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[Flash] Fan Favorites from 2022…

As we reach the end of another year, we are granted a well-earned pause to appreciate where we’ve been and where we’re headed. Thank you for meeting me each week at the intersection of mentoring and leading!

Reflecting on the articles I wrote for you each week in 2022, I’m resharing the 8 that generated the most conversation:

Five Questions to Seize Our 4,000 Weeks
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-5-questions-to-seize-our-4000-weeks/

Three Roadblocks to Advice (and the Way Around Them)
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-3-roadblocks-to-advice-and-the-way-around-them/

Obsession Beats Talent
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-obsession-beats-talent/

More Insights Less Information
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-more-insights-less-information/

My High School Mentor Mentored Me Again
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-my-high-school-mentor-mentored-me-again/

When Jack Followed His Passion
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-when-jack-followed-his-passion/

When My Boss Invited Me to Mentor Him
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-when-my-boss-invited-me-to-mentor-him/

When We Cheered for the Farmer and the Calf
https://mentorlead.com/blog/flash-when-we-cheered-for-the-farmer-and-the-calf/

It is a joy to be on this bigger-better-bolder journey with you! Wishing you a seminal year ahead!

[Flash] Mute Your Face (and other Strategies to Improve your Holiday)

Holidays are unpredictable. Without warning, we must navigate a medley of personalities and conversations.

Instead of hiding behind the eggnog, here are seven strategies to improve the adventure of these interactions:

1. Edit.
It is not necessary to react to everything you notice, feel, or experience. Instead, edit your comments for the outcome you desire.

2. Mute your face.
While you might successfully prevent an unpleasant comment or curse from becoming audible, your face could easily betray you with a daggered scowl or theatrical eye-roll. So, if you mute some words, don’t forget to mute your face.

3. Seek space.
Space offers you the freedom to choose a response instead of emotionally blurting a reaction. Seek to add physical and sequential space between an instigator and your response. How? Try a Pause Button Statement, like “I wasn’t expecting that. Give me a moment to catch up.”

4. Huh!
Provided it’s said with sincerity, “Huh!” is a hip-pocket space-creator. Along with “Interesting!” “That makes sense!” and “That’s a good point,” “Huh” communicates engagement, acknowledgment, and curiosity.

5. Tell me about…
With three simple words, you can validate someone and their experience. (Caution: don’t kill the gesture by being a lazy listener.)

6. Compliment unabashedly
No one is inconvenienced by genuine praise. And “That’s amazing!” or “You look terrific!” or “This food is delightful!” will spark a chorus of compliments, allowing the receiver to feel appreciated – what a gift!

7. Say, “Thanks for thinking of me!”
Regardless of the caliber of the present, someone thought of you! For that, be flattered and gracious.

Happy Holidays!

[Flash] When Elton John Spot Mentored Charlie Puth

Singer, songwriter Charlie Puth launched his stardom at age 24 with his 2015 hit “See You Again,” which garnered almost 6 billion views on YouTube.

For the next few years, Charlie collaborated on many songs and produced two albums, including the smash single “One Call Away” with Selena Gomez.

But in early 2020, Charlie was struggling with his music. Eventually, he decided to scrap his work on a much-anticipated third album, announcing to his fans, “none of the music feels real.”

Around this time, Charlie was dining at a restaurant in West Hollywood when the restaurant’s maître d’ approached him. He said, “Elton John would like to meet you.” (Through a friend, Elton had heard an early version of Charlie’s third album.)

Elton told Charlie, “That music you just put out is not very good.”

Charlie was a bit taken aback – as he recalls, “it stung for two minutes.”

But not because he disagreed with Elton but because Elton said precisely what Charlie was thinking right before that meal – he confirmed Charlie’s decision.

And that’s how Elton spot-mentored Charlie.

Spot Mentoring is sharing in a moment a hard-won perspective with the hope of making a difference.

Three requirements for Spot Mentoring to work:
1. Credibility
2. Benevolence
3. Contribution

Unlike mentoring relationships, Spot Mentoring doesn’t demand a bedrock of trust, goals, and structure. Instead, it starts with an observation, often by a stranger, someone who is an authority, an expert, or a leader in a particular area. Fueled by generosity, they want to contribute their insights to make an impact.

And while typically unsolicited, Spot Mentoring is not about judging, criticizing, or offering advice. Instead, it’s about intentionally validating someone’s experience or revealing an opportunity.

Charlie didn’t seek guidance from Elton – they hadn’t even met yet! And Elton didn’t attack, reprimand, or berate – he didn’t even offer Charlie any advice.

Rather, the iconic crooner took the initiative to leverage his wisdom gained from decades in the music industry and nudge a floundering musician.

When you see an opportunity to do some good with your experiences or expertise, dare to engage.

Mentoring makes us better human beings through relationships. Spot Mentoring works on our humanity in moments.

[Flash] When We Cheered for the Farmer and the Calf

A few years ago, I learned the art of cheering when I crossed paths with a pregnant cow and an anxious farmer.

On a scenic drive through Point Reyes National Park in California, I passed a farm and spotted a cow lying on its side, starting to give birth.

Overjoyed at the serendipity, I pulled over and stood at the fence to watch. But nothing happened – the mother was in distress.

Being the only witness, I drove to the farmhouse to alert the farmer. Concerned but prepared, he followed me with the necessary equipment. We returned to a crowd that had gathered, cars parked up and down the street.

With his tools, the farmer helped the cow deliver her baby.

But the calf wasn’t moving – and neither was the crowd. We were aghast.

The farmer looked over at all of us standing behind the fence. Anxiety swept over his face – as he couldn’t let this calf die in front of all these people!

So, he started pushing on the calf’s chest, hoping to bring air and life into the newborn. But nothing happened.

The crowd was chillingly quiet as we held our collective breath, willing the calf to breathe. No one moved.

Feeling a certain kinship with the farmer, I started cheering, “Keep going!” I clapped to encourage him, and the crowd quickly joined me.

We were uproariously whooping, hollering, and cheering for the farmer and the calf. With each effort the farmer made, we clapped and clamored, “Keep going!” and “Come on!”

After what felt like an eternity, the calf lifted its head, coughed, and jumped up. He was alive!

The crowd went crazy, screaming with joy and applauding in celebration!

The farmer walked over to the fence as we watched the mother start feeding her baby.

He said to me, “Thank you. There were many moments when I felt like giving up and declaring the calf dead, but then I heard all of you cheering. It kept me going – I didn’t want to stop.”

We couldn’t rescue the farmer. We couldn’t help him or fix the situation. Heck, we couldn’t even give him any advice.

All we could do was cheer. But the cheering was the catalyst.

As mentors and leaders, sometimes people just need us to stand at the fence and cheer.

[Flash] The Why Before the Who

While there are many ways to engage in mentoring, there are two distinct constructs for mentoring programs: self-directed and managed.

In self-directed mentoring programs, people show up with a purpose: a goal. They then use the search & connect tools to find a mentor who can contribute to that goal.

The goal ignites the search for a mentor.

Conversely, in managed programs, the emphasis is on recruiting and matching participants. And the notion of a “goal” is relegated to an agenda item at the program kickoff.

The match prompts the need to find a goal.

Unfortunately, this “find some goal!” approach leaves many mentees cringing at the thought of “another thing to do.” They often disregard or dismiss their mentors if they can’t think of one, claiming, “I’m too busy!”

Without a goal, mentees often flounder, confused about how or why to engage.

But when a mentee is fueled by a compelling purpose, they become determined to find a mentor to obtain the advice they need, thus prioritizing the relationship with unfettered resolution.

Whether in a self-directed or managed program, prioritize your goal before a match. Identify your “why” before your “who.”

Wait! What if the word “goal” feels daunting or brazen? What if it’s confronting to create a plan for the future when you can’t even see around the corner?

Pick a “mentoring focus” instead.

What is a mentoring focus? An area of your life where you urgently need a thought partner, a champion, an advocate, a trusted advisor, a guide, or a confidante. For example,

improving a current situation
handling an in-the-moment crisis
taking on a new project
grappling with an obstacle or a decision
navigating a transition

Sure, big, hairy, audacious goals are borne out of aspirations for a better horizon. But we only get there with a multitude of small steps. And those steps require a focus – your why for embracing a mentor.

When you have a captivating cause, a mentor becomes the gateway to your future!

[Flash] Thanksgiving Conversation Starters

As we embark on the annual ritual of gathering to eat with friends, family, and sometimes strangers, we are faced with the impending need to make conversation.

Whether we want to merely be polite and entertaining or intentionally curious and committed to connecting, it’s all about the questions we ask.

To prepare conversation-starter questions, pay attention to talk show hosts and podcast interviewers. Take, for example, Ryan Seacrest, co-host of the television show Live with Kelly and Ryan, and Willie Geist, host of the weekly podcast Sunday Sitdown.

Ryan engages light-heartedly in entertaining, surface-level banter. Whereas Willie immerses himself in his guest’s world, determined to discover and appreciate that person’s journey and the insights they have gleaned from life.

Some example questions pulled directly from their recent interviews:

Ryan Questions

Did you go anywhere after the Oscars?
Will there be any reunion of the Avengers?
What’s your workout regime?
Do your kids join you on location?
How do you find the time for all of this?
What do you do for Thanksgiving? Any traditions?
What are you watching on TV?
You have a big announcement – what are you up to?
Were you nervous?
Tell us about that new project.

Willie Questions

What have you learned this year?
What made you choose that direction?
What was that experience like?
Why is that your favorite thing to do?
Where did that passion come from?
What’s it like to…
Which move felt like your big break?
Do you think that decision helped or hurt your career?
How much fun do you have with that?
What’s on the horizon that you’re looking forward to?

Regardless of the conversations that you create this holiday, guests will be grateful for your effort to engage and your interest in their lives. And who knows… you might feel more connected, learn something new, turn strangers into friends, and savor the celebration.

Happy Thanksgiving!

[Flash] Mentoring on a Four Agreements Foundation

I recently re-read The Four Agreements and loved it all over again.

According to the author Don Miguel Ruiz, everything we do is based on agreements we’ve made with ourselves and with others. When those agreements are fear-based, they fuel self-limitations, diminish self-worth, and inflame needless suffering.

He argues that to free ourselves from fear, we must re-negotiate these agreements and adopt new ones.

His 4 agreements for less stress and more joy:

Be impeccable with your word
Don’t take anything personally
Don’t make assumptions
Always do your best

And what better construct to practice these life edicts than the safe environment of a mentoring relationship?

Here’s how to strengthen our mentoring experiences with the four agreements:

1. Be impeccable with your word.

Speak with integrity; choose your words intentionally – they have influence and power.
Don’t gossip about others – it doesn’t serve the mentoring conversation.
Follow through on commitments – taking responsibility for actions strengthens trust and engagement with your mentoring partner.

2. Don’t take anything personally.

Each of you brings your unique viewpoint to the relationship.
Advice from a mentor is not meant as an indictment, a judgment, or an affront – mentors might be inexperienced in their delivery, but they’re never evil.
Likewise, inaction by a mentee is not a reflection of the mentor’s value.
Mentoring is personal, but don’t take it personally.

3. Don’t make assumptions.

Assumptions are the greatest threat to your mentoring relationship.
Close gaps in expectations early and often to avoid unnecessary conflict.
Engage with curiosity and compassion. Ask questions. Clarify. Confirm.
When connecting with a mentoring partner, don’t rely only on email. Dial the phone, send a text, and direct a message on Teams or LinkedIn.

4. Always do your best.

In each interaction with your mentoring partner, do your best to integrate the first three agreements.
Respond. Be present. Be engaged. Turn on your camera or show up in person. Take notes. Follow up. Follow through. Contribute. Be contributed to.

With four simple yet profound agreements, we can free ourselves from the sabotage that undermines our mentoring and threatens our joy in life.

[Flash] How Jennifer Garner’s Belief in Mentoring Evolved Her Leadership

Jennifer Garner, famous for her roles in Hollywood, is also a businesswoman. Committed to organic, healthy foods for kids, she co-founded and now serves as Chief Brand Officer for Once Upon a Farm, a plant-rich snacks and meal company.

While she has never taken a business class, Jennifer does not allow her lack of education and experience to hold her back. Instead, she shared in an interview recently that she enjoys “just being completely ignorant and having this incredible group of brilliant people to talk to.”

Jennifer then revealed how she keeps learning from this group. “As we’re in meetings, I circle what I don’t understand so I can ask later.”

With a resolve to grow from the people around her, Jennifer has learned to lead while leading. “It’s been a full-on education for me, but I’m happiest in a community.”

“In the beginning, I was always asking [Once Upon a Time CEO John] Foraker. We’d finish a call, and I would call him back to ask these basic business questions.”

But as Jennifer’s understanding and proficiency strengthened, so did her questions. She continued, “I started going deeper and asking questions that were more CPG-specific [Consumer Packaged Goods], then I would ask more grocery-related things and even go on sales calls all over the country.”

How Jennifer’s belief in mentoring bolstered her leadership:

Confident she could learn from her partners, she accepted a role based on her passion, not based on her experience or expertise
She regularly highlights her knowledge gaps so she can focus her questions
She makes a point of asking in the moment
She measures her growth by the improvement of her questions
She seeks new experiences for additional learning

Jennifer didn’t allow her fear or imposter syndrome to derail her desire to join the company and become a leader. Rather, she looked to her community and leaned on the power of her peers to bridge the gaps in her wisdom.

Her sage advice: “There is strength in believing in your partners.”

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