Blog Archives - Page 45 of 55

Add Some Gusto to that Gratitude!

Woo-hoo! The annual holiday to be more grateful has arrived!

And every year, experts apprise us of all the benefits we could reap personally by being more grateful: lower blood pressure, less stress, better sleep, stronger mental clarity, happiness…

But what about the influence that being grateful can have on others?

There are two behavioral theories that get triggered when we acknowledge and appreciate others:

1. Self-Delusion Bias

2. Spotlight Effect

Self-Delusion Bias People who feel good about themselves tend to perform better. When we express gratitude by acknowledging someone, we fuel their self-esteem and boost their confidence. And with boosted confidence, people exert even more effort in hopes of obtaining more self-esteem fuel.

Spotlight Effect People who feel their actions are noticed (“spotlighted”) by someone tend to operate more effectively just to impress the person watching. When we express gratitude by appreciating someone’s actions, we spotlight that action.

Just by noticing, we spark that person’s desire to perform that action even better in hopes that we continue to notice and spotlight that action again.

The secret, however, is in the specificity. Running around yelling “Thanks, Bob!” “Thanks, Mary!” is ineffective because it feels contrived and insincere. How? We need to put some gusto in our gratitude!

Thank you for the way you always make us healthy dinners.
I appreciate the difference you make on the team with your solutions.
I am grateful for your perseverance in getting us the right answer.
I am in awe of your constant kindness toward strangers.

If we want our gratitude to be significant and ripple with impact beyond the holidays, we need to add a little gusto to our gratitude!

What If We Were Evaluated Only On Our Passion?

One of my favorite movie lines can be heard at the end of the romantic comedy, Serendipity: “The Greeks didn’t write obituaries. They only asked one question after a man died: ‘Did he have passion?’”

* (This is partially true and partially Hollywood. The founders of Cyrenaic (435-356 BC) held this philosophy and they were Greek. But this practice was not true of all Greeks.)

What if we were evaluated only by our passion?

Would we spend our time differently at home and at the office?
How would we have to act and behave if passion was a requirement of our job?
Would we still prioritize our emails and altercations, or our impact and contributions?
Would we focus more on the output we deliver or the outcome we influence?

If passion were revered and valued at work, would we add it as a leadership competency and evaluate it during the annual performance review: “So Bob, how should we rate your passion this year?” … and perhaps reinvent the exit interview: “So Bob, did you have passion while you worked at our company?”

But what is passion? Intense enthusiasm, energy, and tenacity for something that excites us. Typically it manifests as:

unquenchable desire and devotion
an internal drive regardless of circumstances
dogged determination to make a difference
intrepid risk-taking in spite of doubters, naysayers, critics, and judges
obsession with improving: self, others, processes, products, profits
courage to challenge mediocrity, complacency, and the status quo

So what should do we do if we would fail the Greek’s obituary-test today?

Start creating passion… in moments. Soon enough, the moments will add up to define a passionate life. And even the Greeks won’t need to write an obituary about us!

0 Lose (and Lead) with Class Like Penn State Coach

After a 7-0 winning streak this season, Penn State’s football team suffered two back-to-back losses, most recently against Michigan State University. When the game ended in defeat, a few devastated Penn State players retreated toward the locker room without shaking hands with the MSU players. Incensed, Penn State Coach James Franklin ran after them and made his players return to the field to acknowledge the winners. In his post-game press conference, Franklin proclaimed, “We win with class. We lose with class. And we are going to shake people’s hands and give them credit because they deserved it.” Coach Franklin invoked two powerful influences:

Social Cognitive Theory
Labeling Theory

Social Cognitive Theory People observe the actions and behaviors of their role models to mold their own actions and behaviors. Children watch their parents. Employees watch their boss. Football players watch their coach. Through his action immediately after the game and his behavior during the press conference, Coach Franklin demonstrated for his players the importance of acknowledging the winning team’s performance. And he articulated his intolerance for disrespecting others. Labeling Theory People who are labeled (especially by role models) tend to mold their actions and behaviors to fit that label. Coach Franklin labeled his team “classy” and “respectful,” likely emboldening concordant actions from his players. We all have the power to influence others with our own actions and behaviors. By…

exuding passion
acting with integrity and consistency
respecting and standing up for others
recognizing and appreciating efforts
using empowering labels intentionally

Inadvertently, Coach Franklin demonstrated for the rest of us what it means to lead with class.

0 What You Tolerate and Promote is What You Get

In an interview for the New York Times, Tae Hea Nahm, managing director of Storm Ventures, questioned the exercise of declaring values to create culture in an organization. He said, “Culture is defined by compensation, promotions, and terminations. Basically, people seeing who succeeds and fails in the company defines culture. T

he people who succeed become role models for what’s valued in the organization and that defines culture.”

Essentially, what you tolerate and promote is what you get. Values are aspirational, but people believe the actions and consequences they observe over the words they read.

As an example, if we tolerate bad bosses and bullies, we demonstrate that poor leadership and bullying are acceptable. And when we promote bad bosses and bullies to higher roles, we concede that poor leadership and bullying are not only acceptable, they’re valued.

Consequently, written proclamations such as, “We treat each other with respect” and “Leaders serve the success of others” are quickly ignored or disparaged.

A COO once said to me, “We’re not going to deal with that VP’s awful leadership style until the body count is high enough.”

In other words, we’re tolerating him until enough people leave. Eventually when his team’s turnover hit 100%, she fired him.

The COO didn’t just miss the opportunity to communicate that the VP’s behavior is unacceptable, she missed the opportunity to promote a culture of respect, accountability, and courage.

Culture isn’t written on paper; it’s created in our actions and behaviors, including those we tolerate and promote.

The Secret to Good Drivers and Bosses ….Predictability

In August when a van crossed directly in my path like a deer, I didn’t see it …until I crashed into it. The airbags went off, my car was destroyed. It was completely unpredictable. (Fortunately, no one was hurt.)

It’s predictability that allows thousands of drivers to safely traverse freeways at 70mph during rush hour. We can predict what other drivers are going to do because of their break lights, their turn signal indicators, and even their horns.

But when a car races by like Mario Andretti, dodging between vehicles without any indication, we are all forced to deal with the driver’s unpredictability. This causes fear, anger, and sometimes accidents.

Similarly, it’s our unpredictability as a boss that causes the most challenges for our teams.

When people can predict how we will operate, they can better engage with and support us. But when we change lanes without warning, our unpredictability causes frustration, aggravation, and often conflict. And this fractures the foundation of trust we need to lead.

What makes us unpredictable? Our…

foggy communications
unclear expectations
failure to respond or share information
emotional outbursts
unexplained changes
lack of follow-up and accountability

As an example, when we change directions without any conversation or get mad at someone without any explanation, we are like a bad driver changing lanes without signaling.

By becoming more predictable through our communications, we can not only foster more effective relationships, we can actually develop people in the process. How? Sharing our approach to various situations and decisions actually allows others to learn and improve.

Ultimately, when we are predictable in relationships, we can best respond, support, and serve each other’s success. Predictability makes driving cars, teams, and families actually work …without accidents.

Could the Law of Polarity Make Us More Compassionate?

The Law of Polarity states that everything has a polar opposite.

In physics, polarity is a basic feature of the universe. Positive and negative forces are foundational to the structure of every atom.

If everything has a polar opposite, then perhaps…

a problem cannot exist without a solution
an opinion cannot exist without an opposing opinion

Maybe the struggle we have lies in our failure to contemplate a solution or consider an opposing opinion.

As an example, Peter and Mary work as sales reps at an event company that just implemented a new policy whereby customers will not be charged for cancellations.

Peter is frustrated by the policy. He orders lunches and copies based on reservations. Why should he have to pay for no-shows? And how could he possibly manage his sales with such uncertainty? This policy makes it super easy for people to cancel. Mary has the polar opposite perspective and approach.

Mary is enthusiastic about the policy because of its ability to attract customers. In every sales conversation, she excitedly shares the benefit of working with her company: people can register now to save their seat and cancel any time. This policy makes it super easy for people to commit. Mary’s sales have gone up, while Peter’s have gone down.

Same policy. Opposing perspectives.

What if every problem we face actually has a solution that we just haven’t yet identified?
What if every argument has an opposing viewpoint that we just need to consider?
What if every negative experience has a positive experience that we just need to discover?

Of course, all of this requires that we suspend our judgment about a policy, situation, or person in favor of contemplation, consideration, and compassion.

I Want to Lead Like Yankees Manager Joe Girardi

NY Yankees Manager Joe Girardi made an error.

It was the bottom of the sixth inning in Game 2 of the ALDS against the Cleveland Indians. With two runners on bases and two outs, a batter foul-tipped a pitch off the knob of his bat. The umpire called it a “hit-by-pitch” which automatically walked the batter to first base. Girardi failed to challenge the call as a “strike” (which could have ended the inning). The next batter hit a grand slam, and the Indians eventually won the game.

Girardi was quickly criticized by fans and foe alike. And prior to Game 3 at Yankee Stadium, the crowd (Yankee fans!) booed Girardi.

His response, however, demonstrated his temperament, wisdom, and fortitude.

He said, “It’s no fun to be booed. But [the fans] are passionate and they want to win, and they get upset when we don’t win or when someone makes a mistake in their eyes. But you get the good side [of their passion] too. So that’s the trade-off. The only thing I can do is give my best to this team moving forward. And that’s what I’ll do.”

Girardi could have met haters with hate. He could have deflected attention from his mistake by pointing to others’ shortcomings. He could have defensively explained how hard his job is and how much he sacrifices to be a manager.

Instead Girardi remained unruffled. He made their boo’ing about his decision, not about him personally.

How? By looking for the why beneath their reaction: their passion. He acknowledged fans for it; he didn’t make them wrong for it.

It’s easy to react with anger and defensiveness. It’s even human nature to take things personally.

But it takes a Manager who Leads to respond with maturity, grace, and courage.

We Have Two Life Stories – Which One Runs Your Day?

We each have two life stories:

the one behind us, and
the one in front of us

The story behind us is our history, our experiences, our scars, our lessons learned. The story in front of us is our future, experiences to have, scars to acquire, lessons to learn.

The story behind us is rich with insights, perspective, and wisdom.
The story in front of us is ripe with opportunity, landscape, and wisdom to gain.

The story behind us is our comfort zone.
The story in front of us is our expandable, stretchable comfort zone.

The story behind us is our normal.
The story in front of us is our new normal.

We teach and mentor others based on the story behind us. We seek teachers and mentors for the story in front of us.

The story behind us is a colorful painting we created.
The story in front of us is a blank canvas ready to be painted.

The story behind us is unchangeable.
The story in front of us is ours to unfold.

Every morning we wake to one story we can do nothing about.
Every morning we wake to another story we can do everything about.