[Flash] When a Broadway Actress Retaliated for Unsolicited Advice (and How to Avoid this in Mentoring)

One of the hosts, Sean Hayes, asked her, “Has anyone come backstage to pop off about how you could make it better?”

Ironically, someone had! And Sarah was eager to tell the tale…

Actress Trish Hawkins came to see Sarah perform in a play called Tally’s Folly. Years before, Trish had played the same role as Sarah in the same play.

Two days later, Sarah received from Trish a six-page email with notes, observations, and recommendations for Sarah based on Trish’s prior experience.

Let’s assume that Trish was well-intended and merely meant to contribute to Sarah based on the wisdom she had gained in the same role.

The problem? Trish never asked if Sarah wanted any advice on improving her performance. And Sarah felt blindsided by Trish’s email—she didn’t ask for nor expect Trish’s advice.

To Sarah, Trish’s contribution felt like a condemnation, regardless of intention.

Insulted and incensed, Sarah tattled on Trish’s advice-bombing to 25 million listeners of the SmartLess podcast in retribution. She called Trish’s actions “outrageous!” 

When we’re unprepared to receive advice, we can easily feel judged and criticized.

In mentoring, we are called upon to get and give advice. So, what can you do differently to exchange wisdom?

When advice is unexpected, protect your confidence (and the relationship):

1. Assume good intent, albeit poor delivery.
2. Recognize and respect your “emotional boundaries” in different situations. Feeling vulnerable, insecure, or fragile is no state for incoming counsel.
3. Sift for good stuff, “What did you like about the performance?”
4. Pause the blitz, “Could we do this later?”
5. Stop reading any advice-filled email until you’re ready.
6. Playfully retort, “Darn. I wish I were in the right mindset to hear this!”
7. Resist revenge.

To contribute (without unintentionally condemning):

1. “I’ve had a similar experience! Let’s exchange war stories and insights when you’re ready.”
2. “My perspective is a bit different. Let me know when you think it might be valuable to you.”
3. “I’m happy to collaborate on ideas.”
4. “Would you consider…? What if…?”
5. “How can I help?”
6. “What has your experience been like? What have you learned?”
7. “How have you grown since you started this project?”

Advice is the heart of mentoring, and it only beats with compassion.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.