Search Results for: Not for me

During the interview, Stephen asked Jack about working with his co-stars, Hollywood icons Gary Oldman and Kristin Scott Thomas.

In particular, Stephen was curious about Jack’s habit of going to work even when he’s not scheduled to perform.

Stephen: “Is it true you show up on days you’re not shooting just to watch them [Gary and Kristin] shoot?”

Jack smilingly confessed, “Yeah. I once hid behind the sofa and just observed.”

Stephen: “And what are you learning by doing that?”

Jack: “I like watching them make mistakes. Because they do – they make mistakes.”

He continued, “As a young actor, it’s important to watch legends like that make mistakes. Of course, they make fewer mistakes than good takes. But I go, ‘Oh, right.’” As if suddenly discovering that his mentors are human.

When Jack sees their imperfections, it normalizes his own – an important tactic to mitigate imposter syndrome while validating his learning journey.

People observe their mentors to inform their own actions and behaviors, including stumbles.

Watching someone we respect make a mistake,

• reduces our fear of making mistakes
• humanizes mentors, making them more relatable and less intimidating
• builds trust, strengthening the relationship
• promotes vulnerability and humility
• enhances learning

Mentoring doesn’t always entail sharing time-earned wisdom.

Mentoring often occurs in the space that lacks labels and targeted advice. 

When I became a new lawyer, I spent my first year shadowing senior associates and partners, observing their interactions with clients. This experience undoubtedly shaped my client engagement skills.

When I ventured into the world of public speaking, I intentionally observed seasoned speakers enthrall an audience, which greatly influenced my speaking style.

But I also bore witness to their missteps, a refreshing reprieve – their blemishes forgave my own. It uncloaked my formidable mentors and confirmed my learning process.

Mentoring only works when we pay attention. We must notice experienced professionals navigating situations, fumbling, and growing as they go… just like us.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Underscoring the profound impact mentoring has had on her success, she shares, “I didn’t get here on my own. There were people in my life who saw potential in me, who didn’t have to make the investment, who held out their hand and showed me the way.”

In 2009, when Michelle became the First Lady, she gathered all the living First Ladies together to connect, thank them for their service, and learn from them. She wanted to know about the challenges they faced and seek their advice, guidance, and support.

In a recent interview, Michelle reflected, “I am a product of the generosity of other people’s mentorship. So, the expectation of myself is that I give that back.”

During her time in the White House, Michelle started a mentorship program and created mentoring events, demonstrating that everyone has the time and capability to mentor, even the First Lady.

Michelle confessed, “It’s also selfish of me to mentor because I get a lot out of it. It’s the most fulfilling thing to watch another person benefit from something that I helped them do.”

Mentor Karen called me last week to express a similar sentiment, declaring, “I have some exciting news!”

She proudly described the transformation she witnessed in her mentee’s confidence throughout our mentoring program. Karen then announced that her mentee had asked for and received a significant role and salary bump at her organization.

Karen revealed, “My mentee never would have done that when we started working together!” Delighted by her mentee’s growth, Karen knew she helped make that possible.

Another mentor, Julie, summarized it enchantingly when she divulged, “Mentoring fills my cup.”

So, how do we find those people who want our mentoring? How can we demonstrate to others that we are available to contribute to their learning journey?

• Enroll as a Mentor in a formal mentoring program.
• Notice others taking on roles and experiences you’ve had and offer to mentor them in their transition.
• Launch a mentoring conversation: “What have you discovered so far? What help do you need next?”
• Create a mentoring circle or a mentoring event.
• Inform your manager and peers that you’re willing to mentor.

“Service is the rent we pay for living.” ~ Marian Wright Edelman (one of Michelle’s heroines)

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

During an interview with Adam Grant, Meyer explained his commitment to building a culture of excellence and care with three key reframes.

1. Peers First

Instead of “customers first,” Meyer promotes “peers first.” He instructs his employees that their first job when they come to work is to take great care of each other. 

The founder of Southwest Airlines, Herb Kelleher, took a similar “people first” approach. But he preached that when the organization takes care of its employees, they will care for the customers. Albeit a successful model, it places the onus on the organization to create that culture of excellence and care.

Meyer shifts that responsibility to the people. He expects people to create their own culture of excellence and care.

Meyer says, “You will be held accountable, even before how you treat our paying customers, for how you treat each other.”

2. Help People Grow by Not Helping

To help employees who want to grow, Meyer invites, “Help me understand what your aspirations are and what we can do to get out of your way so you can achieve them.”

Again, he intentionally places ownership for success in the hands of the employee.

This help-by-not-jumping-in-to-help approach reinforces that people are 100% responsible for their success.

As soon as a manager asks, “How can I support you?” or “How can I help you achieve that,” the responsibility becomes shared.

3. Focus on What Could Go Right

When faced with employees who are afraid to take risks, Meyer mentors, “What could possibly go right? What if this thing works? Will we be prepared for success?” 

Meyer explains, “It helps us dream bigger dreams when I ask that question. But it also helps us plan for success because many of our failures occur when we get caught up in the what-could-go-wrong stuff.”

Rescuing Not Required

As Meyer demonstrates with his mentoring-while-managing leadership, mentees don’t need to be saved.

They need to be challenged:

1. Are you taking great care of your peers?
2. What is in the way of your aspirations?
3. What could go right and are you prepared for that success?

Mentoring is more than just offering advice; it’s about empowering people to think differently and take action.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Years prior, Andrea had trained Carmy at her prestigious restaurant, Ever, and inspired him with her passion for food, people, and exceptional service. Carmy’s new restaurant, The Bear, reflects her influence.

At a celebration at Ever, Andrea and Carmy engage in the following mentoring conversation. His profound respect and reverence for her are palpable.

Carmy: Chef, I don’t think I ever got to tell you just how much I learned in this place

(Here, Carmy redirected their initial chitchat by acknowledging Andrea’s mentoring.)

Andrea: How much did you learn?

(Andrea didn’t deflect or run past it. Instead, she gave his appreciation space to expand.)

Carmy: It’s a lot. Thank you. 

Andrea: Well, I learned plenty myself. I learned that I want to sleep in more, go to London more, and go to a party and meet people live.    

(Here, Andrea candidly shared insights from her own learning journey.)

Carmy: That’s why you’re closing Ever? 

Andrea: Yes, but I got to do all the things I wanted to do the way I wanted to do them with the people I wanted to do them with, so I can’t ask more than that, really.

(Andrea’s fresh perspective gave Carmy pause; his reality suddenly altered.)

Carmy: huh.

Andrea: And now you’re starting.

(Here, Andrea shifts the spotlight back to Carmy.)

Carmy: It feels like I’ve been starting forever.

(Andrea’s sharing gave Carmy permission to meet her vulnerability with his own.)

Andrea: But I’ve heard your restaurant is wonderful. Congratulations, Carmy. Truly

(Andrea’s sincere compliment recognized Carmy’s commitment and dedication.)

Carmy: Thank you, Chef. Can I ask you something? What would you tell yourself when you were where I am?

(Here, Carmy noticed his need for guidance rather than compliments. He leaned into this moment to request advice from his mentor without any need to impress her or fear judgment.)

Andrea: I don’t think there’s any right thing to say that will make any difference… I think I would have told myself that you have no idea what you’re doing and, therefore, you’re invincible.

(At first, Andrea downplayed her wisdom and then rose to the request. She seized the opportunity to validate Carmy’s struggle while offering advice to ease his tortured quest for perfection.)

Andrea: Can I ask you something? Next time we see each other, will you please call me Andrea?

(She ended with a request to be a human being first and a mentor second.)

Carmy: Yes, Chef, thank you.

(He agreed but with admiration.)

Mentoring is notoriously defined as one person advising another – a simplistic, unrequited transaction.

Yet, the skill of mentoring is immensely more dynamic. A meaningful mentoring conversation unfolds like a dance where the partners listen on purpose, shifting their contributions as their exchange blossoms and the needs evolve.
Carmy and Andrea beautifully demonstrated this dance as they pivoted their conversation from recognizing to reflecting, perspective-sharing to advising, validating to encouraging.

Mentoring may start as a transaction, but a heartfelt exploration and learning journey inevitably leads to a transformation.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

In Chapter 6, Voss recommends that when pitching a manager for a new role or project, don’t be a body for a job. Be an ambassador of their success.

Doing so will validate their intelligence while recruiting an unofficial mentor at the same time.

How? Ask: “What does it take to be successful here?” 

This purposeful inquiry signals an invitation for their advice and guidance.

When someone gives us advice, the Advice Giver covertly hopes we follow it – our actions confirm their wisdom. 

So, the Advice Giver will observe our next move and stake a personal claim on our success.

With that one question, we offer the Advice Giver an opportunity to invest in us, like a mentor.

Advice Hesitation? 

If one question could rouse a champion…

• Why don’t we initiate more advice-inviting conversations?
• Why aren’t we sending out signals for guidance?
• Why don’t we stealthily recruit mentors from everyday connections?

Because conceding that we need advice or help can often feel vulnerable, an admission that we don’t have all the answers. This carries the burden of embarrassment, buttressed on a foundation of fear.

Get past that discomfort, and our world will be bursting with wisdom!

Advice-inviting is an empowering skill set, simultaneously requiring and fueling our confidence, courage, and curiosity.

7 Steps to Advice-Inviting:

1. Pick a person to learn from.
2. Acknowledge their value (“I noticed your recent success on X project.”)
3. Share a goal/transition/challenge/aspiration
4. Ask purposeful, advice-inviting questions:
   • What does it take to be successful here?
   • What did you learn when you did X? 
   • How did you make that decision?
   • What do you wish you had done differently? 
5. Listen for their contributions 
6. Take some action – experiment!
7. Follow up with results, insights, and gratitude.

Pick a problem. Pick a person. Pick their brain.

When we actively and regularly engage in advice-inviting conversations, we can drastically deepen our connections and outcomes.

Don’t worry about calling someone a “mentor” – purposefully invite their advice and their mentoring will follow.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

ps. Have you registered yet for our 2024-Q3 complimentary webinar?
“Boost Mentoring Participation: Harness Motivational Assessments to Drive Employee Engagement and Retention”
Date: Fri Aug 9 @ 10am PT | 11am MT | 12pm CT | 1pm ET
Register: www.mentorlead.com/webinars

Not surprising, for Shetty has long argued that compatibility is more important than chemistry in the world of romance.

This equally applies in the world of mentoring: compatibility eclipses chemistry.

What is compatibility? It’s about aligning interests, goals, and motivations to work together in harmony and navigate challenges with flexibility, forgiveness, and friendship.

Whether you’re on a love or learning journey, look for partners whose approach to life and work synch with yours.

Here are Shetty’s words in the new Match.com commercial.

“There are more ways than ever to meet someone, yet here we are, disillusioned and struggling to meet someone. Maybe it’s time we date differently. 

Take the pressure off that first date and focus on the conversation. Know your values and be curious about theirs. It’s okay to be vulnerable and ask deeper questions like, ‘What’s an experience you’d love to relive for the first time?’ To be more present, show up as your most authentic self and pay attention to the little things. 

So, throw out the checklist and commit to a plan. Give someone new a chance. I’m partnering with Match. Starting today, we challenge you to date differently.”

If he hadn’t said “date,” I would have bet Shetty was talking about mentoring!

Mentoring is a concept as old as time. And many people still believe that mentoring, like dating, will happen naturally, evolving from a professional or personal relationship.

As Shetty described, there are more ways than ever to connect, yet people struggle to find mentors. 

Instead of hoping a mentor will magically appear, let’s actively create the mentoring we want:

• Register for a structured mentoring program and be purposefully matched.
• Take the initiative on a networking or mentoring platform to search and connect – be a mentor and a mentee!
• Start with informational interviews and exploratory conversations.
• Kindle job shadowing, internships, apprenticeships, and on-the-job training.
• Infuse mentoring questions into everyday conversations, like “What did you learn when you…?”
• Post on LinkedIn that you are seeking a mentor or mentee (and why!).
• Share your goals and ask: “Who do you know who could help?”
• Join or create a mentoring circle to deep dive into a topic.
• Create a task force or advisory board to use as your sounding board.
• Invite a friend to engage in peer mentoring or as accountability buddies.
• Volunteer on committees, projects, or in the community to practice learning from new people.

Obi-Wan Kenobi is not coming. It’s time to mentor differently!

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

That is until the day an audience member walked up to me and sneered, “Go ahead, motivate me. This should be fun.” She may have been derisive, but she was right.

We can’t motivate people. Motivation is intrinsic – people must motivate themselves. What can we do? Inspire, influence, and encourage.

A similar challenge plagues mentoring programs:

• Find the mentor, then find the motivation, or
• Find the motivation, then find the mentor.

Program leaders often mistakenly recruit people who want a mentor instead of looking for motivated people ready to work with a mentor—a slight but essential nuance.

I conducted an informal poll earlier this year, and the results underscored this lack of motivation.

Poll: “Why have you not yet worked with a mentor?”
The number one answer: I don’t know what to talk about with a mentor.

In other words, when people aren’t motivated to create or change something, they have no burning need to seek a mentor’s advice, guidance, support, ideas, connections, resources, validation, or encouragement.

And that’s when we hear the banal, “I’m-so-busy.”

Regardless of how busy people are, when they are motivated, they make time. When they uncover their motivation, mentoring becomes the gateway.

But how do we identify our motivation? Intentionally.

My friend and colleague April Stensgard recently introduced me to MCode, an assessment designed to unearth motivations—the hidden forces that drive us.

Admittedly, when I took the assessment, I was not surprised by my motivational code; I was surprised that I had lost sight of what motivates me. The exercise ignited a fire I had forgotten.

From this fire springs goals!

The tipping point in any mentoring program occurs when we anchor mentoring to that which is important to participants – their motivations, their goals!

Anchors

• Onboarding to a new role, new skill, new organization
• Feeling stuck in a job
• Considering career directions
• Launching a project
• Weighing a path-pivoting opportunity
• Pursuing a degree or a certification
• Seeking a promotion (ex: clinical ladder)
• Struggling to meet manager expectations
• Engaging in a leadership program
• Executing a succession process

Mentors can’t spark the fire, but they definitely fan the flames.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

One of the hosts, Sean Hayes, asked her, “Has anyone come backstage to pop off about how you could make it better?”

Ironically, someone had! And Sarah was eager to tell the tale…

Actress Trish Hawkins came to see Sarah perform in a play called Tally’s Folly. Years before, Trish had played the same role as Sarah in the same play.

Two days later, Sarah received from Trish a six-page email with notes, observations, and recommendations for Sarah based on Trish’s prior experience.

Let’s assume that Trish was well-intended and merely meant to contribute to Sarah based on the wisdom she had gained in the same role.

The problem? Trish never asked if Sarah wanted any advice on improving her performance. And Sarah felt blindsided by Trish’s email—she didn’t ask for nor expect Trish’s advice.

To Sarah, Trish’s contribution felt like a condemnation, regardless of intention.

Insulted and incensed, Sarah tattled on Trish’s advice-bombing to 25 million listeners of the SmartLess podcast in retribution. She called Trish’s actions “outrageous!” 

When we’re unprepared to receive advice, we can easily feel judged and criticized.

In mentoring, we are called upon to get and give advice. So, what can you do differently to exchange wisdom?

When advice is unexpected, protect your confidence (and the relationship):

1. Assume good intent, albeit poor delivery.
2. Recognize and respect your “emotional boundaries” in different situations. Feeling vulnerable, insecure, or fragile is no state for incoming counsel.
3. Sift for good stuff, “What did you like about the performance?”
4. Pause the blitz, “Could we do this later?”
5. Stop reading any advice-filled email until you’re ready.
6. Playfully retort, “Darn. I wish I were in the right mindset to hear this!”
7. Resist revenge.

To contribute (without unintentionally condemning):

1. “I’ve had a similar experience! Let’s exchange war stories and insights when you’re ready.”
2. “My perspective is a bit different. Let me know when you think it might be valuable to you.”
3. “I’m happy to collaborate on ideas.”
4. “Would you consider…? What if…?”
5. “How can I help?”
6. “What has your experience been like? What have you learned?”
7. “How have you grown since you started this project?”

Advice is the heart of mentoring, and it only beats with compassion.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.