[Flash] No One Dies in Mentoring (the Stoic Challenge in Action)

And then I discovered a way to join them: The Stoic Challenge – A Philosopher’s Guide to Becoming Tougher, Calmer, and More Resilient by William B Irvine.

Stoicism is a school of philosophy from the Roman Empire, emphasizing the “endurance of pain or hardship without the display of feelings.”

Irvine, however, argues that the Stoics were not anti-emotion. Rather, they were “eternal optimists who possessed a profound ability to put a positive spin on life’s events.”

Irvine recommends Anchoring and Framing to save us from the natural anger we feel when our expectations in life are not met. 

Anchoring
Anchoring is putting situations in perspective – zooming out to give the situation a better context.

• Does that broken link on the website really matter when my dog is sick? 
• Does that typo matter when my mom is battling dementia? 
• Do I really care that we lost a client after my dad was diagnosed with cancer? 

When someone on my team appeared distressed about a mistake, I reminded her (and me!) that no one dies in mentoring. And this has since become an anchor for my team.

Undeniably, we each care deeply about our work, but we remind ourselves that our work is a privilege and a passion (for us and our clients), but not a necessity.

Mistakes are inevitable, and they can be fixed. That perspective – that anchor – provides the space and grace necessary to grow and go together.

Framing
Framing involves seeing a situation in a way that prevents it from triggering anger.

At the crux of Irvine’s approach to stoicism is framing the stumbles, snags, and setbacks we experience as tests of our resilience and resourcefulness. He calls this the “stoic test strategy.”

Instead of being frustrated or angry, he approaches obstacles and aggravating situations with awe and occasional laughter.

When I shared this framing concept with my team, we started seeing “Stoic Challenges” everywhere – an angsty client, an impatient mentee, an irritating wait time.

We often text each other “Stoic Challenge!” to remind ourselves that we don’t need our frame to match their frame – we get to create a tougher, calmer, more resilient frame.

By implementing the Anchor and the Frame, I’ve witnessed and experienced the dissipation of stress and frustration, replaced by fascination, entertainment, and joy.

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.