| In a scene from the feel-good, buddy-drama, The Green Book, Dr. Don Shirley was explaining to Tony Vallelonga why he is no longer in communication with his family. Tony bluntly and insightfully responded, “You should get in touch. The world is full of lonely people waiting to make the first move.”
I admit, I’ve engaged in similar behavior – I once purposefully did not call a friend. Frankly, I cannot remember if we had an altercation, but I do recall righteously feeling that she needed to call me.
Nevertheless, after a while I missed her, so I reached out. We instantly rekindled our friendship.
Why do we periodically wait for a friend, a boss, a colleague, or a mentoring partner to make the first move?
Because we project onto other people our own (uncommunicated) expectations or assumptions:
- We expect our boss to ask us about the project we’ve been driving. Our boss is frustrated that we haven’t sent an update.
- We expect our mentor to reach out with sage advice. Our mentor feels like he’s not needed since we never called.
- We expect a colleague to schedule our monthly lunch together. That colleague is upset that we haven’t reached out to congratulate her on her promotion.
- We expect a sibling to call for the holidays, but that sibling assumes that we’ll be calling, so he waits.
Even before the pandemic, loneliness and isolation were rampant, causing disruptive consequences and costing businesses billions of dollars:
- 22% of new hires leave in the first 45 days due to feeling disconnected
- Cost of losing a new hire in the first year: approximately 3x salary
- Simply by ensuring that a mentor connects promptly and directly with a new hire, loneliness decreases and retention increases.
People are pivoting, now more than ever: new to role, new to skill, new to leadership, new to working at home. And with new, comes fear and isolation.
As a boss, a mentor, a colleague, or a friend, it’s imperative that we make the first move before loneliness sets in – ours and theirs.
And it’s as simple as starting with, “I’ve been thinking about you…” |
