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As a leader, my favorite strategy for offering unsolicited mentoring is praise!
When I compliment, applaud, or congratulate you, I am pointing out what you’re doing well, coupled with a recommendation to repeat it: That thing you’re doing – it’s working! Nice job! [You should] Keep up the great work! Why is this effective? People are starved for recognition.
According to Professor Paul J. Zak at Claremont Graduate University, the failure to recognize excellence causes people to lose trust in their leaders. Why are we stingy with recognition? We tend to get distracted easily. We inadvertently overlook praise and recognition as we focus on solving the next problem. Instead of celebrating excellence, we default to offering “constructive feedback” to prevent future issues, which often results in feelings of criticism and defensiveness. Even invitational advice (“Have you considered? What if? You might want to try…”) is focused on identifying areas to improve. But praise? Praise is like a drug – it triggers the brain’s dopamine release, causing a surge of enjoyment while encoding the behavior worth repeating. In the process, it releases oxytocin, the “bonding hormone” which creates feelings of trust, belonging, and safety. It feels impossibly good to be seen and recognized. And while it is an evidence-based tool to rewire motivation, learning, and emotion, it’s also one of the best ways to deliver unsolicited mentoring. By praising a specific action, I’m giving you advice. I’m marking something you’ve done well, communicating that it mattered, reached the level of excellence, made a difference, and I noticed the effort. Praise whispers, “You should do that again.” Cloaked in praise, my unsolicited mentoring does not activate your defenses. Your brain is so tickled that you don’t even notice that I’m giving you advice. And the best part of praise-cloaked mentoring? I never steal the spotlight. It’s not about me. Praise is steeped in generosity, not criticism, judgment, or shame. A subtle, yet wildly neglected tactic to contribute wisdom while boosting confidence in the process! © 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved. |