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I Want to Lead Like Yankees Manager Joe Girardi

NY Yankees Manager Joe Girardi made an error.

It was the bottom of the sixth inning in Game 2 of the ALDS against the Cleveland Indians. With two runners on bases and two outs, a batter foul-tipped a pitch off the knob of his bat. The umpire called it a “hit-by-pitch” which automatically walked the batter to first base. Girardi failed to challenge the call as a “strike” (which could have ended the inning). The next batter hit a grand slam, and the Indians eventually won the game.

Girardi was quickly criticized by fans and foe alike. And prior to Game 3 at Yankee Stadium, the crowd (Yankee fans!) booed Girardi.

His response, however, demonstrated his temperament, wisdom, and fortitude.

He said, “It’s no fun to be booed. But [the fans] are passionate and they want to win, and they get upset when we don’t win or when someone makes a mistake in their eyes. But you get the good side [of their passion] too. So that’s the trade-off. The only thing I can do is give my best to this team moving forward. And that’s what I’ll do.”

Girardi could have met haters with hate. He could have deflected attention from his mistake by pointing to others’ shortcomings. He could have defensively explained how hard his job is and how much he sacrifices to be a manager.

Instead Girardi remained unruffled. He made their boo’ing about his decision, not about him personally.

How? By looking for the why beneath their reaction: their passion. He acknowledged fans for it; he didn’t make them wrong for it.

It’s easy to react with anger and defensiveness. It’s even human nature to take things personally.

But it takes a Manager who Leads to respond with maturity, grace, and courage.

We Have Two Life Stories – Which One Runs Your Day?

We each have two life stories:

the one behind us, and
the one in front of us

The story behind us is our history, our experiences, our scars, our lessons learned. The story in front of us is our future, experiences to have, scars to acquire, lessons to learn.

The story behind us is rich with insights, perspective, and wisdom.
The story in front of us is ripe with opportunity, landscape, and wisdom to gain.

The story behind us is our comfort zone.
The story in front of us is our expandable, stretchable comfort zone.

The story behind us is our normal.
The story in front of us is our new normal.

We teach and mentor others based on the story behind us. We seek teachers and mentors for the story in front of us.

The story behind us is a colorful painting we created.
The story in front of us is a blank canvas ready to be painted.

The story behind us is unchangeable.
The story in front of us is ours to unfold.

Every morning we wake to one story we can do nothing about.
Every morning we wake to another story we can do everything about.

Is Being Right Getting in Your Way of Being in Relationship?

A mom wrote to the Social Qs columnist in the New York Times about her adult daughter, an actress who stars in many theater productions. Apparently, the daughter gets upset when the mom doesn’t bring flowers to every opening night or doesn’t compliment every performance.

The mom’s side: She’s being dramatic. I don’t think every performance or production is worthy of flowers or compliments.

Social Qs response: You could be right… and you get to choose. You can be right or you can be in relationship with your daughter.

Brilliant!

“Being right” typically stems from our upset when someone has not met our engagement expectations.

As an example, we expect a colleague to get back to us. When he doesn’t, we get frustrated or upset. And we justify our upset by being right and making him wrong.

But focusing on being right about the situation makes it difficult to improve the process and move forward in our relationship with our colleague.

Why? Because “being right” involves criticizing, blaming, and judging. And no one likes being in a relationship feeling criticized, blamed, and judged. It threatens the relationship’s foundation of trust.

Kenneth Ziegler, CEO of Logicworks, gets it. He works with, in his words, incredibly intelligent, whimsical personalities who often engage like a dysfunctional family. But Ziegler says his job is to make people successful. So he exercises patience for the varying degrees of dysfunction, as long as people follow the rules and don’t act like they’re more important than the company or their team.

Ziegler understands that to help people be successful, he needs to be in relationship with them. Making people wrong about how they function and engage would threaten those relationships and sabotage his commitment.

Joy at work and in life depends on our relationships.

Suddenly, being right seems so sophomoric.

Are You Comparing Your Insides to Their Outside?

Marcia Washington, an Australian musician and songwriter, received Best Female Artist and Breakthrough Artist awards in 2010. She is so popular in Australia that she is known mononymously as “Washington.” She sings and plays piano and guitar. She’s young, adorable, stylish, and living her passion. She is the envy of many.

And yet what we don’t see on the outside is Marcia’s exhausting insecurity over her speech challenges. When she’s not in front of an audience, Marcia painfully stutters.

Alcoholics Anonymous members often quote the axiom: “Don’t compare your insides to other people’s outsides.”

Our feelings. Their appearances.

When we compare our self-doubts and fears (our insides) to other people’s bravado, possessions, adventures, and Facebook updates (their outsides), we sabotage our confidence and risk our success.

The reality is that Facebook posts do not reveal the whole story. People are constantly painting a positive self-portrait in order to salvage their own self-esteem.

So how do we stop the seemingly inevitable comparison?

Break the voyeuristic addiction to social media (it’s just a self-portrait!)
Up the compassion quotient (remember, everyone struggles with something)
Engage a reality check (every hotshot is battling an insecurity)
Create authentic conversations (bring your insides and outsides together)
Watch the movie Inside Out
Read the book Everybody Lies
Forgive… ourselves and others

The only person we should be comparing ourselves to today is the person we were yesterday… Are we wiser and kinder today than we were yesterday?

From Jersey Strong to Florida Resilient

When I learned about a woman in Miami who delivered her own baby during Hurricane Irma, I knew Floridians would endure.

While first responders could not physically reach the woman in labor due to the torrential winds and rain, a doctor, a dispatcher, and paramedics coached her through her own labor via a conference call.

That’s resilience – the ability to recover from adversity, and persevere. And it’s their own resilience that will galvanize Floridians.

When Superstorm Sandy hit New Jersey in 2013, the downgraded Category 1 hurricane left my town without power for a week. And that felt apocalyptic. But it pales in comparison to the catastrophic devastation that the ferocious Category 4 Hurricane Irma just inflicted on Florida.

And yet, in the weeks and months ahead, we will bear witness to remarkable determination, tenacity, and grit.

The people of Florida will rise like the Phoenix from the ashes.

And when they do, they will inspire and embolden the rest of us to triumph over whatever challenge or misfortune we may face.

The phrase “Jersey Strong” became the mantra that reminded New Jerseyans daily that they are stronger than the storm.

Floridians will need their own battle cry, and “Florida Resilient” seems appropriate already!

0 Houston Heroes Practice the Ben Franklin Habit

Benjamin Franklin started every morning asking himself, “What good shall I do today?”
And during Hurricane Harvey, we watched the Heroes of Houston put Franklin’s practice into action:

1. The Bakers Baked All Night
When bakers at El Bolillo Bakery were trapped inside the bakery during the storm, they worked around the clock baking through 4,000 pounds of flour. When the rain stopped, the owner drove the loaves of bread around Houston, donating them to first responders and shelters.

2. Mattress Mack Offered his Inventory
Jim McIngvale (nicknamed “Mattress Mack”), owner of Gallery Furniture chain, opened some of his stores for displaced people to spend the night on his inventory.

3. The Human Chain that Saved a Man
More than twenty strangers formed a human chain to rescue an elderly man from his sinking SUV.

4. A Man in his Boat Rescued Neighbors
When a boat owner set out in his boat to help people, he declared, “I’m going to go try to save some lives.” And many boat owners followed in his wake.

5. Houston SPCA Rescued 200 Dogs
Volunteers worked tirelessly to rescue dogs stranded on rooftops and get them into shelters.

6. The Louisiana Cajun Navy Showed Up
Volunteers from Baton Rouge, LA drove their boats 9 hours to help rescue residents.

Why? As one volunteer put it, “The best way you can thank somebody for helping you is to go help somebody else.”

Why do we need a Ben Franklin habit? Because it’s hard to live a joy-filled life without doing good. It’s like letting toxins in the house and then consciously living there.

So how do we do good without waiting for a catastrophic event?

Be interested in others
Pause before assuming bad intent
Let people/cars jump in front
Pick up trash
Give compliments to strangers
Send thank you cards
Offer a helping hand
Tip generously and often
Donate regularly

Doing good takes action and intentionality, not just a crisis.

Do you have a Ben Franklin habit? (Email it to me – I’d love to be inspired by you!)

0 Worry Like a Warrior

In the movie, Bridge of Spies, lawyer James Donovan represents convicted Soviet KGB spy Rudolf Abel during the Cold War. At his sentencing, Donovan asks Abel, “Are you worried?”

Abel replies innocently, “Do you think that would help?”

Of course not! So then why do we worry? It’s our reaction to a perceived threat. And without the ability to fight or flee that threat, we get stuck in torturous thought.

A Harvard study recently revealed that 47% of our time is spent lost in thought. Instead of being engaged in our current activity or the immediate surroundings, we ruminate about the past and worry about the future.

The problem with worrying? We focus on uncontrollables, fear the uncertainty, and fixate on the nonpresent.

Here are 3 ways to Worry Like a Warrior:

1. Converge on Controllables.
Worrying about that which we cannot control is wasted time and energy. Watching the news, for example, reinforces our helplessness which then increases the intensity and impact of our worrying. We can sympathize with those who suffer without also suffering. Instead of worrying about an uncontrollable, let’s think about ways we can make a difference and express our sympathy.

2. Change Lost-in-Thought Time to Process-in-Thought Time.
Some activities are prone to auto-pilot. When I walk my dog, I have blocks of lost-in-thought time. But when I intentionally set out on my walk with an identified problem to solve or a situation to prepare for, my lost-in-thought time becomes process-in-thought time.

3. Practice Shisa Kanko
This Japanese skill cultivates our mindfulness by stimulating our five senses, forcing us to stay connected to immediate activities. Literally it means checking and calling, and that simple act aligns our thoughts and actions, making mind-wandering almost impossible.

When over half of our lives are spent in our thoughts, we are best served to make them valuable thoughts!

Types of Happy Lives-Which One Will You Create Today?

According to psychologist Martin Seligman, founder of positive psychology (the study of happiness and emotional health), there are 3 types of happy lives:

Pleasant life
Engaged life
Meaningful life

Pleasant life: we gain happiness from pleasures, such as money, cars, toys, hobbies, adventures, and vacations
Engaged life: we gain happiness by creating social connections and fostering strong relationships
Meaningful life: we gain happiness by using our strengths and gifts to help others

Unfortunately, but not surprisingly, the easiest one – pursuing a pleasant life – has little bearing on our overall happiness and satisfaction…. that is, without engagement and meaning.

Seligman found that the pursuit of pleasures only mattered when it was complemented by engagement and meaning.

Matthieu Ricard, a Tibetan Buddhist monk explains, “Thinking about yourself all the time and how to make things better for yourself is exhausting, stressful, and a quick route to unhappiness.”

O.K. Conceptually, it’s ideal to pursue a meaningful life, but how does all of this apply in the reality of our days?

Through moments.

An engaged and meaningful life must first start with engaged and meaningful moments.

Lucky for us, opportunities to engage with others and create meaning (while pursuing pleasures) are plentiful!

Example:

Boss Pleasant: “I need the team to sell more so I can get my bonus.”
Boss Engaged: “Employee, how are the kids and what are your career goals this year?”
Boss Meaningful: “May I offer you some mentoring that might help you reach your goals?”