[Flash] You Don’t Have to Believe… Just Don’t Disbelieve

As my new acupuncturist started inserting needles into my shoulder, I flippantly joked, “It’s a little like hocus pocus, isn’t it? I have to really believe these needles will work.”

She looked at me piercingly, “I don’t need you to believe. I need you not to disbelieve. Just suspend your disbelief and be open to what might happen.”

With needles standing in formation across my upper back, I couldn’t do anything but reflect on her words of wisdom.

How might all of our interactions benefit from a suspension of disbelief?

• My colleague doesn’t need me to believe in her idea. She needs me not to disbelieve in it.
• Your boss doesn’t need you to like his decision. He needs you not to dislike it.
• Your Mentee doesn’t need you to respect his mentoring goal. He needs you not to disrespect it.
• Your Mentor doesn’t need you to agree with her advice. She needs you not to disagree with it.

What’s the difference?

It takes a concerted effort to disbelieve, dislike, disrespect, and disagree.

When we intentionally halt our disbelieving, disliking, disrespecting, and disagreeing actions, we stop judging and even sabotaging an interaction, a relationship or a process.

In the vacuum left by judgment, possibility thrives. 

The possibility that we might believe, like, respect, and agree. The possibility that we might connect, learn, grow, and thrive. The possibility of being surprised and delighted!

Suspending disbelief is undoubtedly an act of courage, for we must step into the unknown determined to be curious – curious to know someone, curious to discover another perspective, curious to experience the world differently, curious to learn something new.

To suspend disbelief… 

• Instead of scoffing, “That’ll never work! What are they thinking? They are going to fail. So dumb. I’m not going to help them. I can’t wait to tell Bob about this person!” 
• Try wonderment, “Hmmm… Interesting. I wonder how they came to this job/project/decision. I wonder how they could make that work. I wonder how I could help them. I wonder what I could learn.”

It is cognitively discordant to be curious and judgmental simultaneously, making curiosity the cure for the common conclusion.
You have to be curious and remain curious,
or someone will run you over.
~ Brian Moynihan, CEO, Bank of America

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.