| I visited a new Starbucks recently and ordered my go-to drink: a venti hot chocolate. When the barista rang up the order, the cash register read $6.95, which shocked me since my drink is usually $4.00.
My first instinct was to blast the barista for making a mistake. (Dang! I love being right!) But I tried something new instead… Space and Grace. I said to her with genuine kindness and utmost curiosity, “Does that price seem high to you for the drink I ordered?” She paused, looked at the register again, and gushed, “Yikes! I chose the wrong item! I apologize!” And then we shared a laugh over the idea of a $7 hot chocolate! I’ve noticed lately that my empathy muscle is atrophying. I’m showing up with a bit too much Bite and Fight – ready to attack a person instead of the problem. So I’m experimenting with a different approach that has me ready for connection instead of confrontation, joy instead of judgment. Space and Grace. Space allows the other person to figure it out – whether it’s a project, a challenge, or an error. This strategy, however, is enormously challenging for us, high-functioning managers, because we can easily do the task or fix the problem ourselves! But rushing to rescue a situation broadcasts our distrust that anyone would be able to get it done or fixed without us. Grace extends patience and compassion instead of criticism and indictment as the person grapples with the situation or challenge. It’s choosing to be kind in the moment instead of intolerant. Space allows someone the chance to be successful. But for Space and Grace to work, there must be a foundation of clear expectations assigned to the task, project, or challenge at hand – an agreement around deliverables and deadlines. Without expectations, Space and Grace leave people to flounder and flop. Whether you’re managing or mentoring, Space and Grace will always outshine and outclass Bite and Fight. © 2021. Ann Tardy and Mentor Lead. www.mentorlead.com |