[Flash] It Doesn’t Get Easier. We Get Stronger.
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Navy SEAL Commander Rorke T. Denver: “The best advice I ever got in Navy SEAL training is simple: calm is contagious.”
While introducing his story, Rorke revealed, “We can supplant any word for ‘calm’ and it still applies to every leadership situation: chaos is contagious, panic is contagious, stupid is contagious.”
His final training exercise as a Navy SEAL involved planning, organizing, and executing a mission as a team. Toward the end, they were running out of time and floundering. And the student who taken on the role of ranking officer in this exercise was screaming his head off “like the Tasmanian devil.”
In the middle of the chaos, the trainer halted the exercise to share some sage leadership advice with the trainees:
“As leaders, as captains, as officers, if you keep your head, they’ll keep their head. If you keep it together, they’ll keep it together. And if you lose it, they’ll lose it.”
Essentially, others mirror our behavior simply by virtue of our title or position (ex: supervisor, manager, team lead, mentor, parent).
In psychology it’s called “social cognitive theory.” In other words, people observe the actions and behaviors of those they respect in order to shape and mold their own actions and behaviors.
SEALs know the importance of calm to bring out the best in themselves and others. And because of the power of mirroring, they intentionally create calm.
How?
Whether we’re at a crossroads or in a crisis, our reactions are powerful and contagious. React purposefully.
“Hope springs eternal” describes an endless renewal of hopefulness – our human tendency to find fresh reasons for optimism.
As leaders and mentors, we bear the power, the platform, and arguably the promise to ignite optimism – to be the beacon of hope, particularly when people are desperate for it. Like now. How? 1. Provide Perspective. 2. Connect Constantly and Creatively. 3. Create Future-Focused Conversations. 4. Practice Resilience. 5. Circulate Inspiration. 6. Leverage the Shared Experience. 7. Be of Service. We cannot be stuck and in action at the same time. When hope springs eternal, people spring into action! |
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I have a bad habit… I regularly interject my unsolicited advice, opinions, and ideas.
Why?
1. I love solving problems.
2. I thrive on helping people.
3. I increase my power in relationships.
But by offering uninvited (even though enormously valuable!) advice and opinions, I’m essentially communicating to someone, “I don’t trust your judgment in this situation.” Yikes! How could anyone not feel criticized when I do that?
And when people feel judged and criticized, they stop trusting and sharing…
So I’ve decided to start in the bleachers.
When someone shares with me an issue or a problem, I’m going to intentionally grab a seat in those proverbial bleachers and cheer – not the situation, but the person for their efforts.
I’m going to cheer from the bleachers like a fan instead of shriek from the sidelines like a coach they didn’t hire, or worse, muscle onto the court like a teammate they didn’t want.
Because here’s the reality… if someone is sharing with me, I can know for certain that they want me to listen, show empathy, and be supportive.
From there I’ll consider how else I could contribute in that moment. And then I’ll ask if they want me to leave the bleachers to stand on the sidelines or get onto the court with them:
• Would you benefit from my perspective or experience?
• Do you need some help fixing this or do you just want to vent?
• Could you use some fresh ideas, advice, or resources?
This reserves for the other person some power in the situation, which strengthens their trust and spurs them to continue sharing.
Understandably, some situations require us to jump onto the court without permission. But even then the bleachers are a great place to start, allowing us first to assess the situation.
Trust is built on cheers, not fears.