Search Results for: Not for me

Fluffy found Trevor backstage and boldly made him an offer: “Come on the road with me. I want to expose you to my audience – I think they will love you.”

Reflecting on this conversation, Trevor acknowledged, “One of the greatest gifts you gave me was putting me in front of audiences that never otherwise would have seen me. I wouldn’t have become the host of The Daily Show without you.”

Trevor asked his mentor, “Why did you bring me on the road with you?”

Fluffy: “You were different, so unique. I look at the entire show from the fan’s experience and ask, ‘Are people going to enjoy it from the beginning to the end? Or are they just sitting there waiting for me?’”

Fluffy continued: “When other people put on a kick-ass show, it makes me work harder because now I have to perform better than I’m used to performing. It makes me a better comic.”

Mentoring is often seen as an altruistic, pay-it-forward act. But let’s also appreciate the selfishness that can steer us into mentoring.

Fluffy deliberately took Trevor under his wing, but not philanthropically. He wasn’t wandering the streets of LA, wondering whose career he could ignite.

Fluffy identified an opportunity to benefit from mentoring Trevor. He was confident that while he helped Trevor, Trevor could help him.

Yes, mentoring is deeply rooted in and fueled by altruism. But altruism alone does not typically compel action.

The pursuit of success compels action. Fluffy’s commitment to the success of his show drove him to seek out Trevor and offer him the opening act.

A selfish quest for success and a selfless commitment to make a difference can and do co-exist. When Trevor became Fluffy’s opening act, Fluffy committed to mentoring Trevor: expanding Trevor’s audience, teaching him about the business, and advising him on cultivating an audience.

What selfish reason do you have to mentor? 

Could mentoring others:

• earn points on your clinical ladder or support a certification or doctorate journey?
• demonstrate your leadership?
• improve your confidence?
• shift your team’s performance?
• help onboard, engage, and retain your organization’s coveted new employees?
• expose you to different departments, job levels, or generations?
• expand your network?
• change your attitude at work?
• inspire your own growth?

There’s power in selfish selflessness – the reciprocal nature of your mentoring relationship will alchemize you and your Mentee.   

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

1. Go to law school.
2. Move away from home.
3. Live near your mom at the end of her life.

With each piece of mentoring, I pivoted my path: I graduated from law school, I moved from Chicago to San Francisco, and I moved back home to share my mom’s last few years.

Go to Law School
I was captivated by my business law class in high school, but I never considered law as a career path. My mom noticed my interest and suggested, “Women can be lawyers. You can go to law school.” (So I did and I am.)

Move Away from Home
As I graduated from law school, I struggled, searching for the next step. When Michael, a partner at the firm where I interned, shared his experience of moving away from home for a few years, he described it as the “Best thing I ever did.” (So I did and it was.)

Live Near Your Mom at the End of Her Life
While my mom and I have always been extremely close, I never considered moving back home. But then I met Cindy at a conference, and she shared her move home to Buffalo to spend time with her aging mom. Vulnerably, she revealed that her mom had recently passed and how grateful she was for the time they had together. (So I did and so am I.)

Each of these mentoring moments twisted the kaleidoscope for me. Once someone unveiled it through their suggestion or story, the path became a possibility.

The critical part, however, is not the mentoring I received; it’s that I was ready for it. When the words of advice showed up, I recognized them as gems. I was ready to take action.

To be clear, I have received additional kaleidoscope-twisting, path-pivoting advice throughout my life, but I was not a “ready-now Mentee” when that advice presented itself.

What does it mean to be a ready-now Mentee?

• Ready for change (or ready to embrace change that is happening)
• Curiously seeking guidance, ideas, and fresh perspectives
• Open to exploring, experimenting, and discovering
• Willing to be vulnerable and authentic
• Able to receive suggestions as contributions, not condemnations
• Eager to take action, improve, and grow

While it’s good practice to have a goal as you seek mentoring, being ready-now for mentoring is ultimately the game-changing best practice.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Loosely based on the Pop-Tarts origin story, Unfrosted tells the tale of the race between Kellogg’s and Post to create the first breakfast pastry in 1963.

Reflecting on his directorial debut experience, Seinfeld compared the simplicity of his stand-up comedy career with his role as a director. He never before needed to navigate so many personalities to create a fun environment.

Seinfeld shared this example:
“We had one guy from the props department blow up on the set. He lost his temper one time and started screaming at his underling. And I said, ‘We have to calm down. It’s a movie about Pop-Tarts! None of this matters!‘”

Seinfeld’s endeavor to diffuse and redirect is a mentor super skill.

We rightly extol a mentor’s “active listening“ skills – acknowledging and validating a mentee’s experience, helping them feel heard and felt (credit: Just Listen by Mark Goulston).

And yet, redirecting people out of their valley of despair is an equally powerful mentoring skill.

The secret? Leverage the trust that is created through active listening.

This foundation of trust promises contribution not condemnation, enabling the mentor to deliberately redirect the mentee through conversation.

• I hear you. You’re feeling frustrated/angry/disappointed. I might, too, in that situation.
• Here’s my perspective that could help us view this another way. (It’s a Pop-Tarts movie!)
• Let’s explore how to turn this into a learning experience or find a solution.
• What aspect would you like to focus on?
• How can I support you?
• What should we do next?

One of my mom’s superpowers is the ability to diffuse anger and upset. As a Managing Broker, she led an office of 100 personality-rich realtors in a Chicago suburb, and nothing rattled or riled her. Even when someone unleashed their anger on her, she remained unflappable.

Her benchmark response: “It’s OK. What’s the worst that can happen?“

I don’t have memories of my mom expressing stress or anger when we were kids. Instead, I remember her giving us space to vent, validating our emotions, diverting us with “what’s the worst that can happen,“ helping us devise solutions, and then championing our actions without rescuing us. A consummate mentor.

Today, when my team feels stressed, I remind all of us, “It’s just a mentoring program. No one’s going to die.“

We could call it a Pop-Tarts perspective! 

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

While mentoring is not therapy and mentors are not clinicians, their mentors’ advice transcends the various ways we contribute to others on a learning journey:

1. Engage as if it’s the only chance to make a difference. (Elizabeth Heaney, LPC, Asheville, NC)
Approach each mentoring conversation with piercing boldness and intention, seeking to make a deep connection rather than a perfunctory contact.

2. Never underestimate the impact of showing up for others. (Lauren Donnelly, Ph.D., LCSW, Allentown, PA)
Mentees might seek career advice and guidance, but they stay because of a mentor’s caring presence. Listening, validation, encouragement, and hope are cornerstones of a trusting relationship. As Dr. Donnelly mused, “Simply showing up for someone can give them the courage to show up for themselves.”

3. Offer exploration, not information. (Emily Kline, Ph.D., Boston, MA)
Mentees look to Google for research, expertise, and information. They seek out human beings to help them explore options and plunge into experiences.

4. Interrupting is collaborative, not rude. (Levi Riven, Ph.D. C. Pscyh. Ottawa Ontario)
While mentees often unpack situations by venting, the mark of a skilled mentor is the ability to redirect mentees and pivot a conversation from active listening and acknowledgment to analysis and advice.

5. Ideas alone are not enough. (Russell Siler Jones, Th.D., LCMHCS, Asheville, NC)
German psychiatrist Frieda Fromm-Reichmann: “The patient needs an experience, not an explanation.” Mentees change not from our ideas and advice but from their actions.

6. Illuminate the path, don’t take control. (Carolyn Jaroll, LCSW-C, CEDS-S, Baltimore, MD)
Mentors wrestle their well-intended proclivity to fix and rescue mentees – a disempowering and exhausting habit. Give people the space and grace to find their own way.

7. Just say, “Wow.” (Diane Solomon, Ph.D. PMH-NP-BC, CNM, Portland, OR)
“Wow” validates the mentee while helping mentors actively listen.

8. Leave room for humor. (Samuel Pauker, M.D. New York, NY)
As Dr. Pauker reflected, “There is deep humanity in sharing humor.” Provided a bedrock of trust exists between mentor and mentee, humor can lighten the moment, decrease anxiety, and extend the connection.

9. Accept gratitude. (Anshan Mohamedali, Ph.D., Oyster Bay, NY)
Mentees say “thank you” to acknowledge the insights, ideas, advice, and perspectives that mentors share. There is no need to deflect their gratitude or downgrade the advice. Simply say, “You’re welcome.”

When we mentor, people grant us the privilege of walking alongside them. We owe them a commitment to steadily hone our mentoring skills. Together, we emerge stronger.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

During his reign, Carson mentored rising comedians by delegating his desk. This provided them with an invaluable experience while exposing Carson to their talent.

Each year during his weeks-long vacation, Carson invited various guest hosts to helm the program, including Joan Rivers, Bob Newhart, Jerry Lewis, Garry Shandling, David Letterman, and Sammy Davis Jr.

When Carson retired in 1992, he confidently recommended Letterman to be his successor based on years of delegating his desk.

While NBC eventually chose Jay Leno, Carson continued to mentor Letterman, faxing him jokes for his monologues and offering him career guidance. When CBS approached Letterman with an opportunity to create a show to directly compete with Leno, Carson said, “Take it.”

To this day, Letterman attributes much of his career success to Carson’s profound influence. And, during his 33-year late-night legacy, Letterman continued the tradition of delegating the desk to various guest hosts, including Jimmy Fallon.

In 2022, late-night host Jimmy Kimmel started deploying guest hosts on his show, Jimmy Kimmel Live!, and Jimmy Fallon began using guest co-hosts on his show, The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon.

Surprisingly, Letterman’s successor, Stephen Colbert, has not (yet!) invited guest hosts to lead The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.

When Colbert’s appendix ruptured last year, he chose to cancel his show for three weeks instead of delegating his desk.

Rumor has it that Colbert feared a replacement would steal his limelight, so he opted instead to show re-runs during his absence.

Delegation hesitation is pervasive. Often resulting from insecurity, Colbert and managers everywhere fear:

• They will lose importance or value.
• The outcome will suffer under someone else.
• They lack the bandwidth or ability to explain and train.

However, not sharing the stage is ultimately a missed opportunity.

When done with clarity and championship, delegation becomes a collaborative partnership and an opportunity for mentorship.

Most significantly, delegation serves as tangible succession planning, providing vital exposure and experiences to nurture talent.

Moreover, delegating unburdens the delegator to confidently take a vacation or recover from unforeseen illness, pursue other projects, and contribute strategically. Carson would not have lasted 30 years on stamina and re-runs.

Only when we stop being the star and start developing stars can we shift from manager to leader.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

She ended her first season of mentoring conversations with comedic genius Carol Burnett, 90 and thriving.

During their lively discussion, Carol shared stories about two of her mentors, Gary Moore and Lucille Ball.

In the 50s, Gary Moore hired Carol to work on The Gary Moore Show. Every Monday, the cast gathered to read the script in preparation for Friday’s taping. Regularly at a script read, Gary would review a joke or punch line assigned to him and declare, “Give this to Carol” or “Give this to Bob.” “They can say it funnier than I can.” 

Carol reflected, “Gary wanted everyone to shine. I brought that concept to [The Carol Burnett Show]. It improves the show when everyone supports each other to look good.”

Carol learned a different lesson from her mentor, Lucille Ball. 

As Carol recalls, “Lucy often gave me advice. One time, she confessed that her husband, Desi [Arnez], was in charge of everything until they divorced. When Lucy found herself at the helm of the show, she decided to be strong and confrontational, like Desi. To her, this meant constantly telling people what was wrong and demanding that it be fixed. Lucy said to me, ‘Kid, that’s when they put the S on the end of my last name.'”

But while Carol wanted to be in charge, she admittedly hated confrontation. So, she took a different approach. When something wasn’t working with the script, she’d call the writers down and say, “Can you help me out here? I’m not really feeling this.” 

Two mentors, each with well-earned but disparate advice. 

Fortunately, advice is not meant to be implemented; it’s meant to be interpreted. Carol interpreted their advice for her situation. 

We are not required to execute a mentor’s advice like an order. Mentors – regardless of their title and status – want us to thoughtfully explore their contributions, not parrot them.

And so, mentoring requires self-awareness and self-confidence. When wisdom is offered, we must consider the context in which it was gained and apply what we need to our current situation. Doing so strengthens our critical thinking skills and confidence. 

Imitation might be the sincerest form of flattery, but it’s not the sincerest form of mentoring. Growth is.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

ps. Have you registered yet for our 2024-Q2 complimentary webinar?
“Unlock the Power of Mentoring Programs to Retain Nurses, Improve Leadership, and Strengthen Your Hospital”
Date: Tues May 16 @ 11am PT | 2pm ET
Register: https://us06web.zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_dFKVwhWVSMGrbMftJJmSLg#/registration

Higgins could have easily been describing John Stewart mentoring John Oliver.

In 2006, Oliver joined Stewart’s The Daily Show on Comedy Central.

For eight years, Oliver created and delivered comedic content alongside Stewart. Oliver won three Emmy Awards for his writing for The Daily Show, and when he guest-hosted for two months, audiences loved him.

“The Daily Show was my dream job. It was an incredible experience.”

And then in 2013, as Stewart was heading out on summer break, he said to Oliver, “When I come back, we need to talk about what you’re going to do next.”

That was a gut punch.

Oliver reflected, “It was horrible to hear. I never wanted to leave. I wanted to stay forever and for nothing to ever change.”

When Stewart returned, he encouraged Oliver to consider an offer from HBO to launch his own show.

“I hesitated. It was massively terrifying and incredibly intimidating to strike out on my own without Stewart protecting me. Comedy Central was my safe place.”

But safe places don’t foster growth, and Stewart knew that. He saw what Oliver couldn’t – a comedy powerhouse.

Since 2014, Oliver has hosted the HBO series Last Week Tonight, winning 16 Emmy Awards and two Peabody Awards.

And that’s what great mentors do – they unearth potential. They nudge their mentees out of the proverbial nest, challenging them to see and experience more.

Mentors twist the mentee’s kaleidoscope, urging, “Look what’s possible!”

Great mentors don’t abandon or discard their mentees. Instead, their relationships get redefined as their mentees pursue fresh paths and gutsy goals.

Mentoring is about growing and evolving. And sometimes, mentees need a push to stretch and progress, even if that frightens the mentee and unsettles the mentor. 

No one can grow and stagnate at the same time.

When I boarded the plane after law school to move to California for my first job, my mom – my first mentor – tucked a handwritten note into my bag.

It read, “I did my job. You belong to the world now.” 

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

A Hollywood legend, Jodie Foster has been acting in movies since she was a child, winning numerous awards during a career that has spanned over 50 years.

Conversely, her partner on this show, newcomer Kali Reis, is a professional boxing champion and only started acting in 2023. True Detective is her first major film.

During the interview, Jodie revealed that the writers originally intended the show to focus on Jodie’s character.

But, as Jodie shared, “I wanted to put Kali’s character’s story front and center to allow the central voice of the film to be an indigenous voice. So I reverse-engineered my character to support Kali’s character’s journey.”

Surprised, Christiane said, “That doesn’t happen very often.”

Jodie reflected confidently, “A funny thing happened when I turned 60: I realized that it’s so much more fun and more satisfying to recognize that it’s not my time; it’s someone else’s time.”

When Christiane asked Kali about Jodie’s mentoring, Kali laughed, “Working with Jodie Foster is like training with Mike Tyson in his prime.”

LaChanze Sapp-Gooding
Last weekend, actress LaChanze appeared on CBS Sunday Morning to explore her 40-year, award-winning career on Broadway.

During the interview, LaChanze highlighted the lack of diversity not on the stage but behind the stage – at the Broadway decision-making table.

Wanting to impact change, she stepped off the stage last year to become a Broadway producer. Her first project was Kimberly Akimbo.

LaChanze explained, “It’s important for people like me who have the access, who have the exposure, who have the relationships to leverage our positions to support young people who want to come into our business.”

Smiling playfully, she continued, “Some people will protest, ‘Well, I don’t know any black female lighting designers.’ And as a black producer, I can say, ‘Let me show you where they are.’”

Moving the Limelight
As Jodie and LaChanze discovered, mentoring is more than sharing advice, perspectives, and ideas. It’s even more than serving as a trusted guide.

Mentoring is about rooting for people.

And, as you progress in your career, mentoring involves adjusting the (proverbial and literal) spotlight onto the talent you see so that others can see it too.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

ps. Have you registered yet for our 2024-Q1 complimentary webinar?
“Unlock the Power of Mentoring Programs to Retain Nurses, Improve Leadership, and Strengthen Your Hospital”
Date: Thurs Feb 29 @ 11am PT | 2pm ET
Register: https://us06web.zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_Q692btvAQ72Ybi9JRvjlKA