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In 1999 I jumped out of an airplane and I quit a great job. Why?

• I was not afraid to go skydiving
• But I was afraid to confront my boss (so I left the company instead)

How could I be fearless and fearful at the same time?

Marketing guru Robert Middleton said it best: Fearlessness is not a place to get to. It’s a place to come from.

• I came from fearlessness when I strapped that parachute on my back.
• I came from fear when needing a difficult conversation with my boss.

Makes sense. Fear is designed to protect us against disappointments and failures that we’ve experienced in the past.

I had never jumped out of an airplane so I didn’t need protection from past disappointments and failures that involved a parachute.

But I had struggled with “difficult conversations” in the past, so from my perspective that seemed scarier that jumping out of an airplane.

Which explains why kids approach many situations fearlessly… They aren’t carrying around decades of disappointments and failures.

So how can we (adults!) come from fearlessness instead of fear?

Purposeful Practice.

• Focus on past triumphs; downgrade past failures
• Talk to Mentors for fresh perspectives and advice on the situation
• Study role models
• Experiment with a pilot, a trial, a test (“Hey boss, I’m piloting a new conversation with you. Let me know what you think!”)
• Find something to want so badly that fear becomes irrelevant

Even Olympic Gold Swimmer Michael Phelps admits he was afraid to put his face in the water when he was seven. But then he came from fearlessness and his journey to greatness sparked.

Insights, learnings, and even good stories emerge when we walk out of our comfort zone and into an adventure. Fear be damned.

Research from Professor Paul Zak at Claremont Graduate University reveals 8 boss behaviors that foster trust:

1. Intentionally building relationships
2. Facilitating whole-person growth
3. Showing vulnerability
4. Sharing information broadly
5. Inducing challenge stress
6. Encouraging autonomy
7. Recognizing excellence
8. Enabling job crafting

And of these, Zak discovered that our lowest trust scores occur in:

1. Recognizing excellence
2. Sharing information

Let’s pause to digest this… as bosses we are better at encouraging autonomy and enabling job crafting than we are at simply recognizing excellence and sharing information with people on our teams.

But when we dig into the reality of our jobs, here’s what’s happening:

• We’re busy so we forget to say “woo-hooo!”
• We’re obsessed about the happiness of our boss and our customers which has us constantly focused on what’s wrong or could go wrong (thereby neglecting to notice what’s going right).
• We filter information to ensure our people have exactly what they need to do their jobs.
• We think we’re bothering our already-busy teams.
• We believe they don’t really care – they just want a paycheck.

But they do care! In fact, Zak’s research shows that high-trust teams are more productive, have more energy, collaborate better, stress less, and stay longer.

So what should we do? Institutionalize recognition and information-sharing:

• Set a weekly calendar appointment to send appreciation emails
• Organize a daily huddle to exchange updates
• Write 1 thank-you card a week
• Create a peer-recognition program
• Solicit and post testimonials about the team from boss/customers/peers
• Add “recognize excellence” and “share information” to 1:1/team agendas
• Dissect quarterly shareholder reports with the team to explain the organization’s direction, goals, strategies, and tactics

Arguably recognizing people and sharing information should be organic leadership skills. But until they are…

We need intentional structures that help us strengthen these valuable, best-boss-ever, trust-building muscles.

My grandmother was a telephone operator for Ma Bell in Chicago.

• She set the record for number of calls answered in one month, raising the required minimum for all operators
• She was once on a break outside on a cold, icy day when she slipped on the sidewalk. To protect the team’s injury-free-days record, she claimed she fell across the street.
• She left to have children and returned as soon as they were all in school.
• She retired after 25 years of service, proudly wearing her AT&T, ruby-studded retirement ring until she died.

Mike Rowe, host of the show Dirty Jobs, recently reflected, “People I’ve met on my journeys didn’t realize their dream. They looked around for an opportunity. They identified the opportunity. They worked at the opportunity. They got good at the opportunity. And then they figured out how to love it.”

Researchers at Stanford affirmed Rowe’s perspective in a recent study, concluding that following our passion is harmful because it presumes that it’s something to be chased. Instead passion should be developed.

How?

• Cultivate interests
• Seek opportunities
• Ask, “How can I improve myself / this task / this role / my team / the organization?”
• Build a toolbox of skills, experiences, resources, connections, mentors, and mentees

I grew up wondering what my passion is… And then I discovered a business law class. I developed my interest: I sought mentoring, I went to law school, I created internships, and I became a corporate attorney. And I loved it!

Passion is not to be chased. Passion ignites from within.

The question is… what are you doing to fan the flames?

Character actor John C. Reilly shared his take on collaborating in an interview in The New York Times Magazine:

We have the opportunity to create a “third thing” whenever we have a problem to solve. In fact, studies show that collaboration generates better ideas. But how do we spark collaboration?

The Need-Your-Perspective Formula:

1. Pick a Problem
2. Identify a Person
3. Request their Perspective

Asking for someone’s perspective is powerful:

• It communicates respect for their experience, expertise, and wisdom.
• It rouses their awareness, interest, and even empathy.
• It’s a low-commitment “yes!”.

But people don’t help everyone who asks, so what else triggers their call to collaborate with us?

• Connection: they share a personal relationship or commonality with us
  (ex: a referral, working for the same company, belonging to the same association, participating in the same mentoring program)
• Belief in their Wisdom: they believe they have skills, expertise, and experience to contribute
• Personal Responsibility: they feel they can make a difference for us

When I asked Krista for her perspective on leadership for my next book, she instantly agreed. Why? We were connected through a mutual friend; she knew her experience offered a fresh outlook; and she knew she could make a difference by sharing it.

So don’t just ask people to get together for coffee. They will likely say they’re too busy.

Instead, ask people for their perspective on an issue, problem, or project you’re wrestling with.

Give them an opportunity to create a “third thing” with you (a solution!) that was not there before. 

It might be truly magical!

When I first heard this neurolinguistics concept, I started seeing it everywhere…

1. I walked into my obscenely-cluttered office and didn’t know where to start. So I closed the door and walked away.

2. I went to a company’s website, but it was congested with conflicting messages. I was confused and left without a purchase.

3. Bob asked me to refer him business, but I am confused about what he does, so I’ve never referred him.

4. Jane asked me for a job, but I am confused about what she could do for us, so I’ve never hired her.

5. I’ve witnessed some mentoring participants flounder, confused by the process or their goal. Typically they withdraw declaring, “I’m too busy.”

6. I had a team member not start a project because he didn’t understand what I needed.

7. I read an article about research that reveals the foundational cause of procrastination: confusion about where to focus one’s attention and energy.

A confused mind takes no action.

When we are confused about what to do, where to go, or where to focus, we tend not to act.

But action cannot depend on clarity. We gain clarity only through action. And not even the right action – just any action, no matter how granular:

• Discard one thing.
• Write one sentence.
• Ask one question.
• Make one phone call.
• Send one email.
• Do one push-up.

Because the reality is that we cannot be in action and stuck at the same time.

So consider…

• where are you confused?
• what granular action can you take immediately?
• where are you causing confusion for your people or an audience?
• how can you lift the fog to help people move forward with confidence?

Ultimately the ability to take action in spite of confusion distinguishes the fruitful from the foiled.

It’s the beginning of January – the time we all pledge to a “new you in the new year!”

The top New Year’s Resolutions for 2018 (as compiled by YouGov, a polling firm) include:

• Eat better
• Exercise more
• Spend less money
• Self-care
• Read more books
• Learn a new skill
• Get a new job
• Find a new hobby
• Focus more on appearance
• Focus on relationship
• Cut down on cigarettes/alcohol
• Go on more dates
• Focus less on appearance

But researchers at University of Scranton suggest that only 8% of people actually stick with their New Year’s Resolutions. yikes…

So, what’s the issue? Too many, too lofty, no accountability? All of it.

Essentially we have resolutions, but not solutions. We have aspirations, but not action. And as a result, we have transactions, but not transformation.

Solutions have the power to shift our aspiration to action.

Solutions require 3 things:

1. Trust: we need to trust ourselves and find others we trust to support us through change (like a coach or a mentor)

2. Goals: we need specific, actionable goals with clear measures of success

3. Structure: we need a structure that will dictate action (even when we don’t feel like it)

What do solutions look like?

• Shopping for and preparing a week of healthy meals
• Hiring a trainer or recruiting a fitness partner to meet you at the gym
• Creating a budget and documenting daily spending for 6 months
• Joining a yearlong book club
• Enrolling in a class to learn a new language or other skill
• Buying a journal to track progress
• Registering for a formal mentoring program or a coaching circle

We don’t need a calendar change to implement new solutions. We just need more intentional commitments and less perfunctory pledges.

Here’s to a year brimming with solutions!

The end of the year offers a delicious pause to reflect upon and celebrate what we’ve each created, discovered, initiated, and achieved over the past 12 months.

As I reflect upon the Flash! articles I created for you in 2018, I’m resending the ones that generated the most conversation:

Teenager Turned a Transaction Into a Transformation
https://www.anntardy.com/this-teenager-turned-a-transaction-into-a-transformation/

Was I Kind Enough? (Reflections After a Colleague’s Death)
https://www.anntardy.com/was-i-kind-enough-reflections-following-a-colleagues-death/

UPS Driver’s Advice Can Inspire Our Own JobLove
https://www.anntardy.com/ups-drivers-advice-can-inspire-our-own-job-love/

Do You Bring your Shoshin? (like CEO of Salesforce)
https://www.anntardy.com/do-you-bring-your-shoshin-like-ceo-of-salesforce/

Do You Lead with Ubuntu?
https://www.anntardy.com/flash-do-you-lead-with-ubuntu/

Don’t Judge One’s Story by the Chapter You Walked In On
https://www.anntardy.com/dont-judge-ones-story-by-the-chapter-you-walked-in-on/

I Carried a Buffalo Trophy Through the Airport and Here’s What I Discovered
https://www.anntardy.com/i-carried-a-buffalo-trophy-through-the-airport-and-heres-what-i-discovered/

Thank you for reading, responding, and engaging with me throughout the year! I look forward to continuing our quest together to become bigger, better, bolder versions of ourselves.

Wishing you a watershed year ahead!