| When I lived in San Francisco, I worked in the South Bay. I detested my daily commute: 45 minutes without traffic; 1.5-2 hours during rush hour.
Every morning I dreaded the drive and procrastinated rising. I was regularly late to work; I lacked energy to exercise; and I was gaining weight!
Something had to change. I needed to add a compelling force to my routine.
So, I took an indoor cycling certification class and agreed to teach the 6:00AM spin class at the YMCA near my office. Suddenly, I was eagerly waking up early, avoiding traffic, and exercising!
In every situation, we get to change it or choose it.
There will constantly be circumstances we cannot change: traffic, weather, other people. But we can always change our attitude, our aptitude, our assumptions, and our actions.
If we are unwilling or unable to change something, we must admit that we are choosing it, as it is. Otherwise, we fall powerless to it.
Naturally, change-it-or-choose-it triggers resistance. Change can be uncomfortable, complicated, or inconvenient, while choosing feels weak. So, we default to momentarily cathartic whining.
But like change, choice is powerful. It releases the grip of resistance and grievance. It bolsters the victor in us and ousts the victim.
As a boss or a mentor, we can guide others to change or choose:
- Allow people to vent, without judgment or solutions
- Confirm their commitment in the situation (ex: project success, delighted client, continued growth, positive relationships, emotional health, leadership opportunities)
- Ask: What can you change about this situation?
- Ask: What are you willing to choose?
- Ask: What issue is not on either list?
- Explore all issues until each becomes a change or a choice, clearing space to serve the commitment
When we’re staring at the lollipop we didn’t want, it’s easy to forget that we’re standing in the middle of a candy shop!
© 2020. Ann Tardy and Mentor Lead. www.mentorlead.com | www.anntardy.com |
