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Over my 25 years of running businesses, I’ve paid numerous consultants to give me their advice (secretly hoping they would absolve me of the responsibility of making a decision!). Too often, I ended up ignoring their advice, grumbling that they didn’t understand my situation.
The irony of asking for advice about an important decision is that we don’t necessarily want someone telling us what to do. Research shows that advice-seeking decision makers are actually seeking validation, perspective, and sense-making support. When people ask for our advice, we tend to lead with our opinion, which is typically informed by our experiences, not theirs. It often sounds like “You know what you should do…” In sharing our opinion-cloaked advice, we risk robbing people of the ownership of their decision. What to do? Contribute differently. Become a Thought Partner. Help people think and make sense of their choices by posing probing questions:
For example, if your Mentee asks for your advice on her lingering decision to change jobs to end her strenuous relationship with her boss, fight the urge to impose your opinion. Instead, be her Thought Partner – help her think through the decision. Thought Partners don’t have an agenda. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what decision your Mentee makes – it only matters that she feels supported as she gallops and grows. You might ask:
After twisting the kaleidoscope a few times, you could share your own insights and wisdom: “When I was in a similar situation, I found it helpful to…” “The best advice I ever received was…” When Mentors help people think and grow, they become valuable Thought Partners. © 2026. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved. |