In 1973, Lorne Michaels had not yet created Saturday Night Live.
That was the year he was a fully bearded comedy writer, weighing a few different work opportunities, feeling desperate to take the one that paid the most.
And then comedian Lily Tomlin asked to meet – she had been following Lorne’s writing. They immediately bonded over their shared love of comedy, and she invited him to write for a television special she was producing.
In that same conversation…
Lily bluntly asked: “How long have you had that beard?”
Lorne: “Seven or eight months.”
Lily paused and reflectively shared: “When I want to hide, I just grow bangs.”
Her discernment surprised him – like she could see right through him.He shaved the next day and accepted her offer, even though it was a smaller project paying less money.
Why?
Lily didn’t give him unsolicited advice. Without judgment, she simply mirrored back to him what she saw.
She offered her perception by relating to it. In doing so, she accepted him. And because Lorne felt seen, he could metabolize her comment.
When I was graduating from law school in Chicago, I felt a bit like Lorne. Lost. Unclear which path to take next.
I was working at a small firm at the time when one of the partners casually inquired, “What are your plans after graduation?”
I awkwardly yet vulnerably admitted, “I have no idea. I only thought about getting to law school. I haven’t figured out what’s next.”
Then, without an agenda, he shrewdly shared one of his life-changing experiences: “The best thing I ever did was move away from home. I moved to Atlanta for a few years. Eventually, I moved back, but the experience changed my perspective.”
That was a seminal moment! The partner revealed a new option I had never considered: I could go somewhere else, take an adventure, and see the world differently. And so, I did. I moved to San Francisco to practice law.
Mentoring is not to be implemented; it’s to be interpreted. Lorne didn’t need to grow bangs to stop hiding, and I didn’t need to move to Atlanta to launch my career.
Astute mentoring starts with acceptance, adds perceptiveness, and culminates in an advice-teeming story.
Mentors influence us not by preaching “you should!” but by inviting us to see possibilities with “you could…”
© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.
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