Search Results for: Not for me

In a recent interview about her Golden Globe-winning role in the movie, Everything Everywhere All at Once, Jamie Lee Curtis revealed her strategy for getting more on-screen time in movies.

“Don’t go back to your trailer. It is not your friend.”

When she filmed the 2019 movie Knives Out, director Rian Johnson called Curtis his MVP because she never left the set.

As a result, the director incorporated her into more scenes and shots than he had originally planned. She landed more opportunities to be in the film because she never retreated to her trailer.

Curtis calls this her “secret sauce.”

But why does it work? Trust.

We trust people we see, know, and share experiences with. We trust people who consistently show up. We trust people who support our projects and ideas. We want to engage with people who want to engage with us.

Curtis doesn’t just arrive when she needs to perform. She takes the initiative to engage and engross in her environment.

By not leaving the set, she builds and strengthens personal connections, gains valuable context, contributes fresh ideas, and supports the film’s success.

Similarly, mentees report extraordinary mentoring relationships when they immerse themselves in the experience:

• meeting in person or by video
• shadowing their mentor in meetings, rounds, or calls
• inviting their mentor to observe them in action
• reaching out regularly to request advice and ideas
• providing progress updates
• attending events or conferences together
• asking how they can contribute to their mentor

Of course, sending an email and waiting for a mentor to respond is easier. Of course, sitting in the trailer until a director calls for you to read the script is easier.

But if we value an opportunity or a connection, we must be willing to demonstrate it unconventionally, unexpectedly, and unabashedly.

So, get “on set!” Turn on the Zoom camera! Drive to an event! Meet in person! Go into the office! Jump on a plane! Attend a conference! Spark conversations! Invite ideas! Shadow! Marvel! Speak! Listen! Contribute! Linger! Absorb! Mentor! Delight!

Opportunities favor the involved.

© 2023. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

In the postgame press conference following the Eagles’ 38-35 loss to the Kansas City Chiefs, Jalen could have easily blamed his team, the referees, or a myriad of circumstances.

Instead, he mused, “You either win or you learn.”

I would have been impressed if that’s all I had learned about Jalen, but this 24-year-old demonstrates wisdom beyond his years.

At the end of the Super Bowl, Jalen walked to the locker room, skipping the traditional postgame on-field handshake with the Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes. Why? He was too emotional after his loss. Once Jalen regained his composure, he met Patrick to congratulate him.

A few days later, at another press conference, Jalen reflected, “Obviously, we had a big goal that we wanted to accomplish, and we came up short. The beautiful part is that everyone experiences different pains in life, but we get to decide if we will use them as teachable moments.

“And that is something that I control – how I want to respond.”

He then shared that he rewatched every play from the game, including his second-quarter fumble, remarking, “I’m going use all of these formative experiences to better myself, grow, and help the guys around me to move forward.”

And Jalen’s leadership did not end there. When asked about the Eagles’ Offensive Coordinator Coach, who is leaving to become the Coach of the Indianapolis Colts, Jalen responded,

“I give Coach Steichen a lot of credit for the things he’s taught me and this team as a motivator, leader, and coach. He’s been the world for us.”

Again, despite his disappointment, Jalen suggested, “You want to give people opportunities to chase their dreams. I know he’s going to do a great job for Indianapolis.”

And then an extraordinary thing happened. The reporters and videographers thanked Jalen for his professionalism all season. They acknowledged him! Why? Because Jalen made their jobs more enjoyable with his consistent graciousness and maturity. (Unsurprisingly, Jalen reciprocated the gratitude.)

Jalen’s Leadership Lessons:

• Win or learn
• You can only control your response
• Walk away to manage emotions
• Rewatch the game and reflect
• Use every experience to grow
• Help others move forward
• Cheer people who chase their dreams
• Treat everyone with respect

© 2023. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Colin Farrell, winning the Golden Globe for Best Actor for The Banshees of Inisherin this year, acknowledged his director, Martin McDonough: “Fourteen years ago, you changed the trajectory of my life forever in ways that I will be grateful to you for the rest of my days.”

Ke Huy Quan, winning the Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actor for Everything Everywhere All at Once this year, immediately thanked his first boss Stephen Spielberg for giving him a chance when he was a child actor.

Austin Butler, winning the Golden Globe for Best Actor for Elvis this year, thanked Denzel Washington for “championing me when you did not have to.” (After Washington and Butler starred together on Broadway, Washington recommended Butler to Elvis director Baz Luhrmann.)

When Sheryl Lee Ralph won an Emmy for Outstanding Supporting Actress for Abbott Elementary in 2022, she praised her mentor, the show’s creator Quinta Brunson, for being in her corner.

When Ben Platt won a Tony for Leading Actor for Dear Evan Hansen in 2017, he gushed, “Dad, you’re my hero – you taught me that you have to be a decent human being to be a decent artist.”

When Jamie Foxx won an Oscar for Best Actor for Ray in 2005, he shared the words his grandmother often said to him, “Stand up straight. Put your shoulders back. Act like you’ve been somewhere.”

When Julia Roberts accepted her Oscar for Best Actress for Erin Brockovich in 2001, she heartfully thanked film director Steven Soderberg: “You truly made me want to be the best actor that I never knew I could be or aspire to.”

When Tom Hanks accepted his Oscar for Best Actor for Philadelphia in 1994, he revealed, “I would not be standing here if it were not for Mr. Rawley Farnsworth, my high school drama teacher who taught me to act well the part, there all the glory lies.”

But it was record producer Jimmy Iovine, inducted into the Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame in 2022, whose acceptance speech specifically identified mentoring as the gateway to success.

He emphasized, “Thank the people who mentored you and try to return all those favors by being some kind of mentor for somebody else whenever you can. Because the truth is that no one gets to a moment like this alone. So, to all who made my life story possible, thank you!”

We don’t get to any significant moment, mission, or milestone alone. Is it time to return the favor?

© 2023. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Reflecting on the articles I wrote for you each week in 2022, I’m resharing the 8 that generated the most conversation:

Five Questions to Seize Our 4,000 Weeks
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-5-questions-to-seize-our-4000-weeks/

Three Roadblocks to Advice (and the Way Around Them)
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-3-roadblocks-to-advice-and-the-way-around-them/

Obsession Beats Talent
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-obsession-beats-talent/

More Insights Less Information
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-more-insights-less-information/

My High School Mentor Mentored Me Again
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-my-high-school-mentor-mentored-me-again/

When Jack Followed His Passion
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-when-jack-followed-his-passion/

When My Boss Invited Me to Mentor Him
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-when-my-boss-invited-me-to-mentor-him/

When We Cheered for the Farmer and the Calf
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-when-we-cheered-for-the-farmer-and-the-calf/

It is a joy to be on this bigger-better-bolder journey with you! Wishing you a seminal year ahead!

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Instead of hiding behind the eggnog, here are seven strategies to improve the adventure of these interactions:

1. Edit.
It is not necessary to react to everything you notice, feel, or experience. Instead, edit your comments for the outcome you desire.

2. Mute your face.
While you might successfully prevent an unpleasant comment or curse from becoming audible, your face could easily betray you with a daggered scowl or theatrical eye-roll. So, if you mute some words, don’t forget to mute your face.

3. Seek space.
Space offers you the freedom to choose a response instead of emotionally blurting a reaction. Seek to add physical and sequential space between an instigator and your response. How? Try a Pause Button Statement, like “I wasn’t expecting that. Give me a moment to catch up.”

4. Huh!
Provided it’s said with sincerity, “Huh!” is a hip-pocket space-creator. Along with “Interesting!” “That makes sense!” and “That’s a good point,” “Huh” communicates engagement, acknowledgment, and curiosity.

5. Tell me about…
With three simple words, you can validate someone and their experience. (Caution: don’t kill the gesture by being a lazy listener.)

6. Compliment unabashedly
No one is inconvenienced by genuine praise. And “That’s amazing!” or “You look terrific!” or “This food is delightful!” will spark a chorus of compliments, allowing the receiver to feel appreciated – what a gift!

7. Say, “Thanks for thinking of me!”
Regardless of the caliber of the present, someone thought of you! For that, be flattered and gracious.

Happy Holidays!

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

In self-directed mentoring programs, people show up with a purpose: a goal. They then use the search & connect tools to find a mentor who can contribute to that goal.

The goal ignites the search for a mentor.

Conversely, in managed programs, the emphasis is on recruiting and matching participants. And the notion of a “goal” is relegated to an agenda item at the program kickoff.

The match prompts the need to find a goal.

Unfortunately, this “find some goal!” approach leaves many mentees cringing at the thought of “another thing to do.” They often disregard or dismiss their mentors if they can’t think of one, claiming, “I’m too busy!”

Without a goal, mentees often flounder, confused about how or why to engage.

But when a mentee is fueled by a compelling purpose, they become determined to find a mentor to obtain the advice they need, thus prioritizing the relationship with unfettered resolution.

Whether in a self-directed or managed program, prioritize your goal before a match. Identify your “why” before your “who.”

Wait! What if the word “goal” feels daunting or brazen? What if it’s confronting to create a plan for the future when you can’t even see around the corner?

Pick a “mentoring focus” instead.

What is a mentoring focus? An area of your life where you urgently need a thought partner, a champion, an advocate, a trusted advisor, a guide, or a confidante. For example,

•  improving a current situation
•  handling an in-the-moment crisis
•  taking on a new project
•  grappling with an obstacle or a decision
•  navigating a transition

Sure, big, hairy, audacious goals are borne out of aspirations for a better horizon. But we only get there with a multitude of small steps. And those steps require a focus – your why for embracing a mentor.

When you have a captivating cause, a mentor becomes the gateway to your future!

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

The mentors in this program are eager to make a difference and slightly nervous about their efficacy. Exactly how I want my mentors – hungry and humble! 🙂

During the training, a mentor voiced a collective concern:
“What if it doesn’t work out?”

I deliberately inquired, “What specifically might not work out?”

This gave them pause, so I probed.

“Are you concerned that…

• your mentee won’t find time to connect?
• you won’t bond with or even like your mentee?
• you won’t know what to talk about?
• you won’t have the right advice to offer?
• your mentee won’t transform through this process?”

When I saw multiple heads nodding over Zoom, it confirmed my suspicion – they’re worried they won’t be good mentors!

I offered the following guidance…

5 questions to consider before giving up:

1. Have I persevered in making contact?

Engage multiple communication tools until you make contact with your new mentoring partner: phone, text, email, LinkedIn, and feet (walk to their office/unit if possible). Don’t wait or make assumptions before you’ve even said “hello!”

2. Have I worked on building trust?

Engage get-to-know-you questions to turn this stranger into a friend quickly. Be curious, find commonalities, and share something personal – your mentee will follow your lead. Through tenacity, we can create connection with different and difficult personalities.

3. Have we identified a goal or an objective?

Mentors serve by (1) critically thinking with mentees around goals, and (2) being a confidant when mentees grapple with an in-the-moment crisis. Each situation brings direction and purpose to your conversations.

4. Am I exploring options, ideas, and insights?

To support their growth, help a mentee explore options and ideas; then encourage action and identify insights from their results. (And it doesn’t matter if they follow or ignore your advice!)

5. Do I know when we’re meeting next and what to expect?

Create a cadence and ensure expectations are clear, communicated, and confirmed regularly. If expectations are not being met, you can re-negotiate your agreement or withdraw your commitment.

When Mentees don’t show up literally or figuratively, there is always a reason: insecurity, intimidation, confusion, fear, self-sabotage, or overwhelm – each a crisis calling us to mentor, not surrender.

We must make the mentoring experience personal but not take it personally.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

And then, through a virtual book club, I had the privilege of listening to an interview with the author in which he shared his experience and perspectives on writing this book in 2019.

Even before the pandemic caused a tsunami of isolation, Mike chose loneliness as the focus of his story.

During the interview, he reflected on his cacophony of characters, noting how each addressed their loneliness by connecting with strangers and creating a community.

As he concluded his comments, Mike left us with this gift: “We are the answer to each other’s problems.”

And that is why I love mentoring – we are the answer to each other’s problems. From crisis to critical thinking, we are better grappling and tackling coupled than siloed.

“No one needs new friends.” I have flippantly said this to mentoring program leaders during our strategy sessions, imploring them to devise a more compelling reason for people to enroll in mentoring.

But I’m now eliminating that proclamation. Because we could all use new friends, champions, comrades, advocates, and allies at work and in life.

In a new study, researchers discovered that feeling lonely is more damaging than smoking, adding almost two years to our biological age and increasing our risk of Alzheimer’s, diabetes, and heart disease.

In 2017, the U.S. Surgeon General called loneliness a “growing health epidemic.” And in 2018, London appointed a Minister of Loneliness to combat its country’s loneliness problem.

Fortunately, innovative anti-loneliness ideas have been popping up around the world:

>> Shared Lives, a home-sharing initiative, matches lonely retirees with young people needing a place to live.

>> Men’s Shed Movement connects retired/unemployed men through activities like woodworking and repairing electronics.

>> HostNation pairs refugees with volunteers in their neighborhood.

>> Intergenerational Care Homes combine childcare and eldercare by placing preschools inside retirement homes.

And just like that, your organization’s mentoring program takes on a new purpose: combatting loneliness.

We can enrich any mentoring experience by remembering that we are the answer to each other’s problems.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.