Search Results for: Not for me

• Have we had the spotlight on the wrong participant this whole time?
• What if mentoring is really all about the Mentor?
• What if the Mentee is simply tangential?

A recent study found that people actually benefit more from giving advice than from receiving it.

Because giving advice compels people (Mentors) to re-evaluate themselves and their environments from a different perspective.

What if the person who is new to company, new to role, new to skill, or new to leadership (aka the Mentee) is merely just a vehicle to allow the Mentor the experience of reflecting, examining, sharing, and then reinforcing their own wisdom?

A Mentor in one of our programs, Chris shared, “Being a mentor forced me to critically think about my success as a leader so I could communicate that to my Mentee. And then I noticed that I started applying my own advice to lead my team better – lessons that I had previously forgotten. Suddenly I was a better leader, and I wasn’t even the one getting mentored!”

Like Chris, each time I mentor someone, the process surprises me. By imparting insights and advice, my leadership improves, and my confidence gets a boost!

Here’s more evidence of mentoring’s significant impact on Mentors:

• Mentors are 6x more likely to get a promotion than people who don’t mentor (vs. Mentees are 5x)
• 28% of Mentors get a raise (vs. 25% of Mentees and 5% of managers who do not serve as a Mentor)
• 90% of Mentors rediscover their unique perspectives, recall and redeploy wisdom earned, strengthen their own skills

Of course Mentees benefit from mentoring! But that’s table stakes in this game. Why settle for minimum expectations in your program or for your own participation?

When mentoring has the power to upskill the Mentor in every conversation, in every relationship, in every program… why wouldn’t you readily, consistently, and enthusiastically mentor others? 

Unequivocally, the events across the country this past week are demanding, even begging for, a pivot.

But after the outrage and the protests, what can we do individually and locally to engender a more diverse and inclusive society and workplace? Start mentoring.

“Ultimately this issue won’t just be resolved through laws and policies, but also at the human-to-human connection level,” Dana Brownlee, author of “Here are 10 Actions You Can Take to Promote Racial Justice in the Workplace.”

Brownlee continues, “Fear is often the root of bigotry, and one of the best antidotes for erasing fear is knowledge and familiarity.”

Frank Dobbin and his peers argue in the Harvard Business Review article entitled, “Diversity Management in Corporate America,” “It’s difficult to train away stereotypes. But mentoring programs offer a welcomed opportunity to engage in the solution instead of stare at the problem.”

Another HBR article entitled “Everyone Who Makes It Has a Mentor” asserts that mentors serve as the social connections that are critical to success at work and in life.

Here’s how the magic of mentoring instills diversity and inclusion:

1. Intentionally place diverse employees in direct contact with people who are connected, who can help them move up, who can offer advice, and who can open doors.
2. Through the experience of getting to know these diverse employees in a more intimate way and cultivating connections with and for them, “people who are connected” typically divest their stereotypes organically.

This creates a more diverse and inclusive culture created by the people instead of merely forced upon the people.

“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” ~ James Baldwin, novelist and playwright.

The students’ reaction: irritation from working on challenging (and seemingly irrelevant) problems.
Their meaningful response: perseverance in search of a solution.

Similarly, it’s not about the pandemic or the quarantine (or even about toilet paper!). It’s about persevering in the face of unpredictability. It’s about finding ways to triumph with limited resources.

Our (understandable) reactions: frustration, fear, and anger in a world that feels out of our control.

David Kessler, author of Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, recently reflected on the pandemic, “We are feeling a collective loss of the world we all lived in before.”

He continued, “We must find meaning, not in the loss, but in our response. Meaning is what we do next.”

Let’s acknowledge some things “we have done next”:

• We have learned to leverage technology.
• We have reconnected with family and friends.
• We have continued to work, exercise, and attend school from home.
• We have improvised birthday parties and celebrations.
• We have architected new structures, routines, and memories.
• We have re-evaluated our priorities and commitments.
• We have expanded our contributions at work and in the community.
• We have re-invented how we deliver products and services.(e.g. The Twisted Citrus restaurant in North Canton, Ohio mounted shower curtains between tables to innovatively create “social distance” while meeting their financial need for many diners.)

And we met what was once deemed an impossible challenge: to slow down our world.

But ultimately, it’s not about the pandemic.

It’s about our response to it: determination, resourcefulness, initiative, grit, creativity, strength, kindness, gratefulness, intentionality, and courage.

And then my colleague Melissa Crimmins, founder of BuiltHive, called me. I’m on her Advisory Board, and she was seeking a brain-exchange, a need-your-perspective call, a wisdom swap, a quick mentoring conversation.

I jumped at the chance to change the scenery (figuratively!).

Suddenly, I forgot my fatigue. I felt energized – I was making a difference! I was helping someone move forward, and ironically that helped me move forward.

The bonus? I didn’t walk away with action items or another project. I walked away with a sense of accomplishment and some insights for my own work.

Here’s why your mentoring is more important than ever before:

• Loneliness is at an all-time high
• Fear is running rampant
• Transitions, pivots, and cross-skilling are causing imposter syndrome
• Stuck is prevailing over resilience
• Being “non-essential” feels personal

People need you! They’re starved for your fresh perspectives, new ideas, sound advice, teachings, insights, and encouragement!

Easy ways to get started:

• Join the mentoring, connecting, or buddy program at your organization
• Offer to brain exchange with others
• Lead a learning circle around a topic, a book, or a skill
• Organize a roundtable to wisdom swap with peers
• Let your boss and HR know you want to mentor
• Volunteer for a community mentoring program
• Add to your email signature block: “Available to mastermind!”
• Invite LinkedIn connections to brainstorm and share ideas

I promise, you won’t be bombarded. People don’t abuse mentors; they revere them.

“Maybe mentorship is just realizing the humanity in each of us and being there as equals with one another through an uncertain time.” – Alexandar Perez, a mentee at Weill Cornell Medicine.

I once had a client abandon their mentoring program because, in her words, “We are too busy for mentoring.” And I’ve had a mentee confess, “I just got a new role, so I don’t have time for mentoring. I’m dropping out of the program.”

But while it may not be urgent, mentoring is important as we navigate unchartered territory.

Why? Because mentoring is the circulation of wisdom. It’s the intentional exchange of advice, perspectives, and ideas for the purpose of accelerating success.

Look. Obi-Wan Kenobi is not coming. No one is going to save us, so we better learn to save ourselves… together.

When faced with change or crisis, we can circulate wisdom to:

• collect new ideas to help us innovate through the change or crisis
• identify our blindspots that may be hindering our success
• acclimate to and succeed in a new role or responsibility
• rediscover our own resilience as we integrate the new normal
• learn to cultivate calm and vigilance, not fuel frenzy and fear

But we cannot merely hope that we acquire the wisdom we need for the challenges we face. We must ensure that we do.

How? Deliberately create mentoring opportunities:

• schedule Advice Interviews with others regularly
• involve peers in generating solutions
• seek a variety of perspectives to make better decisions
• invite people to share their experiences and ideas
• turn strangers into connections using curiosity
• encourage and support mentoring programs to foster a culture that eagerly exchanges advice, perspectives, and ideas

When you feel too busy or overwhelmed for mentoring, consider wrestling that chaos, change, or crisis on your own, lacking essential wisdom.

Now more than ever we need to learn from each other. When nothing is certain, mentoring forges possibility.

In my favorite episode, Alex chooses Brian Dunkleman, comedian, actor, and the first host of American Idol.

In Brian’s words, he foolishly quit Idol after one season because he was unable to demonstrate his true acting talents on the show. The producers were irate, and he was never hired in Hollywood again – even his manager stopped calling. They called Ryan Seacrest instead.

Seventeen years later, Brian is broke, divorced, and driving for Uber to survive. He lost everything, including his confidence.

When Alex showed up to mentor Brian out of this rut, he:

• explored Brian’s finances, talents, skills, and passions
• uncovered Brian’s interest in real estate
• arranged for Brian to shadow a real estate magnate
• introduced Brian to his CFO to help negotiate his debt

But Brian rejected every idea Alex suggested by unloading a plethora of excuses.

Alex was unfazed – he didn’t take it personally, but he also didn’t tolerate the excuses. Instead, he shared his perspective of Brian’s situation and his expectations.

Some highlights:

• ”You’re letting your life be defined by your mistakes.”
• ”How do you win if you’re not constantly preparing to win?” 
• “You need to wake up every day with your hair on fire, willing to grind!”
• “You have to leverage your PHD – poverty, hunger, and drive. You are poor, but you’re not hungry and driven.”

And then Alex delivered an ultimatum: “Brian, if you’re not in it, I’m not in it.”

After a few days of sulking, Brian finally admitted that his excuses made it easier to hide when life got hard.

As the show concluded, Brian was studying for the real estate exam, paying off his debt, and feeling confident again.

Alex did not have all the answers, nor did he solve Brian’s problems for him. But like a great Mentor, Alex offered advice, perspectives, ideas, encouragement, connections, resources, and some tough love.

Sometimes Mentees get stuck in the valley of despair. But if they could see beyond their own excuses, they wouldn’t need a Mentor!