[Flash] Mentoring on a Four Agreements Foundation

According to the author Don Miguel Ruiz, everything we do is based on agreements we’ve made with ourselves and with others. When those agreements are fear-based, they fuel self-limitations, diminish self-worth, and inflame needless suffering.

He argues that to free ourselves from fear, we must re-negotiate these agreements and adopt new ones.

His 4 agreements for less stress and more joy:

1. Be impeccable with your word
2. Don’t take anything personally
3. Don’t make assumptions
4. Always do your best

And what better construct to practice these life edicts than the safe environment of a mentoring relationship?

Here’s how to strengthen our mentoring experiences with the four agreements:

1. Be impeccable with your word.

• Speak with integrity; choose your words intentionally – they have influence and power.
• Don’t gossip about others – it doesn’t serve the mentoring conversation.
• Follow through on commitments – taking responsibility for actions strengthens trust and engagement with your mentoring partner.

2. Don’t take anything personally.

• Each of you brings your unique viewpoint to the relationship.
• Advice from a mentor is not meant as an indictment, a judgment, or an affront – mentors might be inexperienced in their delivery, but they’re never evil.
• Likewise, inaction by a mentee is not a reflection of the mentor’s value.
• Mentoring is personal, but don’t take it personally.

3. Don’t make assumptions.

• Assumptions are the greatest threat to your mentoring relationship.
• Close gaps in expectations early and often to avoid unnecessary conflict.
• Engage with curiosity and compassion. Ask questions. Clarify. Confirm.
• When connecting with a mentoring partner, don’t rely only on email. Dial the phone, send a text, and direct a message on Teams or LinkedIn.

4. Always do your best.

• In each interaction with your mentoring partner, do your best to integrate the first three agreements.
• Respond. Be present. Be engaged. Turn on your camera or show up in person. Take notes. Follow up. Follow through. Contribute. Be contributed to.

With four simple yet profound agreements, we can free ourselves from the sabotage that undermines our mentoring and threatens our joy in life.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.