or “Sure, I’ll be a Mentoring Champion.”

But no one exclaimed, “I’m a Mentee!”

In fact, of the 900 ribbons we brought to the conference, we left with:

2 “Mentor” ribbons
2 “Mentoring Champion” ribbons
298 “Mentee” ribbons

Dropped into an unexpected social experiment, I paused to consider what happened:

Are “Mentor” and “Champion” more impressive or more familiar?
Were people confused by the word “Mentee”?
Did “Mentee” feel somewhat remedial?
Were people unclear about the value of declaring themselves a “Mentee”?
Is “Mentee” laden with obligation and expectation?
Perhaps they were missing context – aren’t “Mentees” found in mentoring programs not on the exhibit floor?

And just like that, I realized that my experiment was flawed. I assumed that everyone knew the why and what of being a Mentee!

Had we framed the interaction better, attendees would have been enthusiastically grabbing for the Mentee ribbons!

Using different questions, we could have educated people on the concept and decreased the apprehension, even amid a bustling conference exhibit hall!

Do you show up to work committed to improving yourself?
Are you growing your career competence and leadership confidence?
Do you connect with others to discover their insights and learn from their experiences?

If we had taught attendees that a Mentee mindset is a learner mindset, a growth mindset, I’m confident we would have run out of “Mentee” ribbons!

Ironically, being a Mentee is about learning through our connections – precisely the benefit of attending a live conference!

In the future, with better questions and richer conversations, I know attendees will confidently effuse, “Yes! Yes! Yes! I’m a Mentee, a Mentor, and a Mentoring Champion!” Ultimately, aren’t we all?

[Flash] Change Your Environment. Change Your Life.

When I wanted to write my first book, I heard an author share this advice: “Live in one place. Work in another place. Write in your third place.”

At the time, I was living in San Francisco in an indescribably small condo, working remotely in a corner of my kitchen.

I needed a third place.

I discovered a Starbucks two blocks away that opened at 5:30 a.m. It became my third place for three months while I wrote my book each morning. It worked!

While I’ve always credited my willpower for my success and blamed it for my stumbles, that “third place” mattered.

According to the book Willpower Doesn’t Work by Benjamin Hardy, success has more to do with changing our environment than changing our willpower. He says:

“Your environment influences you whether you realize it or not.”

“Continuing to focus on mindset, willpower, and goal setting is an outdated and misplaced approach to success. It’s not that these strategies are inherently bad. Rather, it’s that the focus is entirely wrong.”

“The future of self-help will not be focused on ‘the self,’ but rather it will be focused on the environment that shapes the self.”

While Hardy primarily speaks to how we design the physicality of our environment, I read the book in reference to the people we choose to spend time with – they either contribute to or contaminate our environment.

As I pored over his book, I reflected on our mentoring programs. I constantly implore participants to “Make time for mentoring!” But isn’t this merely a shrouded appeal to mindset and willpower?

Instead, I should ask them if they want to change their lives.

When you want to change your behaviors, your success, and your life, change the people in your environment:

Get a mentor.
Be a mentor.
Ask a mentor to sponsor you for a role or opportunity.
Recruit an accountability partner.
Engage a peer to be a champion.
Seek allies and idea advocates.
Create a mastermind group.
Join a program.
Take a class.
Attend a conference.
Volunteer.
Travel.

The people you surround yourself with are a gateway to your future… choose intentionally!

[Flash] Unleashing Freedom: How My Dog Taught Me the Power of Choices

My dog ran away.

In April, we adopted Ollie, a vigilant but fearless 2-year-old boxer mix who had been abandoned. The rescue organization warned us that she was a “runner,” but we had no idea…

After a car ride one afternoon, we opened the door to let her out. But something spooked her. Before we could grab her leash, she took off, like a hostage tasting freedom.

Instinctually, we ran after her, shouting her name and chasing Ollie through town until we lost her in a wooded area. We spent the next seven hours searching desperately. And each time we spotted her, she sprinted away – in her feral state, there was no catching her.

Near midnight, I drove home to let my other dog out. And that’s when I found Ollie in the backyard – she came home!

The next day, we purchased a GPS tracker for her harness and hired a trainer to train us.

Upon hearing our saga, the trainer said compassionately, “You can’t chase Ollie. Coming to you needs to be Ollie’s choice. Not yours.”

I hadn’t given her any choice!

My mentoring program leaders similarly grapple with the choices they offer participants in their programs. With too much choice (“They’re adults; they’ll figure it out”), participants may flounder and relationships fizzle; with too little choice (“Let’s dictate every aspect of their relationship”), participants can feel hindered and disempowered.

An underlying goal of any mentoring program is to teach people transferable mentoring skills. But that requires giving the participants some control over their experience and success – choices!

Research demonstrates the upside of choice:

ownership of outcome
belonging
increased intrinsic motivation
improved performance
expanded skills
higher confidence

Most importantly, research reveals that these benefits occur regardless of whether the choice is actual, trivial, or illusory.

Ollie tested this choice theory last weekend.

In our backyard, she found a weak board in the wooden fence and pushed her way through it.

This time, I didn’t panic, chase, or shout when I realized she had escaped. Instead, I offered in a sweet, sing-songy voice, “Hey, Ollie Girl! Wanna go for a ride in the car?” (One of her favorite activities.) She turned to me excitedly, ran back to our fence, followed me alongside it until we reached the driveway, and jumped into my car – her choice. Pursuit averted!

People support that which they help choose. Apparently, dogs do, too!

[Flash] Unveiling the Hidden Mentorship in Mark Cuban’s Journey

In 2019, Mark Cuban was interviewed on stage at an Inc. magazine conference:

Interviewer: Are there people in your life you consider mentors?

Mark: No. I have never thought, “I’m going to call this guy and see what he thinks.”

Interviewer: Why?

Mark: Because at some point, I’m going to need to be responsible for whatever that knowledge is.

Interviewer: If you haven’t had mentors or people you leaned on or who advised you, you must have people you admire.

Mark: Sure, the best advice I ever got was from Larry in one of my first jobs.

Because I’m always go-go-go, Larry said, “Mark, when we sit in a meeting, take out your pad of paper and pen. In the upper right-hand corner, write the word: listen.”

To this day, that’s what I’ll do. I write “listen” to remind me to shut up and hear what others have to say.

But that’s as close as I’ve come because figuring it out creates a platform for me to go forward.

While Mark is scrappy and entrepreneurial, he is surprisingly puzzled about mentoring.

Evidently, Mark believes a mentor figures things out for you, solves your problems, and tells you what to do.

But that’s not mentoring. That’s consulting.

Mentors:

Share stories and lessons learned from relevant experiences
Provide connections and resources
Contribute advice and ideas
Offer feedback and perspectives
Nudge action and experimentation
Help identify insights and discoveries
Boost confidence; encourage; validate
Spark hope and inspiration

However, Mentees are ultimately responsible for acting on whatever knowledge, insights, ideas, or advice Mentors contribute.

When Larry offered listening advice, Mark was responsible for acting on it. Mark experimented with the suggestion and improved his engagement skills.

Let’s assume that Mark has continued to listen and engage in meetings earnestly. Inevitably, he has heard valuable perspectives, insights, and ideas that have advanced his learning. And let’s surmise that Mark has shifted his actions or implemented some ideas based on what others have contributed.

That’s mentoring!

(The irony? Mark was mentoring thousands of conference attendees during that interview, in which he questioned the value of mentoring.)

Mentors don’t figure, fix, or find a solution. They contribute insights and ideas so Mentees can move forward faster or favorably… even when Mentees don’t recognize the contribution.

[Flash] David Letterman’s Mentoring Moment Spared Jason Bateman’s Career

“He did the nicest thing for me,” said Jason Bateman, co-host of the podcast SmartLess.

On a recent episode, he shared a story about the first time he had appeared on The David Letterman Show early in his career.

As Jason recalled, it was at the beginning of his interview with David when Jason said something unkind about someone in his family. The audience roared with laughter.

When they cut for a commercial break, David leaned over to Jason and said off-mic, “Here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to re-introduce you. You’re going to come out, and we’re going to cut that career-canceling comment you just made.”

Jason: What? Which part?
David: You remember when you called such and such a such and such?
Jason: But the audience loved it!
David: You’re not going to love it. We’re going to redo the top.

David’s mentoring moment saved Jason from inevitable regret and repercussions.

Jason didn’t ask David for mentoring. And David could have let Jason suffer the consequences of his actions. But based on David’s years of experience in the public eye, David intervened to prevent Jason from making an irreparable mistake.

David was not compelled by a personal agenda or self-interest. His mentoring moment was borne out of generosity and wisdom.

How can you create mentoring moments that are met with gratitude and make an impact?

1. Redirect.
When you see someone in harm’s way, help them pivot. This is what David Letterman did.

2. Share a Story.
Stories entertain, educate, and influence indirectly. “I remember when I was [in a similar situation], and here’s what happened to me.”

3. Nudge.
Using positive reinforcement and suggestions, we can influence behavior. “Here are two options you might consider.”

4. Role Model.
Through our own actions, we mentor others.

5. Make a Connection.
“Do you know Mary? She’s working on something similar. You might find value in connecting.”

6. Recommend a Resource.
“I found a book/article/podcast that has made a difference for me professionally.”

7. Offer Advice.
“May I share some unsolicited advice based on what I’ve heard? Take it or leave it.”

When we pause to consider, “How can I make a difference right now using my experience and perspective?” mentoring moments appear.

And, in an instant, those mentoring moments can powerfully extricate, influence, and contribute.

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