[Flash] Winners Quit a Lot

Society reveres the achievers, the ones who set and accomplish goals. And scoffs at those who quit.

Quitting is for losers, right? Wrong.

While goal grit is exalted, it can come with a cost if we aren’t evaluating and evolving. 

I registered for the New York City Marathon many years ago but quit when I hurt my knee in training the week before.

Distraught and disappointed from quitting, I sought another form of exercise, one kinder to my knees. I turned to cycling and discovered a new world!

Eager for a different challenge, I registered for the SF-to-LA charity bike ride, which gave me the confidence to cycle across the country, up the East Coast, and down the West Coast.

But I had never considered any of those goals – I was too busy running. Until I quit.

Upon reflection, every past quit has led me to a new path.

• I quit Chicago after law school to create an adventure in San Francisco.
• I quit my legal career to experience entrepreneurship and start three businesses (two of which I quit to build this one).
• I quit a book project I had no passion for, leading me to write a better book.

But I also have plenty of examples of projects and paths I should have quit. I persevered too long, not paying attention to or acknowledging the learnings. Crossing the finish line just to say I did it.

And that is the challenge with goal setting. It emphasizes the grit, not the grind. Obsessed with finishing, we devalue the journey.

Duke recommends adding an “unless” statement to goals to provide us with what she calls “kill criteria” – an indicator to choose quit over grit.

• I’m going to finish this marathon “unless” I get hurt.
• I will stick with this book proposal “unless” I discover a disdain for the topic.
• I will pursue this career path “unless” I no longer make the difference I want.

Without an “unless” statement, we risk maniacally pursuing a goal without evolving or evaluating. And blind pursuit of goals suffocates growth.

In every mentoring relationship, goals are essential – they give meaning and direction to mentoring conversations.

But the magic of mentoring occurs while chasing that goal. And that chase sometimes reveals an “unless.”

As mentors, our job is not just to offer advice; it’s to hold our mentees accountable and encourage their growth by evaluating progress and evolving goals.

Mentors do not fail when a goal falls. We rise to the level of our mentees’ growth.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.